| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
|
I got rejected but I still like him
Q. I met a guy on tinder in May and I fell for him and I thought it was mutual because when we see (which is not very often due to his job) we always make out and stuff, plus he once asked me if I would like to fall in love with him. A few days ago, I ...
A. 3 August 2016: For me it's simple: when you are at the stage of making out, you should be exclusive. If you don't put off dating others to make yourself available for someone that you are interested in, how are things going to progress? Sure, take things slowly ... (read in full...)
How do I avoid coming on too strong with a guy I've just met?
Q. Hi, I recently fooled around with my friend's friend who I've just met. We got on really well and he seemed pretty comfortable the morning after. He mentioned giving me a call later in the week and then later that day sent me a text tell...
A. 2 August 2016: I would text him before you go away. I think in these kinds of situations it is best to be completely honest. Tell him you enjoyed your time together and ask him if he would like to meet again. Then you can forget about it and move on unless you ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep running into cheap dudes?
Q. Why do I keep running into men that are cheap,they always want something for nothing? I've ran into plenty of guys who want to use me for sex but then if I need something they won't have my back. Like why should I give u what u want but you can't ...
A. 2 August 2016: Those men are players who usually stand out because of their confidence and charm. You don't give much background to this question. Do you take things slowly? Are they made to wait for sex?
If a user thinks he has got a chance, he will say ... (read in full...)
Should I rekindle this old affair?
Q. So this is a bit long winded. 6 years ago I met a man a work and we had immediate chemistry. However we are both married. On a night out, we made out. We started a flirtatious texting relationship. We never had sex, only kissing. We would text all ...
A. 2 August 2016: He is stringing you along. Maybe his issues are genuine, but there is little doubt that he is using them as excuses to put off making any commitments to you. Why don't you try thinking about your husband who you're cheating on? You're being very ... (read in full...)
I’m feeling guilty for not throwing my baby a party for her first birthday!
Q. Has anyone here held off the idea of throwing a 1yr old birthday party for tgeir baby? My baby turns 1 next month. Myself and dad mostly dad planned to not throw her a party. For some reason i have started to feel really bad. I feel like i was ...
A. 2 August 2016: I think you should have a small celebration if you want that he does not have to attend.
Separately you can mark the occasion yourselves as a family.
I personally find these lavish parties for kids too Young even to remember a bit silly. B... (read in full...)
I’ve been dating a guy my own age for 3 years, I find him cute but I just find older guys far more attractive!
Q. I find older men way more attractive than guys my own age! I'm in a relationship with a guy my own age (3 years and going pretty well) but though I find him pretty cute, I just find older guys far more attractive. And by older, I mean 10+ years. ...
A. 2 August 2016: You are probably attracted to the idea of a man with maturity and a bit of life experience. A thing for older guys is not uncommon.
Age gaps are not primarily about numbers but stages in life. A guy 10 years older or more might be looking for the ... (read in full...)
I got rejected but I still like him
Q. I met a guy on tinder in May and I fell for him and I thought it was mutual because when we see (which is not very often due to his job) we always make out and stuff, plus he once asked me if I would like to fall in love with him. A few days ago, I ...
A. 29 July 2016: I’m afraid I agree with Miss Frank that there is no substance to this relationship. I think you want different things. How can he want to be friends for now yet make out with you? You don’t make out with friends. Why do you need to talk more about ... (read in full...)
How can I stop fancying my teacher?
Q. Hello, I am a 16 year old girl (going to be 17 in August) and I have just finished my first year of college. So there's this male teacher who I have the biggest crush on he's quite young (probably in his 20s). It all started as a miny little c...
A. 29 July 2016: Aunt Honesty is absolutely right. You’ve got a crush and you can’t magic it away. Unfortunately you just have to learn to ignore it. At your age these crushes can be really intense and, yes, very distracting: anyone who’s been a teenager will be ... (read in full...)
He is 19. Should I break up with him for my parents? His parents are not happy either
Q. Friends I want help ! ??please give me some suggestions I fell in love I don't know what to do My age is 14 and my bf age is 19 ,we 're best friends now we are dating ! And I really love him I don't wanna lose him any more i have too many ...
