| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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We invitied my friend to join in a threesome and haven't heard from him since
Q. Me and my fiance have openly discussed how we share the fantasy of a threesome and its always been known that my friend has a fantasy about my fiance So me, my fiance, my friend and my fiances sister were drinking one night having a good ti...
A. 16 March 2013: He “probably wanted it?” Well you don’t sound certain. Perhaps he wasn’t either. Maybe you all had too much to drink and should have kept the fantasy in your head. Maybe he thought he’d go along with it to get the fantasy fulfilled and, in the end, ... (read in full...)
Is there any way at all that I can help my friend out?
Q. I'm aware that I'm being very judgemental here and that this is absolutely none of my business but it's been on my mind a lot. It concerns one of my oldest friends from school. She is 28 and divorced, with 3 children by 3 fathers, including a ...
A. 16 March 2013: Some people always seem to have to learn the hard way, and then make exactly the same mistakes and learn the hard way again, and again, and again, and again.
You’ve spoken to your friend and given her advice which was very sound, and unfo... (read in full...)
Is my husband bisexual?
Q. I recently found out my husband cheated on me through the casual encounters section of craigslist. He met with three people. The first was a transsexual prostitute, he paid for this person to give him oral sex. The second person he met with was a ...
A. 16 March 2013: IS he bisexual? Possibly, or maybe bicurious, or straight with a fetish or two especially for anal sex.
But what’s important is not what label you give to his sexual orientation, it’s the one thing you do know: he’s a cheat!
Whilst the molestat... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says four is too many guys to have been intimate with. He broke up with me
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. Few hours later we decided to make it a short break of 2 days or so just to take some time off. The reason why that happened? I told him that I have been intimate with four guys before we met(We are in a ...
A. 12 March 2013: What should you do? Probably be grateful for a lucky escape: some-one who judges you for your past (hardly a promiscuous one incidentally) rather than for the person you are now and the qualities you have, isn’t good boyfriend material. You deserve ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is too innocent and it is causing problems
Q. Hey everyone :) I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and things are going alright. i have a slight dilemma though. My girlfriend is really innocent and she says she prefers being innocent than anything else. The thing is, i love bei...
A. 12 March 2013: You do seem quite apologetic about your need for a physical aspect to this relationship: don’t be. No-one assumes you don’t respect her and value her feelings, or are in any way wrong for wanting that. In fact, at least you’re being honest about ... (read in full...)
I thought I was gay but I'm attracted to this girl..is it just a one time thing?
Q. I'm a 19 year old guy. I've assumed I was gay since I was about 13. I tried to fight it at first because there was a stigma to being gay, but eventually I grew to accept it and had gay relationships and it really wasn't an issue anymore. But ...
A. 12 March 2013: This doesn’t mean you’re necessarily becoming less gay, more bi, more straight, in fact more or less anything.
The reality is that, like a previous poster has eloquently said, what’s interesting is why we use labels. I think it’s in part beca... (read in full...)
My former married lover is also my boss and he is trying to get me transferred to another city!
Q. Here's my story. A rough one. Sorry its long, but I would really appreciate your help. I had an affair with a married man which lasted for 2 years. He is 25 years elder to me. I had just gotten out of a relationship where I was cheated on, when...
A. 4 March 2013: So what if it makes the MM’s life easier? What about your life? Is it better to be unhappy and miserable like this just to know you’re a thorn in his side?
Whatever you do, he’s never going to love or care for you. He enjoys the control that he h... (read in full...)
I thought we might turn into a couple but through facebook I find out he already has a girlfriend!
Q. Ok, this might be a long post but you'll have to know everything to understand. I met this guy online and we hit it off. He told me he was single and hadn't been in a relationship in a while. We met in person and there was obvious attracti...
A. 4 March 2013: Sorry to tell you this but you’ve been fooled. It could happen to anyone, it’s just very unfortunate that this is your first serious relationship. Unfortunately it isn’t a serious relationship: what he says makes no sense because he’s stringing you, ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel THAT miserable after ending a very bad relationship? What if the misery taints our own relationship? Please help!
