| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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What can I do about this family situation?
Q. Hi everyone! Hoping you can help with some relative troubles! Just before I start I think it would be relevant to say I have not got a close knit family. My immediate family (me, mum, dad and sis) are very very close and happy and for that reason ...
A. 3 May 2015: Well I think you’re going to have to block the number so that you can at least be spared phone calls and text messages. If you have Facebook on your phone, disable Messenger notifications so that you’re not constantly disturbed by that too. I’m not ... (read in full...)
Did he blame me unjustly when I was just trying to comfort him and do what seemed right, at the time?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, My boyfriends grandfather whom he was really close to passed away a couple of weeks ago, his grandfather really loved me, and i loved him a lot too. I was really sad hearing about him. He was in the hospital for a couple of ...
A. 3 May 2015: It sounds to me like his head was all over the place. Maybe he wanted sex, maybe he just wanted some comfort. Perhaps he wanted one thing one minute, and another the next. It’s what happens at times of grief. The point is, whether you had sex or ... (read in full...)
Is grief causing me confusion about life decisions? Do I stay or try to settle in another country?
Q. Dear Cupid Hi aunts and uncles I hope all is well, To give you some background I'm 34 and live in London. 3 weeks ago my father died very suddenly of a heart attack and my world has been turned upside down. I had a big trip to usa with my b...
A. 1 May 2015: Honeypie’s right, you need to end this relationship because there’s nothing really there anymore other than staying in it out of fear of the unknown. She is also right that living somewhere is a very different prospect to having a holiday there. ... (read in full...)
Is it too risky to spend time with this very sexually experienced guy considering that I want to remain celibate until I marry?
Q. Hi, About 3 months ago I met this guy and we started talking! he told me that when he was in high school and university so let's say a time frame from 18-24 he lived a pretty risqué lifestyle..and has been with a lot of women! he was in serious r...
A. 26 April 2015: Is it too risky? It depends what risks you’re talking about. Is there too high a risk you’ll have sex with him? Well that depends on how open to persuasion you are. Supposing you get serious, and he isn’t prepared for a sexless courtship, you may be ... (read in full...)
I don't want this to happen in real life. But am I normal to have these secret fantasies about my wife?
Q. I have a wife and am happily married but during my own time I'm constantly fantasizing about her having sex with other men, particularly big black men. It turns me on thinking that she is enjoying/ pleased more especially as they have a bigger p...
A. 26 April 2015: IT’s certainly not unheard of to be turned on by the thought of your partner with some-one else. Thoughts like that really should remain as thoughts though. However if you’re putting her panties on and looking on the internet, you’re beginning to ... (read in full...)
Is it right or wrong to find a sex partner for my mother?
Q. ..my mom is 55 nw . My dad died 26 years back..I know that its been long that she had sex..i even know how it feels with out sex for humans ..so m planing to find someone for her sex life...is it right r wrong..?...
A. 23 April 2015: It’s a bit weird but I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s wrong. It’s obvious you care for your mother and that’s nice. Wouldn’t it be nicer to find some-one for her to date and get to know as a companion first though, rather than some-one just for ... (read in full...)
My question is should I have unprotected sex with this guy?
Q. My boyfriend has restricted me on his facebook account so I can only see his public page he says he no longer is interested in facebook and does not use it very much -which is a lie because when I go onto facebook on my account I can click on his ...
A. 23 April 2015: This question doesn’t make sense. You talk about his Facebook use, then ask if you should have unprotected sex with him? Well if you’re ready for a baby and you love him, by all means, but if you can’t even have honesty with each other about ... (read in full...)
He's suffered depression and it feels like he's pushing me away. Should I leave so I can be happy again?
Q. I am in a sort of happy relationship now. We have had a bad up and down recently. He neglected me while i was pregnant and then whilst our baby was very young. This went on for over a year and at some point i stopped loving him. But i stayed. We...
A. 23 April 2015: If you don’t love him, you should leave. If you do, tell him how strongly you feel. Tell him you understand that Depression is hard, but that you don’t feel you can continue with him if he doesn’t try anything to sort things out. Whether he snaps ... (read in full...)