A. 17 July 2016: Young lady, I think you should let him go and try to forget about him. To my mind you are still a child and he is an adult. At 19 I would not have considered a 14 year-old datable. Even if I did, in the UK I could have found myself in trouble with ... (read in full...)
Should I be postponing things because I'm feeling lonely and unwanted as a 23 year old virgin?
Q. I'm having this mental block recently where not having sex has made me postpone plans about my life. I was a very awkward kid and didnt become more comfortable in myself until recently. I have one ex girlfriend but we never had intercourse just...
A. 17 July 2016: Don’t give in to peer pressure or try to conform to what you think others expect of you. Instead of asking what is or isn’t normal, you need to be focussed on what is right for you. Having lots and lots of sex isn’t going to make you relationship ... (read in full...)
I've known her for years and I love her!
Q. Help, I'm a 20 year old guy and just recently started talking to my best friend from since I was 12, I had a crush on her when we were younger and than we lost contact cuz of the wrong people we were in relationships with... We just st...
A. 17 July 2016: Do you know that she is single? Assuming yes, I would take charge of the situation: some-one has to. This obviously means a lot to you. I would tell her how much you value her friendship, tell her how much you enjoy her company and your ... (read in full...)
A real dilemma......
Q. Many of you know me for my brilliant advice on this site.... HOWEVER, I now have an enigma of my own.... for which I'd like to ask others their opinion. To wit: If there are two people who are being intimate.... and they have no in...
A. 17 July 2016: If they are having sex and they aren’t married, then it is sex outside of marriage. Yes you could call it premarital I suppose, but that wouldn’t make much sense if there is no intention to marry. To be honest, I only typically hear the word ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend would rather talk with his mother and not me about issues?
Q. I am falling out of love because every time, my boyfriend and I have a problem, he tells his mom and she never gives great advice. She tells him to dump me but he is my first boyfriend. I don't understand. I thought she liked me but I guess not. We ...
A. 17 July 2016: Maybe his mother does like you, but if your boyfriend is constantly moaning to her about all your problems, I think he’s painted you in a bad light to her. She’s probably been led to believe that you aren’t suitable for each other. This happens on ... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a teen that I'm thinking about my friend like this? It's stressful
Q. This is my first time asking anything here, I am a 13 year old girl, going into 8th grade. I feel really awkward because I've been having kind of dirty thoughts about one of my closest friends who I've known for 3 years now, but I never felt ...
A. 5 July 2016: I agree with the previous posters. Just try really hard to think of something else when these thoughts come to mind. And one more thing: these thoughts aren’t dirty. It’s not wrong to feel whatever it is you feel so don’t give yourself a hard time ... (read in full...)
Paper thin wall mean we can hear each other! What's the best way to deal with this?
Q. I live in an apartment building in which the walls are pretty thin; so thin that I can actually hear what my neighbor is watching on the tv. So, for the past couple weeks, Ive been hearing my neighbors going at it and its really awkward. I havent ...
A. 5 July 2016: You hear them, they probably hear you. Nothing is said because there’s not much that can be done. If you’re not wailing and screaming all night and ruining their sleep, they probably know they have no reason to complain, just like you don’t complain ... (read in full...)
I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!
Q. No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...
A. 5 July 2016: You keep asking not to be judged, with such frequency that I think you know deep down that what you’re doing is wrong. How can you honestly expect to feel anything other than threatened and insecure when you know exactly what he is? He’s a cheat: ... (read in full...)
How can I make my mother see he's changed?
Q. I'm in need of some advices )': I have a boyfriend of 2 years and at the start he was treating me quite badly but slowly he changed and is the perfect boyfriend for me now. He loves me, he respects me and he dotes on me. He accepts my flaw,...
A. 18 June 2016: Here’s what I think you should do: tell your boyfriend honestly that your mother does not approve of him. Ask him if he would be willing to apologise for his past rudeness, acknowledge it was wrong and ask her for a fresh start. Then tell your ... (read in full...)
How do I meet a woman who is accepting of me?
Q. I'm 30, male, and from the United Kingdom. I have Asperger's Syndrome - but it isn't the main issue here, the main issue is dating and my sexuality. I am mostly attracted to women, but have some attraction to men [but it is less important th...
