A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need to know whats wrong with me! Im 22 My last serious relationship was over a year ago. My friends and family are pressuring me to get a new boyfriend and its really stressful.Even after all this time Im still not ready to commit to anyone again.My last relationship ended badly but ive got past it. Ive dated some guys but no one was boyfriend material. A part of me just wants a casual relationship thats not serious but im scared it can turn into something serious if i get too close to anyone.Im also afraid of what my family and friends will think of me if i entered in a casual relationship because they are so judgemental. My ex has a new girlfriend and they want me to have someone new. But im over my ex and i dont care that he has a new girlfriend. Everyone makes me feel like theres something wrong with me because i havent found anyone yet. Ive started dating guys i dont even like because of all the pressure.Im at a weird place in my life I really dont know what I want. Any advice from anyone who has been in this situation? Is there something wrong with me????
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 August 2013):
 Nothing wrong with you. Enjoy your SINGLE days,honestly. Go out with friends, travel, read a book or 10 - but really, do not think there is ANYTHING wrong with you for being single for a year.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2013): Get a grip. Lots and lots of people everywhere at your age are single for more than a year. By your logic, something is wrong with all of them. I have plenty of friends, male and female, who were single for more than 5 years. They seem to do be doing the right thing, because they eventually ended up with the best possible matches for them. Time will tell whether they met their soul mates or not, but at the moment they are all happy, successful, and several of them are expecting and over the moon. I'm not telling you to go on a 5-year drought from dating, but I'm telling you there is nothing wrong with being single. You should be not single when it's the right time to be.
I guess it is because you are young, but you lack perspective. However, I'd like to think you are old enough to know not to succumb to peer pressure. You don't start dating people just because you are told to by others. It's not your friends who have to spend time with these random guys you don't care about. It's your time, your heart, your life.
Also, a word of friendly advice: there is no such thing as a "casual relationship" for two people. At least one of the two people involved will view it more seriously than the other person. That person could be you, in which case you get hurt when the other person doesn't return your growing feelings. Or the other person gets hurt, when he sees you only want him occasionally when he wants to spend all his days with you.
You seem to be worried about your heart and getting it broken. Extend the same courtesy to those you date. "Casual" is only a momentary thing, before difficult choices about the nature of a relationship need to be made.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (17 August 2013):
There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with people who have been single for many years or all their lives, let alone some-one single only for a year. You’re being made to feel inadequate by pressure from your family and friends and they are wrong to be pressuring you in this way. Certainly it’s a pointless exercise to date people you don’t like as it’ll lead to nothing. As for the type of relationship you want, that’s up to you. Of course, what is meant by “casual” can vary from person to person, whatever set-up suits you is what’s important. Maybe you’ll figure that out soon, maybe you need some time. Maybe because of your last relationship, you’ll need to meet the right person before you can start to think about a relationship again, rather than plan to have one and search out the perfect candidate. Take your time, do things your own way, and don’t be afraid to do that by some notion that to be single, let alone to be single at a young age for such a short period of time, is a sign that there is anything wrong with you.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
female
reader, tattyted +, writes (17 August 2013):
 There is nothing wrong with you you just aren't ready for commitment in fear of being hurt again. You believe that you aren't good enough because of all the peer pressure take a time out from people and find yourself again take up writing or yoga to give yourself peace of mind. Don't throw yourself into dating because the right guy you'll meet by accident but he'll change your life. Just deal with your happiness first and the right man will find you. Dont ever doubt yourself because the truth is maybe you already know the guy he's just waiting for you to realise your importantance and everyone is beautiful. Mind body and soul. I know it's hard trying when you feel pressured but it always works out for the best
...............................
|
