| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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I don't understand why my ex is ignoring me?
Q. why is my ex ignoring me? :( me and my ex broke up about 2 and a half months ago, at the time it was because we didn't have the time to see each other enough and had a massive argument about it, but i've since found out he was/ is scared of commitme...
A. 10 August 2012: He’s ignoring you because, remember, you cut the contact in the first place and now he’s doing exactly what you wanted and you’re unhappy about being ignored. Whilst I understand that you’re concerned for him, you might appear to be playing games ... (read in full...)
Should I text my guy friend?
Q. He's a friend I made at college and he's awesome. I liked him, he wasn't interested that way, it was a little awkward but we're cool now. I do not want him to know that I'm still into him. We've talked just a few times over the summer (he mostly ...
A. 10 August 2012: He’s probably just enjoying his summer and been too busy to go on-line, you certainly shouldn’t get yourself stressed over this. Just send him something along the lines of: “Hey, how’s things?” Then maybe a bit about what you’ve been up to, ... (read in full...)
Do I deserve someone better? Or does he?
Q. Hi ,I was with my boyfriend for 2 years when he cheated on me I was that angry that I left flat 2 days after as I find out I am so jealous of him having another and I love him. I was jealous that he liked another girl as they been working together. ...
A. 10 August 2012: He cheated, and does not seem to regret that at all. You thought you had forgiven him, but you ended up getting completely paranoid, checking his phone and on-line accounts and not trusting him even when you didn’t find any evidence. So, what makes ... (read in full...)
His FB status says married. Do you think this means they're together? He is a joker
Q. There's this guy I met at the very end of my exchange and we hooked up on my last night there. It's been almost 6 weeks now and on Facebook he's just put that he's in a relationship with some girl but it says "Married". I know that he is de...
A. 10 August 2012: He could have started a relationship with the girl after your encounter and therefore he did not cheat on her with you. But as you said, it’s going nowhere between you anyway so don’t worry about it. Maybe it’ll become clear over time whether ... (read in full...)
Lies? Falseness? Who is being truthful and who is being something else in this situation?
Q. So, my closest friend's best friend basically ditched her for her bestfriend and since then we became really close. However now she has just split with her boyfriend of 12 months and the girl who used to be her bestfriend is now saying that she...
A. 10 August 2012: One of the quickest ways to spoil a friendship is to get possessive over that friend, and jealous where others try to be there for that person. In some ways, it’s harder to deal with friendship jealousy than it is jealousy in a relationship, because ... (read in full...)
I think my b/f is bisexual but he denies it and won't talk about it
Q. Well, about a month ago one of my boyfriends cousins told me that my boyfriend had dated a guy long distance before. I was curious so I openly asked my boyfriend if he was bisexual, I told him that if he was I'd still love him and that it wouldnt ...
A. 10 August 2012: There’s definitely something to this. One story from a cousin you might be able to dismiss as a joke, but his own admission that he has had a sexual encounter with another man, and this advert that appeared on his phone, is just all too much ... (read in full...)
Should I talk with her again or move on?
Q. i am 20 year old college student. i am not in a relationship. when i joined my college 2 year ago i met with a girl. we became very good friends . for 1 year we were good friends but the class mates used to tease us that we are bf n gf and not fri...
A. 10 August 2012: Call her and explain to her that you had a great friendship, and that other people’s nastiness got in the way of that. Tell her how important her friendship is to you, apologise for whatever mistakes you made, and ask her if you can patch things up. ... (read in full...)
My cheater boyfriend doesn't trust me even I never cheat..
Q. So..I have been dating with this guy for over one and a half year. He is 30s and I'm 20s. Age is not a problem for me as I love him and used to prefer mature guys. Basically he has quite a lot of affairs - around one every three months..anyways ...
A. 10 August 2012: The only thing you can do is either accept this situation as it is right now, or leave him! He’s not going to change. He’s a cheat, he doesn’t care about you. And he thinks that everyone else is like him. That’s the thing about people who cheat: ... (read in full...)
Am I mean? Should I share more of my money with my girlfriend?
