A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My 19 year old daughter is very pretty. She along with my wife and I went to a popular restaurant for dinner last week. As we were being seated I see this middle aged guy sitting with his wife and kids staring at my daughter, he didn't take his eyes off her until he noticed me staring right back at him with a mean disgusted look. I will say the guy freaked out when he saw me staring right back at him. I told my wife and she told me to calm down. I was really angered by this pig and wanted to confront him. I know it's not illegal to look but this was way beyond checking out a pretty young woman. Should I have confronted him. I'd of loved letting his wife know and see him turn red with guilt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): There were children present. Repeat, this man's children and innocent wife were present. He was staring.
Go ahead and publicize and blow it out of proportion. Scare the hell out of his kids, so the onlooking public would turn on you.
If you're going to give advice. Give responsible advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Yes you should have confronted him! Its not illegal to look, you're right, and its not illegal to confront either.
When I say confront I don't mean as in to start a fight. I mean you should have "publicized " what he was doing, namely to his wife, so he can have consequences. Being married he shouldn't be ogling other women, much less women young enough to be his daughter. And you know he was undressing her with his eyes, that's what men do when they stare like that.
So yes I say you should have confronted him. At least he saw you glaring at him and got freaked out. Too bad his wife didn't know what her husband had been doing though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): I'm only going to add this. People over-reacting to minor incidents can end in very serious consequences. You stared him down and got the desired results. Good!
Getting angry and wanting to push it further than necessary, would have not only been unnecessary; but would have gotten you booted out of the restaurant. You could have pushed him to defend himself.
Do you think the police would listened to the reasoning behind your provocation? He was "staring" at my nineteen year-old daughter!? Although they would empathize, they may even stare as well, if she is an attractive young lady.
In this country, people are free to stare.
It is illegal to make inappropriate contact; or sexually explicit propositions toward people.
That would have more than justified using physical force, if necessary, to subdue him until you were able to contact the police.
You could have even sent a message through the manager of the restaurant, that the gentleman at the other table was making your daughter uncomfortable by relentlessly staring.
That would gotten an embarrassing message to him, and his wife would have been made aware; then she would have handled it. They may have even left the restaurant without incident.
He was limited in his behavior by the presence of his own wife and children.
Unless you are a mind-reader, you are an over-protective father who could have gotten himself thrown out of a restaurant, or his ass kicked.
The other man would be in the position to protect his own family; if you came off too hostile, threatened his person; or approaching him in a threatening manner. You would have ruined the evening for all the other diners.
Thank goodness both wives were present.
We don't need hotheads getting hurt, or hurting other people. I've seen enough violence and poor judgment ruining families, and ending in tragedy.
I don't care what the other aunts may say in your defense.
Saying it was justified; because you're a father, is condoning unnecessary force without respect for the law. Not a good example for the children present.
A wise father is a good father. Looks won't kill. Threatening people can get you killed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): I know how you feel. Some men are crazy enough to stare onbiously in a presence of another male, husband or father without any selfcontrol. When my daughter was a teen there were a few episodes like this, and my husband got as pissed as you. And no, I don't think it's appropriate to stare like that, law or no law. But, I also don't think that you should say anything, unless that man would continue looking at your daughter after he caught you glance.
He stopped, it's good, he probably was taken by your daughters Beaty, and lost self control, which is not an excuse. But you did the right thing not to make a scandal. Your daughter is stared at plenty, with or without you. That's the age when women get the most attention all the time.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 I think you'd done enough. Causing a scene would have been embarrassing and not to mention unnecessary.
You daughter is growing up and is basically an adult now so ofcourse some guys (married or not) will be looking at her. You will just have to learn to accept it. Besides, maybe he was looking at her for another reason, who knows? It happens.
You're her dad, not some body guard who attacks those who stare. It's not an actual crime. People are infact allowed to look wherever they please even if it makes others uncomfortable. I get stared at alot by people who like the shape of my eyes, like something i'm wearing, think i'm pretty and ofcourse the many perverts out there. But unless they touch or make an inappropriate comment, i don't think it's punishable by a blow to the face or death.
Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance. Your daughter is a woman and she WILL get hit on alot. You can't freak out every single time it happens. Learn to live with it.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 However attractive your daughter is she is not an object to be stared at.
OP, I think you handled this perfectly. His wife and his children are no doubt aware of his gutter behaviour. Making a scene might have given you some temporary satisfaction but it would have ruined the evening for your family not to mention his innocent family.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem whatsoever making a scene and publicly humiliating someone who treats an innocent person badly, but you have to consider the cost/benefit ratio.
The man knows he was caught and the fact that you just stared at him left him with the discomfort of wondering just how long you were watching him. That's an eerie feeling. He got the message and didn't gawk at her again for the rest of the evening, right?
Mission accomplished.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 August 2013):
 perhaps his wife is aware of his predilection to rudely stare at younger women and allows him this much rope to hang himself.
you confronting him may have well embarrassed YOU if she had been like me and had given it back to you as badly as you attempted to give to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): Sitting at a table with his wife and children, this man posed no threat to your daughter; or your family as a whole.
People have a right to stare at whatever they please.
There is no law against staring. It may be rude; but the only rule broken was proper etiquette.
You behaved like a fool. Your staring back was enough, then returning to your family would have been all you needed to do; once he looked away. Getting so worked up about it reflects badly on your character.
Guess what, lots of men of all ages will stare at your daughter for the rest of her natural life. It isn't always sexual in nature. Your one-tracked warped mind went beyond the protection of your daughter, to the brink of hysterics.
I'm glad our wife was present. You would have made a scene in the restaurant and embarrassed your daughter, behaving like a moron.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 August 2013):
 You got great advice. One more thought:
What if he was staring at your daughter because she had an uncanny resemblance to someone he knew? I've definitely been busted staring at someone because it was so curious how similar they looked to someone else! I've also done that thing where I daze off, and then realize that I am staring someone down, and they're looking back at me like "WTF", and then embarrassment for me. I'm sure it looks questionable to everyone else!
I'm glad you didn't confront this guy. You don't know if he was being sleazy, or just got busted in a compromising position that was a total mistake. There's no need to make a scene. Stay classy! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 August 2013):
 It would have been a better thing to do to move to another table. I know of beautiful people that I had to try hard not to stare, like a piece of art. You may be thinking that he's visually undressing your daughter but he could simply be studying her facial features. Still it's inappropriate for him to do that, he should be concentrating on his family.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 August 2013):
 He thought you daughter was gorgeous and thus stared. YES, it lacking manner and down right disrespectful to HIS wife and YOUR daughter, but I don't think confronting him would change his behavior.
You already gave him a "dirty" look and that didn't stop him. Why embarrass his wife further? Don't you think she noticed?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (11 August 2013):
I am sure he was sufficiently embarrassed by the realisation that you’d noticed he was staring at your daughter. His wife might have twigged what he was up to anyway, and even if not what would you have achieved? You’d have embarrassed your wife and daughter, he’d probably have denied he was doing it anyway, and you’d have had a big scene and your meal out ruined. Plus, as distasteful as it may be, it’s not illegal to look. At 19 your daughter is more than capable of asking for help if she feels uncomfortable with something and wants your intervention. You did the right thing listening to your wife and calming down.
I wish you all the very best.
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