Why should I have to accept gay people, just because others do?
Q. I no we're meant to accept gays but I cant help but think its wrong and I don't hate it but I find it wrong I'm 13 by the way. I don't get why gays should be taught about in schools because why should I have to accept just cos others do? I do...
A. 20 April 2015: First of all, may I commend you for being so honest and mature in the way you have asked this question. It took guts. I’m going to give you a long answer because I hope it’ll help you come to terms with your feelings about this, and better ... (read in full...)
Would you stay with someone if you knew their health was going to deteriorate drastically over the next few years
Q. Would you stay with someone if you knew they're health was going to deteriorate drastically over the next few years to the point of posdible handicap! We've been together for two years and always up front about it but now that we're staring at this ...
A. 17 April 2015: If you ask other people, I would imagine many people would say that they would stay with their partner, if they were in a loving relationship with them. They would probably say it depends on how strong the feelings are, how serious you are, and ... (read in full...)
Does porn viewing encourage men to treat women with disrespect?
Q. Does porn viewing encourage men to treat women with disrespect. At times I notice my partner becomes somewhat disrespectful and dismissive of me. At times it almost seems like a little contemptuous . Without fail , everytime I have noticed this , I...
A. 15 April 2015: This has been described as “chicken and egg” by some of the posters here and I agree. I discourage the use of porn because, what I think we can say with confidence, is it makes any issues you have worse. Maybe he is a disrespectful person, or maybe ... (read in full...)
I have developed feelings for my FWB!
Q. Hey everyone! I've recently moved to a new place and started a new job. Pretty quickly I began sleeping with somebody I work with. Normally I'd agree that this is a terrible idea, but we were kind of friends beforehand and came to an agreement - ...
A. 15 April 2015: It’s already messed up, because FWB never works. Some-one gets attached, and that is often not reciprocated. I’ve found that it happens equally to men and women, and it’s painful. You need to tell him how you feel. I think what you’re saying is that ... (read in full...)
Help me decide to do the right thing!
Q. I met my boyfriend in online dating , two days after we talked and chat . He was persistent to move in with me . We was only still trying to get to know each other.. part of me I was shocked and also willing to give him a chance but a lot of doubt. ...
A. 15 April 2015: There are few occasions when I’m so astounded that I have to read a question twice to believe what I’m seeing. Yours is one such rare occasion. I just can’t believe it, and want to say, with the greatest of respect, what on earth were you thinking? ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to know if she enjoyed it and if he wore a condom?
Q. I have a 27 year old girlfriend of 3 years and we have recently been having some issues in regards to spending time together. She has been spending a lot of time with a co-worker (going out, going to his place but just as friends as she claims). ...
A. 9 April 2015: I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask if she wore a condom: other forms of contraception can very reliably prevent pregnancy but not the risk of catching a STI. Why does she “think so?” Surely you’d know if you used a condom or not? IF not, why ... (read in full...)
The marriage is in trouble and it's my fault
Q. I am a stay at home mom with 2 babies 3 and under. My fiance works 10-12 hour shifts 6 days a week and I stay home with the kids. We live at his moms and hope to move out this month. The problem is that lately, after 2 years of being together our ...
A. 2 April 2015: You do sound like you’re being a bit of a nightmare, but to your credit you recognise very clearly the destructive impact of your behaviour. It’s time to stop beating yourself up over it and try and get under the skin of what’s going on. A lot of ... (read in full...)
Anyone experience this before? I'm so confused. First time I've been attracted to a girl
Q. I have always been attracted to the opposite sex. I've only dated men, want to marry, and have children one day. However I started a new job and for the first time in my life (and I'm in my mid 20's) I feel as though I'm "attracted" to t...
A. 4 March 2015: I think she invited you out to make you feel welcome, simple as that. I don’t think you need to worry too much about these feelings. Sexuality is complicated: some psychologists have questioned the idea that most of us are 100% anything, whether gay ... (read in full...)
Is my crush trying to send a message to the other gals at work what is his purpose?
