A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's my issue .I met a man a few months ago and things were great. Shortly there after he became a drug addict, shooting drugs all the time. Selling everything. Stealing. I cared about him so much, but being a former drug addict (I quit 5 months ago, trying to get my son back), its hard to be around him to try and help him and not do it. He says he wants to change, and we were getting him into a rehab he just had to wait a few days, but he hitch hiked back to where he gets his drugs from. He pan handles for drugs. He says he wants to change and be with me. But all he does is focus on drugs. WHAT do I do? somebody please help me. I'm tired of hurting and trying to help when he isn't trying to help himself. He talks about it but doesnt do it. So what do i do? it hurts to think of letting go but i have a baby to work to get back :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2012):
 congrats on being clean for 5 months.
If you are working your recovery properly you know as well as i do NO RELATIONSHIPS TILL YOU ARE CLEAN FOR A YEAR.
that alone tells you what to do.
Being co-dependent however, (as many addicts are both those active and in recovery) you will find it hard to say NO to him.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (26 December 2012):
Fair play to you for getting clean. It’s one of the toughest things for you to do. But remember you will always be an addict. I don’t say this to upset you or to understate the fantastic achievements you’ve accomplished, but to remind you that if you’re around that lifestyle, it’s as easy to slip back in to drug use as it is difficult to quit it. So rather than wait for him to change you need to sever all ties with this guy. As you will know, only he can help himself. You can’t save him and maybe you never will. And maybe if you were both using drugs it’s had too destructive an impact on your relationship for it ever to work out between you. So cut ties and focus all your efforts on getting your child back. You’ve done one incredibly tough thing in kicking the drugs, now you’ve got to do a second in losing this guy. But remember it’s for you and that child, who will always be your first priority.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): My boyfriend was a former drug addict he has been clean for a year now so I understand your situation, I think you know deep down what you need to do, you need to put you and your baby first, It's not until he truly wants to be clean that he'll become sober and it is such a hard long road, maybe if you leave he'll realize what he can have in his life but then again maybe not. You can't try and help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Also congratulations on having 5 months clean, being around a drug user is not going to help your sobriety or getting your child back. You need to get out and concentrate on yourself and i know it's hard to leave someone you care about and want to help but these are the times you need to put you first. I told my boyfriend that I couldn't be with him if he carried on his drug use after months of trying to help him and then he got clean for himself but also to get me and his family back. If he starts to walk the walk and clean up then you can support that and help but until then it's all about you and your baby. I hope everything works out the best for you, good luck you seem like a very strong woman.
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A
female
reader, wade +, writes (25 December 2012):
Honey I dont understand why you need help with this issue your child comes first let this addict go...maybe if you let him go he will change but i wouldnt hold out you do not need to be around people doing drugs nothing good is going to come from that move on sweety life is to short.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 December 2012):
 Focus on you. YOU know that YOU can't fix him. HE has to do that - HE has to be willing to do it and then it's not always a sure thing that he will stick to it.
You want your child back? Then get your life on track to be able to do JUST that. YOU and your child should be your MAIN concern.
Talking the talk is useless... You know that.
Let him do this thing YOU make a life for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys. i guess when hes clean and straightens up one day maybe we can work on it. til then i wont lift my head and look in his direction. once again thank you guys, your answers were more helpful than you know
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (25 December 2012):
You let him go. His mouth says he wants to do better, his actions show he doesn't. If there's one thing I've learned about addicts, it's that they either pull themselves together and get help or they don't. Trying to play the savior won't make one bit of difference. Only he can do that. And he's not ready to. He may not ever be. So don't wait around.
Plus, you have a child to look after. A child that should be your number one priority right now. You are putting your future and the future of your child in danger by staying around this man. He could ruin you both. You've just turned your life around by getting drug free. Continue on that path by cutting this druggie out of your life.
Look, judging from your post you already know what to do just fine. Listen to your gut, girl. It won't lead you astray. If you came here for that last nudge in the right direction, then trust me when I say you're doing your child, yourself and him a favor by leaving him. Let him go, get a different phone number, put a different lock on the house if you gave him a key and never look back. If he wants help, it's out there for him. He doesn't want it. For now he's a leech. Stay away from him.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (25 December 2012):
 Words are easy, actions are harder and as you say he talks the talk but doesnt walk the walk. Words lie, actions lie less. I think this is one of those ones you already know the answer too but simply dont want accept it, thus your seeking confirmation from the people here of what you already know - its over. You also want validation for your decision because its based primarily on what you need, you need to make a final break from your old life and sadly for you, this is the way it gets done. It's ok to be selfish sometimes and in truth getting rid of this guy wouldnt be entirely selfish in any case - think of your child who needs a mother and doesnt need to be around this. He isnt ready to make the leap you have, maybe one day he will be, but your obviously not the person he's going to make it with or for, thats not a reflection on you, more so on him. Be strong, do the right thing for yourself, for your child, get rid of this guy and move on too a better life. Good luck :).
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