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*o nonsense Aidan

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Latest articles:

I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...

I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...

Childless by choice: please stop judging us

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...

On-line dating: my honest look

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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...

Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...

Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies

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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...

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Is there any hope for me? Cannot seen to connect with women

Q.   Hi there, i've tried different methods to meet women both online and in personal but i keep failing, will my luck improve at some point in time or am i doomed to live to be old and alone? is there any hope for me to make sure this doesn't happ...

A.   4 August 2015: Relax. There’s no reason why you are destined for a life alone because you’ve not made a connection yet. You are only young, hollow though I know that may seem as a consolation at the time. The truth is, persistence pays. If you’re being friendly, ... (read in full...)

We are involved but both married. I don't know how to stop this relationship!

Q.   My boyfriend and I are both married to someone else and are in love. Yes, people call it love affair. It hurts me bad because it is not right thing to do but I can't stop this relationship. (Yes, I have tried in the past.) If anyone out the...

A.   3 August 2015: I’m not judging you, but surely you can see that your statement is complete nonsense? Of course you can stop this relationship, or you can end your marriage. You either choose to walk away from your boyfriend, tell him its over and ignore him if he ... (read in full...)

I broke up with him over Whatsapp and now he won't speak to me

Q.   I won't go into the whole story its too long to write, but in short I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am trying to get him back. I broke with him through whatsapp as that was our main mode of communication, the tick never turned blue so I do ...

A.   3 August 2015: Sorry, but what kind of relationship is it when a person does something as important as breaking it off over Whatsapp? Couldn’t you havge met him face to face or even phoned him? With respect, what’s even more unbelievable is that, having ended ... (read in full...)

We were taking it slow and then there was a complete 180, what do I do now?

Q.   About 2 years ago a friend of mine showed me the instagram of a friend. She commented on a picture of us together and inquired who I was. I could tell from her pictures that she was gorgeous and outgoing. Real life of the party type of girl. Well...

A.   30 July 2015: I don’t think you’re going to get answers. It seems she wants the best of both worlds: the freedom to talk to other guys that comes with a casual, no-strings arrangement, but for you to shower her with the love and attention of a doting, serious ... (read in full...)

What can I do? First he refused me. Then I caught my husband watching porn and masturbating in the middle of the night!!

Q.   Please help me!!! I caught my husband watching porn and masturbating in the middle of the night!! Early that night I wanted to have sex with my husband. I kissed and touched him, but he was too busy playing with his phone and completely ignored ...

A.   29 July 2015: Getting this upset won’t help anything. Men use porn or their ability to take care of their own needs because either is easier than sex. It’s gratifying without any need for communication, emotional responsiveness or even effort. The question is why ... (read in full...)

How to make a complicated situation better? Do I have a chance with my baby's dad as in a relationship?

Q.   There's a guy I've been into for a really long time. We always would flirt and it seems like there was something there between us. Well we complicated things by hooking up and had a baby. The damaging part is that when I found out I was pregna...

A.   29 July 2015: What do you mean, run away? He can’t ignore you or run away from you because you have a child together. What you mean, I think, is that if he doesn’t want a relationship with you, he might distance himself from you and keep your interaction purely ... (read in full...)

My fiance disrespected my family. Should I give him a second chance?

Q.   I have cried my eyes out tonight. My fiance of 3 years disrespected me and my family. I'm in disbelief and denial. Here is the story. We are in LDR right now, sometimes the frustration is too much and mostly from his part. He has done a lot for m...

A.   27 July 2015: You said he started picking on you for no reason, but how do you know there’s not a reason? Perhaps you just can’t see what the reason is. There is bound to be something, especially if this was out of character. This was, of course, an unacceptable ... (read in full...)

If I don't have children now, is this my only chance? what if I regret it?

Q.   Hey everyone, this is how I truly feel but I wonder whether anyone else has felt this way? I'm nearing mid 30's and my partner and I have been trying for 2 years to get pregnant to no avail. It's been a horrible, stressful time. The longer...

A.   27 July 2015: There is no easy answer to this. Any life choice we make now, we might live to regret. I think it’s impossible to speculate accurately about how we’ll feel in the future about the choices we make now, so we have to make the hard decision to go with ... (read in full...)

