| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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How can I walk away from this relationship without hurting myself?
Q. I have a boyfriend for already four years. The second year into our relationship he was not working and it aggravated me because it brought alot of problems. Eventually I got so annoyed, I went back to NY (we had moved to California) to just get ...
A. 12 May 2013: Do you think you will be hurt then if you walk away? You sound pretty fed up and very unhappy with this relationship anyway. You might feel some sadness because you’re leaving some-one you’ve been with for a long time and he may be hurt by this, but ... (read in full...)
My husband tried to hook up with my sister!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We aslo have to kids. Recently I found out that he has been talking to my sister. He told her that he doesnt love me anymore. He loves her. That he wanted to be with her if she would give him a chance ...
A. 12 May 2013: This is about as serious as it gets. IF it’s true, it’s hard to see how your marriage can survive. Even if he apologises and says it was all a mistake, you’re not going to trust him so you’ll make yourselves utterly miserable. So it’s really ... (read in full...)
I turned her down in the past after she told me she liked me and since then she won't open up around me
Q. Was wondering if you could give advise on a girl I've liked for a long time. We've know each other for about 4 years , we've been on holiday together a couple of times and used to meet up to go to the cinema and out to restaurants, it's always been ...
A. 12 May 2013: Think about it from her viewpoint. She did open up, and you turned her down. Why would she want to do that again?
If you want to have any chance of things going further, you’ve now got to show the same courage you did, be honest and fight for her.... (read in full...)
Do men feel guilt at denying paternity, when they are informed about a pregnancy? Or do the men just move on and feel no guilt? Should I feel damaged by their actions?
Q. Hello, friends, aunts, uncles etc I have a question again.... I am pregnant thanks to the advice I got I'm keeping my baby God will provide something for us. My question is do these men who abandon they children really move on or they do sit d...
A. 11 May 2013: I agree with Abella that you aren’t damaged, and she’s quite right (as always) to point out that there is good and bad, trustworthy and those who can’t be trusted, among men and women. She’s also described at great length signs of the ones you ... (read in full...)
We were each others firsts....so why have we stopped having sex?
Q. Hi, I'm 16 year old boy, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just over 5months, at the start of the relationship (first month or two) we had sex afew times, we were both eachothers firsts but as times gone on we have not had sex at ...
A. 11 May 2013: Unfortunately you can’t be helped unless you try to get over that awkwardness because if you’re going to try and find out what’s going on there’s going to have to be a conversation between you both. Let’s look at what isn’t clear from this post: are ... (read in full...)
Does she like me and how should I act around her?
Q. I've told this girl that I like her and i think she likes me as well because she didn't say that she did or didnt when I told her but we get along really well shes always smiling at me when we see each other and we talk for hours. we have alot in ...
A. 11 May 2013: You don’t tell us what she said when you told her you liked her. Did you drop hints that you hope she picked up, or did you tell her straight that you liked her? If the former, be explicit about it and tell her how you feel. IF the latter, and she ... (read in full...)
How do you talk to a girl you don't know?
Q. How does someone get into a relationship when he has no friends? I've tried talking with girls on these social online sites but i find it awkward trying to start a conversation online with a person i've never met. I mean how do people do this?....
A. 11 May 2013: Maisy1 has given you brilliant advice here. I highly recommend following it.
The trick is not to use the kinds of standard lines they may have heard time and time again, instead you want to try and find out something about the girl, for example an a... (read in full...)
I will delay going out with him until I'm 15. But my question is, is 2 years too big of an age gap?
Q. So I've met a guy at a group I go to. We both clicked instantly. We both love books, poetry, politics and basically are quite nerdy. We have the same sense of humour and always make each other laugh. If anyone in the group makes a joke, we always l...
A. 11 May 2013: The age gap will not be a problem because there does not seem to be a maturity gap between you.
You both seem switched-on and intelligent and you have evidently thought about your similarities and the compatibility of your interests, likes and disl... (read in full...)
He says I don't turn him on sexually. Porn is his preference. Do I stay for the sake of our children or leave?
Q. Hey everyone. Am depressed need your advice. I am mother of twins they are only 3 years. My husband of 4 years has told me we should split up in several occassions. I have found him on dating sites twice and everytime he diactivate the a...
