A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What advice would you give to your 20 year old self?Financial, relationship and just general life information you wish you had known.My biggest fear is wasting my life, I think about this daily.I constantly feel like I should be doing/seeing more.I don't know what my priorities should be, and am feeling very lost in regards to my direction in life.Any insight would be greatly appreciated! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (20 November 2013):
 What an intelligent question for a 20 year old :)
Luckily I kept a diary since I was 16 so I can personally tell you what was important to me then as to what really is important now. Or some of the differences your generation will face as to mine.
This is just a bit of insight in how much Australia has changed since then; notably now you require dual incomes to support a family, a credit card to keep up with all the must haves for your generation like high tech gadgets etc.
Furthermore Superannuation is paramount as Pensions will be phased out, and you are now required to work till you are 67! Yet more importantly health insurance is becoming an evil necessity in this country, compared to my days when we had better FREE medical service!
So if you don’t know what your priorities should be, I’d suggest you start reading the papers, get yourself informed, look into further education, learn another language in order to get a good vocation that will support a comfortable healthy lifestyle in your retirement years… You’ll need every cent with how our Australian Politicians are narrowing the width of our goal posts!?
Meanwhile the biggest fear would be to sit there and do nothing and think you’ve got all the time in the world? Yet it’s in your 20’s that you will gather knowledge about yourself from all that you experience. No doubt we can all say something or someone was a complete waste of time? But neither you nor I would have known that at the time until we go through it…
Therefore you have asked a very intelligent question which can only be answered after the fact, in hindsight. Much of the advice given is priceless with regards to toxic relationships, career and health checks… DITTO!
But for me had I known more about Stock Markets; I would have bought Microsoft shares in their infancy! :)
Cheers – CAA
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Dear 20 year old me. Do not give up your dream of becoming a mother just because your fiancè says he never wants children. He is not the right man for you. You can love more than one person in your life, so dont worry. Go through shitty relationshops because they teach you life lessons and you learn what you really want. But end shitty relationships, dont drag them out. Dont lend money to anyone, especially not a boyfriend who needs your help paying rent. You are not his mother, you must not provide for him. He will not pay you back. Dont be so cruel to those who do not understand you. People are not mind readers, and you demand so much. Give them some slack. People are not there to make you feel better, you need to make yourself feel better.
And it pays off to have courage, so rock on!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 And one more thing, those flashbacks they constantly warn you about never do happen.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 November 2013):
Stay away from anybody named Steve, don't worry about your major you won't ever end up with a job in that field, NEVER go for the natural childbirth crap, and don't forget to be at "The Point After" in August of 1974.
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Believe in yourself more. You will look back and realise you passed by opportunities you could have tried or risks you could have taken. Realise you are an amazing person whatever anyone else says or doesn't say!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Probably the BEST question ever! Since I'm a very senior member of this Q and A site...I'd give myself the following bits of advice if I were to go back in time to age 20(wow,if only)
!. save every dime possible and put it into tax-free bonds
2. Marry my first love rather than second or third
3. Learn to play a musical instrument
4. Never start smoking..it'll give you a stroke
5. Have my HDH/LDL checked every six months
6. Read the Rubiat of Omar Kayam frequently.
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female
reader, citygirl222 +, writes (18 November 2013):
I'm just impressed by your question!! Good for you even asking! Things I would tell my 20 year old self... 28 years ago... Never say never.. you never know until you're in a situation... do not judge others.. slow down.. you don't have to hurry through life.. enjoy it! If you have the chance to do something fun, unusual, exciting, something you've never done before, do it! Take care of your mind and body... dont' let others walk on you and be kind.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Dear 20 year old SVC,
Please be pickier about who you trust
Please be picker about who you love
Please learn to manage money better than you do
Please don't rush being "all grown up"
Please don't think that letting a man have sex with you means he will love you or want you
Please develop excellent eating habits and avoid junk food
Please develop a need for daily exercise including yoga and cardio
PLEASE TAKE ALL YOUR CALCIUM AND VITAMIN D AND DO NOT LET YOUR BONES DETERIORATE SO THAT BY AGE 50 YOU ARE CRIPPLED FOR LIFE.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 Have faith that things usually work out for the best, so don't be so fearful. Don't discount the future so drastically, because you find yourself there sooner than you think. Listen to the nagging doubts about your relationship -- by the time it became obvious your were right, it was too late. Oh, and Carly Simon was right -- these ARE the good old days.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 November 2013):
What a great question to ask.Im on the other side of the spectrum so to speak. For me, I have always lived for the future, and have always planned out everything I have done. I just got married over the summer (at age 45) to the right women. At this point in my life, I would say because of all of the sacrifices and delayed gratification I put myself through, yes, now I do almost have it all. I have four degrees and an Ivy League education. I had a long Wall St career and now own my own business which I have hired someone else to run the day to day, effectively making me retired at age 45. I live in a 10,000 sq foot Victorian house, and drive a Porsche. Now that Ive finally married the right women, children will soon be on the way to complete the picture.The point of the above is not to brag, but to show what can be achieved if you are willing to sacrifice. With all that in mind, is there anything I would tell my 20 year old self in retrospect? Yes, there would - it would be to enjoy the journey a bit more. I wouldn't trade anything for what I have now, but it did come at a huge price. I do wish I allowed myself a bit more latitude to enjoy my youth. I don't think a few more vacations or nights out would have changed my current financial status all that much.Moral of the story - work hard and plan ahead, but don't forget to enjoy yourself a bit along the way.....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Do you want to end up with Mr. Right? Okay, here's what you have to do:
1. Try to live like Ms. Right. (Yes, he will care what you were like before you knew him.)
2. Look for Mr. Right when you date.
3. Want Mr. Right when you find him.
It sounds simple. But the vast majority of women don't end up with Mr. Right because they fail to do these things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): My advice to my 20 year old self ( actually more like 23 year old) is not to get married. And not to give up career opportunities to be with him.
I am 42 now by the way.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 November 2013):
 Get better grades in college and stop partying so much.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 November 2013):
 Financially, do NOT get into debt. No credit cards, no family loans, and live meager until you can knock out the student loan debt if you have it. Debt is a shackle, and creditors prey on 20-somethings to not only get a couple of credit cards, but rack them up.
Do not be impatient. Live within your means and ignore any competition with others for material needs. Do not ever lend money to guys or friends.
As for relationships, straight or gay, don't ever make the mistake of letting desperation cause you to make bad or toxic choices. This isn't high school anymore, so no matter how many butterflies you feel with someone, keep your eyes open. A wrong partner at this stage of your life can signal complete and lifelong disaster.
If you're going to college, don't fill your life up with too many things. You're setting the foundation for your future, so choose a major if you haven't done so that will yield a high financial return. Things like sociology or philosophy may be idealistic, but you will not earn much in life on it, so you better be really sure you want to serve your career in that field for self-fulfillment, or don't choose that major if you're not sure what you want to do.
Be *very* independent, and never make choices with a partner that compromises that independence. Do not invest money or time with a goal from that partner unless you're married or in a domestic situation. Wear protection at all times. Example - say you're with a guy. You've finished school and he's going into law school. Because he has no money, you both move in together, and you pay the bills in anticipation that he'll finish law school, marry you, and take care of you. I've seen that before.
So you pay for him for 4 years of law school, he eats your food, lives with you, shares your bed,and when he graduates and passes the bar exam, you're dumped. Don't do it. And don't get pregnant either. Your options will drop if you do.
Do not ever date a cheater, nor become a cheater. Seriously, if a married person or one who says they're "separated" propositions you, run for the hills. Seriously, Never. Date. Cheaters.
Life is a great adventure, and it's going to be awesome if you make good choices. Think about what you want to do in life, and don't get distracted. Be independent at all times. Don't combine money with a partner, meaning no joint accounts, no joint credit cards, no joint house, no joint anything. You live like roommates if you co-exist, but do not mix money unless you marry. Marriage is a legal status that protects your financial interests.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Dear My 20 Year Old Self,
You'll be happy to know that not caring about how much money you earned or how many material possessions you own was the right choice. You'll also be happy to learn that not living your life according to societies expectations and only truly dreaming of being happy and being good to others also worked out very well as it's led you to be married to an amazing woman, have a job you love and more money than you'll ever be able to spend. That won't happen to you if you try to force your life to be a certain way, so just keep doing what you're doing, living for today and only worrying when you have reason to. Loved one's will get cancer and die, be raped, abused, you'll lose friends from mistakes, you'll destroy relationships, get fired, become very ill, the list goes on so while none of those things are happening do not worry or be sad because life will give you plenty of opportunities to feel true pain, may aswell live care free the rest of the time.
You'll be happy to know that never borrowing money to buy something you only think you needed and living within your means is the perfect way to live, because guess what, you have many miserable friends who had to give up that thing they bought when the economy crashed who now have debts, depression, kids to feed and got burned by the system they tried so hard to fit into because they were too stupid to see they were sold lies and too stupid to see the big picture of the world is cyclical and you better be prepared for the bad tomes that happen every 15 or so years.
I know you because I was you so I know you don't buy into the whole "arbeit macht frei" bullshit society tries to sell as the only way to live. Birth, school, college, career, marriage, kids then once you've slaved your whole life away to provide your government with taxes and bred them some more "contributors" finally get to kick back and enjoy it when you're too old to do anything but look back on the things you'd wished you'd done while you were young. No I know you already are travelling around Europe right now, living each day as it comes and not worried about the future, making no plans other than to do something new and exciting tomorrow, see something amazing, meet people who are awesome and party if you have the means to.
Yes, working in that kitchen cleaning dishes all day isn't going to leave you set up for life, and you will leave there in a year or two but you'll enjoy the money you make from it because you have good friends, you have the ruthlessness to cut people from your life that bring more bad than good and are strong enough not to tolerate abuse from anyone.
My 20 year old self, you have no idea what you want to do in life and you won't figure it out until you're 28, so keep doing what you're doing and don't worry or wait around for that moment to happen. Knowing what you want to do as a career doesn't mean you'll be happy, letting go of societies and your own personal expectations will.
