A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I keep hearing I should have left her alone during her tweive step program, but we were together for three months.I don't know if she drank before I picked her up to go dancing, movies, walks in the parks, trips, picnics.I stopped drinking over twenty years ago. I was a drunk every day for about twenty years. One morning I woke up an just never drank again. She didn't break my heart, I broke my own heart, but I get so tired of hearing, that her sponcer kept telling her, she had to break up with me, I didn't try to make her drink, we was so good together, the thing is her sponser I think is a good friend of mine, an now he's with a women in treatment,so if I don't drink, why is it wrong for a person going through treatment seeing some one who doesn't drink?It felt like we were meant to be together, so was I wrong falling in love, you all know you can't control your heart. I miss her all the time, I wonder now if she ever thinks of me, her ex before me was very abusive, when he got out of jail, thats when she called it off.She wanted to be fwb, I told her never to call me again I need time to heal, so was it my fault she broke up with me.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 Being familiar with the 12 Step program; it’s wise not to side step someone’s recovery lest you both fall back into temptation of old habits, plus it’s not fair to the program or to them… As a sponsor, your friend should know better than to do what he’s doing.
Keeping one’s sobriety, attending meetings etc. is paramount; and done a day at a time… Naturally we’re going to meet people who have gone through similar battles, but they are there for the purpose of recovery; given that it’s a safe environment to mend rather than being further distracted or complicated by dating members. All of which bring other emotional issues into the mix that neither they nor you should be subject to.
Your sobriety is of most importance, its no-ones fault and there’s always a Higher Power that will heal a broken heart.
Take Care (One Day At A Time) – CAA
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 May 2013):
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. If you’re looking for some-one to tell you whether you should be trying very hard to forgive yourself, then yes I can do that for you. She was going through a huge transition in her life, quitting her addictions. She wasn’t in a settled place where she was emotionally available to commit to a relationship. Her sponsor maybe felt that she needed to concentrate solely on tackling her alcoholism, which she obviously agreed with. Don’t blame yourself, or indeed allow yourself to be consumed with anger and bitterness towards her. Allow time, and the knowledge that it wasn’t meant to be and you couldn’t do anything to change that, to heal your sadness.
I wish you all the very best.
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