A. 10 May 2013: Do you actually want to stay? Or are you just thinking this is the right thing to do for the kids?
He has said you both should split up, he prefers porn to you, and you seem very unhappy together. There will never be a good time to separate... (read in full...)
I finally figured out that he's 'the one' but he's having trouble with my baggage
Q. Hiya, I am a desperate girl in need of some advice. I met the man of my dreams in January last year. He is absolutely gorgeous, caring and would do anything for me. He worships the ground I walk on. In August the previous year I ended an 8 year mar...
A. 8 May 2013: You can’t carry on like this, it’s no way to live for either of you. Texting each of these guys to find out who they are is a waste of time, it won’t change the fact that you did what you did, whether he knows the names or not. IF you both get used ... (read in full...)
Why is sex more enjoyable now than it was 15-20 years ago?
Q. I am dating the most terrific man alive. We have sex sometimes 5 times a day. I am 40 and he is 53. Why is sex more enjoyable for me now than it was 15-20 years ago? I cannot get enough and neither can he....
A. 8 May 2013: Maybe it’s because you’re more experienced, and perhaps also because you’re with a good lover. Sex is best enjoyed within a loving relationship. You obviously both find each other desirable, know how to please each other and have compatible sex ... (read in full...)
What to do? I'm in a new relationship. But I want my ex to know that I still have tremendous love (or strong feelings) for my ex
Q. I've had a new girlfriend now for about 3 weeks, but lately, everything reminds me of my ex girlfriend. I even realized that my new girlfriend has some similar, if not exact features that my ex had. I will admit that I rebounded and quickly got ...
A. 8 May 2013: You need to end it with your new girlfriend. Even if you and your ex don’t get back together, the fact that you are thinking of how to communicate your feelings to your ex, rather than thinking about how your new girl would feel about these feelings ... (read in full...)
I just want to know which method is highly risky or if both methods are equally risky? help me
Q. Dear friend, I had unprotected sex with a guy but he ddnt ejaculate a week later I had protected sex with a different guy. I jus want to know how safe are condoms compared to non ejaculation? Nine months is far for me to get a partenity test a...
A. 6 May 2013: You’re more likely to fall pregnant if you have unprotected sex, because there is still precum as the previous poster says. So you can still fall pregnant if he didn’t ejaculate. However it’s also true that protection isn’t 100%, people do get ... (read in full...)
She slept with men for money until we started dating. Red flag?
Q. Hi, I recently started dating a beautiful girl, a model/student. We've known each other for some time, and I was interested in her, but I knew she sometimes slept with men for money. In her business, she says it is somewhat more common than we might...
A. 3 May 2013: I’m sure a majority of people in her field do not enter the world of prostitution.
Anyway the point it this: to make peace with it, it sounds like you do have to talk to her and just tell her that you have a hard time thinking about it from time... (read in full...)
I'm gay, but keeping it a secret! Some people suspect and whisper behind my back, and now I'm wondering about my close male friend! Advice?
Q. I've been through a lot. Since primary school I've been bullied by my cousin for being shy and a little overweight. At 13, I decided to move school, I continued to be shy because I didn't have any confidence. After a while I started to get bullied ...
A. 2 May 2013: What do you do?
Without telling this person that you are gay, there’s not much you can do. You don’t know that he knows your sexuality, you just assume. No-one would consider you relationship material if they don’t know you’re gay, or they thin... (read in full...)
Her reply to my declaration of feelings for her was "what the hell are you talking?" I'm so hurt, help!
Q. Hi frndzz, i love my cousin a lot. We used to chat to each other at gmail. I have strong feelings for her. I expressed my feelings to her through gmail but she ignored my feelings and replied:'' what the hell are you talking?''. And i have been ...
A. 2 May 2013: Sorry to be blunt because it might be hard to read, but I’m afraid her response makes it pretty clear that she doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe she also isn’t comfortable with the idea of cousins feeling like this for each other.
It was brave and ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I'm really sexually attracted to loads of guys?
Q. is it weird that im really sexually attracted to loads of guys? most of my friends either have crushes or boyfriends and the fact that i think about sex so much is strange to them because ive never actually had it but ive come pretty close and i ...