A. 18 June 2016: Okay, well if your 99% attracted to women, then I don’t see that you necessarily have to tell them anything. You are probably thinking about this very logically. ‘If I’ve occasionally appreciated the attractive qualities in a man, there’s obviously ... (read in full...)
Lonely in a foreign hospital waiting for medical evacuation to a spinal unit and despite this my Gf is uncaring about the severity of the situation. Time to get rid of the Gf?
Q. I had a motorcycle accident last saturday whilst on holiday where I was initially paralysed from the neck down then recovered feelings. It will be a long term healing process as I struggle to walk, have spine damage etc. I am determined to do what I ...
A. 18 June 2016: Unfortunately for you, the message you sent her could only have done 2 things: either it helped her to see that she was saying and doing the wrong things (perhaps in a kindly but naïve attempt to keep things normal for you), or it set her free. ... (read in full...)
Why do work mates not socialise?
Q. At a work social event do you think it's usual for people to not say hi or say quick hi and not socialise with everyone, or is it a bit rude? Obviously we talk to those we like and feel comfortable with but shouldn't everyone try to talk...
A. 18 June 2016: People just discriminate all the time, it’s how we stop ourselves becoming overwhelmed by social interaction. There are people you like more and less. You look at some-one and decide if they’re friendly or not. You see what kind of work some-one ... (read in full...)
High Libido and still a virgin. Am I weird or is it somewhat normal for my age to use masturbation to relieve my sexual tension?
Q. Hi agony aunts. So I'll be 17 soon and am not yet sexually active. Problem is my hormones have been driving me crazy since I turned 11/12 (when I hit puberty). That is the time when I started masturbating (please don't tell me its a sin or anything...
A. 18 June 2016: Rest assure, you are completely normal. You have matured to the point where your body is ready for sex even if you aren’t. That’s why your hormones are like this, and in your teenage years they can be particularly intense. This happens to boys and ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend tell me to be a good girl while he is overseas on a trip?
Q. My boyfriend is travelling overseas to visit his family. He just texted me before boarding the plane saying he will miss me and that he'd see me in a few weeks. Then he told me to be a good girl for him while he is gone. That he will be a go...
A. 18 June 2016: Instinctively I don’t like talk like that. I find it a bit sinister. I wouldn’t say it to a partner. But you have to look at the person who said it. Some-one who is controlling might mean something unpleasant or worrying by it, but if he’s a genuine ... (read in full...)
Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going on a "men's day out"? no women allowed.
Q. Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going out for the day with his male friends?. He is going out for the day with his male friends this afternoon. He said no women are allowed. He said they go on a day out together every year. He also to...
A. 18 June 2016: What happens on a men’s day out depends on the men and what they enjoy doing. Is it a problem? Absolutely not. It is a perfectly normal thing to do. Do you have girls’ nights with your friends? If you do, then you shouldn’t have a double standard. ... (read in full...)
Painful foreplay is a turnoff
Q. I am in a relationship for more than a year , while have foreplay with my gf she feel extreme pain and that moment will be the end of our quality time. And after a year still she is virgin. Is there any problem in her or anything that we can make ...
A. 18 June 2016: Is there a problem with her? The only way to find out is to see a doctor. Are you trying different things with her? Perhaps there is something else you can try that is not so painful. Have you asked her if there is anything that she would ... (read in full...)
His daughter won't accept me
Q. I have been with my partner for just over 4 years. I have a son of 15 whose father died and he has a daughter of 22. Her mother walked out on her when she was 10 and she hasn't seen her since. My partner and I bought a house together and when she ...
A. 18 June 2016: I think the answer to your question is that you just need to focus on building a strong relationship with your partner and try, amid the stresses of your lives, to make time to spend just with each other. Other people will do whatever it is they’re ... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex on Skype! Do you think anything serious can come out of this?
Q. Hi, iam on a dating site, I received a message from man aged 53, he was saying how he liked my profile and would like to get to know me. I checked his profile it said looking for serious relationship leading to marriage, he also said that he likes ...
