A
male
age
30-35,
*teel stake
writes:Okay, so thank you all for reading and responding, I truly appreciate it.Okay, so what I'm going through is not a huge deal but I do not want to make it into a big deal. Some information about me: I am 21, senior at college. So basically, my ex girlfriend and I have kept in contact to a minimum since first talking after our break up. The break up happened around 2 years ago and it wasn't a bad breakup or anything. We got into contact with each other in early July, and since then it's been weird. At first, she had got out of a long relationship and "wasn't sure of myself" in her own words. So we basically went out on a date once and had sex later, we did not talk and had sex a month later. It was the same after that, which was weird because right after sex she left, so it was a booty call pretty much, and we didn't start talking until this week. I am not player or bad guy, it was just a mutual thing. So when she hit me up earlier this week it turned into a conversation about having sex pretty early on. Later into the conversation she wanted to talk a bit more and wanted to talk about our feelings. I just assumed it was more of the same old crap, maybe she was confused or felt bad for doing sex without a relationship. When she was at my room, it was more of a passion kind of thing though, different from the first two times. She stayed after for a couple of hours and wanted to talk and cuddle and stuff, and then she said she wanted to "talk" and see where it goes. I am not buying it at all honestly. I really like this girl, a lot. At the same time, I am content with being single and chilling with the guys on the weekends. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her we would try, I asked her multiple times if this was what she wanted also, and she reassured me. We talked a little the next day texting and on the phone, but not long. She did not text back after that (yesterday). She did not text me all day today, so I just sent her a message just letting her know that if she is serious then I am serious, if not, do not lead me on, I am not a little kid, and we will be what it is, which is sex. She was in a long relationship for two years and that got out of in like May, so I am not sure what the deal is. Basically, what do you all think? Should I just move on because it does not mean anything, or should I be patient? Should I tell her something because I may have been harsh when I was being straight up with her? I do not like to play games, I do not lead people on, I want to be treated like an adult and that is how I address others. I do not know, it's weird. In a way I wish she would not have messaged me earlier this week because I was getting back to being happy to being single (I got out of a short relationship in June). Now it's too late, but it is not too late to just shut the door and ditch this situation. Has anyone had this experience before? It is probably a little trickier because it is an ex-relationship. Well, please post your thoughts and opinions. Please do not mind being blunt or straight forward. Thank You!
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booty call, ex girlfriend, move on, my ex, player, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 October 2015):
 Make sure YOU know what you want. You say IF she is serious, so are you. Which means you leave EVERYTHING up to her. Which again means, SHE can screw you over and you can't really "complain" because you agreed to it (up to a point, if you get what I'm saying).
I think she doesn't know WHAT she wants. She wants to feel loved and get sex and attention, but not a whole lot more, which is why she went BACK to you and not to a total stranger.
If you don't want to be a rebound or a "I have no one else so he will do for now" then I'd say end it. Tell her this is not what you are looking for.
THERE is a reason you two are no longer dating.
And while she may think that she isn't REALLY hurting your feeling, because after all you get "free sex" - she IS messing with you (whether that is unintentional or not is irrelevant).
I'd let her go. She isn't a friend, she is an ex.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2015): I see you as being stuck in a dead end thing with a lot of words ,a bit of sex and the inevitable moving on.I think you were prepared to be a knight in shining armour when she needed you.You are not averse to a bit of passion especially when its on familiar territory with a familiar body that you know how to orgasm,but it is techncally not enough for you.Your previous relationship with your ex was important and being a male you are quite prepared to be there for a teeny bit more on the promise of the never never,but i think in your heart you know its over.You know its over but you still want her to come back for one more sex session and presumably you'd always like a bit of nookie with her,but sadly you are seeing your whole beautiful relationship slowly dying like an uncared for bottle garden.It can never grow bigger and will always be pretty and pleasant to look at but one day even your male passion will just get bored with its restrictions.I would advise you to go cold turkey and tell her " You'll always have a specisl place in my heart as one of my first loves but darlin ive got to find the real deal." You know a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do.She may have tears to water your garden for a little bit but this on off thing is just not really enough for you.You need a bit more control over your life.As breaking up is so hard to do you really have to let her go because you are capable of much more and you will never get it while she still tugs at your heart strings so tell her its 100% on or not at all.And expect to have her beg you to rekindle totally the full relationship package or if she has doubts xcuses or now is not the time then give her marching orders and stick to that 100%.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 October 2015):
It sounds like her head’s still messed up from the relationship she has recently left, and to be honest having casual sex with an ex is really not going to help. My judgement would be that you should move on and her be, and stop having sex with her. I don’t think she’s thinking clearly and there’s a risk you could get hurt here. If you really don’t want to do that and just forget about it, you have to be very specific with her about what you want, because your relationship together has rather changed now and is, frankly, in a confusing state, hence this question! If she is serious, you should start dating again and see if you still want to be with each other, and that means not having sex for some time. I think you should explain to her that if it’s going to work out between you, it can only be a proper, serious relationship and you must start from scratch. Tell her that anything else won’t work for either of you and to get back to you with a yes if she is ready for, and wants what I’ve just described. Be honest with her that you can’t cope with indefinite uncertainty so specify a time by which you need an answer and will assume a no if you don’t have one. She needs to have clear, straightforward choices to ponder and that’s not what she’s got at the moment.
I wish you all the very best.
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