A. 2 May 2013: There is nothing weird or abnormal about this at all. It’s not just boys that are full of hormones and thoughts about sex at your age, it’s just more talked about with boys. You must understand, of course, that having these thoughts doesn’t mean ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and my boyfriend is not and I feel that if I give him my virginity, I'm giving him a claim on me but I won't have any significant claim to him.
Q. Hi so I have a little conflict with myself right now and I don't really know what to do. I happen to be 17 turning 18 and my boyfriend is 19 turning 20 and lately we've been discussing the topic of lovemaking. For starters I do know that I am too ...
A. 2 May 2013: Not selfish, but pointless.
Wanting to be his first too is something that is an impossibility so you have no choice but to accept it, or if you can’t, allow it to end the relationship.
You seem to misunderstand the point of sex though: it’s not... (read in full...)
Why am I dreaming about the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with??
Q. So, mad question....i keep dreaming of the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with??? im nice to her in the dreams...here's my story we have been together 4 years now i have 3 kids 2 are his my eldest from a sperm donor (lol) hugs my partner took on we ...
A. 28 April 2013: To be honest I think people need to be a bit careful about trying to spot hidden meaning in dreams. Dreams are often irrational and don’t have to relate to real life at all.
IF anything, maybe it means that you are trying to make your rela... (read in full...)
Not attracted to my own race... am I shallow for this?
Q. So... I'm not interested physically or romantically to guys of my own race (black). I've never dated a black guy, and just don't find them appealing for a relationship. I have many black guy friends but that is all they are. And I feel horrible fo...
A. 27 April 2013: Wait until it feels right. At the end of the day, let’s say you were only interested in dating black men, would you then also be asking if you’re shallow?
What you’re talking about is the simple fact that, like everyone else, there are physical aspe... (read in full...)
How to get my boyfriend to gain his feelings back ?
Q. So once again my boyfriend and I are having issues. He told me he Lost feelings and interest in me .. He said he wants me to make him get those feelings back. I have no clue how to do that :( I feel that after I see him tomorrow I will be a single ...
A. 27 April 2013: How unbelievable is this guy! He loses his feelings, but you are supposed to make them come back for him? It doesn’t work like that. If you fall out of love, then that’s unfortunate. No-one else can manipulate some-one in to feeling something, they ... (read in full...)
When to reveal a disability during online dating?
Q. I have a disability, cerebral palsy. Unlike some other people with cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair, I run my own business. I have been exchanging messages with a girl on Match.com now for three weeks (only small messages.) So: 1) When s...
A. 27 April 2013: I would add my voice to those saying that you should reveal it sooner rather than later. There’s no way you can do this without some risk-a brilliant article was recently published on this site around this subject and I cannot recommend it highly ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt someone in the process of finding out who I am!
Q. So I'm a little confused. About my sexuality. I've always considered myself straight until now, now I'm just confused. Basically, I have a crush on a guy. He's brilliant and I like him a lot. I might even go as far as to say I love him. I have al...
A. 22 April 2013: Perfectly understandable.
Any introduction is an experiment of a sort, experimenting to find out if you like each other and are compatible. It might not work out and some-one might be upset by that, even if there wasn’t the issue of sexuality and ... (read in full...)
I'm being accused of cheating because I bruise easy. Men don't trust me!
Q. I divorced my husband with whom I had an almost ten year relationship due to the fact that I could no longer take his jealousy and accusations. I had never been unfaithful to him. Part of the accusations were my bruises, I am clumsy and bump into ...
A. 22 April 2013: Arnica oil is very good for bruises.
But that really isn’t the issue, it’s that you seem to have had relationships with jealous types, with possible abusive tendencies and evident trust issues. Unfortunately if you refuse to describe yourself as e... (read in full...)
Is my significant other micromanaging me and is he also needy and clingy?
Q. My significant other saw me organizing my workspace at home (I work out of the home). I needed to get it in order to take pictures for the tax file. He told me I should be working at my drafting table. He told me I have too much stuff in my curi...
A. 22 April 2013: Yes to both. I’ve never heard of the term “micro management” being used in a relationship context before but it is somewhat similar to the managerial equivalent technique within the workplace. It’s certainly needy and clingy behaviour, and not ... (read in full...)