Q. I am 32, my girlfriend of four years is 27. I have a degree and believe in hard work and applying myself to achieve my goals and live well. My gf is not financially motivated and does not want to progress at work, she just wants to get by which is ...
A. 9 August 2012: You’re not awful, but you do resent the financial gap a lot more than you acknowledge: you’re in denial about this a bit I’m afraid. Your girlfriend’s friends and family should not be expecting you to pay for everything for her, with no children to ... (read in full...)
I want to be her friend again, But I also want her to stay away from my boyfriend!
Q. im in high school and the and my boyfriends ex girlfriend keeps hanging around him!!! she hangs around his form room sometimes which is kinda awkward as we used to be bestfriends in primary school but scince high school we grew appart. Recently we ...
A. 7 August 2012: It sounds like it’s going to be pretty hard to keep her away from him. You’re forgetting that your boyfriend has the ability to make choices for himself: she might be doing all the chasing, but what does that matter if it’s you he wants to be with? ... (read in full...)
Should I be scared about him having kids? Or will it just turn out fine?
Q. Hi! Firstly, my keyboard is playin up and swopping my y and zs!! So I hope you can all read my post. I have a very simple question, I want to know if I should be scared about my new life basically!! I have a wonderful bloke, he treats ...
A. 7 August 2012: Don’t get too anxious because of all those bad stories about relationships where kids are involved. Yes, sometimes things do go wrong, but that’s pretty much always because one person can’t accept the children as part of the package. In your case, ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my 12 year old daughters friend?
Q. It's not love question, but something that's really troubling me, and it seems like there is no way out of this situation. My daughter is 12. She has a best friend for the past 6 years, a girl that they used to go to school with. The fact is th...
A. 7 August 2012: You’re doing all the right things. When she starts complaining, tell her that she should talk through any concerns with her mother and that you’re not prepared to discuss it. Of course as the parent you can impose your own limits on how often she ... (read in full...)
I think about my crush and he appears. Does it mean anything?
Q. I have had a crush on a really cute Asian boy for about 10 months now. I'm always dreaming about him and it feels so real. Sometimes when I'm randomly talking about him, he suddenly appears. At times I think about him and end up bumping into him. ...
A. 6 August 2012: If he doesn’t know how you feel about him, it’s pretty irrelevant. Even if you do believe that it’s fate, destiny or whatever you would prefer to call it, he can’t read your mind. If you’ve liked him for 10 months perhaps it’s time you let him know ... (read in full...)
Was he being rude or protective? opinions please
Q. Hey guys. I went on a night out, and I have a male best friend who is four years older than I am. Now before he knew I was planning to have a night out, he claimed to not be going out this weekend. Yet somehow he managed to be in ever single plac...
A. 6 August 2012: It sounds like he was a bit jealous that some-one else was walking you home and making sure you got back safely, which he as your best friend felt that he should be doing. That does seem a little childish, but remember it’s not just within ... (read in full...)
What can I do about his father who does not like me? I did nothing wrong. We reunited after a break up. my family like him
Q. hello, right now I am very annoyed and upset and confused! my boyfriend and I recently had a break up however we did make up, This is the brief story of what happend. I caught my boyfriend sending messages to lots of girls in a flirty way. I...
A. 6 August 2012: To be honest there’s not much you can do apart from keep your dignity and be polite to his father. If you give him every cause to like you, you’ll make his behaviour look more unreasonable and expose the unacceptable way he’s treating you. Was it ... (read in full...)
A misunderstanding between us has got out of control. Was it the way I acted? Or is money another issue here?
Q. I met my bf 2 days ago. As it was already evening we decided to go to a supermarket and go back home. I bought some chocolates and he just picked some $1 battery so I paid them with my things. While we were leaving he started his bike and as I wa...
A. 4 August 2012: If you excused him of the college fees debt, you shouldn’t then ask for it back in a fight. A gift is a gift, though perhaps in future you should be more cautious about letting people off paying back what they owe. Your problem is a communication ... (read in full...)
I've been single forever. How can I have someone in my life and get over my loneliness?
