| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Is she telling the truth about miscarrying?
Q. A girl i was seeing told me she was pregnant with my child and after stating her reasons she decided to terminate it as she said he wasnt mature enough or financially ready to bring up a child and also since alot of stuff had gone on between us she ...
A. 5 September 2012: I can’t confirm whether private abortion clinics do issue receipts or not but I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t. And where would she then get a faked one from? Furthermore if she knew you wanted to keep the baby what possible reason would ... (read in full...)
15 year old pupil is hitting on me - her teacher. Should I report this?
Q. I am in a terribly difficult situation. I have been teaching for 20 years and this is the first I’ve ever had this particular problem. There is a girl in one of my classes; she is very young, 14/15 years old, a child. Now I have had students have ...
A. 5 September 2012: Strange as this post is, I’ll answer it truthfully and honestly. This is very simple: you have to report this. The only way that you can be above suspicion is if you report this to some-one, and put it in writing. If an allegation is made, even if ... (read in full...)
I think my best friend slept with my FWB
Q. I think my best friend slept with my friends with benifits. She brings him up alot. How do I find out ? I slept with him two daya ago thimgs were good...
A. 4 September 2012: If you want to know whether they slept with each other or not, ask them, not that you have a right to know: FWB is a no-strings arrangement so both he and your friend are free to do what they like and you don’t have any right to be upset about it. ... (read in full...)
Guy at a bar leant in for a kiss and got my lips before I could turn away, do I tell my boyfriend about this?
Q. Hi everybody, just a quick question! I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I love him so much, I went away for a night out with my girls Saturday night and a few men were chatting me up I think I must of said "sorry, I've got a bo...
A. 4 September 2012: You don’t need to tell him, you’ve done nothing wrong at all and have nothing to feel guilty over, so you could just take a no harm done view of this and move on. But if it’s going to play on your mind and grow in to a big issue for you if you keep ... (read in full...)
How do I end this babysitting arrangement without things becoming awkward?
Q. I've been babysitting on and off for a couple (I'll call them J and B) with a little boy of two years old since October 2011. They didn't used to call me often, maybe once a month, but since around April of this year they've been in touch more ...
A. 4 September 2012: Just explain to them that, now that you’re starting university, you are unfortunately not going to have the time to commit to babysitting anymore. Offer to do any shifts that have already been arranged, then just say that you wish them well and all ... (read in full...)
My Bf says I should just fit in with his plans. So why can't he try to understand how difficult it is for me with my illness?
Q. Hi all. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months now. I have depression and social anxiety disorder and this is already causing problems in our relationship. Before we started dating he knew I had these issues. (I've been on an...
A. 4 September 2012: The only way is to tell him how you feel, how depression is an illness that can’t be corrected by just trying to cheer up a bit, and asking him to agree to compromise. It sounds like there is no compromise in this relationship: it’s his way or no ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and I'm pregnant by my 15 year old B/f who talked me into sex. What do I do now?
Q. Hey!:) Ok, I have a huge problem and really need some help! I'm 14 years old, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months. He is 15, and in the year above me at school. At the beginning of the relationship, everything was absoutol...
A. 4 September 2012: Unfortunately you’ve experienced an emotionally abusive relationship at your young age. When you say that you didn’t want to have sex, did you make this clear to him and he forced you? If yes, the police could be involved if you wished to pursue ... (read in full...)
do straight men jerk off with other straight men?
Q. hi friends Im not american but i live in america though so my english is not that great anyway hope you guys understand what im trying to say. my question are do straight men jerk off with other straight men? is it gay to compare sizes with ot...
A. 3 September 2012: This does not make you gay. People who are gay might do these things, but so might people who aren’t. Two things to remember Firstly, a lot of young men experiment a bit with other male friends, for example masturbating together, or pleasuring each ... (read in full...)
I'm a male teacher. How do I handle an aggressive 13 year old female student?
Q. I am a male secondary school teacher (I'm 26). One of my female students keeps staring at me and flicking her hair and calling me over to her desk. She's 13. I try not to look at her inappropriately. She always flirts and makes me feel awkward. What ...
