A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this isn't advice for myself im seeking but for a very good friend, he (26) met a girl (25) on holiday in the summer, they fell for each other instantly and when back in the uk carried on seeing each other, 3months have passed and they are in a relationship and have had there own holiday get away to Rome together just the two of them.The background is he works 70 hours then has three days off, she works 5 from 7 but her two off aren't always together and her hours are unsociable, nights and late evenings. They also live 2hours apart and she only drives a moped so can't go on the motorway! To be fair to her she is very committed and has came to our town as much as he has gone to hers. He is the happiest I have seen him, she always looks happy when she comes here, the thing he is having trouble with is keeping the spark alive when hey don't see each other for 2weeks at a time.Has anyone been in a similar situation where you wanted it to work so bad you'd do anything, and if so what did you do! I can't give my friend any advice as I just don't know what to suggest other than the obvious make effort to call her each day or to Skype/FaceTime, anything else would be greatly welcome and appreciated thanks in advance guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks. No of course I gave him the obvious advice, I was just wondering if someone had been in a relationship themselves and had a secret special thing that made it work.
They are still together I'm very glad to say, he is always communicating with her somehow and they see each other a few times a month. I know he wishes it was more often but I think as long as they are happy it will continue to work
So thanks guys
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 October 2013):
Why do you want to advise anything other than what you describe as “the obvious?” It’s obvious only because it’s worked for many people who have made a success of a long distance relationship.
Your friend and his girl can work out times to Skype, call, Face Time or whatever around their work and other commitments. They should commit to putting time aside for each other. They should also use these times as opportunities to plan varied activities when they meet up. Perhaps one time it could be a romantic meal, then the next time a visit to a local attraction, just make sure they vary it a bit so visits don’t become predictable.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and there’s a lot to be said for that with a couple in love.
Don’t be afraid to use obvious advice: it’s obvious because it’s worked so well it has become entrenched wisdom.
But the spark, and element of surprise, will come in both of them contributing to making each visit a little different.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (5 October 2013):
 Yes, my lovely hubby and I were once forced into a LDR for 18 months, right at the beginning of our relationship, and only saw each other every other weekend.
It was very hard to be apart, we loved each other so much (still do) and it broke our hearts every time one or the other had to drive away home but we texted every day, chatted on IM (no web cam back then)talked on the phone and met up each night on line to play internet scrabble, poker or similar. It was fun and made us feel closer when we couldn't be together.
I used to wear his shirts to bed and put his aftershave on my pillow, he used to have my photo by his bed and a bottle of my perfume. I remember that each night, at the same time, we used to look at the moon and say good night to each other the phone. I know it sounds corny, but knowing that at that moment we were both looking at the same moon, we didn't feel quite so far apart.
When he finally was able to move in with me, it was amazing. We were a little afraid of whether the reality would be as great as the fantasy had been but it's been wonderful and 10 years on we're still blissfully happy.
Tell your friends to hang in there, it's not forever, and if a relationship is that good you have to fight for it.
I will never regret taking the risk of that LDR, despite people telling me otherwise, my heart knew what it wanted and I followed it.
I wish them loads of luck.
I hope this helps AB x
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