A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok to sum this up my ex recently cheated on me then told me he was done with our relationship. I was devastated but kept my head up. knowing that this is the end of us about a month later he tells me he's sorry and be willing to date me/ be physical with me; but does not want to move back in with me. we been seeing each other every week because we have a 1 year old son together. well after him telling me he be willing to go on dates with me the next day it was confirmed he has cancer. I'm even more hurt and want to support, hug, kiss, be affectionate and be there in this time; yet he doesn't seem to want me close. my question is what to do in this situation? do I give him his space and pretend its ok? or do I clearly tell him I want to get back together with him? I'm trying to give him his space but I'm just scared of losing him and want to be with him.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 September 2015):
 Sorry but Im going to sound harsh too but thats not my intent. When you say the very next day, after he is willing to start dating you, it is confirmed he has cancer the word confirmed means this is something he was aware about which makes me think perhaps him wanting to get back with you is more about the comforts of what he once knew with you in his now time of need. He cheated and told you he was done with you, obviously that betrayal never evolved into anything and being alone and sick is enough for anyone desperate and scared enough to grab at any support they can. Not saying you should turn your back on him,however you can be supportive without having to take him back as a partner. Being the bigger person in situations like this can sometimes be enough of a payback for him to realise that he was a shit when you have the decency to stick by and offer support regardless. He wasn't at all fair to you in the first place and if his game is to be emotionally manipulative because of his sickness is something you should perhaps be mindful of.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 September 2015):
I’m probably going to sound harsh here bashing a sick man, but I can’t help wondering if you’re so understandably knocked sideways by his cancer diagnosis that you’re not seeing things clearly? He cheated on you, dumped you but was quite happy to have a casual thing going with you, the mother of his child? That was mean of him, knowing how strong your own feelings towards him are.
Would you be so keen to get back with him if he didn’t have cancer? I understand you want to be with him and support him, so I would offer him some options here. If you tell some-one you’ll do whatever they need, they often don’t know what that is. Tell him, for example, that you could go out one weekend with your son together, or you could accompany him to a hospital appointment. Give him options for how you could help so he knows what he could ask for, but don’t make any decisions about getting back together yet because both of you aren’t in a position to make a rational decision. Wait until you have a clearer idea about the prognosis of his cancer before either of you make a decision to get back together.
The reality is that you don’t even know that he’ll want to yet.
I wish you all the very best.
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