| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
|
What should I do to avoid making the biggest mistake of my life ???
Q. I have been married for 6 years and I have the best husband in the world but I recently met someone ! We are very close friends but somehow I am attracted to him ! I feel like he is the perfect match for him ! He is married too but I know he is ...
A. 19 January 2014: It’s unclear from your post but I assume you refer to leaving your marriage for this man as the biggest mistake of your life? You’ve got to be honest with him. We don’t know how you can be so sure this other man is also attracted to you, but if ... (read in full...)
Do the good guys always finish without love?
Q. Hello, in the last two years I have been in two relationships, both were divorced, one 8 months, the other 9 years, I was both their first guy since being single. They both lasted two months,they both said the same thing about their exs, they were ...
A. 15 January 2014: Some girls, like some guys, are attracted to the bad ones. In this situation, however, it sounds like you’ve dated women who have become locked in a pattern of accepting abuse and mistreatment. Over time they have fallen in to that trap of sticking ... (read in full...)
Am I playing with fire being friends with my ex?
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend recently broke up because we are not compatible. I was pretty mutual but I still have feelings for him. He is not romantic or compassionate enough for me. He found it difficult to support me when my best friend died but he ...
A. 12 January 2014: Put it this way, exes becoming friends only works where there is mutual care for each other, but mutual lack of attraction. This is not the case here: you have feelings for him, it’s likely he does for you too. If you’re not going to get back ... (read in full...)
Does it turn you on to watch your partner masturbate?
Q. Do you masturbate in front of your husband? Does it turn him on to watch you play with yourself? Do you like to watch him play with himself?...
A. 12 January 2014: Whilst everyone is different it is common for couples to enjoy involving each other in masturbation, whether watching or one partner pleasuring the other.
I wish you all the very best.
... (read in full...)
I don't know if I was a drunk mistake or a rebound
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months just broke up with me. I believe he broke up with me for his ex girlfriend, who he had been "on and off" with for 4 years. Although, now she is pregnant with another guy's baby. When we first met he was a bit of an alco...
A. 12 January 2014: A drunken mistake or a rebound? Whatever. They’re both terms that indicate the same fundamental problem, which is that he’s in love with his ex and not with you. It doesn’t sound like there is any chance he will take you back, he wants to be with ... (read in full...)
Why after 1.5 years would my ex care what I am doing?
Q. I've been split up with me ex for a year and a half without seeing or contacting each other, I have been with my new boyfriend for a year and my ex knows about him. However recently my ex followed me on instagram and added me on snap chat out of the ...
A. 12 January 2014: WiseOwlE is quite correct: he’s trying to get a reaction. Things may not be going well for him at the moment so he’s revisiting the past and getting nostalgic, or he could just be messing with your head. We can’t really tell, you might be able to ... (read in full...)
What are some free or available and affordable mental health resources I can use and access in the UK? (just the UK only please) I need help please
Q. I live in London and I desperately need mental health rehab, as in, to go somewhere and check myself in where I can get 24hr care. Such as for a few weeks. I know that there are private places like this available but are extremely costly. Does any...
A. 9 January 2014: I’m afraid we have to say speak to your GP, because it’s your GP that will have to make a referral for you to a hospital. This would presumably be to a mental health trust (for those who don’t know the NHS, trusts are the organisations which own ... (read in full...)
I'm his first in everything. How do we get comfortable with each other when he seems rattled by my sexual history?
Q. Ok I'm just gonna come straight out with it, me and my boyfriend are both virgins but he's never been with any one before. Ever. I'm his first everything, first kiss, first hand hold! And that doesn't bother me at all, we've fallen for each oth...
A. 9 January 2014: I don’t think any man would be comfortable with hearing about his girlfriend’s past encounters, not just one for whom you are the first in everything, so maybe a little insensitive on your part. But I get the impression from this post that this ... (read in full...)
Please help before this situation spirals out of control....again!
Q. Hiya I could do with some advice before my problem spirals out of control again. Me and my partner have been together nearly 3 years. He has kids from a previous relationship. We have all got along brilliantly and I love them to b...
