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Am I right to be upset with my boyfriend for masturbating 3 times a week when we only have sex once or twice a week?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2012)
A female Canada age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Is it normal for a guy to masterbate 3 times a week even tho he has a girlfriend? And say your having sex once maybe twice a week. Does the girlfriend have a right to upset with him?

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (31 May 2012):

person12345 agony auntIf he's choosing masturbation over sex, then yes you absolutely would be right to be upset. But if he's just masturbating on top of sex, then no not really.

If you want sex more often, then you have to talk to him about it.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (30 May 2012):

chigirl agony auntNo. Girlfriend has no right to be upset with him. What would give her such a right? His body ultimately belongs to HIM, not her. Ergo, she does not have rights to tell him what he can or can't do with HIS body.

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A female reader, Siteme United States +, writes (30 May 2012):

Siteme agony auntI wouldn't be upset, about the masturbating, lots of people do it, it's really a natural thing. You might do some different stuff in the bedroom, maybe kink it up a bit. He may be wanting to do something different but thinks you may not go for it. Open up the line of communication where it comes to your sex life.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 May 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIs it normal? Sure. Is it abnormal? Maybe. IT’s what is working for him. Do you have a RIGHT to be upset with him? No. Sorry you don’t. IF you have talked to him about it and asked him to refrain from masturbating and asked him to have sex with you more often and he agreed and then reneged on his promise THEN you might have an issue… but to be upset without talking to him about it, nope.

Just because a person has a partner does not mean that they will not masturbate. I have a partner, we have sex once or twice a week and we both masturbate regularly… AND we tell each other about it and then often laugh over the fact that well “HEY I would have been happy to help…” but you didn’t ask. Cause it’s “easier to rub one out” as my guy says… then bother will all the extras of lovemaking…

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 May 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI suggest that you re-consider your question, posed in the opposite form. That is: "My B/F and I have sex, maybe, twice a week. When I am alone, I sometimes masturbate... sometimes as much as 3 times a week..... Is there anything "wrong" with what I'm doing????"

Good luck...

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2012):

The extent to which men masturbate varies enormously from person to person, so that amount of masturbation is not abnormal. Perhaps your boyfriend has a high sex drive. Do you want to have sex more often? Have you spoken to him about this? Maybe he doesn’t want to pressure you in to having sex more often, so chooses to take care of himself sometimes instead. Perhaps he has his own reasons for not wanting to have sex more often, if that is the case. I can’t give you much advice until you know what he thinks, so ask him about it and tell him if you’d be happy for more sex. A good sexual relationship needs that kind of honesty.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012):

You should not be upset.

When a couple have sex it has to involve mutual arousal at the same time, foreplay, and you have to connect on an emotional level as well, take the time to try and please your partner. So if you're a bit horny and just want a quick fix, masturbation is a natural solution. Masturbation is so natural please don't feel upset your boyfriends doing it or make him feel bad for doing it.

When people masturbate it's not because they are not attracted to their partner, it is just a release to them. Me and my partner only get to see eachother at weekends as we work in different cities so we only have sex once or twice a week. I masturbate when I'm not with him, and as far as I'm aware he masturbates too.

Basically, leave him to it, he's doing nothing wrong, it's not as if he's going out and sleeping with other women, he's just jerking off which 99.9% of men do. If YOU want more sex, then you initiate it with him, don't leave all the hard work to him.

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