A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in a nightclub the other night when a guy i know tried to kiss my friends fiancee. She moved her face so that he kissed her on the cheek rather than the lips he was aiming for. They then just continued to chat. I am now in a dilemma as to whether to tell my friend about this. I guess his gf didnt do anything wrong..... i just feel obliged to tell him. His gf asked me afterwards not to say anything as he would start a fight with the guy..... so i didnt. Its still on my mind now though.... should i just let it go?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): Thanks for the answers.
I have decided not to tell him on the basis of not wanting to cause him grief.
I have no knowledge of what was being said after he kissed her - she may well have been telling him she was not interested in a calm manner.
I will encourage her to tell all to her boyfriend / my friend the next time i see her.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Why the hell do you feel "obligated" to tell him?? I hope that the "obligation" means that you'd tell your friend that his fiance is loyal, honorable, and a good woman, because that's really the only thing that matters.
Your friend's fiancee isn't trying to deceive your friend by not wanting to say anything. She's actually trying to protect her fiance if he's jealous or has a short temper. How would you feel if you told him, he were to go find this guy who tried to kiss her, and then put him in the hospital? Your friend would be in jail. What if he decided that even though his fiancee did nothing wrong, he's jealous enough to make her life a living hell, throw it in her face every chance he gets, and ultimately destroy his happy relationship with an honorable and loyal girl?
Still feel obligated?? I hope not, because I could see your point if she kissed him back. That would be something to tell him. However, she did not.
I couldn't disagree more with Cerberus here. She didn't do anything wrong by continuing to chat in a public place. She didn't cause a scene or go private with him. She rebuffed him in a way that didn't embarrass him. End of story. It would "fuck" the guy up more if he did something he regretted in response to this drunk guy making a move on his fiancee, like go off ON his loyal fiancee like a horse's ass or wind up with an assault and battery charge on his criminal record following him to every job interview he'll ever have.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): Normally I'd agree with the others but there are a couple of things bothering me about this situation.
Firstly he tried to kiss her and while she did turn away when he did, he still kissed her and she still stayed talking to this guy knowing his intentions and leaving herself open to him making another move. That wouldn't sit well with me at all. My fiancée wouldn't have turned her cheek she'd have moved her head right out of the way, put her hands up to stop him getting close and then ended the "chat" right then and there. This woman did none of those things, she accepted the kiss and kept on talking with this guy who had only one intention.
Secondly if she's done nothing wrong as the others say then why does it have to be kept a secret? If she hasn't done anything wrong then surely he won't mind. I mean you know this guy, is he really the type to be completely irrational about this? I mean if she didn't do anything wrong then surely him knowing is fine right?
To be honest OP in my opinion she did do something wrong. There seems to be this consensus that it's okay for a woman to be kissed by someone romantically as long as they don't reciprocate. To me there isn't any excuse for that and I wouldn't stay with a woman who was unable to fend off men and prevent that happening. I mean mine is a flirt but she knows how to keep men at arms length and she will physically stop a guy who even tries that. This woman just turned her cheek, continued chatting with this guy and if she didn't do anything wrong then why not tell her fiance?
I'd want to know if I were him, I'd want to know so I could have a conversation with her about what's acceptable to me and I'd also like the chance to tell the other guy to never try anything like that with her again.
The real question here OP is this, would he want to know? He's your friend, he's who you're loyal to not her. Is this something he want a heads up on. Because quite frankly OP, if they end up doing anything in the future and you didn't let him know this guy tried it on with her then that's on you.
So decide, one where your loyalty is here and two is this something he would want to know. You and everyone else here say she did nothing wrong, so what's problem telling him? Screw the other guy, he tried it on with your friend's woman, and well she's innocent here so I see nothing wrong with telling him.
OP if you're not going to say anything at least have a chat with this guy you know and tell him not to try that shit again with her.
You can't claim to have your friends back if you conspire with others to keep something secret that may actually fuck him up in the future. If she doesn't want you saying anything to this guy because it may cause a fight then you know for certain your friend would want this guy to know not to cross that line again, so you could do it for him.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 December 2012):
 His girlfriend did absolutely nothing wrong - there's no "guessing" about it. She did the right thing; she didn't cause a fuss and there was no betrayal. She doesn't want a fight between her boyfriend and this other guy, so why not just respect that?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (28 December 2012):
What’s the point in telling him? She moved her face away, nothing happened and she clearly had no intention of cheating on her man. So she did nothing wrong and no harm done. So why would you now want to tell your friend and have him start a fight? Don’t waste anymore of your time thinking about this, just move on and forget it. It’s not disloyal not to tell your friend about something that didn’t even happen anyway.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Why would you tell him? You could ruin their relationship. She didn't do anything wrong, she didn't let the guy kiss her, and she's trying to avoid conflict because there doesn't need to be any. Whereas if you tell her boyfriend he's going to assume she's lying to him and that something else happened.
Stay out of this one, nothing bad happened and there's nothing for you to "tell."
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 What are you hoping to achieve by telling your friend, as you say, his fiance didn't do anything wrong, I would let it go in this instance.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (28 December 2012):
 you're right, she didnt, she did exactly the right thing. Had she started snogging him and humping him on the dance floor I might give a different answer to this but for this one the answer is no dont, there is nothing to tell, and if you do tell it will just cause a ruckus between him and the guy and you and the girlfriend. It will cause unnecessary drama over nothing.
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