A. 9 January 2014: This is classic as a case of crossed wires: your man thinks he’s doing the right thing asking your input on what he should do, and telling you everything, because he’s worried you’ll feel insecure or unhappy about him having any kind of relationship ... (read in full...)
I broke up with cheating boyfriend but went back to him. Should I not do that?
Q. dear cupids, i need your time today to find an explanation rather than a solution because i think the solution is easier to be told than done. i am in a very serious relation ship with a guy who is working two jobs now to get the money for us...
A. 6 January 2014: There is one simple reason why he keeps cheating on you, he gets away with it. You break up, he says sorry, you take him back again. Unfortunately this man knows the depth of your feelings for him and presumes that he’ll get away with it, correctly. ... (read in full...)
Do I ignore married co-worker? I know I shouldn't act on my feelings!
Q. Hi. Well..I am in a strange situation and I'm not sure how to deal with it..I am in a long therm relationship but started to develop feelings for a married colleague and he has feelings for me for more than an year...we never talked about it ...
A. 6 January 2014: IF your gut feeling is that he has feelings for you, you’re probably right, especially as he has said he cares for you more than he should. HE might say this gift was just a friendly gesture but he must realise it looks very flirtatious.
The only... (read in full...)
I feel worthless and need advise.
Q. Please help this is lengthy so if anyone's willing to read and advise I would be so grateful I really don't like myself I have extremely few friends and am extremely harsh and negative about myself I'm 39 in 2 weeks and live at home I feel li...
A. 5 January 2014: I think counselling would be helpful for you, it’s no miracle but it will provide a safe space where you can voice these feelings to some-one who won’t judge you or tell you what to do, but will listen and work with you to explore why you feel this ... (read in full...)
What can a single guy with a high sex drive do?
Q. I really don't like masturbating that much, but because I've got such a high sex drive i have to do it for relief. I can masturbate up to 3/4 times a day, and i get horny very quickly - for example i was sitting at the back of the bus behind a girl ...
A. 17 November 2013: IF the masturbation isn’t a problem for you (interfering with the rest of your life), carry on with that. Much safer and more respectful than one night stands. Also if you can satisfy your sex drive you’re more likely to focus on other things in a ... (read in full...)
What advice would you give to your 20 year old self
Q. What advice would you give to your 20 year old self? Financial, relationship and just general life information you wish you had known. My biggest fear is wasting my life, I think about this daily. I constantly feel like I should be doing/...
A. 17 November 2013: I think 4 years of life experience since I was 20, have taught me not to be black and white in my thinking. I tended to get an idea and then stick with it, such as I was going to do X for a career, or the kind of person I’d want to date would be ... (read in full...)
I ended the relationship because my boyfriend called me another woman's name
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now but i now have a problem that has really upset me. While we were having sex and my boyfriend was about to cum he said "Michelle"...but that isn't my name...i got really upset but he said he ...
A. 17 November 2013: Tell him he said it so not to deny it. Ask him if there is some-one else, or if he has been unhappy lately and why? These sorts of things don’t happen out of the blue. He should at least acknowledge your feelings and how upset you are by this. Even ... (read in full...)
Should I dump my wife? She keeps calling me by her ex's names!
Q. my wife intentionally called me by her ex-husbands name and her ex-fiances name(i caught her texting him later after we were married, she claimed she thought it was his mom)I am having a hard time getting over this. should I dump her?...
A. 17 November 2013: Tell her how hurt you were by it. How could she think it was his mother if his number was in her phone? I find that hard to believe too.
Be honest with her that her actions have upset you and left you worried and feeling insecure. If she is sorr... (read in full...)
Do I break-up and run? My BF engages in self destructive behaviour and I think I deserve better.
Q. I have posted here before and your advice has always helped me make it through bad times. My boyfriend of a year has driven drunk for most of his adult life he exhibits other self destructive behaviors. Says he likes risk. I have spoken t...
