A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend sometimes likes to go out without me. I don't get it. I mean, why go to bars and clubs if you are not single?Tonight we were out with his friend and at 2AM he basically told me to go home. (I have work at 8AM anyway) but he wanted "time to talk". But they were going to a club. I just dont like it. Shouldn't he come home with me!? Or am I being controlling and ridiculous ?One more note : I am going to see my friends tomorrow out of town and I didn't invite him because of times like this when he excludes me. Please tell me how to cope with this, or adjust my thinking. Or am I right to just not like it?
View related questions:
clubbing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@jls022 he goes out drinking / dancing at least 2 to 3 times a week. One of those times is always without me. He then gets mad if the next night I'm going out with my friends and he decides he wants to see me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): I'm in a relationship but still enjoy clubbing and partying with my friends, usually my boyfriend doesn't lk partying so i just tell him he can go home if he wants and he does and just tells me to enjoy myself!it is a bit rediculous, he has a right to have time with his friends without u whether it's in a club or not! the only time it pees me off that my boyfriend goes off with his mates is if we made plans and he says ok I'm going over my mates, I get riled up!!if you trust your boyfriend you'd give him the space he needs, not saying he can just do what he wants when he wants but let the leash go a little bit lol
...............................
A
male
reader, Stoney1215 +, writes (5 October 2013):
Why go to a club if you are not single ? To hang out with friends , have a good time , drink. You know the reason everyone goes to clubs. Sure you go to hook up too but you usually dont. Which leaves the rest of the stuff. You guys dont always have to go out together. When you do he should under no circumstances let you go home alone while he stays out. Also you should not exclude him out of spite. That will lead to more resentment and more spite.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 October 2013):
IT is a little rude to insist you go home on your own presumably, on an evening where you have gone out as a couple. However it’s perfectly reasonable for both of you to spend time with friends, separate from each other. Indeed, it’s far healthier to do that than be in each other’s pockets the hole time. He is probably going because it is a type of environment that he and his friends enjoy. Lots of people who aren’t single go clubbing.
You imply that you’re going out with your friend tomorrow, and his not being invited is some kind of pay-back for him excluding you. But both of you ought to be having time separate from each other without either doing it to make a point, or without complaining about it. You ask if you’re being ridiculous? Probably not, but you can’t judge some-one’s commitment negatively because they want a bit of space from you.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (5 October 2013):
I don't think your reasoning that you shouldn't go to bars and clubs if you're not single is correct. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I still go out to bars and clubs regularly with my girlfriends. There is nothing untoward going on, we all go for the music and dancing and to have a couple of social drinks. I also don't think you can really tell him when he should go home either. How would you like it if he tried to make you stay out really late when you obviously wouldn't want to? He's his own person and you don't have the right to tell him what to do. You do have the right not to like his behaviour, and you can try to talk to him about how you feel, but ultimately if he doesn't want to stop going out then all you can do is accept it or leave. I also think it depends how often he goes out - is it every week?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013): It's not strange that your partner wants his own space and time with his friends, and what they choose to do shouldn't make a difference if it was sitting in playing on the xbox or out clubbing. If your with him I assume you trust him, otherwise why are you with him? My guess is he probably has a certain relationship with his friends where he acts younger and sillier and he may not want you to see that side of him as he would feel embarrassed? I myself when with a ex wasn't allowed to be silly at times (hence the ex status) and it bugged me so I just left her out until eventually I realised I shouldn't have to hide parts of myself.I wouldn't worry about his habits, instead make plans with your friends so your not just sat waiting for him to text/call or come home.Until he gives you a reason to worry, don't worry, just enjoy life.
...............................
|
