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*o nonsense Aidan

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Latest articles:

I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...

I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive

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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...

Childless by choice: please stop judging us

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...

On-line dating: my honest look

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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...

Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.

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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...

Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies

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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...

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He chooses the couch every time. Why doesn't my boyfriend want to sleep in the bed with me?

Q.   I am 18 years old and I started dating this 39 year old guy 3 months ago and every time I sleep over at his house he sleeps on the couch while I'm in his bed. The first time this happened I didn't pay much attention to it because I had fallen a...

A.   22 May 2016: You’ve only been dating 3 months and there is quite a large age gap. It’s hard to say exactly what’s going on unless you talk to him about it, but it may need you to take the initiative and tell him that you are happy and would like to share the ... (read in full...)

Are there any life reasons anyone can suggest for why my brother seems uninterested in forming friendships and or relationships?

Q.   Dear everyone I'm not sure if this question is suited to this site, but I found everyone on here to be thoughtful the previous time i used it so i thought i'd try again. I wonder if my brother has some sort of mental condition that hasn't bee...

A.   29 April 2016: Glad to hear you’re trying this site again. It sounds to me like he is a bit directionless at the moment and he doesn’t really know what the future holds. I think you’re absolutely right about that. I’m not a great believer in over-planning ... (read in full...)

Should I tell each FWB about the others?

Q.   When you sleep with multiple fwbs do you tell them all about each other? I've heard ppl say of course you should let them all know about each other, but that just seems so awkward to me. And if it's fwb or F buddies then ppl automatically assume ...

A.   27 April 2016: People make the rules up as they go along with FWB: I’ve become convinced of this over the years on this site. If it is really no-strings FWB, you don’t have to give details about any other partners or justify yourself in anyway. With that said, I ... (read in full...)

Should we be open with our young son that we're trying to get back together?

Q.   My ex and I dated for a few months when I got pregnant with our son. We were both only 20 . When my son was one we broke up. We fought a lot over the years, we would both get jealous when the other one started dating some one else, I didn't like ...

A.   27 April 2016: I think you are both incredibly sensible. You’re starting over again as a couple. If you were dating anyone else and you were in the early stages, you probably wouldn’t even need to ask whether it was right to keep this private from your son for ... (read in full...)

Is it bad for a girl to initiate dates? And how to tell if a guy is losing interest?

Q.   I have a series of questions I'd appreciate advice on. I want to know if it is bad for the girl to initiate the dates in the start of a relationship or should the guy take charge and plan dates for the two of them? Also how can you tell through...

A.   18 April 2016: I think a lot of these unwritten rules than men have to take charge are terribly dated. They are still very pervasive: I, for example, would hate some-one to pay half on the first date, despite the fact that we live in an equal society where she is ... (read in full...)

Am I being a controlling boyfriend?

Q.   I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and we're finishing up college this year. We go to different schools but love each other so we've made it work long distance. The problem is that she's been partying a lot more. She traveled across ...

A.   18 April 2016: Chigirl gives a good answer. It’s very wrong of you to tell her what to do, yes. You can ask, and you can hope she will see your point of view, but telling her what to do is not on. This means you are being controlling. It could mean that you’re a ... (read in full...)

When I am tested for a STD should I trust the protocols in place re my privacy or should I give a false name?

Q.   Hi, I am in need of advice. I am 18 years old and I recently had sex with 7 different men throughout the year. I had unprotected sex with 5 of those men. I am afraid that I caught an STD so I want to get checked. I plan to go to Planned Parentho...

A.   14 April 2016: It isn’t wise to give health professionals false information. If there needs to be any follow-up, for example with your regular doctor, how will this be achieved? It’s fair to assume that if they have protocols in place ensuring the privacy of your ... (read in full...)

Confused by my son's behaviour

Q.   I'm a 42 year old mom, My son is 13 and while changing his sheets awhile back I found 3 pairs of my panties under his mattress along with some pictures of me from college in a bikini. I quickly realized he has been using them to pleasure with and he ...

A.   5 April 2016: I think there are 2 schools of thought here and it rather depends what part of the question we focus on. Using your pictures does, of course, sound profoundly disturbing: you’re his mother for goodness sake. You talk about him wanting his semen to ... (read in full...)

