A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together a year at the end of this month. He went on a "rugby tour" with alot of his rugby friends about a week ago, and since then a lot of his people have been saying to me "I just want to bang other girls" now until today I had no idea what these people have been getting it. But today I found it that this is what my boyfriend said to one of his mates in message when he was away on tour... I was gutted. In my opinion, if you're with someone you only want them and to be with them, that's how I feel about him anyway. And we haven't been having regular sex in so long it's ridiculous, although he's always just told me that he just isn't bothered about sex anymore... Which I think is a bit unfair and there should be a compromise, we just never have sex anymore like the last time we had sex was 3-4 months ago... So I asked him about this message he sent one of his friends, and he said "yes I sent it but I wasn't sober at the time it didnt mean anything" now I know he did not get overly drunk as his dad was there with him and he's underage, and just generally it takes a lot for him to get drunk.. So why would he say that? I feel really inadequate for him, like I can't forfil him that's why he's saying he'd rather be with other girls, I've always had self confidence issues, this has made it alot worse for me.. And the likelihood is that when he says "he wants to bang other girls" he probably is getting at my friends, as they are the only female people our age that he is aware of.. Opinions please! X
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (18 May 2013):
You are probably reading too much in to it. IT doesn’t sound like he was referring to females that he knows, for example his or your female friends. He probably made the throw away comment to show off in front of his friends, maybe a little drunk, and possibly out of frustration with the lack of sex in your relationship. It is a disgusting thing to say and shows a complete lack of respect to women, for sure. But men say stupid things sometimes and although it’s not excusable it isn’t said with any real depth of meaning often. Tell him you didn’t approve of it, tell him it has upset you, ask him to tell you why he said it, but nore importantly use it as the basis to introduce the fact that you need to talk more about your relationship. Tell him if there are things you aren’t happy with and allow him to do the same. You will find out a lot about the true meaning of this remark about “banging” other girls by whether or not he acknowledges and apologises for the upset it has caused you, and engages with you about your relationship together in a mature and sensible way.
I wish you all the very best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): You give a very sad and personal story that would bring tears to the strongest of people. You ask him yourself what he wants if anything from you anymore. If you get blown off you wont have to worry about him banging other girls. He will probably get Stds and deserve it. Pick yourself up and start new. The past doesn't have to equal the future. Make some positive changes in your life that will attract a man who will want to be with you only. Dry your tears and don't waste time and get going.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 I personally would never date someone who talks about sex with other people as "banging". Also, if he's not having sex with you, but is talking about doing it, drunk or sober, it's a good indication of the relationship running past its expiration date. It's worse if he's saying this to people who are GIRLS, because chances are he's telling them that you won't have sex with him in hopes of getting a mercy "bang".
Pfft.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 You might want to ask him why he isn't bothered with sex anymore but I suspect he won't communicate his true thoughts. Are there things stopping you, such as privacy and venue? He might give up on it if sex has to be sneaky. When one suppresses sex drive, it creeps up in dreams or fantasies. Saying he wants to bang other girls may be his "guy talk", the kind of talk that's acceptable and expected among guys. It's dumb when he posts it on facebook for the world to see though. Or did you snoop?
You shouldn't use sex as a measurement of self-worth, although it somehow indicates the health of a relationship.
My opinion is that he wants new thrills, and not being tied down in a relationship with responsibilities. He's not going to admit this. If you feel like he can't be bothered, or does not treat you as priority, then pull back and give yourself some space. He's not going to do the thinking for you and give you the reassurance you need. It will be pointless to get him to have the talk with you as it seems like what he's doing is delaying a break up. He wants you to want him, and for you to do the work in the relationship is just going to make it too easy for him. He's not fulfilling your needs and that is reason enough to rethink the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): In America, we would call your boyfriend a "jock." That's an athlete who is conceited, obnoxious, and all he knows is sports. They come off cocky, rude, and aren't very nice to girls. They know girls go for the type. You may not be cut out for that type of guy. They are full of testosterone, and they have huge egos. They like showing off in front of their mates. Now as far as the sex is concerned, you may want to find out if he is taking steroids. If he shows a lot of temper, gets a lot of pimples, and he has an unusual amount of muscle mass, he may be "doping." That will lower his sex drive. If he isn't, he just probably masturbates a lot. "Jocks" brag more about the amount of sex they get, than what they actually do. Those that do get a lot, don't have girlfriends. They like girls that aren't too smart, or just want to be popular.If he travels, and you think he's with a lot of other girls, please make sure you be safe and use condoms. You have to protect yourself.In my opinion, I think he's just a big show off. You really can't handle that sort of male. He'll drive you nuts or you'll leave him because you won't be able to stand him for another month. If you have self-confidence issues, you are out of your mind for being with a guy like that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): I think he said that as a macho bravado response to something. Do you know the context of the message? What were they talking about that made your boyfriend respond that way? You should find out. Maybe he said it in response to his friends giving him a hard time about not having sex with you. In which case he was trying to act big and tough by claiming the reason is he wants other girls.
I mean your boyfriend wont even have sex with you and hes claiming he wants to bang other girls? It just doesnt add up.
I think that comment is a symptom of a bigger problem: the fact that your boyfriend wont have sex with you. Is he religious or have strict parents? Maybe he is gay? Not trying to scare you but theres a reason completely unrelated to "other girls" which is stopping him from having sex with you. And most likely its not you. It has something to do with him. And he's using this "other girl" reason as an excuse to deflect from the real reason.
I dont know...a sexless relationship will take a huge toll on your self esteem and would make any person feel unloved. Thats not healthy, especially since he wont talk to you about it and is simply brushing it off like its no big deal. When in fact it is a big deal.
Try talking to him about the lack of sex see if he will open up and be honest. If he keeps dicking you around with these lame excuses I would walk away from him and find someone else. (I know its not easy). But something to think about/prepare for at least to save your self esteem.
So many guys will please you and be eager to have sex with you any chance they can, make you feel like a woman. Dont waste too much time here.
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