Q. The situation is this: I got close with a female friend who at the time had a boyfriend. She wanted to make our relationship physical; we had very strong feelings for each other. At first I declined but, upon her insistance that her current ...
A. 3 March 2013: It’s normal to feel sad or miserable after a break-up. Even if you know it was the right thing to do, there are still expectations she would have had, and maybe her ideas of how things would progress have been disappointed. It doesn’t mean that she ... (read in full...)
Will my married lover leave his wife? Or just keep me holding on to hopelessness?
Q. I have fallen in love with a married man. He has not divorced her. Our relationship has been 3 yrs. I want to end the relationship but things keep getting better between us. She was in an accident last year and still in recovery. I am unsure i...
A. 3 March 2013: How much longer are you going to have to wait before the penny drops? He isn’t going to leave her: either he wants to have both of you, or he’s waiting for a “right time” to tell her, which is never going to exist. When is it good to leave some-one? ... (read in full...)
Should I just end things so he can have a happy relationship with his daughter?
Q. I'm dating a guy with a 3 year old daughter. Ever since we've been dating its been nothing but drama between me, him and the child's mother. She has not allowed him to see his daughter since we've been dating. She say's that he is picking me over ...
A. 3 March 2013: It sounds like you want to stay in this relationship even with all these dramas so clearly you both have a very strong relationship. IT does not sound like he resents you or blames you in any way for this situation. His ex is using her child to hurt ... (read in full...)
I'm not strong enough to deal with this world on my own? Who do I turn to?
Q. I'm all alone, I have no one to talk to, I feel really anxious and panicky. I'm by myself and I feel so scared. I can't survive in this world on my own, I can't cope. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm scared to even go to the ...
A. 3 March 2013: I agree with Janniepeg. The things that spring to mind for me are:
Firstly, you talk about fear, seemingly in all circumstances: within your home and should you venture to leave it. What do you fear? What is going to happen? Is your fear a worr... (read in full...)
For how long am I expected to work at making this work?
Q. Hi. I have some relationship probelms, including my bf's financial probelms, having to bail him out, the nagging ex wife and massive fights he has with her and so on. She even sent me thretening messages. We don't live together so althogh I get ...
A. 24 February 2013: You say this doesn’t make you angry, but clearly you are frustrated by both the problems and the way your partner deals, or rather fails to deal, with them. Your mother is right in one sense: if you leave any relationship as soon as things get ... (read in full...)
My best friend insists he's not gay but did sexual things with me. How do I talk to him about it?
Q. Its been along time since ive asked anything on DearCupid but I really need some advice now. I have asked before about my friend for many years cause i was wondering if he was into me(yes im gay) he is my bestfriend for many years but we dont hang ...
A. 19 February 2013: Maybe he’s gay or bisexual and in denial about it. That wouldn’t be an unreasonable thing to conclude of some-one who insists vehemently that they are not gay whilst initiating sexual contact with another man.
But I’m afraid this is something he h... (read in full...)
He wants to hold my hand and tells me he loves me, but he has a Gf. What should I do about this?
Q. Hello mates,, so i got a problem, This new guy came to our school and he is really cute well... sort of, and in a few weeks we formed a really special bond and everyone would always think i like him or he likes me. I ignored them but then ag...
A. 17 February 2013: It’s great that you’ve got a good friendship with this guy, but I’m sure you can see how holding your hand and saying he loves you is crossing a line that his girlfriend is unlikely to find acceptable. So perhaps you need to tell him that this kind ... (read in full...)
Please remember to be kind when you give advice on the site!
Q. I have been on this site for years,I sometimes come in as a person who needs advise or sometimes to give one..but recently I have been noticing quite a change in the attitude of some agony aunts,down right mean and cruel,I think you need to remember ...
A. 17 February 2013: It is true that some-one should not be questioning whether a post is fake. Whilst we are only human, the moderators are very good at filtering obviously fake and junk questions so a question that has been published should be interpreted as a ... (read in full...)
I cheated after he lied, and then I found out he cheated first. He won't forgive me. Help!