Q. Dear cupid,I have a huge crush on a guy I have been knowing for about 8 months.He stated he is in a relationship but he is not married.We flirt with each other back and forward and I notice the other gals rolling their eyes at me on the sly.Really ...
A. 3 March 2015: I would probably be one of those rolling my eyes at you to be honest. Maybe they don’t want to watch him, a man that’s spoken for, and you, a woman who knows that’s the case, flirting with each other all the time. It’s a bit awkward, and I’d imagine ... (read in full...)
I feel so confused and upset because it seems he doesn't really care for me!
Q. Im not sure anymore what to think of things. Im feeling very sad now about my relationship i am in and very confused. Ive been in a relationship now for 3 and a half years, he is quite a bit older than me, im 36 and he is 54. The realtionship has...
A. 3 March 2015: Aren’t you being a bit dramatic? Okay, sending that extra card was insensitive and foolish, and if his friends don’t like his choice of partner, maybe he needs to be a bit firmer with them about accepting you. He’s probably being a bit of a wimp to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that she may get fired?
Q. I know how crazy this question may sound. Off course I should, right? Only, she’s unable to hear anything bad in general and especially right now. She’s been prolonging her sick leave for over a month (we live in a European country where th...
A. 3 March 2015: She is presumably being certificated as sick by a doctor. I don’t think you actually know anything much really, other than this colleague feels her position is increasingly under threat because of her extended absence, which sounds plausible enough, ... (read in full...)
How do you start a relationship over?
Q. My fiancé of 2 years left home 3 weeks ago. He says he still loves me but we need to start our relationship again. I want a life with him so starting again is hard. Should I re-propose to him? Or should I let him go?...
A. 3 March 2015: What does he mean by start again? I don’t think anyone can answer this question for you with the amount of detail you have given here. You have to ask him what he means by starting again. You have to both want to give it another go, and if you do ... (read in full...)
How to avoid Date Rape?
Q. I've been seeking out nothing more than casual sex online and made this blatant on my dating profile. However, getting date raped as a result has become a fear. I'm afraid that, in the situation where I want to take things slow, postpone the act...
A. 3 March 2015: I don’t think you can hook up safely with a person you don’t even know. If you asked me whether you should do so, I’d always say no. But as you have decided this is what you want, follow all your own suggestions to be as safe as you can. If they ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I want to randomly hook up with an older man and lose my virginity?
Q. hi everyone this may be a weird question but is it weird that I want to lose my virginity to an older man? By older I mean around 40 to 50 years old. I don't really have an explanation as to why I like older men but I'm still a virgin at 23 I am the ...
A. 3 March 2015: You don’t sound crazy or weird. You are possibly attracted to the maturity of an older man. Perhaps you think they’ll be more stable, more reliable, or somehow more exciting. Whatever the reason, you’re far from the only one with a preference for ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps pushing me away and then wanting me back, I am tired of the drama! What can I do?
Q. I'm currently stuck in a push-pull cycle with my bf. We've been together for many years. He has admitted to me, not too long ago actually, that he has a problem of pushing everyone away and then when he decides to talk it's too late. He said he has ...
A. 2 March 2015: You broke up with him, took him back and didn’t impose any conditions on that. This man isn’t behaving like an adult: his thinking process is odd. He seems unwilling to change if he knows eventually, you’ll send him a nice message, take him back, or ... (read in full...)
Should I go back home and get an education? Or keep doing web cam modeling like my friends suggest?
Q. Hello Everybody, I am thinking of moving back to my home country,been in the Netherlands for sometime now and things are not going as planned for me.As for my Education,i am a high school graduate,i tried saving for University but failed to ra...
A. 2 March 2015: I don’t really see what alternatives you have identified to getting yourself a good education. Your friends might think it’s not necessary, but in a global, fiercely competitive market, I’m not so sure. And even if the money’s good, how long will ... (read in full...)
I want to get over him because I miss him when I am alone!
Q. How do I get over cheating boyfriend? I am in college and me and the ex were together for a year. I feel like he just stayed in the relationship for sex but I am not sure, Well around the 8th month I started talking about going to WA and he would ...