A. 3 September 2012: Keep it professional like you are doing, and tell your superior. Explain what’s happening and how uncomfortable it makes you feel and ask for advice on how to handle it. A good tip: if you discuss this verbally with your boss, write him/her an email ... (read in full...)
It bothers me that my sister's friend treats her so badly and she won't talk to me about it
Q. I'm concerned for my twin sister. She has a best friend and i can tell she loves her to pieces, she's the only best friend she's ever really had and so with her being her first ever best friend she loves her dearly, tells her everything (sometimes ...
A. 3 September 2012: If you know that they are having these arguments, when your sister dismisses her unhappiness as “nothing,” could you not gently ask whether it was over the argument? If she doesn’t want to talk about it, let her know that if she ever does want to ... (read in full...)
Is it appropriate for an 11 year old to date?
Q. If someone is 11 should they date? ...
A. 3 September 2012: What do you mean? If an 11 year-old little girl or boy has a special some-one of the opposite sex in their life but it’s all very sweet and innocent, fine! Their parents should of course keep an eye on them and intervene if necessary. Obviously they ... (read in full...)
We're related by adoption does that make it incest if we get together?
Q. Im a female I live in the us and ive made out with my cousin a couple of times and maybe have sucked his Dick but mine and his grand ma adopted his mom so were only related by adoption and I think I wanna take it to the next level I'm fifteen and ...
A. 3 September 2012: If you are not blood-related it is not incest. Even if you were, in many countries relationships with cousins are, in fact, legal anyway. So legally there’s no issue, morally everyone may take their own view, some members of your family might feel ... (read in full...)
Met a really nice guy at a party - how can I approach him?
Q. So I met a boy at a party on Saturday, looking back I'm rather embarrassed because I had had too much to drink and was talking complete nonsense to him the whole time whilst he was completely sober. Despite this, we really hit it off and laughed ...
A. 3 September 2012: The easiest way would be to send him another message (or call him if you have his number), and say that it was good to meet him at the party and sorry you didn’t get a chance to say good-bye. Why not say that, as you didn’t catch him at the end of ... (read in full...)
My good friend told me this morning he has fallen for me but I don't feel the same way. How do I handle this?
Q. Hi,I am from India and i am friends with guy 3 years older than me.Until today morning,everything was just great.We used to hang out and have a great time talking and being goofy with each other and today morning he told me that he is falling for ...
A. 3 September 2012: This is always a very tough conversation to have but just be very honest with him. Explain to him that you do not feel the same for him as he does for you but tell him how much his friendship means to you and how important he is to you. He will ... (read in full...)
My best friend and I kissed. I'm in love with him but he has a girlfriend of 5 years. What do I do?
Q. Im so upset I think ive damaged the best possible thing to happen to me. Ive fallen in love with my best friend we became cying to leaveose over time . Heres where its gets hard weve kissed a few times and he has a girlfriend of 5 years but please ...
A. 3 September 2012: Have a talk with him. Explain the strength of your feelings for him and ask him whether he feels the same or not. If either he doesn’t feel the same, and/or he refuses to leave his girlfriend, there’s no future for you and you should distance ... (read in full...)
Does his behavior mean he is interested in me more than just a friend?
Q. are these signs of physical attraction on my guy friend's behalf? sorry if it's a long post but I'm so confused! -we were standing facing each other, talking and I realized that he was holding my hand, I haven't even noticed when he grabbed it. it m...
A. 3 September 2012: He’s either very attracted to you, or just exceptionally tactile for a friend. The question is what do you want to do about it? If you’re attracted to him and would like to take things further, don’t try and second-guess him, tell him how you feel ... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on him but he told my sister she looks better than me.
Q. I had this crush on this guy since last year, but me and him kinda started talking this year during summer. His younger brother is friends with my sister. I really like this guy, but he started flirting with My Sister:/ and he told her that she look ...
