| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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He doesn't want me near him, and all I want is to be able to love him!
Q. ok to sum this up my ex recently cheated on me then told me he was done with our relationship. I was devastated but kept my head up. knowing that this is the end of us about a month later he tells me he's sorry and be willing to date me/ be physical ...
A. 19 September 2015: I’m probably going to sound harsh here bashing a sick man, but I can’t help wondering if you’re so understandably knocked sideways by his cancer diagnosis that you’re not seeing things clearly? He cheated on you, dumped you but was quite happy to ... (read in full...)
He wants to break up so is saying I was not a virgin!
Q. I m 21 year old...i have lost my virginity to one i loved...he was my first but even then he feels that my vagina was bit loose and he could penetrate easily(but i was virgin and had a lot of pain n even he couldnt penetrate so easily)..now he has ...
A. 19 September 2015: What a horrible situation you are in. You say your marriage is being “fixed.” I assume this means being arranged? I can’t pretend that I am from the same culture and that I understand the implications of your not being a virgin (for us this wouldn’t ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this? LDR and uncomfortable with his request.
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years now. Since we graduated from college, we went back to our home country and we are currently having long distance relationship now since he's from another state in the country. Recently, he's ...
A. 9 September 2015: The question you have to ask yourself is this: would you ever be happy for an intimate photograph of you to be the property of some-one else who will have all the rights to do what they like with it? It’s a huge risk, as is distributing it over the ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my husband with the wandering eye and spend what time I have left alone?
Q. Dear All, I have been an Aunt on this site but am posting anonomously as I feel embarrassed about my situation and need help and advice. I first came to this site as my then partner (now husband) liked to look at porn. He also had a wandering eye ...
A. 9 September 2015: I think you should tell him how hurtful his looking at other women is, and actually ask him to explain why he does it. An event in his past is no excuse, because things are about as tough as they can be for you at the moment and you still have your ... (read in full...)
How do I get over this massive blow to the ego on finding out, online, that the man I was seeing has suddenly moved on, to date someone else?
Q. It's official folks - they're dating!!! How do you get over a massive blow to the Ego when the man who you were seeing suddenly moves on to another woman and makes a bold announcement on his Facebook page to further kick you in the guts? Years ago...
A. 9 September 2015: Remove him from your friends list. I think you can block some-one from your news feed, but to be honest why would you even want him on your friends list anyway? Remove him, and let him get on with it. WiseOwlE once again is right: grow a thicker ... (read in full...)
How should I tell my new boyfriend about my breast deformity?
Q. This is very embarrassing, but I have tuberous breast deformity. It means my breast don't look normal and did not develop properly. My case is severe. You can research it if you are unsure of the condition. My breast are very small and odd tr...
A. 9 September 2015: I think you’re scared because of that horrible high school experience, and who can blame you? The thing to remember though, is that kids are cruel. It’s often not until we’re fully mature that we realise how hurtful throwaway comments or seemingly ... (read in full...)
I don't want to break them up, but I don't like how she says that she loves me but is with another person.
Q. My best friend just started dating someone, and I'm so happy for her, the only thing is that a week before she was asked out from her boyfriend, she confessed that she loves me and asked me out. I sadly had to say no because I wasn't up for dating ...
A. 9 September 2015: There are obviously a lot of issues here. She asks you out, then starts going out with a guy, so either she’s bisexual or (more likely at a young age) confused about her sexuality. Then there is the fact that you turned her down, but you’re now ... (read in full...)
He said I am not on his list?!
Q. Hey Aunts, Ok, so there was this guy who I was close to and really liked. He said he liked me too or at least thats what I thought. However, lately when I've tried to talk to him or be all lovey dovey, he said that I am not on his list and I j...
A. 9 September 2015: Why are you being "lovey dovey?" Are you dating this guy, or do you think that you are? Or do you mean that you are flirting to try and get his attention? In short, I’m afraid his comments are his way of telling you that he’s not interested. Forget ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's phone rang, I went through his messages and now I feel sick
Q. I did something really horrible, my boyfriend left his phone at home, it rang and I saw the call from a woman he had done work for.but recently I saw a text, not sure if it was to her or from her saying "I am on my way see you soon." I went through ...