A. 2 March 2015: While it’s still recent and raw, just don’t be alone whenever possible at the moment, eventually you’ll come to terms with this breakup and realise he was bad news and that you deserved better: better than a cheat who insults you and makes you feel ... (read in full...)
Problems: Was it the lack of emotional connection? Or the condom? Or that it was my first time?
Q. Hi, I'm a 20 year old gay man and I recently had sex for the first time. I've found that it's really hard for me to stay hard when I use a condom because it feels really uncomfortable on my penis. What should I do? Does anyone else have this i...
A. 2 March 2015: I completely agree that using a condom was smart, well done. I don’t think you were ready for it. If you take all emotion out of it, you put so much pressure on yourself. If it’s not about sharing a connection but it’s just about sex for the sake of ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the guy I love that I love him? - long back story urgent help!
Q. Hey girls and guys . Heres the back story to my problem. I've been in love with the same guy (my best guy friend) since I met him 3/4 years ago. However our relationship is not what I wish it could have been. The first time I tried to tell him...
A. 2 March 2015: I would really love to say go for it, have your happy ending. The trouble is, you have already tried twice to confess your feelings. He’s dated other girls, so it does seem reasonable to conclude that he’s relatively confident about dating, and ... (read in full...)
I've reconnected with the ex but he's much different now. Will there be a rainbow after the storm?
Q. Hello and thanks I dated a guy 15 years ago and we reconnected. Our relationship was great back then we got along well, he was very good to me, and we loved eachother very much. He was kind, sweet and funny. WE were both young and we mutually deci...
A. 26 February 2015: I don’t see a happy ending for you. He may well have been in programmes for his addictions, but he’s not successfully conquered them. Kicking an addiction isn’t as simple as putting down the bottle and throwing the drugs out, it’s about developing a ... (read in full...)
How can I recover from this, and be friends with him?
Q. There is this coworker of mine who I like. We work for a construction company. He's the warehouse manager and I'm a project manager. He's just a nice guy and we have good chemistry. I'm 22 and he's 37. A few weeks ago, I asked him out to lu...
A. 26 February 2015: This doesn’t make sense. You cancelled on him, and it was okay. He did the same, and you lost it? I can understand your upset if you turned up to the venue and he didn’t show up. Even though you were wrong to use the words you did, you would have ... (read in full...)
I think I would rather date my boyfriend's brother
Q. I have been having this huge problem that just wont go away. So I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now. And I can't say that things have been going great; they haven't. The problem is, I am really into my boyfriends brother. When I am ...
A. 23 February 2015: If things are not going at all well after 4 months, then you are right to break up with him regardless. This isn’t about his brother, it’s about you both and the fact that it’s not working between you. If you take things forward with his brother, so ... (read in full...)
What are the ground rules during separation from spouse?
Q. Just curious, what are the ground rules for separating with a spouse i.e. we need some time apart? Is dating and seeing others ok? Please don't look at this as an excuse but rather a consequence of separation....
A. 23 February 2015: This is something that will vary from couple to couple. What would work best for you? What are you comfortable with? Rules and boundaries are negotiated by couples individually. There are, of course, certain things that we know most people would ... (read in full...)
Do I swallow my pride and text him first?
Q. Up until last Friday I was dating a guy for nearly 2 month, I really liked him but on that friday he went on a night out with his ex , we argued and he said it was innocent they were only talking about something. But why not just speak over text or ...
A. 23 February 2015: I am assuming he actually purposefully met up with his ex, rather than went out to somewhere in a group and she happened to be there.
The fact is, you’re not going to lose anything by sending him a text first. It isn’t like you’re making a majo... (read in full...)
What should I do when my parents say judgmental, vulgar things?
Q. The differences between me and my parents are unbearable and I find myself avoiding them. My parents are in their early 70s and I am 42. I was divorced nearly 3 years ago and have not found a new partner yet but am taking my time to meet a good ...