Those drugs you take when you party at the weekends, they will do no lasting damage, in fact you'll look back on those days with pride and a foggy memory of the great times you had. You'll never get addicted because you already know if bad things are happening you need a clear head to deal with them. You already know they're only a new experience or a way to enhance good times and when times aren't good you won't take them so you're fine. Oh and you will take acid in about 6 months with your new girlfriend, bring toilet roll, trust me on that, she'll run out of it and she has pretty bad stomach issues that day.
In terms of relationships you're also right not to follow societies bullshit. You already know it's not a need because you're single now and perfectly happy. You know the way you don't understand why people seem so sad and lonely without a relationship? Well that's because there's no reason to be other than expectation, people are expected to be sad and lonely, they're taught that you're supposed to be because they're bred to believe it's a "need". Well 20 year old me, it's not and you already know it. You've already figured out that you can get all the love, emotional comfort from other sources and sex and romance are not any kind of need, just another state of living. Don't ever let people convince you to be sad for being single, pity those people instead because they're needy sheep. That way you'll rarely get caught out by a bad person in a relationship, you're less likely to tolerate abuse or bullshit because you'll never "need" someone who is bad for you.
This confidence you have in yourself never depends on the opinion of another or your success in work, relationships or how much money you have in your account so cherish it and keep it that. It never depends on you fulfilling the bullshit expectations society has put on you, and this freedom you feel because of that will remain with you because even when have all that you have kept it completely separate from what you need from yourself.
20 year old me, basically change nothing, do what your doing. Live your life for you and do whatever you can to make the good people of this world safe and happy. Don't worry about life, don't worry about what you should be doing because living means eating, sleeping, shitting and keeping good people in your life and that's it. True happiness is freeing yourself from the bonds of expectation and just doing what you feel is right from day to day.
Finally 20 year old me, you don't know it all already, keep an open mind. Try anything once and be afraid of nothing. Fear is the key to unhappiness and your government, other people, companies, pretty much everyone who will ever want to use you for anything can only do so through fear. Fear of your level of attraction, loneliness, fear of not fitting in, fear of not being happy, of not meaning something. Let it all go, it's meaningless. The world is a beautiful place, with beautiful people be smart and look after yourself but don't ever fear life or the future. Because there is nothing to fear as long as you buy into the shit you're sold.
Regards,
The 30 something you.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (17 November 2013):
I think 4 years of life experience since I was 20, have taught me not to be black and white in my thinking. I tended to get an idea and then stick with it, such as I was going to do X for a career, or the kind of person I’d want to date would be like this. Then I’d have a complete change of heart.
Now I am much more readily able to question my assumptions and change things in my life and my thinking if I feel the need. For example, I was a vegetarian for many years for health reasons. I realise now I sometimes wanted more variety in my diet but I’d committed myself and people knew what I was, so surely I couldn’t change it? Now, I don’t see anything wrong with just being honest with people that I changed my mind about something, in this case a few months ago. Maybe I’ll change it again, who knows.
The other thing I’ve learned is to be a lot more comfortable with uncertainty. I think it was only after I was 20 that things happened in my life that I wasn’t expecting but they ultimately worked out okay for me. I’m in a job I never expected I’d want or be good at, which I now really enjoy, for example. So I learned to be able to accept the unexpected in to my life.
But on the other hand I’m more certain about what I value. I think because I thought in a more black and white way, I’d vary between wanting luxury and simplicity, a good salary or a work/life balance, switching from thinking I’d find fulfilment in my professional then personal life, thinking I’d either have to have a perfect relationship first time around or be single forever, and flipping between which of those I wanted. Now I know it’s all about a balance because no extreme of anything’s really all that good.
At your age a lot of people think they need to have their futures mapped out or know their direction in life. Do what you can, but please don’t be anxious that you’re somehow not where you should be in life because you haven’t had a wealth of opportunities that are fulfilling yet, or you don’t know what you want. That is quite normal, it just doesn’t seem it.
I can honestly say that although sometimes I’m nostalgic for those days where life seemed less complicated, I honestly feel much more free and fulfilled now. Maybe if you can take some of that to heart you’ll be happier.
I wish you all the very best.
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female
reader, shna  +, writes (17 November 2013):
 Hey im also a 20 something girl! What you want in life is something you have to decide on education travel work love shopping socialising? For me my goal this year was to become more independent i was living at home and working but decided to move to the big city! So now i live with a guy and work and am also in love :) For the moment i am strongly budgeting my money in order to know how little i can live off so i can pay rent and save for travelling and venturing on small holidays enjoying my time off and using it wisley while i work my ass off the rest of the time and its work wonderfully so far Ive done college it wasnt for me even though im still working in the industry i studied in ! I have ambition to climb the professional ladder but im still young and want to experience things before heading into that jungle !!I would advise mabye watching the bucket list and then create your own have a look on the internet about things you should do before you die it will give you great inspiration to work towards something !! Remember the happiest moments of your life will cost nothing But if your guna pay money for anything you should spend it on an experience rather the a handbag .... Hmmm trip to australia or a louis vuitton handbag??
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