A
male
age
51-59,
*otdabs
writes:I am writing this letter to seek your valuable advise. There is this woman working in the same building as me but in a different office. When she joined her office, she was introduced to me by the HR who is common to both of us. It has been almost two years that I have known this woman. We meet infrequently, and at times we interact through email. I find her attractive but never got a chance to express my feelings. However, in the last week I was somehow having a very strong desire of meeting her and I could not stop myself from passing by her office hallway on some pretext. Deep down, I had a strong urge to meet her. As the luck would have it, I met her in the hallway. She smiled and exclaimed with a big 'Hi' and asked me where I was going, I said I was going to the cafe. She then gently patted my arm and said she had been thinking of me of late and wanted to get in touch with me. She asked me if I have time for a coffee to which I gladly agreed. We then sat over in the cafe, for about an hour and a half. We told each other how we had been all these days. The talk was going fine and pretty smooth. During the talk, she made a reference of herself that she is 29 and her parents are persuading her to marry. She then told me she doesn't have a boyfriend as yet. She then indirectly asked me my career plans and what I have thought about my life and marriage. The talk was then somehow interrupted as she got a urgent call back from her office and had to leave. She told she would be happy to join me when I am around next time in the cafe and that I should let her know when I am around.Based on what I have told in the above story, my question is:Is she interested/attracted to me and thinking of me as a potential life partner?I am 40, Is this age gap healthy for a marital life?I am also bald and I am pretty much sure she does not know my age.Do you think she is desperate to get in a relationship with me? I mean why would be a woman interested in a bald guy who looks elder to her. We get along well and we are on the same mental level and compatibility. But even though I am 40, I am not desperate for a relationship and would not like to enter into a relationship with a desperate woman. Please advise. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 January 2013):
You're making it sound like there is something wrong with you. She is obviously interested, and it doesn't sound like she's desperate from what you mentioned.
If woman didn't marry bald guys then bald guys wouldn't be passing on their genes to guys like you and I.
Being bald will limit your dating options just as many other things can (weight, hair color, butt size, nose size, wearing glasses, age, etc.). It's just personal preference and by no means does a woman showing interest in a bald guy make them desperate. You're way over thinking things!
See where things go but don't get stuck in the friend zone by not initiating things.
BTW the age difference between you two is really only relevant if there is a significant maturity gap or if it bothers either one of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): Go with the flow, and see what happens! She is definitely interested in you. It's possible that she only sees you as a friend, but an hour & a half chat suggests otherwise.
And don't forget that many (most?) women find baldness sexy. ;)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Why ask such - and so many - questions? How about just "going with the flow" and seeing what plays out?
You've admitted that you fancy her... and, now, she's given you the opening to act upon that fancy....
You may find that you and she "hit it off" nicely, and something may develop.... Conversely, you and she may find that you make good friends and "coffee" buds.... and that that is all that there is and/or can be between you..
Don't put the cart before the horse, relative to what's going on..... and be patient...
P.S. The age difference that you mention need not be of any importance.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Why should she be desperate ?... So if a girl fancies you, it must be because she is desperate and can't get anything better ? Wow, enroll yourself in the first self esteem class you can find ! :)
I don't think that being bald and looking older, as in : older than 29, is such a big deal, and apparently she does not think it either. She sounds somewhat ineterested. From your exchange I can't swear that she has set her sight on you and /or wants to marry you, maybe she is one of those persons who like to make plenty of friends at work-then again, even if she just wanted to make friends, that means she is interested in you as a person, otherwise she would not bother, so you alreday have a foot inside the door anyway, so now... think of Yul Brinner and go work your magic :)
The age difference too is not impressive , it would feel like a lot if she was 19 and you 30, but 10 years later the gap has closed, you two are more or less at the same point in life, both working , ready for a relationship, in your fertile years, sown your wild oats if any, etc.etc. 11 years difference , at this age, are nothing unmanageable.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (1 January 2013):
Whether this goes anywhere’s something only you can tell really. Don’t assume she’s desperate just because of what her parents want for her, or because of your looks. There’s no one type of man all young ladies are attracted to, bald may well be something she very much likes. Don’t forget it’s looks and personality behind attraction a lot of the time. As for the age gap, age is but a number. People always ask how big an age gap is too big, but the reality is that you need to look at each situation. Where an age gap relationship doesn’t work, it’s not because the gap in numbers is too big, it’s because each person is at a different stage in life, wanting different things and having very different ways of seeing things. If you wanted the same thing out of a relationship as her and if you’re compatible personalities don’t let a decade put you off.
So we don’t know she’s desperate, but there’s no reason to assume she’s not genuinely very keen on you. The thing you need to work out is whether or not anything could satisfy you that it’s not desperation. If you took things slowly, went on a few dates and didn’t rush anything, and she knew you weren’t looking to enter a relationship unless it was right, would you then be convinced she was genuine if she stuck around? Or would nothing be able to stop that nagging doubt? If the latter, this relationship isn’t worth pursuing. If nothing will convince you, you’ll be insecure and make both her and yourself miserable so stick with friendship. If you think that you could be open to the possibility she’s genuine, then think about what you need to convince you. What do you need to tell her? At what pace do things need to move? Then tell her honestly how you want this potential relationship to progress if she’s also keen to take things further.
I wish you all the very best.
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