A. 12 June 2016: No is the simple answer. He's just using you. Also if he records it or takes any images, they're his to do with what he wants. He could post it on the net, share with his friends or whatever. Sometimes people are even blackmailed to pay money by the ... (read in full...)
Do I try to include my donor friend? Or be grateful for what he's offered and respect his wish for no involvement with the child??
Q. My friend has offered to be a sperm donor , im single and have been for a quite a while i just havent met the right man . i dont have time on my side and i suffer from pcos im slightly overweight due to pcos and weightloss is twice as hard. i keep...
A. 6 June 2016: You need to respect his wishes, simple as that. He will know that you are pregnant and it is impossible to say if he will feel differently when the child is a living, breathing reality and not just an idea.
Having a child with some-one creates a ti... (read in full...)
How can I ensure that I don't get myself into such a scary situation again, where the next guy might not be so considerate?
Q. Hi, So last year I was talking to a guy online. We met online and spoke for a while, including messaging and video calling. And yes the messages quickly turned quite sexual as you'd expect. It was all just innocent "fun" but then he suggested we...
A. 6 June 2016: No you are not pathetic and you don't need to feel ashamed. You can learn and grow from this experience.
First, if things quickly turn sexual, that gives you an indication of what the person wants. He probably thought you wanted a hookup and you ... (read in full...)
What am I to make of her actions? Girl in my class has a Bf yet she gave me a note and kissed me on the cheek
Q. Hello all, I've known this girl in my class for four years and in our last year of college we got to know each other a little better. We collaborated on many occasions and organized main events and school-related assignments together. ...
A. 4 June 2016: She may have had feelings for you, or she may simply have realised that you had feelings for her. Honeypie is right here: sooner or later, the right thing to do in that situation is make a choice either to pursue you or to let you go. She did not ... (read in full...)
How does a 17 year old boy find a girl to date or for a relationship in my culture?
Q. I'm a 17 year old boy, until now i haven't meet a girl or been in a relationship, i don't know how to find a girl, sometimes thinking about it stresses me, i'm from northern of iraq (in Kurdistan) I'm in a boy's school, so where should i go and w...
A. 4 June 2016: You are only 17. This should not stress you out at your age. Many people have not had a relationship at the age of 17. The important thing is to develop your confidence talking to girls. Do you have a sister? A close cousin? Perhaps ask them to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's behaviour has left me feeling confused. How do I make sense of this? Help !
Q. I am so confused about my boyfriend's behaviour lately. We've been together for nearly six months and everything has been great. He's really sweet and loving. He always makes an effort and plans dates. He's a proper gentleman, always pays. For Va...
A. 30 May 2016: Are you making a big deal of this? Yes, I think so, but that’s not to criticise you. Adjusting to the end of the honeymoon phase can be tricky: that’s the phase where you can’t think of anything else, sit with your phone there willing it to go off ... (read in full...)
My words initiated the break-up. But he broke up as if I never meant anything to him. How can I get over this?
Q. Hi, I am very unhappy i need advice I have been dating this man for ten months now and he has a habit of ignoring my calls and texts even for days so we have been urguing about it he says he is busy but he will go even for a week unless i contact ...
A. 30 May 2016: I’m sorry to hear how upset you are, but the truth is that this relationship was not working. If it was, he would have fought for you and tried to change and work with you to make it work. If you hadn’t said what you said, you’d have said it ... (read in full...)
Male virgin and now in my 20s. What can I do?
Q. I'm am writing to get advice and opinions about my virginity and lack of relationship experience. I'm a male who has never had sex or a girlfriend. The reason for this a rather personal and complex.I have always had trouble making friends and rela...
A. 30 May 2016: I agree with the advice of Andie’s thoughts. It would be a mistake to try and hide it, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal either. If you focus on building a relationship, sex shouldn’t be in the picture in the beginning anyway. Concentrate on ... (read in full...)
Stuck in a terrible marriage. Do I stay or leave?
Q. I am having trouble deciding whether to leave my marriage. I wonder how it all looks from the outside. We met as coworkers during a hard time in my life and slept together even though I made it clear I did not want that type of relationship. Ev...
