| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Is it really my call to pull my alcoholic boyfriend out of rehab?
Q. I need some help and guidance here because I don't know what i am doing or if im doing the right thing anymore. Right ---- so my boyfriend of six months has entered a rehab program for alcohol addiction and due to problems inside there (some guy ...
A. 6 October 2014: You are absolutely right that if you allow him to leave rehab, put him up and put money in his pocket, he’ll go straight back to drink, because he’s learned that he will always be shielded from rock bottom by others. You’d be enabling him to carry ... (read in full...)
Should I wait, or should I have some one night stands?
Q. Hi, this is a slightly embarrassing question and I know there's no one correct answer. I just want some opinions/advice/comments from those who have been in a similar situation. I'm female, nineteen, in my second year of university, and ...
A. 5 October 2014: Avoid one night stands, absolutely without question a very bad idea. I’ve known people who’ve gone down that path thinking it was a substitute for an intimate relationship, and been left hurt and disappointed, and ultimately more empty and ... (read in full...)
I thought he liked me! What happened?
Q. A co-worker and I really hit it off when we met. He kept calling me pretty and beautiful, he kept telling me the dates me wanted to take me on, he said I was an amazing girl and he couldn't get over how I could be single. He would call me and we ...
A. 5 October 2014: Sadly he didn’t like you quite as much as you thought. If you had sex with him, he probably had got what he wanted and simply moved on. If you didn’t, he probably got bored waiting and has simply turned his attention elsewhere. I’m sorry to have to ... (read in full...)
Married 7 years and cannot conceive. Have some to dread lovemaking. What should I do?
Q. hi agony aunt, I've been married for 7 years and yet to conceive. I use to have a very high sexual libido but not any more. I now dread my husband's touch and talk of love making ,its affecting my marriage. what do i do?...
A. 5 October 2014: The comprehensive advice you have been given by Abella is very good here and I agree fully with it. I was struck by something else in your post though: your feelings about sex with your husband, and I was wondering why you now dread making love ... (read in full...)
Attending college leaves me little time to work out
Q. Hi all! Hope everyone is having a good week. Some of you may remember I posted a question a few months back about losing weight, I bought an exercise bike and managed to lose a stone! However I am now having some problems with it, and would lo...
A. 5 October 2014: IT concerns me that you miss meals, this isn’t good. One solution is to make things at the weekend you can freeze and heat up during the week. The internet is full of student recipe ideas for busy people like you, not to mention the cook books that ... (read in full...)
She told me she has a boyfriend but now she's calling me every day
Q. Hi,i met a girl on some online dating,so we text for like 3months ,she told me she has a bf, but he does not take her seriously so when she tell me this i thought she gave me ammo,so we agreed to meet one day cause she stays almost 1hr away from my ...
A. 5 October 2014: This is some-one to avoid. She may well be very unhappy and neglected in her relationship but joining a dating site and meeting other men is out of order and not the way to deal with it. Either she should leave her boyfriend or stay and try to make ... (read in full...)
The Dismissive Avoidant
Q. For a lot of people, romantic relationships are the foundations of their lives, whether they have that relationship present, or they've just lost it and are looking for a way to rid themselves of the ache, or they're simply searching for it, the ...
A. 5 October 2014: I think this is an absolutely terrific article. The reality is, of course, that not every characteristic described will be present in every person who fits this “dismissive” type, but it does shine a light on a mindset that leads a person away from ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend more likely to cheat by associating with cheaters?
Q. I have a problem with two of my boyfriend's (boyfriend of 2.5 years) friends. He has three people that he considers his very best of friends: Me, a guy we shall refer to as B and a girl we shall refer to as G. I like both B and G as people. G ...
A. 5 October 2014: Perhaps you should criticise them a bit more. I’m not suggesting you tell your boyfriend to distance himself from them, unless of course you have concerns about him and G, something which YouWish is right to raise as an important question here. ... (read in full...)
