A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a very high sex drive, and is now saying I have to improve our sex life or he will end the relationship. (basically he told me he doesn't enjoy having sex with me.. I need to get into it more and seem like I'm enjoying it) I would do anything to save our relationship and I will do my best but I'm not the most confident in the bedroom. What shall I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): What does he want? What does he exactly mean when he said you are not good in bed. Is he kinky in bed? Just wondering. You are very young, probably not with much experience, do you even orgazm with him? If not, then he is not doing his job properly.
At that age they all have very high sex drive, woman at their peak between age of 30-33.May be that's who he needs, an older woman. I don't know what to advice here on how to save this relationsip. I am sure that another guy will find you amazing in bed. But it's really not what relationship is about. He doesn't sound very good to me at all
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): You should leave his sorry ass.
Sex is something natural that shouldn't require acting or effort to enjoy - if you aren't enjoying it it is likely a matter of chemistry rather than a failing on your part. In fact, if you aren't enjoying sex with your boyfriend, HE should be trying harder - not you. Leave him and hook up with someone who appreciates you more than he does, because chances are, you deserve it.
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A
male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Has he considered that he need to put more effort in to make you enjoy it? Try suggesting that to him... althoguh this is likly to cause an argument... so only do if your brave ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): (just wana say thank you for all your advice, i really appriciate all your help!)x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): It seems as if this guy is into sex rather then MAKING LOVE. I think you should consider getting out of this relationship.Don't lay your self-esteem on the line to be trodden down. Find somebody that will love you and care enough for you to make love to you and with whom you will develop your love making skills.
John Stuart Mill said: " There are many truths of which the full meaning cannot be realized until personal expereince has brought it home".
Try and get the book "The Magic of Sex" by Dr Miriam Stoppard. It might be of great value to you for enhancing your knowledge and confidence. It is loaded with information, very informative and have lots of advice on the many varieties of foreplay and techniques.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Oh boy. What an arsehole he is!
He's being so insensitive it beggars belief, but fear not, you have plenty of weapons in your arsenal.
Basically, you tell him that if you enjoyed it more you'd be into it more, and if he was a better lover instead of being a 'wham bam thank you ma'am' quick-fire shagger who displays no skill whatsoever between the sheets you might. Tell him that HE's the one that needs to improve his performance, not you, and if he wants you to act like a whore then he'd better go and get himself one.
On second thoughts, dump him. It's easier and he's not worth the effort, let alone worth hanging on to.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (19 November 2008):
 I personally couldn't agree more with the other aunts and their comments.
Sex is a two way street and it takes two to make it pleasurable. If he is the more experienced one then he knows what makes him tick or not. Perhaps he is all talk and no action so his own failings, he is now trying to blame onto you or he is seeing someone else and feels like if he can get sex in more than one place it is great but if he also says that your sexual performances are under par then he has an easy escape route out of the relationship so that he can pursue someone else.
Don't sit around and take this crap from him, personally I would tell him that he knows you are not the most confident person when it comes to sex and as your bf you would like him to try and teach you more rather than just proportioning blame all the time onto you.
I would question his motives though and I think you would be better off with someone who has a caring and sensitive manner and teaches you about sex in this way rather than bully boy tactics that make you a bumbling wreck, how can you ever improve in anything in life if someone is always saying how useless you are at it.
Human nature tells us that by praising and helping someone improves their self esteem and confidence but I don't personally think things will ever change whilst you stay in this relationship with a VERY selfish lover.
Get shot of him before he gets shot of you and don't back down if he gives you the chat to win you back, you are much better off without him.
You are young and deserve so much more than you are getting right now. He will be the loser in the long run and you could walk away with your head held high.
The one question I have is that if things are so bad sexually between you then why is he continuing to come back for more, he is a lazy lover who wants you to do all the hard work whilst he just lays there and takes it. Quit whilst you are ahead sweetheart and don't look bad.
Have you talked to friends about how he treats you? I bet they would soon tell you to kick him into touch.
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself every day how wonderful you are because you are and you don't need some loser telling you otherwise, he will drag you down to his level and your self esteem and confidence will be on the floor the longer you stay in this destructive relationship.
You deserve much better than him and it would be so much better to get in before he does about dumping him. I know that isn't what you want to hear but he is a manipulator and you have fallen for his charms, however the charm is wearing off now and you are finally seeing him for what he is, he is a bully sweetheart and it doesn't matter if it is in the spoken word or put downs just about every day things but this is about you and it is his sexual prowess that he is trying to use to put you down, you don't need that.
Get strong and positive and don't waiver, if he dumps you then you will be the one who is low and alone, instead if you do it first then HE will be the one left thinking oh god, she has fire in her belly and that is what you need to hold on to. You are better than this guy and there is a decent man out there waiting for you, all the time you remain in this destructive relationship the other guy who you are meant to be could be getting further away from you.
Give yourself some time to have some fun with the girls first though and regain your self confidence.
This is my personal opinion and at the end of the day the final decision has to be YOURS but what I would say is don't be a doormat for the rest of your life. We get one chance at life and we have to make the most of it so don't waste good years/months/weeks on someone who is just taking up your time when there is something so much better waiting just around the corner.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (19 November 2008):
 In short Babe, "Ditch him".
If he cant be bothered to be patient, and kind towards you, he isn't worth the effort.
Talk about insult you!! I cant believe anyone could be so cold.
XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I am sad to read that you will "do anything" to save the relationship. It sounds like he has made you feel like this and you should think about whether, deep down, it is right that your boyfriend is openly critically about you sexually whilst doing nothing to support you in the process of sexual exploration. A loving partner will never make you feel bad for being you and will encourage you to express yourself. Be careful as I sense the start of an abusive behaviour on his part.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Mmmmm...... what has your boyfriend done to make sex more interesting? From what you have said it sounds like he is selfish and only really interested in his own pleasures. You dont say how long you have been with your boyfriend or how long you have been having sex with him so I am wondering if is really that 'into you'. Sorry is sounds harsh but surely if he loved you he would encourage you to be more active and confident in the bedroom? Also, why is he saying that it is up to you to improve your sex life, surely that should be something that you both do together?Honeygirl
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