Q. So long story as short as possible: Last month I found out (through snooping) that my boyfriend of three years was using cocaine last year, and I found a bag of prescription drugs in his belongings. When I found the cocaine he called me a nosy ...
A. 16 February 2013: You don’t work together. There is abuse, no communication and you respond to being hurt by trying to hurt the other back. You’re basically having a destructive impact on each other’s lives so call time on this relationship and go your separate ways. ... (read in full...)
A male friend of mine told me I give off an asexual vibe!
Q. I have a weird question to ask. The other day a mixed group of us were discussing who we think would be good in bed and who would not, mainly celebrities though, when a male friend of mine told me I give off an asexual vibe, like I'd be disgusted by ...
A. 16 February 2013: It’s difficult to say what this vibe is. The most likely explanation though is that you perhaps hold back a bit and don’t make it obvious from the start when you have sexual desire for some-one. That’s not a bad thing. Would it be better if you gave ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't know I'm cheating on her with men. I don't want to upset her OR live a lie!
Q. Hi I am married in a straight relationship and have always been curious of being at least bisexual. About a year after we got married I had a affair with a guy I loved everything about our relationship but upset of being married. I now find ...
A. 16 February 2013: You don’t want to live a lie, but can’t you see that there is no way you can carry on like this and not live a lie. Not to mention the riskiness of multiple sexual encounters to you and your wife’s health if you are still having sex. The decision ... (read in full...)
Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship?
Q. Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship? My ex just says I think it matters more how I treat you when we're together, I don't understand what he means because the way I see he's still in a relationship ...
A. 16 February 2013: You need to explain this further. He’s your ex, but you still think he’s in a relationship with you on paper? What does that mean? Are you married? The point is, he’s either an ex or he isn’t. IF he is, then you’ve got no right to complain whatever ... (read in full...)
When should I ask her out? when she is alone or when she is with her friends?
Q. Hi dear cupid I am 21 studying in university and I like a girl who is a year senior. Problem is she gives me signals that she is a senior and thus can't date me. I guess that's mostly because of peer pressure and she might look awkward in front...
A. 16 February 2013: I would suggest asking her when it’s just the 2 of you. It will be awkward of course, but then you are both free to have the conversation and explain your positions without the added pressure of others watching. At the end of the day, if she says ... (read in full...)
Agony Aunts/Uncles need to open their hearts and minds rather than judging
Q. I wrote in yesterday and got a lot of very negative and hurtful comments from so-called agony aunts on here who seemed to think they know all about my relationship when they have never met me or my girlfriend. I wrote back to defend myself but ...
A. 16 February 2013: When you ask for advice, you should do so with the expectation that it mightn’t be what you want to hear. You can sit in condemnation of the good people who gave their time to try and help you out if you like, and you’re welcome to form your own ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her he's been cheating on her with me???
Q. I've been messing around w/old fling who has a girlfriend. Come to find out, she is a really good woman. I feel horrible, should I tell her? I am 27 and we've have had little flings since my senior year in high school. He has always been a do...
A. 14 February 2013: If you really felt that sorry for her you’d stop “messing around” with her boyfriend and stay out of their relationship. You’re full of excuses: he keeps trying to come at you? Well have you never heard of the word no? Why should he believe you’re ... (read in full...)
How do I let my wife know its ok for her to have a vibrator?
Q. I am a construction worker in Australia, which at the moment means working away from home. A lot. Recently i came home while my wife was out, and my curiosity got the better of me, and i looked in my wifes' bedside table top drawer where i found a ...
A. 14 February 2013: Why do you need to say anything at all? If she is aware that you know she has a vibrator, presumably if you weren’t okay with it you’d say? Some people just don’t get out of the habit of being embarrassed to talk about these things. Don’t make a ... (read in full...)
Is this online relationship over?
Q. i have an unusal situation. i met a girl online. i know many people feel on-line relationships are insane. her best friend told me "your insane, get a real girl you can see face to face, she has a man." i showed this to my on-line friend and she u...