I haven't had a significant other in years and I'm feeling very lonely
Q. I feel like I am dying of lonliness. It has been years since I have had a significant other. I meet men who are interested, but I am not. The last sexual encounter I had was a horrible one night stand because I was desperate to feel human (loved) ...
A. 5 October 2014: IT sounds like you’re doing all the right things that I would normally recommend: on-line dating, having an active social life and so-on. You are left feeling bad because your patience isn’t paying off so far, and the advice to keep being patient ... (read in full...)
My 17 year old niece was extremely rude to me
Q. Hi everyone, this might sound trivial but it is really upsetting me lately. My niece is 17 and throughout her teenage years she has been a typical sulky teen. However since her 17th birthday she has been downright rude to me. She lives in another ...
A. 5 October 2014: What an ungrateful girl. I have regular contact with my aunts, uncles and cousins and would be absolutely gutted if I lost contact with them.
If that’s what she wants, then apart from cards, leave her be: no gifts, no money, no nothing. Perhaps then... (read in full...)
I'm Hindu, he's a Roman Catholic and neither of our parents will budge
Q. Hi readers, I'm really in a mess. Belong to India and I am a Hindu. My bf is a Roman Catholic. His parents want me to convert and my parents are dead against getting converted. We both really love each other but due to caste issues, we both are...
A. 5 October 2014: I sympathise with what must be a dreadful dilemma for you both, having to choose between your love for each other and your love for your parents. It sounds like the religious and cultural objections to your being together are very deep and ... (read in full...)
I've never been attracted to anyone and it scares me
Q. I have never met anyone who has made me think "Wow, I want to be with you." I worry because I'm afraid it may never happen. Is this a common phenomenon? To make this clear, I do have sexual attraction to actors and such, but I've never had a cru...
A. 5 October 2014: Some feel the spark straight away, but for others they have to get to know a person before those feelings of attraction grow with time. I don’t think you’re unusual or going to miss out, I think you’re one of those people I described. You said you ... (read in full...)
Any advice or insight on obsessions?
Q. Hi all, I wondered if anyone had any advice or insight into obsessions, or had experienced similar situations any of their family or friends. I was very close to a young man, but it never really developed outside the friend stage. We were ver...
A. 3 October 2014: I really don’t see what the question is here. I’m afraid you’re wrong, he’s not a good person. He’s turned his back on his friends, refused to listen to advice, and even threatened you. And he’s done all this because he’s too foolish to see what’s ... (read in full...)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. Is that a turn-off?
Q. Hello my question is pretty simple...is being a virgin at an older age weird or a turn-off? The reason why I ask is because I read online that a some men are turned-off because of the awkwardness during intercourse due to not having any experience. ...
A. 3 October 2014: Everyone was a virgin once. Quite simply, any man whose worth your time and deserving of your affections, will take things at a pace you feel comfortable, will realise how special it is that you chose him to give up your virginity to, and will love ... (read in full...)
Is he really too scared to get attached or is that just an excuse?
Q. Hi, this could be a long question so bare with me. Ive written about this previously. I had a 'thing' with my boss who is now my ex boss.I knew him before I worked there. Its very personal as to how we met earlier on this year i was attacked...
A. 30 September 2014: I’m not sure of the purpose of this question. What is it you need to know? Is he telling the truth? It seems plausible enough that if he’s been hurt in the past he would fear getting attached again. There’s no proof he’s lying or playing games, but ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend of 7 years but have fallen for another man!
Q. Dear cupid,my heart is torn in two and I sincerely don't know what to do.I'm 28 years old and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7years now(I've been totally faithful to him) along the line he cheated twice but I forgave him, and ...
A. 30 September 2014: Only you can answer that. Are you staying with your current boyfriend because you love him? Or are you just comfortable and scared of the risk if you leave him for this other man? Being comfortable, or having some sense of loyalty or duty, are not ... (read in full...)
I would like to reconnect with my ex. Is it significan that he never changed his passwords when we brokeup?
Q. hi...i wanna know about my ex...we had broken about 2years but i still love my ex and i wanna get him back... i don't know his mind but he never changed all of the pass the accounts password even when we were apart...he blocked my acc but he never...