Why did he want to meet me if he turned out acting the way that he did?

Q.   I dated a guy who had a little thing for a coworker and it turned into a messy situation and our relaitonship was on and off again and during some of the off times he would try and pursue this coworker of his. Anyways long story short.., I felt a ...

A.   5 April 2016: He sounds like an arrogant chancer to me: one who thought you’d be easily sweet-talked around without him having to make any effort at all. He’ll be in to you when it suits him, but don’t expect him to make any effort to fight for you. You even had ... (read in full...)

Am I potentially getting myself tangled in something too big for me to handle?

Q.   I met a guy online about a month ago. After our 2nd date he started telling me some really personal stuff about himself. I got a run down of all the problems he has ever had in his life including an 8 year relationship that ended badly and his suff...

A.   4 April 2016: I’m going to agree with the previous posters. Unfortunately this man is not ready for a relationship now. He is too consumed by his issues and the possible return of depression to be emotionally available enough to build a good, healthy ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin's wife. What should I do? My cousin no longer trusts me

Q.   Im in love with my cousins wife. Im 20 and she is in her thirties. I moved in with my cousin in September. Within a couple of months my cousins wife made a move on me when he was at work and her son was up stairs asleep i was shocked at first...

A.   4 April 2016: You won’t get the exact same connection again, simply because everyone is different. Will you find some-one else with whom you will feel equally fulfilled? Yes, in all likelihood. A year is nothing, so wait it out but what I’ve been trying to say ... (read in full...)

I'd like more with my "straight curious" friend

Q.   Hello everybody hope all is well on your end I will start with me I don't have many friends and don't get many social encounters however recently I made friends with a boy through social media we met it was great I'm usually awkward and quite when ...

A.   4 April 2016: I’m sorry but you’ve totally confused yourself here, let alone me. He can’t be straight but definitely want to be in a relationship with a guy. Maybe he’s gay and not out to many people, or maybe what he did with you was an experiment (as it ... (read in full...)

Why do some guys lie about losing their virginity?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together six months. Last week we talked about having sex for the first time. I asked would I be his first and he didn't answer, he just retorted by asking would he be mine. I said no, I was not a virgin. He then began ...

A.   4 April 2016: It’s commonly said that guys mature later than girls. Young teenaged girls often lie to each other about either how much sexual experience they have, or how amazing it was. They grow out of it. Now imagine a twenty-something guy has a similar ... (read in full...)

My dad is having an affair! Will it last?

Q.   My dad is having an affair with the tennant that lives in our house that we rent. She is literally the scum of the earth (this is not an opinion). She is possibly on job-seekers allowance, claiming benefits, she's never owned her own house ever, all ...

A.   4 April 2016: YouWish’s answer may seem harsh but I’m afraid it’s entirely correct. Your mother and you should not have him dictating who can visit you, or trying to keep hold of the right to any say over what his wife does whilst he carries on with a mistress he ... (read in full...)

We have great sexual chemistry but there are red flags all over. Should I continue or leave him?

Q.   I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We are both young I'm 20 he is 21. I'm in university and he has a part time job. We have amazing sexual chemistry and he is a very considerate and affectionate guy, a "good guy. But he has broken some ...

A.   4 April 2016: Call it quits. If you could really look past these issues, I’d encourage you to be open-minded and see how it goes for a bit longer. But it’s quite clear to me that you can’t. These things are stopping you from considering him acceptable dating ... (read in full...)

Should I respond to my ex? Do you think I would look like a fool if I did? Or should I leave it and just delete his number?

Q.   3 days ago, my ex boyfriend texted me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch and catch up. I decided to ignore the text completely, but honestly it has been on my mind constantly ever since. I think the reason this is botherin...

A.   4 April 2016: I would reply stating that if he has something he wishes to tell you, just let you know now – a meeting over lunch is not necessary. He can just send a text or a message. That way, if there is something you need to know he should tell you, but ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin's wife. What should I do? My cousin no longer trusts me

Q.   Im in love with my cousins wife. Im 20 and she is in her thirties. I moved in with my cousin in September. Within a couple of months my cousins wife made a move on me when he was at work and her son was up stairs asleep i was shocked at first...