Q. I'm a 29 yr old female, who has been single forever, I just don't think it's on, as people say that I am warm, considerate,kind, generous, well basically everything any one would actually want. All the people I have asked, have said they just wan...
A. 4 August 2012: Don’t give up on friendships. The best relationships start from good friendships. You can find all the things you describe with close friends. The point to remember is that whilst people often talk about there being some-one for everyone, they ... (read in full...)
Any advice for a 44 year old virgin? I tried an escourt but had Erectile Dysfunction so she suggested a longer visit next time.
Q. I recently visited an escort agency to have sex for the first time at 44yrs of age but was unable to obtain an erection and nothing happened. Of course i was nervous even though the lady was very attractive, i booked for an hour. She suggeste...
A. 4 August 2012: I remember you from before. There was a very good reason for cautioning you against visiting the escort. I said it would only add to your anxieties and not make you feel better, which seems to have been the case. In terms of your erections, do you ... (read in full...)
How do I support my grandson?
Q. I am in my mid 60s an I work 8 hours 4 days a week in a supermarket. I have 6 children, 24 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren. 6 of my grandchildren have lived with me at some point for one reason or another. I am a widow so it's just me, one ...
A. 4 August 2012: As you know there’s only so much you can do, which can be frustrating. It does sound like he’s had a rough deal but even so he’s at an age now where he has to understand that we are responsible for our own choices and decisions and that he is ... (read in full...)
Should I move to my sons fathers town or stay here? I need to do what's best for my son!
Q. hi all, i'll try and keep this short.. I am in a long distance relationship with my baby (19 months)s father. We've been together for nearly 3 yrs. Lately we've been talking about the future, and the plan we made when jacob was born was he'd finish ...
A. 3 August 2012: Actually, your boyfriend’s being selfish. You give up the college course that’s going to improve your job prospects, you move up to where he lives even though it’s hard to get work there, and what exactly does he give up? IT seems you’re making all ... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to clear acne?
Q. I've had acne for 7 years now and it's really knocked my confidence and i've never had a boyfriend because of it. I've tried high street products such as clearasil, clean and clear, freederm and neutrogena but they haven't helped atall. I've also ...
A. 3 August 2012: Try natural remedies before visiting a doctor. Tea Tree oil applied to the affected area is a good solution to clear up spots. Buy some of that and see if it helps.
I wish you all the very best.
... (read in full...)
Should I make the first move? I want us to be in a relationship!
Q. Hi everyone, there is this guy that I like and have liked for a long time. We talk and flirt with each other but it never goes beyond that. I really want us to be in a relationship, but I don't think he has ever thought if me in any way other than ...
A. 3 August 2012: If you want to take things further, make the first move. In reality, you can carry on giving him clues but there’s no way of knowing that he’s getting the hint. It’s far better to be upfront about your feelings than try and make others guess because ... (read in full...)
Why would my ex go behind his new wife's back to talk to me?
Q. ex bf's new wife told me she didn't want us talking to each other, she called me. But my ex said it's not a problem and he will talk behind her back. Why would he go against what she wants??...
A. 3 August 2012: Who knows, but don’t get involved with it. Tell him you won’t be doing anything behind anyone’s back and that you don’t want to get involved with the politics of his new marriage. As for why he’s doing it, is their marriage in trouble? Is he the ... (read in full...)
What do I do from here? After our separation?
Q. My wife started talking to an old boy friend they wound up together and we wound up seperated. I was going through radiation treatments and real sick. We r back together but it is still hurting our relationship... would like to hear comments about ...
A. 2 August 2012: Be clearer on what the problem is exactly. You don’t have to post it back to us if you don’t wish (though we could probably advise you better if you did), but you need to figure this out for yourself. Are you angry? Do you feel let down by her? Or ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's a little wrong for my sister to treat our Mum this way?
Q. Long story cut short - try to anyway. My sister is 35 years old and I am 19 years old. When I was 16, I fell pregnant. I decided to keep my baby and she didn't want me to. My mum and dad supported me thankfully and I had a daughter who is ...