A. 30 August 2015: Well you haven’t described any evidence that proves he’s cheated with her or anything. You’ve brought this on yourself I’m afraid, snooping when you shouldn’t. The reality is, I think you’re going to have to come clean about what you’ve done and ... (read in full...)
My manager's crush makes him act inappropriately. Should I film him and send it to his supervisor and wife?
Q. Has anyone ever cringed at their Manager, I work in retail and My Married should I add Store Manager has such an obvious crush on a customer. A young women around late 20s comes in every other day and my Manager, makes no secret he is checking her ...
A. 24 August 2015: Why are you so bothered? I get that it’s probably annoying and embarrassing to watch, but the woman declined the job anyway. You sound pretty jealous to me, with respect. In reality I’m sure a company big enough to have area managers will have ... (read in full...)
Do I pull out of the pageant? I'm just not feeling it anymore and can't fake it!
Q. It took me 3 years to finally make up my mind to contest for a beauty pageant and my talent would be singing. I am a soprano singer and I always sing with my heart so the audience can feel what I am feeling inside. But the problem is I have since ...
A. 22 August 2015: I suppose it depends what will happen if you win. If there will be lots of other commitments following a win, then you are probably right to give this serious thought and go with your gut and heart. IF, however, it’s a one-off event, it could just ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty after masturbating and having an orgasm is this normal?
Q. I'm a virgin, I've been masturbating for years, but I just recently had my first orgasm. I was happy and giddy and everything they say you SHOULD feel just after an orgasm, but hours later, I became very guilty, scared, and sad, and I still am (the ...
A. 22 August 2015: Perhaps you still feel some sadness about the breakup and curiosity as to how things might have been different. Until you have better relationship experiences to compare it with, that’s understandable. Your body was awash with chemicals after this ... (read in full...)
My ex's new girlfriend has posted that she is in a relationship on facebook. How should I act?
Q. My ex's new girlfriend has posted "in relationship" with my ex on her Facebook page. She has slept around a bit and knew it would hurt me as we dislike each other intensely and usually she has her settings set to private so I wouldn't see. S...
A. 22 August 2015: I’m not sure if I agree with you; I think she will feel like she has won if you do post a nasty comment. You said she’s trying to rub your face in it, so what better proof will she have that she’s succeeded than if you take the time to give a ... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to want to be around anything "lovey dovey" after being hurt?
Q. Is it normal to dislike any love scenes, or want to hear about people's sex lives once you've been hurt in love? I had a bad split with my ex a few months back. He didn't love me and went off with a woman I know. Although I do not want him back...
A. 22 August 2015: Relax, it’s normal. In fact, it isn’t just people who’ve had a breakup that experience this. Lots of people feel that these things are private matters and don’t feel comfortable hearing lots of detail or seeing lots of amorous activity around them. ... (read in full...)
Is our relationship over? He blocked me and then he unblocked me. But he is not initiating any conversation with me.
Q. My boyfriend blocked me both on facebook and whatsapp after he claimed that he need time to make-up his mind on wheretheir he wants me or his EX in June. Now in August he unblocked me and never initiates conversation? What is the meaning of blocking ...
A. 15 August 2015: Whether he says it’s over or not, I think you need to face up to the fact that you don’t work as a couple and walk away. If he resorts to blocking and unblocking without explanation, and you panic that it’s over, it suggests that your relationship ... (read in full...)
Is it selfish to now tell him my feelings?
Q. Ok so for a while now I've liked one of my guy friends, I've been sort of hoping it would go away but it hasn't. The thing is now he has a girlfriend and I'm scared I've missed my chance to tell him how I feel because next year we won't see each...
A. 15 August 2015: Maybe not selfish, but pointless. He has a girlfriend so this could really backfire on you and threaten your friendship, and if nothing can come of it because you’ll be separated soon, I can’t see what either of you would gain from him knowing. Best ... (read in full...)