A. 30 September 2014: One day I’ll understand why people get so fixated on passwords, and start to think that what a person does with their passwords somehow holds the answer to some deep and meaningful life question. He didn’t change his passwords because he didn’t feel ... (read in full...)
How can this guy just hang out with me and not feel what we have?
Q. I'm a goner. Someone please help! I started seeing Mr X in June. We met online thru mutual friends (not dating site) at first he was very flirtatious and we talked a lot. It was a good flow. We went out and had a great time. No more then kissin...
A. 30 September 2014: What exactly is it you have? Because it’s not reciprocated love. You don’t have something special together, that’s what you want and are turning a blind eye to the fact that, unfortunately, he doesn’t. Whilst having sex after 3 weeks was a big ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling uneasy about sending risque photos of myself. How do I tell him I don't want to do that anymore?
Q. I've been sexting with this guy for a little less than 2 months. It's not only sexting because we talk about our day and other stuff non-sex related on a daily basis. Lately,(and not because of anything he's done), I'm worrying about the pictures...
A. 27 September 2014: You could actually make this far more complicated than it needs to be, by trying to think how you will explain it to him. The truth is, it’s your body, and all the risk is yours. It amazes me people continue to send such images with so many horror ... (read in full...)
What is appropriate? What type of support would be suitable to offer to a friend who has been diagnosed with oral cancer?
Q. Someone i know has recently been diagnosed with oral cancer, can you offer advice?. This is difficult for me to talk about. A man i know was diagnosed with oral cancer three weeks ago. The tumour is near his jaw. I am friends with this man, but ...
A. 27 September 2014: I am concerned that you are behaving and acting more like the girlfriend, than a supportive friend. I think it’s very telling that you said you liked him in that way and suspect he might to. You do need to pull back a bit. It sounds like he has been ... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but isn't doing what's necessary to get one
Q. My husband has never had a high sex drive, but when we first got together he would always be willing whenever I wanted to, and he always enjoyed it. Now I'm lucky if I can get him to have sex with me any time after 9pm and never just because we want ...
A. 8 September 2014: Janniepeg’s answer is sound here and you would do well to take on board what she has said. You are trying to slot sex in to a daily routine of working, sleeping, and getting stressed about many things. And then sex just becomes another one of those ... (read in full...)
I asked him not to see his ex but he did
Q. A few weeks back my boyfriend of over a year told me he was going to see his ex girlfriend because her sister was unwell and she'd asked for support. Theyve been broken up approximately 2 and a half years. My boyfriend and his ex had a bad break up. ...
A. 8 September 2014: I’m afraid this won’t be okay, firstly because he can’t respect your boundaries, and doesn’t seem bothered that his continued closeness with the ex bothers you, as it would many people. Secondly, he’s dishonest. He’s lying both to you and her. ... (read in full...)
Do you think there are more male FA's(forever alones) than female FA's, more male virgins out there than female virgins?
Q. and obviously I include more male late bloomers than female late bloomers, as in people that are like 25+ years of age and still a virgin or never dated, never had a boyfriend/girlfriend before, because that's what it seems like from searching on ...
A. 8 September 2014: As for FAs, we’d only know this by looking in to the lives of dead people, because arguably you can’t describe some-one as such until they have lived a complete life alone. Outside of groups who practice religious celibacy such as Catholic clergy, ... (read in full...)
Turning 21 Soon And Never Had A Boyfriend
Q. I'm 20, turning 21 very soon, I've never had a boyfriend and it's really depressing me. Any advice would be useful. I'm reasonably physically attractive, take care of my appearance, and have had my fair share of genuine offers from guys to go ...
A. 8 September 2014: I am turning 25 soon and have been single all my life so you are not the only one. Your lack of relationship experience at your age is not uncommon, and there is something else to consider: it isn’t how early your dating life starts that determines ... (read in full...)