A. 2 August 2012: This is a very unusual situation, and so I must apologise in advance if I’ve misunderstood it as I had to read it through several times. Your sister sounds like she has cut your mother out of her life, because your mother supported you through your ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? I masturbate watching painful anal sex!
Q. Hi! I'm a 32-year-old female, married. I love my sex life with my husband, yet sometimes I feel the urge to masturbate watching porn, especially porn where girls have painful anal sex (which is something I'd never dream of doing) but that turns me ...
A. 2 August 2012: Firstly, you should remember that people are turned on by all kinds of things. Sometimes to others they may seem completely odd, but to that person it’s what excites them. There is no normal. So you’re certainly not some kind of deviant because of ... (read in full...)
Getting the passion back in my marriage after affair
Q. I'm 30 years old, married for little over a year and I'm really struggling in my relationship with my husband. To paint a bit of background: shortly after we got married (a few months) my husband suffered from his first manic/bipolar episode. During ...
A. 2 August 2012: It is unfortunate that you’ve got a wait before you can return to the UK to access counselling services as this is really needed. However, you need to remember one simple fact: your husband chose you. In fact, he didn’t really choose anyone else. He ... (read in full...)
He says he's never felt like this. Was he being territorial with the love bite? Jealous of my friend? Or moving too soon to make it official?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks. We've seen each other most days... been on dates, I've been to his, met his parents. He goes out of his way to see me, treats me respectfully. We were in his bedroom, things were getting heated. He said ...
A. 2 August 2012: There are certainly red flags here. It sounds like he’s jealous of your friend, he’s making it clear that he doesn’t like your attention being elsewhere. That’s why he gave your friend dirty looks, made a point of giving you a love bite (which by ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's dad walked in on us!
Q. im 16, my girlfriend is also 16, she is 7 months older than me. i was at her house today in the garage and her dad walked in on us going at it and our pants had just pulled up before he could see anything and said to his daughter, "what are you ...
A. 2 August 2012: Her dad is angry and upset. Yes, everyone knows that teenagers have sex, probably too young and too soon but they do. That doesn’t mean he actually wants to see his little girl in that position. You should have a little sympathy for him, it’s a hard ... (read in full...)
How do you cope with a controlling friend?
Q. hey, so my question is how do you cope with a controlling friend? Me and my boyfriend had an argument, nothing major, but i thougth our relationship was over i felt tlike he didnt care, but he proved wrong, he begged for me back i kept saying n...
A. 1 August 2012: She’s a very insecure person. She dislikes your boyfriend because she sees him as competition for your attention. That’s why she only wants to know you when you and your boyfriend fall out. She probably wants you to split up so that she can be the ... (read in full...)
My ex and her friends have turned my new girlfriends life into a living hell
Q. Okay so I dated this girl for a while and we even got engaged. We broke up because I made a horrible mistake. I wasn’t attracted to her and I didn’t love her, I proposed because I thought it was the right thing to do. When I realized that it was ...
A. 1 August 2012: Continue to ignore your ex, you were honest with her about the fact that it’s over between you and she’s obviously having trouble accepting that. If you kept in contact with her that wouldn’t help. You don’t really give much detail about how she’s ... (read in full...)
I used my dad's condoms and now I am worried he'll find out
Q. I found 3 condoms in my dad's dresser but the expired over a year a ago so i used one then a few months another one and today i used the last one. My parents fight some what and don't sleep together in the same room, but i watched the last one for a ...
A. 31 July 2012: Firstly, stop using condoms that have expired. They may not work as effectively. Secondly, don’t take what isn’t yours, buy your own. You should replace them, and unless he knows and agrees that it’s okay, you shouldn’t be looking through your ... (read in full...)
I feel miserable after I ejaculate/Orgasm
Q. I feel miserable after I ejaculate/Orgasm. I have never been satisfied with masturbation and now I have started being sexually active again after some time I was hoping I would enjoy orgasm more but I get the feelings of being loved up with the ...