A. 11 January 2015: People respond differently as they age. Some people allow their views to change and adapt with time, they go along with the changes in society. Some have an open mind, and as new debates such as gay marriage come to the fore, that would never have ... (read in full...)
What should I do as I can't stop thinking about my love affair !
Q. Hi, this probably a really silly situation but I really don't know what to do.... So I've liked this guy for around 4 years every time I used to see him out when I had a drink I used to say things to him I.e I like you, I fancy you etc but things ...
A. 11 January 2015: You are projecting on to this other guy, your hopes for the perfect relationship. It’s like you see all the good aspects of a relationship in him, which is making you think so much about him that it’s distracting you from trying to fix the issues in ... (read in full...)
How do I become less obsessive about checking for messages from him?
Q. My SO is currently traveling for work and due to this we're communicating via email. We've both promised to write to each other at least once a day. We don't have a fixed time to write so I find myself checking my email every ten minutes to see if ...
A. 11 January 2015: The easiest way to do this is to use a smart phone, if you have one. If you programme the email account he contacts you on in to it, it will alert you to incoming emails. This won’t necessarily stop you checking, but there’ll be absolutely no point ... (read in full...)
I snooped on my boyfriend's Facebook account because I no longer trust him - is it time to break up?
Q. Basically, I've caught him lying to me a couple of times in the last few weeks and I was shocked. I never believed he had it in him and it's taken a lot of begging on his part for me to agree to give him another chance. I've always had an idea what ...
A. 31 December 2014: I think you’re very clear in your own mind that the trust is broken beyond repair. If you feel like that, there’s not much good that can come from prolonging it. It’s time to call it a day.
I wish you all the very best.
... (read in full...)
Seeing a Filipino guy; is he genuine?
Q. Recently I met a Filipino guy in the place in a bar where he works. He’s in his early twenties like me. I feel like this has been a weird journey of many misunderstandings on my part and I’ve probably said some things that must have been cultural ...
A. 31 December 2014: I think that your proposal is wise. The fact is that you obviously want clarity on what you are to each other, which seems to be more of a priority for you than him. You also have expectations of a level of contact on a consistent basis, that he’s ... (read in full...)
Have I ruined my chance of turning this FWB into something more?
Q. Ok so I've had a fwb recently and it was all pretty normal like only texting to talk times unless last week I went to a party where he was there as well as my ex boyfriend (we went out years ago and now we're pretty close friends as he was a ...
A. 31 December 2014: Reading your post and your follow-up, regardless of whether or not you choose to get angry with the posters for their views and assumptions, it’s hard to deny that FWBs simply don’t work because boundaries are so blurred and confused. Sex is such an ... (read in full...)
I've lost my confidence. How do I become the man I want to be?
Q. hey guys i am 18 and i really need help! I am really shy person. I dont have confidence. I don't know what to talk to people especially girls and if i make friends i don't know how to maintain friendship what to talk after sometime. How can i turn ...
A. 30 December 2014: I think that, reading your post, you’re already smarter than you give yourself credit for being. I would say that many guys your age are shy, and possibly feel awkward around the opposite sex. The trick is to think of people as people, rather than ... (read in full...)
Why do people cheat instead of just ending their relationship first?
Q. This isn't happening to me (I hope) currently and I hope it doesn't, because I truly love my BF and would be absolutely devastated. However, I was cheated on in the past and it has made fearful it could happen again although I try to trust my BF as ...
A. 30 December 2014: Why do people cheat? Perhaps we need to ask the cheats, but I’d imagine there are some common reasons:
1. You love your partner, but human beings are human beings, our nature is to find people attractive. Some don’t want to leave the partner they... (read in full...)
I am married with 3 kids and secretly sleeping with men
Q. Hello. I am a 34 year old married man, i have 3 wonderful children, and a wife who loves me very much, the only problem is that I have been secretly sleeping with other men, I do feel guilty about it, but I feel so free and happy when I am with ...
A. 30 December 2014: Cheating is, of course, cheating. The trouble is that when some-one is in denial about their sexuality, they compartmentalise their life to such a degree that they completely separate their heterosexual mask, and their gay identity. They see their ... (read in full...)
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