I feel as if my traditional parents value my brothers more than me. How can I come to terms with this situation?
Q. I have 2 younger brothers with 2 years gap between us respectively. My parent often speak out about their opinion that son is preferable and useful for family. We are chinese and i hate that. Although theres so many open minded chinese parent t...
A. 15 August 2015: You’re not a boy, and your family are part of a culture whose values and ideas you are not fully reconciled to. You will not be able to change either your sex or your family’s values, so will have to find a way to live with them. Perhaps you will ... (read in full...)
I've said something I regret, what do I do now?
Q. Hi I am looking for quick advice about a problem with my boyfriend, I don't know what to do, I've said something to him that i regret and now he isn't speaking to me. I have had intimacy problems with my boyfriend because he is on medication wh...
A. 15 August 2015: He needs to get a grip. He pushed and pushed you. In the end you actually said something that should have reassured him, by pointing out that you choose a relationship with him. He already knew you had the option open to you of getting sex elsewhere ... (read in full...)
Should I let my Gf's sister know how I feel about this sister of my GF?
Q. Dear Cupid... I have been going out with a girl for almost 4 years but i have always found her younger sister more attractive, lately i have been having thoughts about letting her know how i feel about her. I know she is attracted to me ...
A. 14 August 2015: I think you should leave your girlfriend anyway. If you have to ask the question, it’s obvious that there isn’t enough in this relationship to keep you fulfilled. If there were, you wouldn’t be thinking of doing the unthinkable by telling her sister ... (read in full...)
His preference for 50:50 on everything is making me feel more like a mate, than really special to him. Is my concern justified?
Q. I have been dating my bf 2 months officially. The first month he was paying for almost everything and I felt like a real lady. Now things have started to be split 50:50. He recently invited me on function with his mates and the cost was $150 pe...
A. 14 August 2015: Isn’t this a little shallow? Why do you need some-one to pay everything for you to feel loved, cared for and important? Perhaps if this is an on-going issue in relationships, it is because you place an unhealthy degree of importance on money. I’m ... (read in full...)
How do you get popular?
Q. How do you get popular in life? I see people on facebook get so many likes meaning that peple like them. I know it's shallow to think or shallow way of thinking but why are some people more popular or well liked then others? Just wondering. What'...
A. 11 August 2015: Facebook is not real life. Anyone can make themselves sound fascinating if they want, it doesn’t mean that it reflects the reality of their lives in any way. Some people get liked more because they write good content or post interesting pictures, ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was sexually assaulted and our sex life is almost nonexistent
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, she was sexually assaulted about a year before we started dating. She has always been timid of sex and I have tried to be very understanding. In 2 years time our sex life has actually declined ...
A. 11 August 2015: Like Honeypie, I’m also wondering whether she has had any counselling, as I think this would be a good idea. It will provide a safe environment for her to explore her feelings about the assault she suffered and its on-going impact on her life. You ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best friend FWB.... again!
Q. Please help me! I've fallen for my FWB again and I don't know what to do! Back story: I met him three years ago. We were pretty much instantly best friends. There was/is no awkwardness, and we're always COMPLETELY honest with each othe...
A. 11 August 2015: I sometimes wonder if people will ever learn when it comes to FWB. IT simply doesn’t work because it is very difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with no emotions or feelings involved. I think the best thing to do is be honest with him about ... (read in full...)
What are the chances we might conceive a deaf child?
Q. Not really a relationship question but maybe someone knows the answer to my question! My boyfriend and I are trying for a baby. My boyfriend was adopted and doesn't know his birth parents. He has very little information but he does know that his ...
A. 10 August 2015: Okay, I’ll give you the short answer, and if you’re more interested I will also give you the longer one. The short answer to this is that if you don’t know that the lady’s deafness is genetic, and you don’t know specifically what the genetic ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else had a misunderstanding stemming from text messages?
Q. Thank you in advance to all who take the time to respond to this question. It is summer and everyone is busy so thank you. I have had a major text argument with a long time friend. The problem with text is people can get confused about the tone. Th...