A.   4 April 2016: Sorry, I haven’t been on here for a couple of days. Yes you should text her less. I think you both need time completely apart from each other to figure out whether there is anything lasting, or workable here. You begin your follow-up stating that ... (read in full...)

I don't want to hurt him but we're not compatible. How do I exit this relationship?

Q.   This is going to sound so bad but I really need help. There's this guy, a co-worker who came by my workplace as temporary. We got along very well and became friendly. He met my family due to his offering to help us shop for a home. My mom told me ...

A.   2 April 2016: I agree with the previous posters. You have to be cruel to be kind – string him along out of misplaced kindness and further down the road he’ll get much more hurt. Tell him that you need to be honest with him about your feelings and explain that you ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin's wife. What should I do? My cousin no longer trusts me

Q.   Im in love with my cousins wife. Im 20 and she is in her thirties. I moved in with my cousin in September. Within a couple of months my cousins wife made a move on me when he was at work and her son was up stairs asleep i was shocked at first...

A.   2 April 2016: How complicated! You know the saying that 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Whatever your cousin has done, it doesn’t make what his wife is doing (and what you’re doing with her) acceptable. You need to think seriously about this. Is there anything more ... (read in full...)

Can someone who cheated on their partner ever gain self-respect again as a person, whether they decide to stay or end the relationship?

Q.   My morals are the one thing I always prided myself in having. I rarely lied (even then I can't flat out lie, more like white lies or divert the answer), obedient to parents (never sneaked out etc.), I don't curse, and I have a strong faith in God, I ...

A.   30 March 2016: My view is that you didn’t do anything wrong. Even friends hold hands and hug. You saw that you were developing an attraction to this man and you walked away. You didn’t cheat, you just felt tempted to. IT is human nature to find other people ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be fired but feel uncomfortable with what my boss is requesting me to do

Q.   I started my job yesterday as an administrative assistant, at a private accounting firm. My boss told me today she wants me to call tomorrow a credit card company and be her and ask them to waive a fee for her. I feel kind of uncomfor...

A.   30 March 2016: Impersonating another person is fraud. She knows it. If you offered to make the call on her behalf, that wouldn’t be illegal (as you’re being honest about who you are), but the company is unlikely to deal with you especially if it’s a personal ... (read in full...)

Will his friend be thinking I am an absolute idiot to still stay with him? I think my husband took another girl's number while away with the army

Q.   Hey. I need to know if I'm being silly or not. Last month my husband went away abroad with the army to malta and while he was there got girls numbers etc to be honest Anyway he wants us to go out with a guy and his gf, the guy we are meeting wen...

A.   30 March 2016: I think they’re more likely to think he was the idiot for doing that kind of thing with a wife back at home. If they are decent people, they will respect you for sticking by your man. Don’t worry about it. Hold your head up high. It’s not a sign of ... (read in full...)

Do I have a right to feel uncomfortable? Everyone has a past, but my boyfriend keeps dropping bombshells

Q.   I have had a wonderful few months with my boyfriend but he just keeps dropping bombshells. The first was about a one night stand he had in his unhappy marriage two years ago which he regretted. Then he told me he uses alcohol as an emotiona...

A.   30 March 2016: I think you need to go with your gut on this one. I think you clearly have a balanced view: you’re not looking to condemn some-one for their past, and do seem to understand that anyone can make a mistake. Yet despite this, you still feel uneasy and ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is a dad, and the child's mother hates me!

Q.   Hey everyone thank you in advance for helping me I am having an issue here and need advice desperately. For the last 5 months I have been dating a great man who has a 4 year old son with his ex fiancé, a woman who he still remains close wi...

A.   29 March 2016: To be honest, this could be worse. Yes, I’m sure her comments are unpleasant, and to have said what she did about your appearance whilst you were there is the height of rudeness. But remember you chose to look at her Facebook. She is not harassing ... (read in full...)

I don’t know why I don’t want to have sex! What can I do?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for a year now with my boyfriend and i love him very much and i am sexually attracted to him. We haven't had sex for over a month because i don't want to, i don't know why. I find it annoying when he touches me and hate ...