How close is too close for cousins relationships with each other
Q. My brother is over a decade older than me and married with no children. Because of the economy my brother had to take a job in another state and he flies back home during the month. His first job was by our youngest female cousin who has always b...
A. 8 September 2014: The previous poster is right to caution you against getting overly involved here. You could ask your brother how his wife felt about it if this gift came up in conversation, but as you yourself have said your room to act is minimal here because it ... (read in full...)
Why is it easier texting than talking face to face?
Q. why is it easier texting and communicating via social media/email etc than talking face to face with some people? could be anyone someone you have recently met, or someone you already know. things are awkward face to face, or their maybe sile...
A. 7 September 2014: It’s easier to talk using various forms of messaging services because you don’t necessarily see all of the person’s reaction, and because it doesn’t have to seem to flow in the same way as real-time conversation. You can write some-one something, ... (read in full...)
Should I Be Annoyed With My Boyfriends Mum?
Q. I am a bit annoyed with my boyfriends mum. My boyfriends brother had a kid some months ago and his mum has that kids photo on her phone as a wallpaper instead of mine. I had my baby but she has not changed the photo from being of that other kid. ...
A. 7 September 2014: What should you make of this? It really is so trivial it’s not worth giving it any thought really. Is she a good person? Will she be a loving grandmother? Does she treat her grandchildren equally, acting as a loving figure in their lives? That’s the ... (read in full...)
Why does he trust me with his phone?
Q. Having a little fling/casual sex with a foreign guy from Germany and on our 3rd date/meeting where he's giving me a lift to his place, he tells me to keep his phone while he drives. He doesn't text and drive though. I just found it strange. I don't ...
A. 4 September 2014: Don’t look for problems that aren’t there. Not all men think women snoop, not all women do snoop, and not all men have something to hide. He’s obviously got nothing to hide, and presumably trusted you not to go snooping through his phone. And think ... (read in full...)
How do I go back to having my own opinions and not feeling bad if others don't agree?
Q. I have 2/3 close friends that I've known since I started high school (1 before hand), we keep in touch regularly and are my 'go to' girls when I'm looking for advice etc. We after on a lot if things but, like most friendship groups we do hav...
A. 4 September 2014: I can’t help wondering if there was some trigger for this, for example an occasion where you voiced an opinion and experienced negative consequences or a bad reaction from some-one for doing that. IT can be hard to disagree with friends but the ... (read in full...)
Should I walk away from the impending wedding or just give him another chance? My life is a total mess!
Q. My fiance and I been arguing a lot lately. We normally argue over the same things over and over again. Such as bills, wedding preps, punctuality and etc. Yesterday, he started to argue with me over my whatapp last seen and accuses me of ch...
A. 3 September 2014: You’ve answered your own question. He is totally uncommitted to this wedding, you’ve sacrificed everything for him and he doesn’t even trust you not to cheat. Don’t walk away, run away! As fast as you can from this disaster. A house and a few ... (read in full...)
I don't think the ex has a right to question our financial decisions
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. My boyfriend has a child with ex wife. Whenever we spend money on ourselves he gets questioned why money was spent on us, and who paid. Recently we went away for a short holiday. His son (13) phoned and asked why he spent money ...
A. 8 June 2014: They do lack respect. To be fair to your boyfriend, I suspect this behaviour from his son is being encouraged by his mother, so I can understand your boyfriend not wanting to have this out with his boy. But he should with his ex wife. Has it been ... (read in full...)
He wants proof I am telling the truth or he'll take the kids from me.
Q. OK so I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years and we have 2 kids. I went through a massive depression stage and I completely lost myself. I was drinking heavily. Well I was staying at his family's home in a different city while he stayed at his ...
A. 8 June 2014: This relationship is dead in the water, and that is no more than you deserve. You led his cousin on, who was in love with you, because you wanted attention, showing no regard for his feelings at all. And clearly you didn’t care a jot for your ... (read in full...)
I want her molester jailed
Q. I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 20. She is my life and I love her so much and i'd do anything for her. We are together 1year and half . Last night alot of things she told me about a guy who groomed her at 12 years to 14 and i cant get it out of my ...