A. 10 August 2015: How do you handle it? Call her and sort it out. Explain what you meant and why you are upset by her reaction. Hear her out to. If she has interpreted it all wrong, explain that you did not mean it in the way she took it, so you hope that your issues ... (read in full...)
How do I stop stalking my ex's new girlfriend on Facebook?
Q. How do I stop stalking my ex's new girlfriend on Facebook? I split up with my ex a few weeks back because he was seeing this girl (she denied it - but they are definitely seeing each other)! Anyhow, me and the ex don't speak or contact each ot...
A. 10 August 2015: How are you stalking her? Does she have a public profile, or are you using your Ex’s page to find out about their suspected relationship? Unfriend your ex too, if you haven’t already. I’m afraid, if you’ve not got her on any friends list, you simply ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'll be alone always. Is there any hope for me
Q. sorry to ask this but, im a 25 old old male and its been a while since i've had a relationship with anyone. i always worry that one day i'll never end up in a relationship ever again, and i'll wind dying alone and simply dont want that to happen to ...
A. 10 August 2015: Yes, and you’re really jumping the gun here. You write that “It’s been a while since I’ve had a relationship with anyone.” We have had people write to this site, much older than you, who’ve never had a relationship with anyone at all. I think you ... (read in full...)
We had a nice date but now he's acting cold. Should I ask him out or wait?
Q. I met this guy on tinder and we went on a date 2 weeks ago, it went so well, even he admitted he had "a very good evening", we have been talking a lot since, even when I was on holiday last week we were messaging. The last 5 days or so he's been ...
A. 9 August 2015: There could be lots of explanations for this. He’s taking his time, but he isn’t ignoring you, so perhaps he’s busy. I would message him to find out if he’d like another date because you’ve got nothing to lose. Either it will go well, it will go ... (read in full...)
My relationship is failing, was I in the wrong??
Q. Who was in the wrong here? Trying to get some perspective on my failing relationship :( I got tickets for a band I like and went with my boyf. I paid the tickets as its my fav band (he does like them too but not as much as me) and I wanted us to ge...
A. 9 August 2015: He didn’t really want to go and he was determined to spoil your night. No decent boyfriend would have kicked up a stink if your waiting for him meant that you’d miss the start of a gig that you’d paid for and were really looking forward to. I fear ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when a male friend sends me unwanted pics of his privates?
Q. Hello Agony aunts. My first question is what do we say or do about friends that send pictures of their privates to their female friends. I remember the first time my very close friend did that to me, I severed all contact with him. I was ...
A. 9 August 2015: I agree with other posters: this is not the behaviour of a friend. I don’t know any man who would send a picture like this to his female friends. In fact I don’t know many men that would do it to some-one they had feelings for either, but I know it ... (read in full...)
Is being married and having a family all its cracked up to be?
Q. What is it like having your own family (a spouse, a house, with children and pets, etc). I'm just wondering because I had never really found Mr. Right (I thought I did in the past but you know how it is). Can anyone with what I described clue me in? ...
A. 9 August 2015: Well, what is it cracked up to be? If you’re looking for something to make your life a perfect fairy tale where you exist in a state of perpetual happiness and never endure any hardship, no one thing will make that happen, whether it’s wealth or a ... (read in full...)
Why do guys keep breaking up with me?
Q. Why do guys keep on either playing me or just break up with me?...
A. 9 August 2015: Well you don’t provide any details about any of these incidents where guys have played you (how?), or broken up with you. This makes it hard to comment. Why do you not offer us more detail in your question? Are you hoping for an easy and ... (read in full...)
Why didn't my ex retaliate?
Q. I had a bad fall out with my ex. He stopped speaking to me and cut me out of his life by both phone, Facebook and Whatsapp. I was so hurt by this and confused by his actions, as we used to get along well - that the other day I sent him a te...
A. 8 August 2015: Why didn’t he retaliate? The clue is in your final sentence: he’s already cut you out of his life. Why are you still trying to interfere in his life? What good does it do you playing childish games like this? He obviously didn’t think your silly ... (read in full...)
