A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello! Hope you can help with some advice on this small issue.How much physical contact is OK/to be expected from your partner when at work?We work in different departments and when we met up for lunch he wanted to walk with his arm around me down the main corridor which is a public place. I felt uncomfortable in case my boss or a patient would see us. Boyfriend got upset that I didn't want to show every one we're together. It happened before where he went to kiss me and I gave him a quick peck, not full on snog! I just felt uncomfortable at work. He got really annoyed, saying who am I hiding it from.I did lose proportion on it and got angry back at him because I thought he was blowing it out of proportion.We've both said sorry so it's OK now but I'm curious what you think about physical displays of affection at work.Many thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): I believe its unprofessional. I know married couples who work in the same organization even same department and they do not treat each other any different from other coworkers while on the job. That's how it should be. Otherwise it makes everyone around them uncomfortable.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 January 2013):
 We live on a military installation and PDA is not allowed ( thought people do tend to disregard it in little ways, such as holding hands/hugging)
I think it's come across as unprofessional to be overtly "lovey-dovey" at work. What is the NEED to it? I mean a quick kiss/hug - but does he really NEED to parade around with an around around you ? To me that seems more like a "neon sign" this girl is mine!! know what I mean?
No, PDA at work (IMHO) is not appropriate.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (6 January 2013):
 It sounds like you work in a public building since you mention patients possibly seeing you. It's completely inappropriate behaviour. As CindyCares says, you could both end up in trouble. All you can do is explain that to him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 January 2013):
 I don't think that's appropriate. I saw a couple walking out of my building the other night with their arms around each other and thought it was REALLY unprofessional. It's not about hiding it, it's just that your coworkers don't need to know that you're dating.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2013):
 I work with married couples... you would never know they were married. and I work in a very casual comfortable office.
I can see a quick peck when saying goodbye in the morning or hello at the end of the day... but nothing else. It's not professional.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): Just my personal opinion: No. The workplace is not where you show affection. It's kind of gross. Sorry for being frank.
My wife used to work in the same company as me too. She always demanded me to hold her, put food into her mouth, or kiss her in front of the others! She said she wanted everyone to know how much I loved her!
FYI, after a few years of marriage we found out that she had mental problems.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 Always unprofessional. According to the work environment and circumstances , from mildly, tolerably " kids will be kids " unprofessional, to severaly, shockingly unprofessional.
In a hospital ?? Definitely the last one. I don't know in UK, here if they catch you you'd suspended immediately.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): Thanks. OP here. Well, we've been together 6-7 months and see each other every day. I more or less live at his place although not officially.Yes I think he does have some insecurities. He told me he's been cheated on by all his past girlfriends and I know he does get protective when for example I tried to meet up with one of my (gay) male good friends. Also he is protective of me if we go out, like he said one guy was positioning himself between us to block him out, which I hadn't even noticed.But he has no reason to feel insecure, although I did get angry with him this time so I think I might be making it worse.I really didn't want to make a display but it wasn't to hide anything, just separating personal and professional life.He says he would be happy to shout it from the rooftops and is upset that he thinks I hiding it.I guess I need to reassure him more and try and let him know there's nobody else and I'm not going to be unfaithful.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 January 2013):
 if you are still in the serious crush zone in the first three months I can understand people being indiscreet at work and stealing a kiss here and there. People tolerate that as they know the couple are temprarily deranged with the feelings they are having. Though many people see it as evidence of poor judgement and would prefer the couple showed more control.
People who see each other regularly and are in a stable committed relationship have settled down and generally don't need to put on public displays of affection as they get enough of each other at home.
Some immature souls act like sick puppies and just want to snog at any opportunity where there is an audience. These ones I think are just making themselves look bad. It is for the benefit of the audience not the benefit of the relationship.
But a long super pash at work in front of work colleagues? NO way. That is dreadful and I would expect to see a Manager take the couple aside and have a word with them.
Shepherding you down the hallway with an arm in the small of your back? And a very quick kiss (not long and not full one) I think that is demonstrating ownership.
Is he threatened by someone else you are working with?
And is he failing to take into account of the fact that your feelings are important too. Have you been together for 3 weeks? 3 months? 3 Years? or longer. That may have some bearing on his actions. Why is he insecure enough to need to demonstrate his "Me Tarzan, Jane is with me" focus?
I'd be sitting him down and talking to him. To try to understand if he has some insecurities about keeping you. And if he has concerns that he might lose you
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (6 January 2013):
They make you look unprofessional. You don’t need to be hands all over each other the whole time to show you care for each other, walking down the street with your arm around somebody’s probably okay, but kissing and other sexual contact really should be reserved for private moments and not done publically at all. But within the workplace my advice would be no more physical contact than you might have with any other colleague. You’re right about this, it’s not a case of hiding your relationship so much, but one of looking professional and showing that your personal feelings for a colleague won’t affect your ability to do your job without conflicts of interest. Hopefully your boyfriend will understand this.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 January 2013):
 Hi
Definately no snogging sessions, maybe a peck on the cheek before you go into the building or as you leave him at lunchtime.Unless your in a cupboard ofcourse
I cant think of any couple that walk with their arms round each other at work, maybe holding hands in a corridor
Its a professional environment so your boyfriend should save his PDAs for outside, nobody wants to watch you. As you spend lunch with him people probably know your an item anyway,you can tell by body language
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