Do I throw away a twenty year marriage because he is more interested in porn stars than me?

Q.   My husbands obsession with Porn is driving me crazy . There is no desire when he looks at me anymore . Our sex life feel like he is in another world . He has his favourite porn stars saved on his computer.I've Tried talking to him and he sa...

A.   19 July 2015: “Obviously old and boring,” you say. IS it really obvious? You have obviously assumed that he perceives you in this way because of his interest in pornography. Several years on this site have taught me that the role of pornography in these ... (read in full...)

How do I tell my Bf to find someone better? I don't think I am good enough for him

Q.   I have always had insecurity issues and body image issues since I was younger. Also living in a house with constant mental and emotional abuse can take its toll. However I have a boyfriend and it's close to being a year for us. He is the most a...

A.   19 July 2015: He wants you. You think he need some-one else because of your insecurity and lack of self-confidence, but why don’t you just let him be the judge? If he wanted some-one else, he’d go and find some-one else. Perhaps you aren’t his usual type ... (read in full...)

Should I be freaking out because she gave a guy a bj when she was much younger?

Q.   Modnote: this is very similar, in the circumstances, but NOT identical to an earlier question submitted recently - you may also find some good answers here: www.dearcupid.org/question/can-i-get-over-this-revelation-three-years.html below is what...

A.   14 July 2015: She did the wrong thing for all of the wrong reasons. She’s guilty of nothing more than a silly mistake when she was young. Show me the person who never got something wrong. You shouldn’t let something that happened years ago change how you think of ... (read in full...)

How can I determine and confirm if he just wants sex?

Q.   I met a guy online and we talked for a few weeks before having our first date today at a coffee shop. We had a lot in common and he said very sweet things to me, which made me think he liked me. He knew that I was a virgin and that I had never...

A.   14 July 2015: So, to be clear, you told him you were uncomfortable with something, but he kept doing it, because it’s for him to decide when and how your confidence should be built up? How utterly noble of him! What he in fact did was to show a total disregard ... (read in full...)

How can I build up the strength to NOT go back to him? His behaviour has been inconsistent and confusing

Q.   I need some help finding out how to move on from a terrible, emotionally abusive relationship which has destroyed me. I have been involved with a guy for around eight months. When we first got together, he told me he was kind of involved with so...

A.   13 July 2015: Blocking him from getting in touch prevents him from spinning more lies to suck you back in. Tell any friends he might contact that, if he does, they’re not to tell you and they should ignore him. Lean on any trusted friends or relatives to tell ... (read in full...)

She says she loves me and I know she does - she's afraid something is missing

Q.   I have been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for 10 months now. I'm in my early 30s, she is in her late 20s. We both live in the same city but for the past 6 months I've been traveling off and on to Asia. I am typically home for about ...

A.   13 July 2015: I don’t think it’s an excuse, but what you need to do is try and push her towards actually telling you what it is. I think this conversation should wait until you are home as it should be done face to face. The reason for this advice is that it’s ... (read in full...)

My older sister will need to know I'm moving out. But how do I break the news to her?

Q.   My boyfriend and i plan on getting a place together once he gets done with harvest. We will be saving up before hand and are working. While living together both of us will be going to school, im currently attending already. The hard part is that ...

A.   13 July 2015: My suggestion would be to emphasise how much your family will still be an important part of your life, how you want to see them regularly and continue to support your younger brother. Tell them that you and your boyfriend are serious, and that he ... (read in full...)

I do not want to marry or have children. My mother thinks this is an unhealthy attitide

Q.   I am someone who does not want to get married or have children and would like to get some input on others who have made this decision. I am not anti social or anything, but I enjoy being and living alone. I work and have friends and go out occas...

A.   13 July 2015: I am in this position, unmarried and childless. I wish it to remain that way. Abella has kindly referred to my article, which I wrote because I know how unwittingly judgemental people can be. You say in your post, “I hope that doesn’t sound ... (read in full...)

My wedding day was wonderful and since then I've been crying. When can I feel better?