A. 16 November 2013: He’ll wish he’d been caged when he kills some-one whilst driving under the influence of alcohol. You’re right, he isn’t marriage material, father material and frankly, not even relationship material. Why is he trying to “fight” your relationship? ... (read in full...)
Is it cowardice to rather die in a dream than live in reality?
Q. Is it cowardice to rather die in a dream than live in reality? In a dream you choose to be and do exactly how you wish things to be, while in reality you're forced to accept the hand that is dealt and make it work. Is it cowardice to escape...
A. 24 October 2013: IT’s hard to answer this because I’m not sure how literal you are being. Presumably what you’re talking about is finding enjoyment and fulfilment in the escapism of fantasy or dream, as a way of dealing with the realities of life. Is it cowardly? No ... (read in full...)
Struggling with feelings for my second cousin
Q. Hi there just looking for some advice please! I am falling for my second cousin (share great grandparents) we are together almost every day and have now slept together twice!! We weren't brought up together so aren't close that way. We are part of ...
A. 20 October 2013: Let’s be clear, this is not illegal. In many cultures marriage between first cousins, let alone second cousins, is commonplace. Historically, in the UK and Europe there was a lot of cousin marriage amongst royalty. More recently, it is thought that ... (read in full...)
Was the feeling I was being disrespected real or imagined? Was backing out of the arrangements the right action?
Q. Thanks in advance to the great people who offer help here.I had made a standing commitment to spend time with a friend this evening and called this morning to confirm.She said that was fine but she would also call another friend to join us. I was ...
A. 20 October 2013: IT’s not like your friend changed the venue and everything, she just saved you an extra trip as you were all going to the theatre anyway. This was a little petty and possibly indicates that you’ve still not got over the last time you felt she was ... (read in full...)
Embarrassed at the end of our first date
Q. I went on a first date with a guy yesterday we've known each other for a week, and I can tell he likes me but sometimes he's really unpredictable, well at the end of the date he kissed me on my lips like a little peck on the lips I thought he was ...
A. 19 October 2013: HE behaved like a gentleman. IT was a misunderstanding and he’ll probably think nothing more of it and neither should you. If you are both keen on each other, don’t let this get in the way of enjoying the next date.
I wish you all the very bes... (read in full...)
Why does it have to be complicated when we had a great time on our date?
Q. Okay so I went on a date with this guy I met him at a coffee shop and he looked really good. We had a nice time talking and laughing. Before we had met he came on really strong when we were texting each other. He would text me telling me how b...
A. 19 October 2013: Perhaps if you want to be treated like a lady, you should stop giving the kind of men who are just after a quick thrill what they want: I’m afraid the kind of man that starts sending graphic descriptions of what he’d like to do with you before you ... (read in full...)
Advice for a friend in a LDR
Q. Hi, this isn't advice for myself im seeking but for a very good friend, he (26) met a girl (25) on holiday in the summer, they fell for each other instantly and when back in the uk carried on seeing each other, 3months have passed and they are in a ...
A. 19 October 2013: Why do you want to advise anything other than what you describe as “the obvious?” It’s obvious only because it’s worked for many people who have made a success of a long distance relationship.
Your friend and his girl can work out times to Skyp... (read in full...)
I've changed after we broke up!
Q. first of all im sorry this may be long.. okay so i broke up with my ex girlfriend 7 months ago and we was together for 18 months she was my first for everything and since the break up i have been saying to girls i like them and meeting up with ...
A. 19 October 2013: You miss being in a relationship. You’re making the classic mistake of thinking that it must be better to be in a relationship than not, so you’re trying to get one from any girl you get on with.
It’s great that you have developed the conf... (read in full...)
My husband just left me for a younger woman
Q. i am feeling like a total fool. i was informed last night that my husband of 23 years wants a divorce, he has a baby by a girl that is 24 years old and she is expecting another one by him again... yes you read this right the baby she just had is 4 ...
A. 19 October 2013: You’re right to ask for help in understanding this, rather than asking how you feel better about it, because at this moment your emotions are so raw that any attempt to offer comfort will seem hollow. Nevertheless you do need people around you at ... (read in full...)
