A
male
age
41-50,
*odds
writes:Hi all, mine is a simple question but really boggling for me.A girl at work has been real flirty with me for a while now, over two or three months. Finally i asked her out but at the last minute she flaked despite me earlier telling her that if she did such i wouldn't respect her and she she said she wouldn't.I'm puzzled!! I did'nt respond to her flake text and honestly don't know how to react when i see her at work tomorrow. Whats worse is that we sit and work closely with each other.I'm really working hard to get this dating and attractiveness area of my life handled. I'd really appreciate your advice, insights and experience on how to deal with this n move forward.
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at work, flirt, girl at work, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 August 2013):
 Two things...
Don't date co-workers...
Don't THREATENED a girl with "I won't respect you if you don't show". No wonder she said:" sorry I think it's better if we don't go out."
Noe I COULD understand you saying that IF she had flaked out on you before. Otherwise, you had no reason to toss that mistrust out there.
Be professional at work, be friendly. Stop flirting with her.
A
male
reader, Dodds +, writes (11 August 2013):
Dodds is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks alot for the hard hitting truths!! I've learnt alot and will continue working on improving myself. I was rather arrogant coz i knew she was into me. Serves me right, but i've deffinately learnt something. Thanks for all the advice. God bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): You made a hidden threat that you wouldn't respect her if she backed out. Who do you think you are?
She would have accepted the invitation, if you didn't make that remark.
She made a wise decision. You are not very nice underneath it all. You tried to bully her out of rejecting you.
You behave like you're supposed to behave at work. Leave female employees alone, and do your job. She didn't threaten you. She thought she liked you. Now she knows it was a bad idea to flirt on the job. That was stupid anyway.
This isn't how you get people to like you. Then you called her text flaky. You didn't need to answer it.
It wasn't flaky to turn you down. It was appropriate not go out with you; because you are arrogant. You told her you would be disrespectful if you didn't get your way.
She took your threat seriously. Good for her.
Leave her alone at work. If you don't behave properly, I hope she reports you to the boss.
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A
female
reader, dcgirl15 +, writes (11 August 2013):
After you invited her and she agreed, you told her you wouldn't respect her if she didn't show up? That strikes me as odd. It seems sort of pushy and like you're automatically thinking the worst of her. I wouldn't necessarily be ecstatic if a guy said that to me. It makes me wonder if there's a reason I shouldn't want to show up. It would also make me feel a little trapped, like I HAD to come or my reputation with someone would be ruined.My two cents: if you like this girl, be friendly, say you're sorry that the date didn't work out and that she should let you know if there's a better time in the future. That way you don't look bitter and it's clear the ball is in her court. I think you might have messed up based on your comment about not respecting her if she flakes. She could have taken that and the fact you're acoworker and decided it wasn't worth things going badly after a few dates.If you don't want to see her again, take this as a lesson learned. Relax a little, assume the girl will show up, and don't come on so strong next time with threats of not respecting them if they don't show. If a girl agrees to go out with you, back off a little until the date (while still being normal and friendly), and then try to make the date friendly, lighthearted, and fun.I'm sorry this happened and I wish you all the best! It takes a while to get into the swing of dating and some lessons have to be learned the hard way.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (11 August 2013):
A little bit of advice: don’t tell a girl if she flakes you won’t respect her. Even if that’s what you think, keep it to yourself. It’s her choice whether or not to date you and if she feels uncomfortable with it, or doesn’t wish to date you again, that’s her choice. If that is what you said to her, you may well have your answer as to why she flaked. I think you need to just be polite and pleasant, ask her how she is and be courteous. Don’t mention it unless she does, I think you’ve lost this one.
I wish you all the very best.
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