A. 3 September 2012: Let it go. You’ve got that doubt in your head now that he doesn’t want to be with you and that wouldn’t go away if you started seeing him. If he did say your sister was better looking, he’s obviously a bit insensitive anyway. It sounds like any ... (read in full...)
He offered me sex instead of a relationship!
Q. Should I be insulted that a guy Ive liked for a while has asked me to be his FWB or 'fuck buddy'? He says he doesnt want a relationship but wants to be more than friends. Im shocked and dont know what to say! Im 29 and hes 28, Im looking for a ...
A. 2 September 2012: It’s not even worth getting offended over. Tell him no, not now and not ever! Then keep your distance from him: if that’s how he treats a woman, he’s not worth your time or deserving of your friendship. Focus on finding what you want and some-one ... (read in full...)
I think I lost my friend since I told him that I only see him as a friend
Q. Hello everyone again. I met this guy at Uni- we were waiting for a teacher to show up, spoke for a few minutes and he asked me if he could add me on FB. He did and contacted me quite often- I found him easy to talk to and quite unusual {not in ...
A. 2 September 2012: Don’t feel guilty, you’ve done the right thing. The fact that he’s finding that difficult to accept, or that he is deliberately not accepting it, isn’t your fault. As hard as it is, you need to take comfort in knowing that you have done right by ... (read in full...)
Do his comments mean he fancies me?
Q. I've known this guy for about a year. I have a broken collarbone and I really wanted to get a photo taken with this particular guy. I told him to get on the other side of me that isn't sore and he smiled at me and said to me, "Is that your best ...
A. 1 September 2012: There’s just not enough to go on here to answer that either way. When it comes to the comments people make, there is often a very fine line between friendliness and flirting. The fact is that everyone is different: some people would only speak like ... (read in full...)
We are dating but she is playing hard to get
Q. i'm dating this girl she's playing so hard to get. i've tried all i can but it seems like im failing. i wrote her a letter and she almost agreed then i wrote her a joke and she didint like it so she was so agree at me then at the end of time she...
A. 31 August 2012: Can you be more specific? From what I understand from your post, you are dating this girl, so what did she nearly agree to after you wrote the letter? What do you mean when you say that she didn’t accept you? If she’s dating you, it sounds like ... (read in full...)
Your opinions on the state of virginity in teenagers today.
Q. This question is not really a screaming for help, but most likely is just for own purpose, I just want to know other opinions. Since my 'career' in dating started, I woke up and realized that girls, lost their virgins younger than ever. I mean, from ...
A. 31 August 2012: Stop being so silly. This is a war? Nope, it’s a debate between yourself, an intelligent-sounding young person, and other like-minded, intelligent people who wish to share their thoughts on the interesting discussion you started. Now, it’s not that ... (read in full...)
B/f and I have been into swinging and I HATE it!
Q. About 4 - 5 years ago, me and my boyfriend of 6 years decided to finally try swinging after playing around with the idea for a while. I was scared out of my mind that I was actually going to go through with it, but chalked it up to newbie nerves. ...
A. 30 August 2012: You don’t owe him anything, your body is not a commodity to use to repay some imagined debt to this guy so if you don’t like it, stop it! This just goes to show what a terrible Pandora’s box gets opened once you start bringing other people in to ... (read in full...)
How do I have this girl wait until we are older for a relationship? I don't want to be a pedophile.
Q. Basically, there's a girl who has been very open about her feelings for me. She's very attractive and I'm well, not. We get on well together, have common interests in Italian and some other stuff, and I'm good friends with her brother and can ...
A. 29 August 2012: This would not make you a “pedo.” A paedophile is some-one who abuses children. These are people who engage in sexual activity with an underaged child. There would generally be a significant age gap and maturity/intellectual gap between the sexual ... (read in full...)
I need to study and I don't know how!
Q. I don't know how to study and i'm facing great exam next year, my problem is that when i'm studying i wont understand what i'm read, i will just be looking at the book, without understanding anything. please tell me what to do....
A. 29 August 2012: It’s going to be tricky to study by yourself in a subject like engineering if you don’t understand what you’re reading. The best thing to do is keep asking your tutors to help you, and if they don’t, find out your school’s policy to make a ... (read in full...)