The hair therapy girl is sexually provocative and hitting on my husband.
Q. I love my husband so much, today we for hair therapy this pretty provocative girl comes n hate that my hubby got amused by her beaty i felt bad insecure n ugly plus im over weight. The girl so tall slim n high heels pretty hair n body i was so dammm ...
A. 19 October 2013: The problem is yours.
Maybe she was flirty, but then again you seem so insecure and lacking in self-confidence that you may well be wrong. But this would not bother you if you were secure in your relationship. What are you going to do, get so angr... (read in full...)
What should I do? My boyfriend is not pleased I am not a virgin.
Q. my boyfriend asked me if i'm a virgin or not.i told him the truth,am not a virgin and he's not pleased at all because he's a virgin.what should i do?...
A. 19 October 2013: You shouldn’t do anything, this is something he either needs to accept or the relationship has no future. You can’t change it so if he won’t accept it you’ll have to break up. It is unwise to be having sex at your age anyway so if he is of a similar ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm afraid of love?
Q. i am 20 years old. A virgin, (no one knows,because i dont really tell anyone) to be honest i've had one boyfriend which lasted for about a month and i ended things through texts. I feel like i'm afraid of love? could that be possible? i met...
A. 16 October 2013: Chatting to guys via messaging services is okay whilst your single, if you were in a relationship with some-one they would probably have an issue with it.
You may not be afraid of love, at the young age of 20 you just mightn’t have met some-one... (read in full...)
What's the etiquette for your dating profile?
Q. Online dating question! When do you take off your online dating profile? ! I have had two great dates with a guy I met online but notice he is CONSTANTLY on the dating site! I know it is very very early days but I still notice. Yes I have l...
A. 16 October 2013: There really isn’t one. That’s why on-line dating is such a minefield. IT may be best for the two of you not to communicate via the site though so you don’t give each other that reason to keep logging in. The trouble is, neither of you are doing ... (read in full...)
Dazed and confused ...girlfriend versus ex wife and children.
Q. I am not sure what to do... My girlfriend have been fighting a lot lately. I have an ex-wife and 2 children with her, we communicate on a semi-regular basis (my ex wife) about the kids, their grades, behavior or events. Sometime we have small ta...
A. 7 October 2013: I got confused with all those different times and arrangements myself there!
So let’s stick to the key point: your girlfriend is struggling to accept that your kids will always come first and it can’t be any other way. Sometimes the new partner rese... (read in full...)
Is this cheating on me? He says he's just making her feel good about herself.
Q. I was allowed to see communication between boyfriend and an old colleague. It was sent after we became exclusive. He talked of how hot he still found her and how she still tuirns him on and when they would meet to see where this would lead them. He ...
A. 5 October 2013: His arrogance is unbelievable. He’s showing you this communication in the hope that you’ll just go away delighted that he’s been so honest, and he is free to go ahead and see this other woman.
From what you’ve described, his communication with her ... (read in full...)
BF says he's Committed but still clubbing. I don't like it. What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend sometimes likes to go out without me. I don't get it. I mean, why go to bars and clubs if you are not single? Tonight we were out with his friend and at 2AM he basically told me to go home. (I have work at 8AM anyway) but he wanted "...
A. 5 October 2013: IT is a little rude to insist you go home on your own presumably, on an evening where you have gone out as a couple. However it’s perfectly reasonable for both of you to spend time with friends, separate from each other. Indeed, it’s far healthier ... (read in full...)
Is it just my destiny to be lonely and alone all my life?
Q. I think I am going to be single for the rest of my life. My longest relationship was 3 years, but the average is 6-12 months, however I've been single for over 3 years now. I am very shy but even so joined evening classes at college, I also make ...
A. 5 October 2013: That’s hard, but you’re looking for one person in a million. However great you are, if you meet your special some-one early in life, there’s inevitably a good helping of luck that’s come your way. IT hasn’t come yours. So, maybe next year, but then ... (read in full...)
Should I text her or should I wait until she gets back from holiday?