Q.   I was wondering if what I'm feeling is normal... I got married almost 4 months ago. I'm not one who particularly enjoys weddings and hated the entire process of organising my own. I wanted an intimate party but as my husband has a big family...

A.   8 July 2015: I think the problem is that you hated the build up so much, as many people do. I’ve seen people organise weddings. Items like cutlery, table cloths, who’ll sit with who, cakes, over-priced menus, all become a source of immense stress. Often, though, ... (read in full...)

We live together. But she goes to visit her Mom at weekends. Why do I miss her so much over the weekend?

Q.   I am 25. I been with my girl friend for four years. We live in the Same house but she goes to see her mom every weekend and when she leaves I get sad. I feel like i want to cry and I don't want to go out side. I don't know what that is, but I neve...

A.   8 July 2015: It’s a sign you are unhealthily dependent on her. It’s only a weekend. She’ll be back on Monday. It’s okay to miss her but to get this upset is strange. I think you just need to find something for yourself to do on these weekends that will keep your ... (read in full...)

I'm being used by every man in my life and constantly controlled 

Q.   I keep ending up in two types of relationships and I have no idea how this keeps happening! I either end up in one where it becomes nothing but sex, or one where the guy WILL NOT let me not date him or break up with him. The guys who DO want a ...

A.   7 July 2015: There is so much to this. My heart really goes out to you. About your boyfriends: you’re vulnerable, and a good controller can spot a vulnerable person a mile off. Past boyfriends, wanting sex, have belittled you horribly and made you feel inad... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is spending time with his kid's Mum, am I right to be annoyed?

Q.   ? Boyfriend Spending Time With kids mom So basically, ive been seeing a guy for 6 months now, we both have one child each. When we first got together him and his ex (who he was with for 8 years, broken up 2 years) weren't on great terms b...

A.   7 July 2015: He is either longing for the family life back with the ex, misguidedly thinking this is a necessary evil to keep the child happy, or she is pulling his strings and he won’t stand up to her. Either way, if it’s serious between you, and you’ve let him ... (read in full...)

How do I fall out of love? 

Q.   Hi, So I need help falling out of love. I feel very strongly for a girl and, for reasons I won't divulge here, there is absolutely zero chance of having a relationship with her. Any advice on falling out of love? Thanks in advance....

A.   7 July 2015: If only you could. It’s not possible to switch feelings on and off like a tap. I think Dear Cupid might be out of business if it were. What you have to do is remember that you can, and will, fall in love again. There will be some-one else, just not ... (read in full...)

Partner says relationship with my son is not normal? 

Q.   Opinions please... My son is ten and it's been me and him on our own since he was a baby. He is very much a mummies boy and we have a great relationship. I have been in a relationship with an older man for several years on and off. He doe...

A.   7 July 2015: It’s lovely that there is such warmth, closeness and affection in your relationship with your son. I tell my parents I love them at 25, not non-stop by any means, but I do. You have obviously been everything to this boy, and he means everything to ... (read in full...)

Monogamous person in a polyamorous relationship. Suggestions/thoughts?

Q.   Hello everyone. I would like to detail about a predicament that has risen within the past few weeks involving a close friend of mine and a potential relationship occurring with her and would really appreciate any insight regarding this. Let me gi...

A.   7 July 2015: My statement is brief: don’t bother. I’m sorry but when you say that the reasons are obvious as to why you don’t care for her current boyfriend, I’m afraid they’re not. You don’t care how he feels because he’s with some-one who isn’t yours anyway? ... (read in full...)

Do all men crave sexual variety?

Q.   Are there men who do not thinking about screwing other women when they are either in a committed relationship or married? Do all men crave sexual variety?...

A.   7 July 2015: That’s a pretty dim view of men, wherever it comes from. I never understand why people ask questions about all men, or all women? There’s no truth applicable to all men or all women. Some men crave sexual variety, others are perfectly content with ... (read in full...)

Why didn't this man take his chance to take things further?

Q.   Why did he lead me on and then vanish? I recently met a man who was 51 on a dating site! He was consistent in his chase, then the spooning pics started and on our 4th date he gave all the signals that he was thinking of inviting me to spend the nig...