Two of my friends revealed to me on the same day that they fancied me, problem is that I don't fancy them. Help?
Q. I need help, two of my best friends who are guys revealed to me on the same day that they fancied me and both asked me out and I had no idea what to do and somehow, by me not saying to them that I did fancy them, they've managed to get it in their ...
A. 21 April 2013: Stop lying. Ultimately it’s not fair to them and mostly it’s not fair to you. Tell both of them that you value their friendship, try and say something nice about them such as a quality they have. But explain that you aren’t attracted to them and you ... (read in full...)
Grief: Have you suffered loss of a pet animal or something very important to you, where the loss has hurt you deeply? If yes, then please advise me how I can overcome MY grief?
Q. I want you to think back to a time in your life where you felt there was something missing. Maybe you missed your friends or family while away from home, or even on a lonely night when everyone was too busy. Maybe you missed your pet, or wished y...
A. 21 April 2013: I’ve had 2 beloved beautiful dogs die. The first one was when I was 12, he’d been ill for a long time and we came home from school to find him gone and our mother devastated as she had taken him to be put to sleep-we’d all known it was coming and ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being judged about my lifestyle
Q. hey all i just need some opinions so here we go im a 23 year old girl who was in a relationship with a guy a year younger than i. we had a baby together and he did not step up to the plate to be a good dad. just a typical dead beat, yes he love his ...
A. 18 April 2013: Maybe you’re being judged for your attitude.
I won’t point out the double-standards that have already been highlighted here. Don’t insult men your own age, your man would have been a 23 year-old trying to find his way in the world once.
What ... (read in full...)
Desperate to get help for my son who hates me
Q. HI Cupid friends and aunts/uncles I don't know what else to do I am so afraid for my son because of his behaviour towards me and his life in general. I have seeked help with councilors, social services, the police just about everyone, and it...
A. 30 March 2013: This is terrible. You are living a nightmare and it can’t continue. At 16 he is old enough to take responsibility for his actions, so ask him why he attacked you. You need to ask him to sit down with you for a proper conversation. You should start ... (read in full...)
My wife wants to be alone with another man before I join them for a threesome
Q. I have been married for 4 years, we have 2 kids together. A couple of months ago she wanted to try a threesome (mmf) with one of our friends (a 23 year old guy). it was not that bad, but its like it has been going on every month. Today she aske...
A. 30 March 2013: It means she’s going to have some sort of sexual encounter with him-and, it would seem, she’ll do it whether you like it or not. A classic case in point for why fantasies of this kind should remain fantasies: in changing the sexual boundaries of ... (read in full...)
It is sad that our society is so quick to reinforce the idea of "old maids"!
Q. So, I just want to challenge an attitude that I've found rather unappealing on here. Recently someone asked a question about a woman who was single at 42. She had never married, and Fatherly Advice presented the view that if you have not found a...
A. 29 March 2013: It’s a fair point.
I always make the point that when you’re looking for your special some-one, there’s always a bit of luck involved: it’s 1 person out of so many. So, if you happen to meet that person early in life you’ve had a bit of good fort... (read in full...)
Am I going through some teenager phase or could something seriously be wrong with me?
Q. Hello, let me first start off by saying I know very well that the situation I am about to explain is very unhealthy and not normal but I want some opinions and advice, thank you very much in advance for taking the time to read this. I have be...
A. 28 March 2013: I believe that iAmHereToHelpYou has eloquently and rightly identified the problem here.
IF you put all your eggs in one basket and make your relationship your life, you feel this way because there’s just too much riding on it for it ever to be heal... (read in full...)
Do I study something I love or do I study something more pragmatic?
Q. Hey, I have a question. I have been a bar manager for years and right now I am studying by correspondence for two qualifications in management, one of them is a BTS (French qualification equivalent to the first two years of a bachelor's degree) and ...
A. 26 March 2013: Well, firstly, you’re already studying management so you will already be qualified even if you don’t progress on to the next step of an MBA.
You could, ultimately, do both. IF you were able to accept less financial security you could study the cogn... (read in full...)
