A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do people consider you selfish for making the choice to only have one child?My boyfriend and I have thought hard about this. We have decided to have only the one child when we marry. It's a thought out decision. We are both self employed and like the variety in our lives and enjoy some semblance of freedom. Also.. I tend to suffer from stress and anxiety with noise, I feel I could be a better parent to one kid than more. We both are the type of people who would do our absolutely hardest to make sure our child turns out totally well adjusted and none of the things you hear about only children. I just wonder why people say you're being selfish for only having one... why should you wholly sacrifice your own wellbeing and happiness ? That's no way to live!! Plenty of siblings and myself and my boyfriend love acting like big kids so not too serious about everything all the time though we do tale our responsibilities very seriously. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): just wait you may not even be able to have one kid so don't worry about it
you may have no kids and no one will say your selfish then they'll just feel sorry for you
so who care's what ppl say just live ur life
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2015): why are you announcing to people your pregnancy plans? If you don't overshare you won't need to hear a lecture from people who have nothing to add to your life choices. Just keep mum.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 October 2015):
 WHO'S living your life????? You and hubby? .... or, "people"??????
What do you give a damn if "people" think you and hubby are selfish??????
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): People should keep their nose out, it's got nothing to do with them and no matter what we humans 'decide' sometimes life gives us the unplanned. we don't control anything really so it's a waste of time and energy even thinking about it or explaining to the sticky noses.
You may have twins, triplets, in the one go that you have decided.
Selfishness should not come into it, we are selfish if we have one, selfish if we have none, selfish if we have lots.
...............................
A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (5 October 2015):
 I'm an only child and I love it :) I've never felt as if I've missed out, if anything I feel luckier as I've been able to do things that I wouldn't otherwise as my parents could afford it just for me. I've decided as well that if i have children I'm only having one so i could give them the sort of childhood I had :)
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (5 October 2015):
Simple fact is this...
Whose body is it??? Are you having kids to please other peole or is it for you and your boyfriend?? If they think you should have more kids, let them have the kids for you.
I have a saying...people who are not doing it, always complain about the ones doing it.
It's like someone telling you the best way to raise your child when they have no children of their own.
Do what you think is right, and be happy with your choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 October 2015):
 What " people " say this , and where ?...
They don't say it here ( Italy ), where the natality rate is only 1.3 . This means that there are scores of only children around so it does not elicit any particular comment, either positive or negative- it's something that just IS.
BUT, it can't be that different in UK. The natality rate was only 1.8 about 10 years ago, and I know it has remarkably dropped since then. So there must be around there too tons of couples with one child only, and I suppose the decision of having one child would not exactly make headlines.
If by " people " you refer to some specific person in your circle - some sentimental future grandmother or great-grandmother, etc.- let them say what they want, they have the right to have an opinon, which it obviously does not mean theirs is necessarily a SOUND opinion, or that you have to modify your plans and values to get along with theirs.
It's your body, your time, your money, and your choice.
I really would not waste any breath tryng to justify or defend your choice, nor would I embark into complicated explanations of how having only one child does not make of you a selfish or shallow person .
To me , this " selfish " comment is the typical comment which warrants in reply only some blatant non-sequitur , say, " Have you seen David Beckham with those tight pants on in the last ads for brand X ? "
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2015):
 I had planned ti only have one child as well, but ended up with 3. I have no regrets. I don't think I would having regretted only having 1 either.
DO what's right for you and screw what others think.
If you decided to have 5 kids, people would talk and question that too. WHO cares!?
Having more than 1 isn't "better" than having only 1.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 October 2015):
I think that a lot of people believe that a child misses out on a special relationship if it doesn’t have a sibling. Perhaps they believe that when you have any number of children your own wants and desires do always come second to the interests of the child (and it may be considered in their best interests to have a sibling), and that’s why parenthood involves an enormous sacrifice. But having said that, lots of people make the choice to have one child, whilst for others it just turns out like that through circumstances not of their choosing. It doesn’t make you a better or worse parent and the important thing is to make sure that your child grows up with strong bonds to other children around him/her. Make sure he has friends round a lot, is taught to share and is close to any cousins or kids in the neighbourhood. Those of us with much-loved siblings would, of course, never have wished not to have had them, and perhaps that’s why some people feel that to not have a sibling is to miss out. But can you miss what you never had to begin with? I think if this is your choice then stick to it, but make sure your child learns to bond and form friendships with peers and relatives to still have a close network around him.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (5 October 2015):
 I don't know why people say this.Being the parent of an only child myself it really sounds unjust and pretty darn stupid. Ive asked my teenager if being an only child, feels like having missed out on anything, felt lonely etc but that hasn't been the case. If anything has learnt from an early age and child care how to be independent, develop positive social relationships and interact confidently with adults. From my perspective I loved being able to focus on the upbringing,including financially being able to do more on one child. We have a wonderful parent/child relationship and if I were to do it all again i wouldn't be changing anything. You and your partner need to do what every it is that works for you and the dynamics of your relationship
...............................
|
