A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been using the withdrawal method of birth control. If the timing works it is about 96% effective. While there were a few occasions several months ago where the timing may have been in question, this past two months, since her last period, the timing has been fine. I just found out she is pregnant. I wonder if she perhaps cheated on me and is pregnant with someone else's baby.I don't have a lot of other reasons to suspect her of anything. I have been working a lot of hours lately and may not have been as attentive to her as she needed. She has seemed distant that last little while, but that could be due to my recent long work hours. One evening when I came home from a work meeting earlier than expected when she had indicated she would be home, but she was gone. She said she went to some friends for a girls night out party and brought home some treats as evidence, so I thought nothing of it at the time.So that's it, I don't have a lot of evidence to indicate that she is cheating on me, and I don't think she is the kind of person who would. Still, I have started to wonder. I am hesitant to ask her about it, as I don't want to destroy our relationship. Also, I would assume that if she were cheating and trying to hide it from me she would simply lie and say she was not, so I am not sure what good will come of asking her.I have considered simply waiting until the baby is born and then doing a do-it-yourself paternity test, but I am afraid that if I am wondering if she cheated on me the whole pregnancy I will not be a very supportive husband.What should I do?
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female
reader, feralfox +, writes (29 May 2012):
When my sister was pregnant, she admitted to me that she and her boyfriend used the withdrawal method only ONCE while she was on her period, thinking that she wouldn't get pregnant. Well, exactly nine months later the baby came. I'm not sure where you are getting your statistics... I have read tons of books about sex and pregnancy and nowhere have I read that withdrawal is an effective method of birth control. In fact, I have read the opposite.
Since others have gone over this I am going to focus on something else though... If your wife is not the kind of person that would cheat like you say, and you have absolutely NO evidence or concrete reason to think she is.... why are you doubting her? It sounds like this feeling is coming from somewhere, and not from your heart or your head. It sounds like you have some trust issues, and you should maybe ask yourself if these feelings are stemming from anything based in concrete reality.
My partner is constantly doubting me, without reason, just because he is insecure. Like you, he has never thought of me as a "cheating type" and he has never had evidence... he just worries for no reason, and it hurts me. If I were to get pregnant (although I am on the pill), I feel like he would ask me if it were another man's baby. And honestly if he asked me without concrete reason, I would consider leaving him. His trust issues have destroyed our relationship, don't let them destroy yours. Remember that you love you wife and know her better than almost anyone else... would she really deceive you in such a hurtful way? Celebrate this moment in your life instead.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 May 2012):
 I am often amazed at how little folks know about reproduction
From: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/withdrawal.html
How effective is withdrawal?
Typical use of withdrawal, which is how most people use it, has a failure rate of approximately 18-19%. You should take a pregnancy test if you are experiencing any pregnancy symptoms.
So there is nearly a 20% chance of your wife being pregnant because the two of you choose to practice NON-BIRTH control.
I always told my kids “ya know what they call kids that use the withdrawal method of birth control?”
And they would go “what” and I would say “PARENTS”
Congrats you’re going to be a dad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): The withdrawl method is not a proper form of birthcontrol... anyone that uses it is eventually asking to get pregnant, i used the pull out method which is why my kids are 15 months apart. If you are really concerned, take off early from work one day and come home. I highly doubt she is cheating. You should try and accept your method didnt work.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (29 May 2012):
Where did you get your facts from? Doctors do not recommend the withdrawal method. The withdrawal method is not reliable, with a failure rate of between 15 and 28%. It can fail for many reasons, one of which being that sperm can be present before the man ejaculates, so you might think you’ve pulled out in time, but actually no you haven’t. Furthermore, there’s always a risk that you might not anticipate ejaculation with sufficient time to pull out. Additionally, if you have repeated intercourse without urinating or washing the penis first after you’ve pulled out, sperm can be left over again. Add to that the fact that you’ve stated that in recent months your timing has been questionable on a few occasions, and it becomes even more likely that the withdrawal method has failed. This is not as reliable as other forms of contraception, though people practice it for all kinds of reasons. So without any other grounds to suspect your wife, you’ve no reason at all to doubt her.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): No idea where you got the "96% effective" statistic. The first answer is spot on, you can release sperm before you actually "come" and it only takes one sperm to fertilise an egg. Of course your wife isn't cheating on you. If you didnt want to get her pregnant then you should have worn a condom or she simply took the pill everyday. Never, ever rely on "withdrawal" it's taught to kids at about 15 that sperm comes out before a guy even comes so its obvious doing that involves a very, very high risk of pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 May 2012):
 This really does surprise me that a man in his late 20's can sound so immature and honestly believe that the withdrawal method is effective.
Have you ever heard of pre-ejaculate (pre-cum)? Do you know that pre-ejaculate contains sperm? And that pre-ejaculate is released BEFORE you 'withdraw'? And sperm can fertilise an egg and hence get a woman pregnant?
Of course your wife is not cheating on you, you got her pregnant because you are having UNPROTECTED SEX. The withdrawal method is not a form of contraception, it is simply a risk that you are taking every time you have sex. If you were using condoms, or using some form of birth control - then you are protected from pregnancy. However you have been having unprotected sex, therefore there was a fairly high chance of your wife getting pregnant at some point.
Stop doubting your wife and perhaps read up on sex, you sound like you have a lot to learn.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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