My Mom only wanted to help. Now my Dad has been diagnosed with sleep apnoea she feels she's ruined his life. What can be done to make this better?
Q. Help my dad has been diagnosed with border line sleep apnoea. My mom made him get checked out as he would stop breathing in the night. Now he has to wear a mask in bed for the rest of his life. My mom is upset and feels my dad hates her for it....
A. 24 March 2013: We’re talking about a very serious condition here which ultimately has significant negative effects on a sufferer’s health if it is not treated. In particular, it is associated with increased risk of heart disease, and high blood pressure which in ... (read in full...)
Is my hesitation about online dating justified? What must I keep in mind if I try online dating?
Q. I have just come from a long term relationship of two years. I got over it but ran into a old friend and his new girlfriend, who took pity and bought me a couple beers. This other women was fantastic, good looking, smart and had a good sense of ...
A. 22 March 2013: Let’s take a balanced look at some of the common points made in support and criticism of on-line dating, and you can make up your own mind:
1) People might not be sincere: Well yes that’s true, they might. But, apart from faking the picture,... (read in full...)
His kid saw us having sex! How do we handle this!
Q. Hey everyone, I cannot even think straight right now,my head is spinning..I'm dating my boyfriend for 3 years now,he is a divorcee and has a child..so the child visits the father on weekends but this weekend the mother called my boyfriend and said...
A. 20 March 2013: How awful for all of you, do be more careful with that lock. This will depend on the age of the kid.
Presumably he is pretty young. If he were a teenager, I’d say he was probably as mortified by the whole thing as you, and would want never to... (read in full...)
Does my girlfriend need to get a life? Or do I? Not sure I can continue to support my disabled Bf
Q. Well thanks for take the time to read this,, Ok, so I've been with this girl for over 2 years now, and I feel like I'm being held back,,, like I have to watch all opportunities pass by, I work Monday - Friday and occasional put in 2...
A. 17 March 2013: Wow! There is so much to this story that it’s hard to know where to begin, so let’s start with this: of course you are not a bad person for feeling this way. Something is not working in this relationship and it’s upsetting you, don’t feel guilty for ... (read in full...)
I know it's weird to have your tongue in someone's ear, but is it weird when you're making out with your gf?
Q. So this girl and I have been dating for about 4 months now. One day after spending the whole day together, we went back to her dorm. We were alone, so we talked for a bit and then started making out on her bed. I guess I just wanted to try ...
A. 17 March 2013: I haven’t heard of anyone doing this before but then again most couples find in their private time that there is something that turns them on that might be considered “unusual.” You only worry it’s weird because you’ve not heard of anyone else doing ... (read in full...)
Misfire with recently single girl. What's the best way to proceed?
Q. In the past couple of weeks I've started seeing a girl who I really like. Until recently she had a boyfriend so the terms of our going out were sort of up in the air. A few weeks ago, we went out for some beer and had a great time, talking for ...
A. 16 March 2013: Well, when you invited her for tea last time there was no hidden agenda, you just had tea and a talk. So why would she be offended by the suggestion of watching a movie?
Don’t beat yourself up about it, she’s just come out of a relation... (read in full...)
I'd like to tone down the sexual tension so that I can keep the friendship
Q. my question is about the sexual tension between my best friend and myself. back when we first met, we crushed on each other , then as we attempted dating, it was rather fail, and we decided we'd just be friends, over time, we've grown closer. Our ...
A. 16 March 2013: You say that if you had to choose, you’d pick your fiancé. Unfortunately, you do have to make this choice, so get on with it.
What you are trying to do is find a way to pretend that the sexual chemistry with this best friend doesn’t exist so that... (read in full...)
We invitied my friend to join in a threesome and haven't heard from him since
Q. Me and my fiance have openly discussed how we share the fantasy of a threesome and its always been known that my friend has a fantasy about my fiance So me, my fiance, my friend and my fiances sister were drinking one night having a good ti...
A. 16 March 2013: He “probably wanted it?” Well you don’t sound certain. Perhaps he wasn’t either. Maybe you all had too much to drink and should have kept the fantasy in your head. Maybe he thought he’d go along with it to get the fantasy fulfilled and, in the end, ... (read in full...)
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