Your opinions on the state of virginity in teenagers today.
Q. This question is not really a screaming for help, but most likely is just for own purpose, I just want to know other opinions. Since my 'career' in dating started, I woke up and realized that girls, lost their virgins younger than ever. I mean, from ...
A. 29 August 2012: You’re talking about a broader issue here: the popularity of casual sex. Let’s not put the blame solely at the door of young girls though: if they are indeed having casual sex, it means there are just as many guys out there willing to have casual ... (read in full...)
When I said we should break up I was trying to get his attention, but he took me seriously!
Q. Dear cupid, I m desperate! I ve been with this guy for 3 years,it was a distance relationship and this year i was finally about to move to his country and move in with him!I was searching 4 schools and jobs there,and it was all more difficult c...
A. 29 August 2012: You need to face facts. Fairy tales are fantasy, that’s not how life works. Frankly, the two of you are not going to have a happy ending and the sooner you accept that, the better. By keep contacting each other, you’re making this even more painful ... (read in full...)
Was this comment out of fear? Or, was it something else?
Q. I apologize for this long post. However, I need as many answers as possible. Part 1 of problem: In a conversation with an ex, I had to get answers from her. I persisted for truthful answers. I eventually asked why I was NEVER notified of my o...
A. 29 August 2012: IT seems that this girl has a tendency to shut down in emotional situations, so rather than engage in a conversation with you about your faults she found some way to dismiss it and, at the same time, shift responsibility for that lack of ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have a really good relationship with your mother-in-law?
Q. Hello everyone. So... my husband is often abroad for work. I lost my mom to cancer a couple of years ago. Since day 1 I've bonded with my mother in law whom I consider like a mother and a best friend. So, while my husband is abroad I often (say, on...
A. 29 August 2012: Always view with some scepticism anyone who claims to know what “normal” is. What your friend is doing, is assuming that everyone else has, or ought to have, the same kind of relationship with their in-laws as she does. It’s great that you get on so ... (read in full...)
I need to study and I don't know how!
Q. I don't know how to study and i'm facing great exam next year, my problem is that when i'm studying i wont understand what i'm read, i will just be looking at the book, without understanding anything. please tell me what to do....
A. 27 August 2012: Anyone who’s a student or who has ever been a student will, I’m sure, identify with you here. This is very common. What you do about it depends on what it is you’re studying. If it’s more a logical, technical subject such as mathematics, engineering ... (read in full...)
Dad does not know if we are sexually active. But if Dad turns him in, will there be consequences if we were sexually active? My mom does not mind.
Q. I am currently 15 years old and I'm dating a 21 year old I've known for 3 and a half years, we've been together for 6 months and my mom approves but my father doesnt. if my dad tries to turn him in will it work since Mom approves and he doesnt know...
A. 27 August 2012: Are you sexually active? If so, you should not be. As far as the law goes, a legal age of consent is just that. If a young person is under that legal age, which varies from place to place so find out what yours is if you don’t know, it is assumed ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my brother to give up on being a lawyer?
Q. My brother wants to be a lawyer I doubt that he can become a lawyer because he did so poorly in highschool. No one in the family has ever become a lawyer or doctor so why does he even try He signed up for community college. He study's all da...
A. 27 August 2012: Have you tried to become a lawyer yourself? If not, what do you actually know about it? You’ve just made a snap judgement based on your own prejudices and now you’re trying to discourage your brother. No-one fulfils their dreams? Actually, sometimes ... (read in full...)
I asked girl to a casual bbq but she never responded back. Do I try again to contact her?
Q. I took this girl out on a casual lunch date 3 days ago. Everything went pretty well, she's really sweet and we got along nicely.. at least I thought so. Yesterday my friend had a barbeque at his house, and I invited her to come along. Nothing too ...
A. 26 August 2012: Leave her now. You did nothing wrong: she probably didn’t get the message. If she did and just didn’t bother answering, that’s rude. You have now called her, it’s down to her to make the next move. If she is ignoring you, that reflects badly on her, ... (read in full...)