A. 13 February 2013: Any advice? Yes, it’s over. Either way it’s over! Either she wants to end it and hopes that by her silence you’ll get the hint, or she is punishing you for talking to her friend, which is such a ridiculous way to behave and such a silly way to ... (read in full...)
I found out before a co-worker that she's going to be let go! How should I handle this?
Q. I currently work for a company who are going through redundancies, and as a result a lot of us have had to re-apply for our jobs. This has been very stressful, but thankfully yesterday I was told I had been successful and have secured my role. ...
A. 13 February 2013: As is often the case, iAmHereToHelpYou is spot on here. Keep out of it and say nothing. There is no need for you to say anything, if it becomes known that other people have been talking and word has got out about this private matter, a lot of ... (read in full...)
My much older boyfriend gets frustrated when I ask him why he's with me
Q. My boyfriend is a lot older (he's 46 I'm 24) and I asked why he was with me. His first response was "I don't know the answer to that" later he said "because I like you". I want to know why he's with me but he just gets frustrated when I ask. I am ...
A. 13 February 2013: Perhaps he’s bored of you keep asking when he’s already told you it’s because he likes you. So, the question is, do you believe him or not? IF not then break up with him, the age gap is quite wide and although there’s no inevitability that such an ... (read in full...)
Can you help, please? I don't know how to ask my friend to the dance !
Q. dear cupid, i have a friend who i havent talked to in a while... It's not because things got weird or something, its just that we dont have classes together anymore and i hardly see him! I really want to ask him to a particular dance ne...
A. 11 February 2013: There’s no point hinting, you should just come out with it. Why not point out that you’ve not done anything really fun together for a while, so if he was up for a good night did he perhaps want to come to this dance you’ve got to go to? That doesn’t ... (read in full...)
I just noticed my exgirlfriend got very thin and I think she looks amazing...is it because she broke up with me?
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend just over a month ago and I saw her last night and she's always been a skinny girl, nice weight and her figure in all the time i've known her was just perfect. But last night I saw her out and i noticed she look...
A. 11 February 2013: IT’s impossible to say if the break-up caused her weight loss, and even if it did, how? Maybe she was upset and didn’t look after herself very well. Or maybe she decided to diet to try and boost her self-esteem? Perhaps she has other stresses in her ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend held me while I cried...I'm embarassed, How do I show her I appreciate what she did?
Q. To start off I'm using my girlfriend's account. Here goes: yesterday my girlfriend and I were really bored and looking for something to do. We started looking around. I opened my drawer and then I saw a photo of my father (he died in 9/11) an...
A. 11 February 2013: Don’t be embarrassed. The lose your father in those circumstances must have been devastating and it’s good that you are able to express those emotions because grief like that can’t be bottled up. I don’t think there’s any substitute for telling your ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still have feelings for me?
Q. Does my ex still have feelings for me?. I saw him in a pub yesterday. I was in the pub with my mum. He looked at me a few times . I was nervous about going over to speak to him at first, even though we have had a chat before when we have bumped into ...
A. 10 February 2013: IT does sound very much like there are still some feelings there. But what matters is what you think about that? IF you are with some-one else, have moved on and wouldn’t want to give the relationship another try, then don’t push him any further on ... (read in full...)
I am 27 and don't think I've ever been truly sexually attracted to any of my boyfriends.
Q. I am 27 and don't think I've ever been truly sexually attracted to any of my boyfriends. I have found them all attractive in the sense that I look at them and believe they are handsome, but I have never had that 'I want to rip your shirt off' type ...
A. 10 February 2013: There isn’t really such a thing as “normal” when it comes to the extent of one’s sex drive, and desire for sex. That’s why it’s important to figure out how important sex is to you, how much you want it to be part of a relationship, and try to find ... (read in full...)
My depressed Gf won't have sex with me. If I say I'm leaving she hurts herself. Should we breakup?
Q. Hello all, I have been with my girlfriend for one year and a half and we live together. The problem I have is she won't have sex with me. The last time we had sex was 7 months ago and I confessed to her that I am considering sleeping with other ...