A. 30 July 2012: Two thoughts spring to mind:
1) Your body is awash with hormones and chemicals when you have sex, that’s what makes it so pleasurable. There’s bound to be some kind of come-down afterwards, perhaps some people feel it more acutely than others. A lo... (read in full...)
Do posters on Dear Cupid frame their questions in a way that would lead to them getting answers which they unknowingly want?
Q. This isn't a question about myself, it's about all of us in general who post questions here on dearcupid. I think it's an odd set up because, like with any agony aunt site, the only information the answerer has to go on lies with the questioner, and ...
A. 30 July 2012: Sometimes it is the case that people have an idea of what they want to hear, yes. But I don’t think it’s reflected in the way they phrase the question, it’s reflected in what they do with the advice. In one extreme instance, a young lady was so ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got drunk and cheated, she's devastated but I'm not sure what to do
Q. So here's the situation. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 months and things were going absolutely perfect for us until yesterday/today. She went out to a pub with a friend on sunday night, she asked me if i wanted to go however i ...
A. 30 July 2012: As you said, there are no excuses, but it does sound like she’s truly sorry and utterly devastated by her actions. If she’s this upset by it, it’s unlikely that she’ll do it again. She certainly should reduce her drinking, if she makes such terrible ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and all my friends have a girlfriend except me!
Q. I a 13 year old guy. I want to know if it is wired that I don't have a girlfriend. All of my frIends do and I want to know If it is weird for me not to have one at this age. ...
A. 30 July 2012: It’s not weird in the slightest, plenty of guys your age don’t have a girlfriend. Don’t worry about it, or what your friends do. Wait until you find a girl you like and don’t rush to go out with any girl just to be the same as your friends.
I wis... (read in full...)
Ex lives the good life while I struggle to make ends meet for myself and our child. Should I take him to court?
Q. I was with my partner for 3 years, we have a two year old child together. I called it quits due to arguing and him not trusting me. So we have been apart for 2 months now, and I am trying to be civil for our child, I have been trying to arrange a ...
A. 30 July 2012: He should be making regular payments for his child. What a pity it is that he’s unable to separate his feelings for you with his responsibilities as a father and is letting his child suffer because of his anger towards the mother. If talking and ... (read in full...)
I screwed up majorly!
Q. I screwed up majorly so i was invited to go with a group of 4 to hang at the state fair. great idea! i was thinking, yo, thus gives me a chance to hang with the girl i really like and i can drop hints about my feelings for her and she of she resp...
A. 29 July 2012: You need to stop apologising. She knows that you’re sorry and didn’t want to offend her, just keep saying hello and trying to act normally when you see her and it’ll help the awkwardness pass. The more you keep mentioning it, the more you re-enforce ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend left me for another guy and I then trashed her place. Is there any hope for reconciliation?
Q. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for almost four years. We had an incredible bond, and shared a close life together. We also lived together, up until recently. Years ago, I left her for someone else, due to communication issues, but then we got back ...
A. 29 July 2012: This relationship was totally dysfunctional from the start. It would have to be for you to think that the way to make a lasting relationship is to start casually dating other people. She’s cheated, you’ve both dated other people, and now she’s ... (read in full...)
I had a period every month but dr. told me I'm 4 months pregnant! Has this happened to anyone else?
Q. Yesterday I went to my gynea and he told me I'm 4 months preg. Wat confuses me is that I've been having my periods every month and except for a growing stomach I'v had no symptom o reason to bliv m pregnant. My dr was puzzled too did sum ...
A. 29 July 2012: There are reasons why this can happen. In the first month it is called implantation bleeding (or spotting) and is lighter than your normal period. It’s bleeding resulting from the implantation of the embryo. If these apparent periods go on for more ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me "boxy", I don't know what that means.
Q. This is going to sound very silly but I'm really puzzled! My boyfriend rang me when I was picking up something from a store today! I didn't have much reception so I said il call u back when I get home.. I rang him bk he didn't answer then about 10...
A. 29 July 2012: It’s not a word I’ve ever heard of before. IT seems as though it’s a slang word. Urban Dictionary offers several meanings so I think it confuses the situation rather than clarifies it. Tell him what you think it means and see what he says. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
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