A. 1 June 2014: You’re sounding like a man with a saviour complex: the knight in shining armour protecting her from the bad man who did a terrible thing when she was a child. She is not a child anymore, she’s a grown woman. She recognises that it was wrong and it ... (read in full...)
Anyone know about the NHS rules for breast scans?
Q. I had breast implants done 11yrs ago. So far my breasts are ok with minor changes. I have some rippling but nothing too major like pain etc. I went back to my surgeon just for a check up. I was expecting him toeither say they are fine or that som...
A. 24 May 2014: If you had PIP implants, which were banned several years ago, the NHS offers removal, but not replacements of a different brand, unless they were fitted on the NHS. See this link:
h... (read in full...)
I'm panicked about our age difference!
Q. Just need your opinions and advice. I met an older man online 2yrs ago and we've hit it off. I was not ready for a relationship at the time due to fear of being hurt again mainly but I'm over that now. I felt like I'd led him on but was honest about ...
A. 12 February 2014: The point about age gaps is that there’s no cut off point, for example 10 years is fine, 15 is questionable, 20 is unacceptable. It’s about the stage in life you’re at, and your expectations, essentially therefore about compatibility. Compatibility ... (read in full...)
Her ex is just my type! I dream of him and don't know what to do!
Q. so i made a really good friend around four years ago and ever since we got to knw eachother weve become like blood sisters and i respect her to the fullest. Around 2 years ago she met a lovely guy and within the first couple mnths of them being ...
A. 12 February 2014: This all depends on whether you’re prepared to take any risk at all with your friendship with this girl. If you’re not, leave things be with the guy. However, the previous poster is correct. If this does blow up in your face then maybe the ... (read in full...)
Very curious about my LDR girlfriend's handsome friend. How do I handle myself?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been good friends for years. We began hanging out and eventually dating this summer before I moved to the east coast for grad school. We see one another on breaks. I love her and we have great communication. She joined a ...
A. 11 February 2014: Well ask her to tell you about her friends, and by all means ask about this guy. But maybe ask questions about what he does, why they get on, that kind of thing. Nothing that would indicate you are jealous or feeling a bit insecure about it. Don’t ... (read in full...)
I'm so lost. What do I do?
Q. A guy I really liked asked me out over text but i got scared and said no. After that i got depressed and as a sort of anti depressant talked to a guy. i fell in love and i was sure he loved me. He didn't. He felt nothing for me, i was just his ...
A. 19 January 2014: You seem to go out with one guy to forget the upset from things not working out with the previous one. That doesn’t work, it’s not a good basis for a relationship and is neither fair to you or him. It’s no substitute for talking to some-one you ... (read in full...)
Does anyone know how to control their emotions?
Q. Does anyone know how to control their emotions? I find that I get overly emotional a lot. And the majority of the time I don't know why. I cry a lot. Whether I'm angry, sad, hurt, or just plain frustrated. But for some reason I can't control ...
A. 19 January 2014: There are two things here. Firstly, it is important to remember that people do vary in how well they can control their emotions, but you can teach yourself to be better at it. Secondly, you may overestimate how well others control their emotions ... (read in full...)
I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male.
Q. I want to marry a female and have children but I am a gay male. Please help. ...
A. 19 January 2014: There is no guarantee your sexual orientation will change. It is said by some therapists, often religious, that you can be converted or taught to think differently, but there isn’t any evidence to support such claims. The reality is human sexuality ... (read in full...)
What should I do to avoid making the biggest mistake of my life ???
Q. I have been married for 6 years and I have the best husband in the world but I recently met someone ! We are very close friends but somehow I am attracted to him ! I feel like he is the perfect match for him ! He is married too but I know he is ...
A. 19 January 2014: It’s unclear from your post but I assume you refer to leaving your marriage for this man as the biggest mistake of your life? You’ve got to be honest with him. We don’t know how you can be so sure this other man is also attracted to you, but if ... (read in full...)
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