A.   7 July 2015: Have you considered that he has feelings too? Perhaps it was he who wasn’t ready. Perhaps he thought it would be too soon. Perhaps, that night, a massage meant a massage. Not every man will always take it up when it is, as you say, offered up on a ... (read in full...)

Meeting people you admire and being disapointed, it is ok to feel this way?

Q.   Recently a friend met a theatre actress after a stage show she admired, and though the actress took a photo with her ( and even sent a tweet the next day,)she seemed rushed when she her and others and not interested in chatting There wer...

A.   7 July 2015: Interesting question. Your friend was probably a bit unrealistic in her expectations as it sounds like the actress was friendly enough to me. As for meeting people you admire, the question is whether you have truly figured out who they are as a ... (read in full...)

Is going with his best friend bad? Have I put up with too much cheating by my BF?

Q.   so, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. But over that time, I will put in order...he has: Kissed a girl Had sexual contact with a girl kissed a girl slept with a girl sent nudes to a girl kissed a girl kissed a girl sent fl...

A.   7 July 2015: You should leave your boyfriend anyway, irrespective of his friend. That is, unless you are able and willing to put up with all this cheating, as with this many indiscretions I’m afraid he’s not going to change. Since you’ve stuck by him, in his ... (read in full...)

Am I the problem? Have social media issues and everything is conflict and a battle with him

Q.   Hi, social media issue unfortunately.. I have been dating my partner for two and a half years. I have been widow for over three years, he had a relationship before me that lasted around three years. Through our relationship our exes would be br...

A.   7 July 2015: Wrong, this isn’t a social media issue, this is insecurity and controlling, manipulative behaviour from your boyfriend. He was your husband. You had a child with him. IT’s your past, and it’s your daughter’s past. Anyone who gets insecure over ... (read in full...)

We are both out of work and he says he is aggravated and has issues with his son. Is that enough to cause him to not want sex?

Q.   Is it normal for guys to be distant and not want sex when they are stressed? We live together and are both out of work. He is also having issues with his son.He just says he is aggravated. Not sure how to handle this. He says we are around each o...

A.   7 July 2015: Yes, stress is a leading cause of loss of sexual drive in men and women. Your lives sound pretty stressful at the moment and your communication has broken down. You need space apart from each other. This might come when one of you gets work, starts ... (read in full...)

Was he a jerk for flirting with her in front of me just after I told him about my crush on him?

Q.   Heya, Okay so basically I like this boy but the problem is so does my best friend!! So I told this boy how i felt and my best friend helped me tell him so everything was great then!! I then was talking about asking him out as a nice friend I s...

A.   6 July 2015: Two friends both like the same guy, it’s an old, old story. It’s true that your friend didn’t promise not to go after him, whereas you did. Perhaps this makes you a little nobler, but in the grand scheme of things, this doesn’t matter much. At your ... (read in full...)

Sexually and romantically I prefer males. So why am I sometimes aroused by women's boobs?

Q.   I'm so confused about things, let me explain: I am very much sexually and romantically attracted to boys, always have been, ever since I was 4 years old. But with that, I've also noticed that since I was close to puberty, I also got arou...

A.   6 July 2015: To be honest with you, it means very little. Attraction is complicated. You’ve already mentioned sexual attraction and romantic attraction, but there can also be aesthetic attraction. In other words, you simply appreciate something about some-one’s ... (read in full...)

I am having trouble giving up control and it's ruining our love making. What can be done?

Q.   I need help, now. My fiance and I have been together for a year and a half and are moving in together soon. We have a problem and it is beginning to seriously affect our relationship. Every now and then she will become filled with love and lust for...

A.   6 July 2015: I’m sorry but your girlfriend needs to stop whining and get over it. There is, quite simply, a time and a place. True, the idea of diarised intimacy is frightfully unromantic and probably a pretty effective passion killer, but spontaneity also has ... (read in full...)

She is my ex-girlfriend's sister and I'm starting to get feelings for her. Is this my mid-life crisis?

Q.   I dated a girl about 12 years ago for 3 years, we ended on good terms, but just after we broke up, I became a good friend to her slightly older sister. I dont really speak to my ex anymore but i am still very good friends with her sister. Her ...