Do you think our relationship could work?
Q. Hi! so just going through a break up and some advice would really be appreciated :) so I split with my long distance boyfriend a couple of days ago. we met online. he couldnt handle the distance anymore and said he needed to cool down even thou...
A. 26 August 2012: If the circumstances were right for who exactly? If he can’t handle the distance, presumably the circumstances would only be right if you were close to him geographically. Does this mean you have to move to his area, or is he prepared to relocate to ... (read in full...)
How do I avoid becoming pregnant by my husband who won't allow me to use birth control?
Q. My husband of 6 years won't pull out during sex. We are catholic so he refuses for me to use any birth control. I do not want to get pregnant. Please give me advice...
A. 26 August 2012: What are your views on contraception? The first thing to note is that pulling out (the withdrawal method) is a very unreliable method of preventing pregnancy, although it is not contrary to Catholic teaching to use it. Many Catholic groups advocate ... (read in full...)
Will he grow to love our child?
Q. Dear Cupid I am separated from my husband for a year. Had an affair meanwhile and now I'm pregnant. My bf doesnt want anything to do with me or my pregnancy now. Will he ever love my child if I go on with my pregnancy, I don't want my child to be de...
A. 26 August 2012: There are a few things that I’m not clear on from your post. Is your current boyfriend, who wants nothing to do with the pregnancy, the child’s father? If you had an affair with one man, separated from your husband and now have a new boyfriend, your ... (read in full...)
How can I block my ex? She keeps texting me!
Q. plz anyone have advice 4 me i would be greatful. my ex girlfriend keeps texting me, some nice texts and some nasty. i dont reply to any of them at all and delete them. when will she give up we split a month ago. she sends about 3 or 4 a day and some ...
A. 25 August 2012: Have a look in your phone’s settings and see if there is an option to block a number. If not, phone your network and explain that you are receiving unwanted texts from some-one who you’ve asked to leave you alone, and that you would like the number ... (read in full...)
Is she really insecure, jealous, and paranoid? Or do I have a compulsive problem.
Q. When we go out in public, my girlfriend has accused me several times of "ogling" and "lusting" at women, whether at a restaurant, grocery store, or while shopping. I am very perplexed, because I am truly a gentleman when I'm with her. I am very ...
A. 25 August 2012: IT’s likely that this is her insecurity. It is only human nature to find some people attractive and others not so attractive. Some-one may happen to catch your eye because of her attractiveness, that’s probably just as true for your girlfriend when ... (read in full...)
Any advice or experiences to share on dealing with illness in the family?
Q. My mum, 46, has COPD, Diabetes and Emphysema. She is on home oxygen and has a portable one for when she goes out. In May 2011 myself and my family almost lost her as her lungs were giving up. Since then she has been in hospital 4 more times. T...
A. 24 August 2012: The first thing to remember is that your mother’s illness is not something you can control, and that there is only so much you can do for her. You are already looking after her, checking she’s okay, and just being there for her. That’s all you can ... (read in full...)
Text I need help becoming a better person
Q. I need help becoming a better person. My mom has progressive MS and my brother is autistic and at home. And I rarely take them out anywhere or do stuff for them. I just never feel like it lately. Writing this makes me cringe, but it's true. For a...
A. 24 August 2012: Firstly, stop blaming yourself. No-one is judging you, no-one thinks you’re selfish or a bad person. It sounds like you are absolutely exhausted: a lot of students find that they enter in to this apathetic cycle where life seems to overwhelm them in ... (read in full...)
Is a water infection a STI?
Q. My wife cheated on me a month ago, we are working on things and hopefully will be able to move on from this. However she now has a water infection, is this an STI? How do you get a water infection?...
A. 24 August 2012: In women Urinary Tract Infections are common and it is definitely not an STI. However your wife should, if she’s had sex with some-one else, get an STI check anyway. It’s important to remember that an STI may present no symptoms but needs to be ... (read in full...)
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