A.   16 March 2016: I think you need to think very carefully about whether you have gone off sex, or gone off it with him. You say that you’re sexually attracted to him but then say that it annoys you when he touches you. That’s a lot more than just not being horny. Is ... (read in full...)

My friend slept with my FWB gal. Do I have the right to be upset?

Q.   So I would like some opinions on this topic. This is an area I've never treaded into before and would like some perspectives. I've had a friends with benefits relationship for the past 5 months. We have a bit of a different style relationship than ...

A.   16 March 2016: So it’s no strings until you don’t like the person she chooses to sleep with is it? Okay, so you’re not mad at her (which makes little sense really), but she now has to deal with the fact that there is some division between you and your friend. ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to start things over with my alcoholic husband whom I don't trust?

Q.   I am 27 and married with three young children. I felt pressured into marrying my husband after our first child was born, and I really thought if I loved him enough we could make it work. He loves me. He loves the kids. He works hard, but he is ...

A.   14 March 2016: I agree with NORA B’s very good answer here. You have placed your trust in this man before and been let down. It does sound like he may really be turning a corner this time and is putting in real effort to be a better husband and father. That is o... (read in full...)

He just wanted to hook up...why is he texting me ?

Q.   I posted a thread about a guy who was giving the impression that he just wanted sex and subsequently disappeared when I made it clear that I'm looking for someone to date . Here is recap of this saga -I met a guy when I was out and he gave me h...

A.   23 February 2016: He wants sex. He’s made no effort to get to know you or to find anything out about you. He could have said straight away that he wanted to get to know you properly too, but he sent a weird, vague response in the hope that you wouldn’t see it as a ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend would rather go into the bathroom and wank off than to touch me

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 yrs and he won't touch me sexually he'd much rather go into the bathroom and lock the door and watch other females and he chats with them and tells them that he wants to go down on them and then make love ...

A.   23 February 2016: I think MissKin is absolutely right. It’s one thing to masturbate; it’s quite another to actually chat to girls and discuss with them what he wants to do to them. Even pornography, which is just the impersonal viewing of images, isn’t as bad as ... (read in full...)

What is the difference between friends and more than friends?

Q.   My best friend and I are asexual. i live in a house with her and her dog. Where is the line drawn between friends and more? We're so close, I've never had a friend that knows me as well as she does, yet we insist on labeling ourselves as friends. ...

A.   23 February 2016: For most people, once the relationship becomes sexual, that is where the boundary has been crossed. You are asexual which is rare and makes things a little different, since there is unlikely to be a sexual dimension to your relationship (I say ... (read in full...)

What's going on with me, and with us? We are FWB, but we can't get enough of each other.

Q.   I have a woman that I absolutely LOVE to have sexual relations with, I mean, I feel almost addictive about it. We are friends, and we hang out. But the sexual tension is unlike anything I've ever experienced before and our sex is just unbelievable. ...

A.   10 February 2016: “Super lustful,” you say. That is the answer to your question: you’ve fallen in lust at least, for this woman. All your sexual needs are being met to your satisfaction, which is why you’re completely focussed on her. You don’t describe any desire ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend hinted that her ex was large!

Q.   Okay, my gf claims she was a virgin. We are both just turned 18. I have had doubts stemming from us sleeping together the second time we were in a house together after being official for a couple of weeks, her mentioning her ex having a panic attack ...

A.   5 February 2016: Why would a virgin think she was pregnant? If she’s that ill-informed about how it all works, she shouldn’t be having sex with anyone. I can see why you have your doubts, but I have to ask why it matters anyway? The past is the past. You don’t ... (read in full...)

Should I confess to my parents?

Q.   i am 13 and I have been masturbating since I was 11 and my brother did masturbate and got caught and now he is not allowed any electronics so what should I do..... Should I tell them or what? ...

A.   5 February 2016: There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Masturbating is a normal thing to do and the overwhelming majority of people do it. Like Ciar, I think that if your brother was masturbating privately and discretely, your parents were harsh to punish him. ... (read in full...)

On average how many weeks should yu message someone online before suggesting meeting?