A.   6 July 2015: Probably not midlife problems. After all, you say you’ve had a steady friendship with this woman for quite some time. The real question is what you do about it. Do you know whether she feels the same? Do you want to tell her and ask her? Do you ... (read in full...)

I'm single and have made a decision that I'll not become a mother. Is this a decision I might regret later?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am a 30 year old woman who is single with no children. My family (more so my parents and 2 sisters) have been getting on my case for lack of a better word, for not having started a family by now and for have been single for so lo...

A.   6 July 2015: Who knows if you’ll regret it in the future? Unfortunately, if we worried about the possibility that at some point in the future we might regret what we today believe to be the right choices, we’d never make a decision about anything at all. You do ... (read in full...)

T (a guy) has feelings for me and I am gay. My best friend J is a girl and she has a huge crush on T. But what should I say to J?

Q.   Hiya, I am gay and my best friend (a girl, J) is rather attracted to this guy called T. J is besotted with T and would do anything to be with T but the other day T admitted his feelings for me. This is made worse by the fact that T is apparentl...

A.   2 July 2015: How complicated! Tell J the truth. Whether T is indeed gay or not, his feelings are evidently not for J. Tell J that you value her friendship and want to be honest with her about the fact that it’s not likely T will reciprocate her feelings. She can ... (read in full...)

Is there a way to only be interested in straight women, or am I cursed?

Q.   So, I seem to have bad luck with women. I personally don't get along with the beliefs of someone who is LGBT, just because of my upbringing. Because of this, my friends and love interests are extremely limited. I have a single lesbian friend...

A.   30 June 2015: Wo! Slow down! I think you’re getting a bit carried away here. If these girls are lesbian, it’s not your beliefs that are the issue. They’re gay, so they won’t have a crush on you in return, whatever you think. There is no one kind of gay person, so ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend speaks English but uses his language most of the time. I don't like it!

Q.   Hi, I have been dating a guy over 2 years and in the first year we communicated in English and then after a year I noticed he started talking in his native language to everyone his friends,his parents(which he always did)his sister,his best friend w...

A.   30 June 2015: You are being quite selfish. True, if you are around, the conversation should be conducted in a language everyone understands, so if he is excluding you by using his own language then that is something you should challenge him on. When you’re not ... (read in full...)

How do I get my head around the fact that he's rejected me because I have a child?

Q.   My ex and I were together for a year and we've been broken up for 4mos. He came back a month ago wanting a second chance but then changed his mind. He says that he doesn't want to be with me because I have a child. I'm trying my best not to cry w...

A.   23 June 2015: He isn’t judging you, he’s just being honest with you. There is no future for your relationship because he is not willing to accept your child. Personally, I find it a selfish reason that he gives, namely not wanting to share you with a child, but ... (read in full...)

Is it generally normal for a Doctor to ask a patient if the patient is married?

Q.   I had a followup with a female doctor/consultant after procedure. Big hospital, see different doctor each time usually, so probably won't see again. This one asked me if I am married, was very friendly and when I left told me how nice it was to know...

A.   22 June 2015: There’s no law against asking, you don’t have to answer the question. There can be several reasons why a doctor might ask. One is simply that she was just making conversation and being friendly. It may be a question to identify whether you are ... (read in full...)

Does he love me or is staying married taking the easy way out?

Q.   My husband and I seperated mainly due to growing apart over the years. We were more like buddies and although we had a solid sex life , he was always using porn behind my back when we had agreed this would not be part of relationship and he would ...

A.   3 May 2015: I don’t know what you do. You say he doesn’t compliment you, but don’t seem to take him seriously when he does. Maybe the lack of interest exists on both sides more than you perhaps realise. The fact is, if you’re not prepared to take him at his ... (read in full...)

What can I do about this family situation?

Q.   Hi everyone! Hoping you can help with some relative troubles! Just before I start I think it would be relevant to say I have not got a close knit family. My immediate family (me, mum, dad and sis) are very very close and happy and for that reason ...

A.   3 May 2015: Well I think you’re going to have to block the number so that you can at least be spared phone calls and text messages. If you have Facebook on your phone, disable Messenger notifications so that you’re not constantly disturbed by that too. I’m not ... (read in full...)

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