A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This sounds really stupid, but it is getting on my nerves to the point where it is very hurtful to me. The issue is that I really like plants and I have a green thumb. My wife and my in-laws knows this, so for some years know they have been gifting plants to me. This was okay at first, but a couple of years ago I reached the point where I just have too many plants relative to my interest and my available time to care for them.My mother-in-law continues to buy me roses even though I politely told her that I have too many bushes already. She just laughed it off. When my birthday came up she asked what roses I wanted and I told her "I don't want any more. I have plenty already." Well, she bought me three large bushes I feel obligated to care for, because I hate to see anything die.My sister-in-law brought me a plant, too, but my wife is the worst offender. I told her how much it bugs me that everyone gifts me plants. They are not a fun gift anymore. It is a real chore. However, she also tends to gift me plants. For Christmas, my wife got me a cactus plant in a pot and a packet of seeds. I was gracious about it, but deep down inside I unhappy with her. I had given her a long list of gift ideas for me from the expensive to the simple. None of them involved a live plant. I feel like she completely ignored me, which hurts me very deeply.How can I nicely tell everyone what I want to say, which is: "Look, I appreciate the thought, but I've had it with being given something alive I need to tend to!" I have said this and it falls on deaf ears, so I feel that unless I get nasty about it not only will I not get any gifts I want, but I will - worse - continue to receive live plants! Also, how can I tell my wife in a nice way that she really hurt me with her gift selection. It's like she doesn't even care enough to listen to me when I tell her how much I have come to detest receiving plants as gifts. I am so upset right now over this you cannot believe it.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 December 2012):
 This is lazy and inconsiderate of the people who are doing this to you.
And the more you accept the presents the more they think they can continue to do this to you.
You and your wife should still exchange presents but surely everyone else does not need a present? presents are not cheap and unwanted presents are the worst.
Make it very very clear to your wife that she needs to respect your wishes on this present issue.
Tell the truth and say what you mean and mean what you say.
Without too much fanfare start a renovation project at home.
First you need a garage sale. Label and price all the plants you want to sell.
Borrow a couple of tressle tables from your local Church or School. present all the plants attractively by circling each pot with a bright ribbon and tieing a bow in the front. Presentation is everything when selling. You keep ALL the profits from the plant sale. After all your time looking after all the plants is valuable too.
Concurrently ask your wife or some local children to start a drinks and cookies stall next to your plant stall and charge for a drink and a packet with two cookies in each bag.(whoever runs this other enterprise also keeps those profits for them from the drinks and cookies stall)
A sense of occasion makes people feel more like buying.
Advertise the sale to start on a Saturday morning. Have plenty of change ready.
Put up a sign advertising saying "well cared for and pre-loved plants seeking a new home"
With the funds you earn from the sales of plants you then have many possible options open to you for the funds you earn. Such as:
1. use the funds to renovate a garden area with a new BBQ and new garden furniture. Pave a larger area so it is available for a greater variety of activities than growing plants.
2. use the funds to go towards your next vacation.
3. Or take up a new hobby like golf.
4. Or take up creating miniature 1/80 scale yachts to then
re-sell on etsy.com
5. Or start making wooden toys for disadvantaged children
for gift giving next Christmas - so ask family for
donations of new wood suitable to make toys.
6. Any other item or project you have ever wanted to get
involved with.
But whatever you choose it must be something that advantages you. It is meant to be for something that gives you great pleasure.
Then make your list of preferred presents in future - ones you would want to receive from your wife.
Perhaps stop presents between all adults (other than presents to your wife) in the future and put the money you would have once used for present towards others towards something else.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 December 2012):
 I understand what you are saying - it's basically like if they gave you a puppy or kitten every-time a present is warranted. You would live in a darn kennel!
I would sit your wife down and TELL her as PLAINLY as you can how these presents feels like a burden not a GIFT and you from now on will take them BACK to wherever they were bought from, because you do not WANT them.
Or donate them like Daisy explained that is actually a good idea too, however... that still doesn't fix the fact that the family doesn't seem to RESPECT that you DO NOT want them any more.
You might HAVE to tell them this a few times for it to sink in, but that is what I would do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): I can believe it because my ex husband used to do the same thing to me. I`d take time and care to make a wish list...but i always got a plant! It can become very hurtful.
I suggest you ask the mother in law and wife for their wish lists when birthdays come around then buy them...a plant. They will soon get the message x
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 I agree with Aiden, and I'd also be peeved if I'd mentioned several times over that I didn't want a particular kind of present. You have to be a bit firmer with your relatives.
My mum used to collect hippo figures, except that she didn't want to at all - she had one or two. People must have thought "I know, I'll get her a hippo" without putting any further thought into it, and suddenly everyone bought her a hippo figure for every gift. She told everyone to stop, and she got rid of the collection.
If you're running out of time and space to care for all the plants you have, you can donate them to worthwhile causes like community centres or old peoples homes, schools etc. I found this on google:
http://voices.yahoo.com/how-donate-plants-garden-items-charity-2215767.html?cat=32
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (26 December 2012):
It’s easy to read this and wonder why on earth you’re getting so upset about an unwanted gift, everyone gets those. But it’s clear to see that what bugs you more than anything is that your opinions seem not to be listened to and the plants have come to symbolise that for you. The polite and kindly way now would be to say you’re getting allergic, but they are ignoring your feelings on this matter to such a bizarre extent that even that’s probably not going to dissuade them from window shopping in the nursery for your next gift. Plus your wife’s probably going to realise that you don’t have an allergy. So to be honest there’s only one thing you can do: tell these relatives in advance that you have no more room for any plants, so please don’t get them because you’ll have to throw them away and you would really not like to have to do that. If you still get plants, get rid of them. It wasn’t like they weren’t warned. With your wife you probably need to have a slightly more serious conversation. Ask her why she bought you plants again and tell her the truth about how she seems to be wilfully buying something despite your dislike of them and preference not to receive plants as gifts anymore. Ask her to explain her choice and explain how hurtful it is. Some-one’s first reaction might be to laugh a little because isn’t there worse to get upset about than an unwanted plant? But she needs to understand that it’s the blatant disregard for your opinions that get to you. Then it’s not quite so trivial! If you’re looking for a way to stop this without confronting people especially your wife, I’m afraid I don’t think you’re going to find one. But they do deserve it because you’ve tried to be nice and tactful about it.
I wish you all the very best.
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