A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there just looking for some advice please! I am falling for my second cousin (share great grandparents) we are together almost every day and have now slept together twice!! We weren't brought up together so aren't close that way. We are part of the same circle if friends and both go to the same gym 4 or 5 days a week. No one knows except us. I feel like this is all so sick. I told him the sex must stop and it has. I feel so guilty and ashamed but I am struggling with my feelings for him. How do I stop thinking of him in a romantic way? Thank you for any help you can offer. I am 22(f) he is 25(m)
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (20 October 2013):
 Keep reminding yourself he is your blood relative. That ought to help.
My roommate was dating a girl for three years before realizing she was a distant cousin not related by blood. That freaked them out pretty good. but that wasn't that big of a deal as it was such a distant relation and not direct family. Anyway, family is family! And its a pretty close blood relation. Definitely just keep that in kind. beat it into your head! There's really nothing else that can be said.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 October 2013):
Let’s be clear, this is not illegal. In many cultures marriage between first cousins, let alone second cousins, is commonplace. Historically, in the UK and Europe there was a lot of cousin marriage amongst royalty. More recently, it is thought that cousin marriage in the UK has become a topical issue again because it is common within the Pakistani community.
It isn’t illegal, but it is controversial. Whilst technically you’re doing nothing wrong in having a sexual relationship, you obviously feel very uncomfortable about this, and there’s a fairly good chance your family will too. If you both can accept the situation, you’ll have to take the risk of their rejection in order to be together.
How do you stop thinking of him in a romantic way? You learn to ignore the thoughts, and you’ll have to spend less time together and develop a life independent of each other to do that. You may well meet some-one else further down the road and that will help, but in the meantime it’s a case of distancing yourselves and learning to put the thoughts to the back of your mind, remembering what you both would stand to lose.
I wish you all the very best.
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