A. 9 February 2013: Excuse me! Whilst Sitch may only speak of her frustrations, she may do so because that is the focus of her question. This doesn’t give anyone grounds to claim that she is only interested in her own needs. Even the most loving and supportive person ... (read in full...)
I'm worried my boyfriend will soon start thinking I'm fat and stupid the same way that my ex did.....
Q. First of all I've been in a very happy relationship for over two years (on and off for 2 years previous to this), my boyfriend is great, he cares and he loves me, he knows I have bad self esteem issues and always tries to resolve them. In the past ...
A. 5 February 2013: Don’t judge everyone by the abysmally low standards of your ex. IF you were with another emotionally abusive bully like him once again, don’t you think you’d be pretty good by now at spotting the signs? Maybe you can’t ever be friends with this ex. ... (read in full...)
I'm 16. Is it wrong for me to have unprotected sex, already had a miscarriage and want to get pregnant?
Q. ok so heres the deal...me and my bf have been dating for almost a year now...we stated having sex 5 months after we began dating...but we NEVER used condom...we are 2 highschool students and he is to graduate this year...i have suffered a miscarrage ...
A. 3 February 2013: Yes you are quite wrong, and quite ridiculous. Do you have work? Any means of paying for your child? Any idea at all about being a parent? Are you confident this guy you’ve not even known a year’s going to stick around for the sleepless nights, the ... (read in full...)
I think that this guy's comments about paying me to have sex with him were completely uncalled for!
Q. Hello I am happily married and middle aged and work with a group of girls in health care, There is one guy who also works with us, he is a flirty joking type. One of the girls at work likes him and hits on him a lot. Yesterday evening he m...
A. 3 February 2013: Most people would probably think he was rather silly and immature, which frankly wouldn’t be a million miles from the truth. If you don’t want to report him, then speak directly to him instead. To be honest it’s probably best something you do try ... (read in full...)
Am I bi or straight?
Q. I feel a bit puzzle about my sexual orientation. I am attracted to guys, I have crushes on a lot of guys. But at the same time, I do have crushes on girls. I think i am sexually aroused by guys. But when I see girls who are pretty, I will be become ...
A. 3 February 2013: Most people aren’t 100% anything. Human sexuality is complicated, variable and changes. You sound straight, but possibly a bit bi-curious. Maybe you don’t have any serious intent to have a lesbian relationship but you are mildly curious by the idea. ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to expect your partner to call rather than text?
Q. Hi everyone, My question is: Is it expecting too much to want your partner to call you instead of texting you when he plans to spend the night away from home with friends? Thanks!...
A. 3 February 2013: IF he doesn’t normally call you, then he should be doing that rather than texting. If, however, he normally calls and makes time for you and you’re just referring to a planned night away with friends, can’t you give him a bit of space and be happy ... (read in full...)
Met a gorgeous guy on the train but he has a girlfriend!
Q. Hello Everyone This Week I met a guy. The way I met him and started talking seems like it belongs in a movie. Basically I was waiting in the train station waiting for my train number to be announced. When they finally called it I headed down the ...
A. 3 February 2013: The important thing to remember is that this man has a girlfriend, why he’s taking your number and flirting isn’t clear but one thing’s for sure, he’s unavailable and unless he leaves her that’s not going to change. Leave it be. IF he gets in touch ... (read in full...)
Will 20 year old b/f get in trouble for being with a 17 year old?
Q. My boyfriend is almost 21 and I'm 17 , we kinda wanna get married. will he get in trouble for Benin with me?...
A. 3 February 2013: If the legal age of consent where you are is 18 then yes, he will get in to trouble if you’re having sex because he is committing a crime. So this relationship is going to have to slow down quite a bit. Forget marriage for now, just concentrate on ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refuses to let me leave!
Q. I have been my boyfriend Andrew on and off for 3 years he's 29 I'm 26 we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter we have officially been dating for 5 months he says he loves me but he never shows it he's great with his daughter and my oldest who's not ...
A. 2 February 2013: No, from what you’re telling us, he does not refuse to let you leave him. He just doesn’t make it easy for you to walk away because he obviously has feelings for you, even if he is too foolish to change his ways. If you love him, have you talked to ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
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