Q. Hi I'm just looking for some advice on this girl I pulled in town, Im not the most confident guy in the world so last year I decided to join a gym got in good shape and recently started going in town, even though I get anxious and dread going in, ...
A. 5 October 2013: Wait until she’s back. You stopped the texting so she could get on with enjoying herself. When she comes back, text that you hoped she had a good time and, as she’s obviously keen on you, ask her if she’d like to meet and when she’s free. And say ... (read in full...)
My crush rejected me but now seems worried about me?
Q. This time last year I finally came clean and told my crush of 5 years that I liked him. I mentioned a few times we hung out that were special to me. I also told him the reason why I waited - he was dating someone or it never felt right.. after my 30 ...
A. 5 October 2013: If you want to know why he’s telling you to do these things, just ask him. It’s possible that he likes you to, but like you didn’t do anything about it because he was dating some-one else, you’re not available either. However, if that were the case ... (read in full...)
Her selfishness is making me consider ending the friendship
Q. Dear Cupid, My friend L is very sweet and funny, but also oblivious and selfish. I didn't let this bother me before, as I considered it a flaw and who doesn't have those? I also thought, "Her selfishness is her problem." But lately it's been...
A. 5 October 2013: Nobody’s perfect and as there are clearly things you like about this person maybe it’s best not to leave the friendship altogether until you’ve at least tried to make her understand that you can’t be taken for granted.
There is a type of person w... (read in full...)
He's in jail now. When he gets out do I tell him I was a prostitute and other things about my past?
Q. So I'm talking to a man, who is currently in prison for a charge he caught at 17, for burglary. He gets out in 12 days, and I plan on spending time with him. We write all the time and I have met him. My problem is, he wants to know me, like rea...
A. 4 October 2013: Tread carefully.
Of course the man can’t be condemned forever if he’s genuinely sorry for what he’s done, you turned things around and maybe he will too (although it’ll not be easy). He’s just about to be released following a sentence for burg... (read in full...)
Trust issues from my ex are influencing my current relationship
Q. Hi aunts and uncles I would much appreciate your veiws on my problem thank you in advance for reading . Ok well I have been in a very loving relationship with a wonderful wonderful man he treats me like a princess and I love him dearly .. he flew me ...
A. 4 October 2013: You’re not crazy. In fact, you’re approaching this in exactly the right way. You understand that this jealousy you feel is a result of trust issues that it’s very likely stem from your previous relationship. You also recognise that he only made this ... (read in full...)
I want to have children with a man who is experiencing it for the first time too
Q. I recently met a lovely man off a dating site. We chatted for around two months online before we met, and we've been dating for around five months. He's a little older than me, I'm 24 and he's 32 but the age gap doesn't bother either of us....
A. 5 September 2013: Not selfish, no. But you will either have to forget any hope of having a family with him if it’s a deal-breaker, or accept the need to come to terms with it. He sounds like a good man and you seem happy together, and the thing to remember is that of ... (read in full...)
What can I do to publicly turn him on to the point where he just can't stand it anymore?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend is the sweetest guy ever. I so glad that I found him when I did.. Every girl in my town wants him, he makes music, art and he makes everyone around him feel amazing! He's leaving for University in three days and we are going to a ...
A. 1 September 2013: With respect, you’re being very selfish, or at least appear to be from the information provided, not to mention silly. “I want to change that”-o really? And does he want that too? Or have you not actually spoken to him about this. IF you’ve got 3 ... (read in full...)
My daughter was cheating on her fiance with her best friend's father. How do I contain this situation?
Q. My 27 yr old daughter has recently admitted to me she's been cheating on her fiance with her best friend's dad, and she's thinking about ditching her fiance and marrying her best friend's dad. She admitted she was discreet about the affair. I am...
A. 17 August 2013: There are indeed a lot of issues here but you can’t do anything to stop your daughter. Is she still seeing this man? Or has she broke it off to work things out with her fiancé? She has indeed been reckless and utterly selfish, and has shown no ... (read in full...)
| *o nonsense Aidan's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
|