A. 29 May 2016: First, if you’re going to stay in something that makes you miserable only for the kids, that’s a bad move. They can still have both parents central to their lives even if you separate. They will pick up on it if the home is an unhappy one. If you ... (read in full...)
Feeling obsessed and desperate. Who really is my baby's Daddy?
Q. Hello there, I am really hoping someone can help me here with some advise and no judgment. I am 31 years old and married for 5 years. My husband and I share a daughter that is 3 years old. Last year we are having a lot of trouble in our marriage ...
A. 29 May 2016: It doesn’t matter that you really like this guy because he’s not interested and has moved on. I have a horrible feeling that he was only after sex and, being vulnerable, you made a bad decision and didn’t take your time to get to know him. You were ... (read in full...)
Is my friend is being passive-aggressive, or am I being sensitive?
Q. I've known my friend (we'll call him Ron) for almost 4 years. We met during the first year of university. I met a wonderful man (we'll call him Thomas) during my summer exchange program in another country. Over the past 1.5 years, I've been in a l...
A. 28 May 2016: Ron is the friend with the courage to express the concerns that some of your other friends may well have kept to themselves. The truest friends you have aren’t always the ones who smile and congratulate you. His behaviour is understandably ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's dirty laundry a sign of him cheating?
Q. This morning i put on a wash and noticed a medium amount of white stain in my fiances underwear at the top of the pile. Excluding masturbation (as i was around him most of the day), can anyone tell me what this is? He did have a shower before he ...
A. 28 May 2016: Maybe he did masturbate when you weren’t around. Maybe he leaked a bit, perhaps during a sleep (perhaps because he’s not had sex or masturbated in a few days). Pre-cum could explain it, as Ivyblue said. Something could still have aroused him, which ... (read in full...)
Age differences? Is this even worth continuing?
Q. I met an amazing woman the other day. I've already gone out with her a couple of times and we've even had sex. The only thing is that she's 35 and I'm 22. She also has a 12 year old boy. I've tried to talk myself out of this a million times, b...
A. 28 May 2016: The answer depends really on why you are trying a million times to talk yourself out of it. Relationships with an age gap are no different to any other relationships. I say that because it’s not the numbers that make them fail when they do. It’s the ... (read in full...)
Will a new lover help fix my sexual issues?
Q. Hello all, I'm looking for some advice regarding my sex life. I ended a 6 year relationship around a year and a half ago and in the time I've taken since then to get over it, I've realised just how damaging that past relationship was. He had ...
A. 22 May 2016: I think the suggestion of getting a new lover is a silly one. Having a FWB is not going to help you get over this. Do they work? That depends: as the previous poster has so eloquently said, people differ greatly in their ability to separate sex from ... (read in full...)
Does it feel different having another person touch you than when you're touching yourself?
Q. Does it feel different having another person touch you than when you're touching yourself? I guess I'm a little weird because I can only get off when I just get direct to the point. I've read that you should stroke yourself everywhere like your thi...
A. 22 May 2016: It’s likely that it will be different and perhaps better, especially because you will be turned on by your partner. You’re talking about what you like to do to make yourself aroused but you’ll probably already be in that aroused state when you get ... (read in full...)
Is wanting a relationship normal, even if you don't even know what it's like to be loved?
Q. Hi guys! So I haven't been on this site in years but I find myself needing advice again. My birthday is in a couple of days and im just feeling so lonely, just another year passing without any change. I've never been in love or had a boyfriend ...
A. 22 May 2016: Welcome back. I’m glad you have chosen Dear Cupid for advice again.
Yes, perfectly normal. Just because you don’t have relationship experience, it doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about what it’s like. You see your friends’ relationships blos... (read in full...)
He chooses the couch every time. Why doesn't my boyfriend want to sleep in the bed with me?
Q. I am 18 years old and I started dating this 39 year old guy 3 months ago and every time I sleep over at his house he sleeps on the couch while I'm in his bed. The first time this happened I didn't pay much attention to it because I had fallen a...
A. 22 May 2016: You’ve only been dating 3 months and there is quite a large age gap.
It’s hard to say exactly what’s going on unless you talk to him about it, but it may need you to take the initiative and tell him that you are happy and would like to share the ... (read in full...)
| *o nonsense Aidan's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
|