Q.   I am a gay female,retrying online dating. On average how many weeks should yu message someone online before suggesting meeting? I have met people before online but the site I'm on now is different. We were matched 3.5 weeks ago and ha...

A.   1 February 2016: Some people don’t get hints. Some people are actually quite happy using sites as platforms to chat without feeling the need to meet. The point about online dating is that it can be very confusing and hard to read another person’s intentions. If you ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid I'm starting to get some kind of sex dysfunction but I'm not sure why this would happen

Q.   51 y.o. male here. I no my body very well and I take care of it. I workout every other day and I take vitamin and enzyme and amino acid by the handful. I use the Paleo diet, only drink mineral water, eat a lot of eggs everyday, I avoid gluten and ...

A.   1 February 2016: IT depends on what’s causing the premature ejaculation and whether this is a new problem or a problem you’ve had all your life. It could be a physical or a psychological issue, or a combination of both. I recommend going to a GP and perhaps finding ... (read in full...)

How could I be so dumb?

Q.   How come I was so dumb, I work hard at my job, single parent, an now my teenager, had a baby, so, I take of a baby now too, I met someone, everything was going great I thought, I treated her like women always said, they like being treated, like an ...

A.   1 February 2016: I agree with Denizen’s very good response. There is a saying in Britain: “Treat them mean, keep them keen.” I don’t agree with it: you should never be mean to anyone, and if you are they might just go off you. The point of it, though, is that you ... (read in full...)

If I have to ask "where is this relationship going?" the answer is probably "nowhere".

Q.   I am a 54 yo female, divorced for 6 years, no children. He is a 60 yo male, divorced for 5 years, he has a 20 yo son who lives out west, another son who lives away as a college freshman and a third son who lives with him who is a HS sophomore. ...

A.   28 January 2016: My assessment is similar to Eddie’s to be honest: this isn’t going anywhere. I wouldn’t bother with this guy. He is plainly not interested in a more serious relationship or even a deeper friendship with you. Sure, you could ask him outright what he ... (read in full...)

I slept with my brother's friend and hated it

Q.   I recently slept with my brother's friend. I knew the guy for a couple years and had a crush on him. We get along well and share common interests like playing boardgames so we always play games together with my brother. Whenever I hang out with that ...

A.   28 January 2016: Wise up lady! How do you know what kind of relationship he and his girlfriend had? You offered him no-strings sex and so he probably told you exactly what you wanted to hear about what his girlfriend would, or wouldn’t mind. Do you think he’d tell ... (read in full...)

What should I do? Is it wrong to have sex without marriage?

Q.   I will be 70 next year and I have had no sex for many years since my husband passed away I am also a Christian and my Christianity tells me that sex before marriage is wrong can I please have your thoughts on this I'm not looking to get married and ...

A.   24 January 2016: This is a matter of individual conscience to be honest. I could tell you that it’s totally wrong, or that it’s absolutely fine and either would just be an opinion which you would either agree or disagree with. My opinion (as a Christian to) is that ... (read in full...)

My Bf and I, both 14, kiss a lot. Should I be worried about the recent way he's behaving when we kiss?

Q.   my boyfriend and me have been in what i would say is a serious relationship for about 6 months. We are the same age and have got to the point where we kiss a lot, for a long time. recently, whilst kissing he's been pulling me a lot closer than usua...

A.   24 January 2016: You’ve had good advice. What he is doing, as RubyBirtle explains well, is perfectly normal in that this is how a physical relationship develops. I’m not sure why you used the word “paranoid.” If you mean is anything wrong, the answer is no: this is ... (read in full...)

I finally got a call for a job but now I'm feeling like I just want to stay unemployed. Why?

Q.   hi Dearcupids, my problem is not about relationships or love etc... I am an engineer I was unemployed for last 2 years. I always kept trying to get a job, I was very keen to be self-dependent. I often felt so insecure when my college mates got a ...

A.   24 January 2016: You’re doing great. You might not have liked being at home, but you got comfortable with it. Now a big change in your life is coming. Facing the unknown is always daunting. Starting a new job is never easy, but it is particularly difficult if you’ve ... (read in full...)

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