Is it over? Wife met up again with guy we had 3sum with and let him do things she has never let me do
Q. I recently got talked into a 3sum by my wife where she let the other guy do a sexual act she has always refused me. I've now found out that the same night, after when she took him to the train station they did it again in the car. Is it over?...
A. 8 August 2015: So they had a bunk-up in the car? Classy! As the previous posters have said, you’ve crossed a boundary now and you can’t go back. The fact is, she probably now feels that she can have sex with him again because, after all, she did it for the first ... (read in full...)
I gave oral sex after losing my virginity should I have tests done?
Q. Hey everyone! So recently I lost my virginity. Well in doing so I gave him a bl-wjob. I'll be honest, it hurt! So much but then after, I went down on him. He broke the hymen so I did bleed a lot. Ok so the question is, will there be any problems ...
A. 8 August 2015: I’m not being funny, but are you really ready to be having sex of any kind when you lack such a basic knowledge of sexual health? WhenCowsAttack is right: the risk does not come from your own blood. You can’t have a STI because you were a virgin, ... (read in full...)
Were my words too harsh with him?
Q. Hi - I had a bad split with a guy a couple of months ago. He stopped talking to me and was spreading false lies and rumours about me being something that I wasn't. For weeks I said nothing and didn't reply - as he had totally cut me off - but th...
A. 5 August 2015: Look, don’t beat yourself up about it. He played dirty by spreading rumours about you. Yes, with hindsight you could have been the bigger person and kept a dignified silence rather than play dirty back at him, but guess what? We don’t always make ... (read in full...)
Does forgiving and staying indicate that a person is a fool, or weak?
Q. Hi Dear Cupid Community, You've helped me out so much in the past so here goes. A few months ago my relationship broke down, we both lost respect, started dreading coming home to each other and started to avoid each other. We both had disgustin...
A. 5 August 2015: It does not make you an idiot. It makes you a decent person. Forgiveness is a real virtue, and it’s hard. It’s hard because when we forgive, we don’t forget. When we remember how people have hurt us, it’s easy for that anger to remain within us and ... (read in full...)
Should the man pay on dates?
Q. I have been on several dates with a man that I like a lot. On the first date, the waitress gave him the check and he paid. I thanked him and we made plans to meet again. Our second date was lunch and skeet shooting. After lunch he said "I'll g...
A. 4 August 2015: To be fair, he had paid for virtually everything. He asked you to get one thing. I think you have to be pragmatic about these things. He’s paying as much as he can on a tight budget. It is telling that he asked you if you minded when he did need you ... (read in full...)
Which girl should I keep? Foolishly started dating 2 girls at the same time. Love them both.
Q. I am 22 years of age and a few months ago I foolishly started dating two girls. One girl lives locally and is a kind and generous person, we share many hobbies and interests and my family worship the ground she walks on!! however on my end the at...
A. 4 August 2015: You don’t end up back together. You allow that to happen, it doesn’t just happen to you. Breaking it off with both is the best thing because you don’t seem to feel enough for either girl to stop this lying and cheating. The only caveat is that if ... (read in full...)
Relationship problems. Do I have a right to be upset by his action?
Q. How can a guy call me everyday, invest in driving 7 hours to see me and put effort into our relationship, say he loves me and buy his/her things for his apartment, and then turn around and be on Tinder at the same time? I have a right to be upset ...
A. 4 August 2015: Your sadness and upset are understandable, but I don’t think you could have foreseen this. From what you write in your post, there were no red flags and warning signs before you spotted his Tinder profile, that would, with hindsight, have alerted ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for me? Cannot seen to connect with women
Q. Hi there, i've tried different methods to meet women both online and in personal but i keep failing, will my luck improve at some point in time or am i doomed to live to be old and alone? is there any hope for me to make sure this doesn't happ...
A. 4 August 2015: Relax. There’s no reason why you are destined for a life alone because you’ve not made a connection yet. You are only young, hollow though I know that may seem as a consolation at the time. The truth is, persistence pays. If you’re being friendly, ... (read in full...)
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