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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?
Q. I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...
A. 20 March 2019: Anon male, the OP gets no slack because her case is very dufferent from yours.
Apples and iranges. You and your GF agreed on having an open relationship and allowing each other to have sex with other people. ( Personally, I have my doubts that... (read in full...)
I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs
Q. Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...
A. 18 March 2019: And even if you were wrong to think that ...? You'd think anyway, and you could not make yourself unthink it !
FWIW , anyway, I don't think you are wrong, if you are putting your best interest first when you start dating somebody, -som... (read in full...)
Wife hides her family and past from me
Q. I recently found out that my wife’s sister has past. I am upset because I never even knew she had a sister. My wife hides her family and her past from me. Worse she asked me not to come to the funeral and wants to go alone. We have been married for ...
A. 18 March 2019: I can see I am outnumbered here, but TBH in your shoes I'd feel pretty freaked out too. Maybe not " betrayed " but amazed and disappointed , yes.
Isn't marriage, at least in theory, all about mutual trust and being able to be honest and sinc... (read in full...)
I’m trying to understand where I stand with her before telling her how I feel! We are both very shy.
Q. Hi again I posted on here a few days ago with the title “Is she shy or just not into me?”. The situation has changed a lot since I posted that so I wanted to get your opinions once again. I’m sorry if this is long, my mind is a bit of a mess at...
A. 18 March 2019: I would not focus much on trying to decode the " was she rejected ? " saga. You don't even know if it's true, since you did not hear that from her, but from a third party who may have misunderstood, or given you his personal interpretation of ... (read in full...)
How hard is it being a single parent? And how do I explain this to my child?
Q. hi i have just recently broken up with my partner of 5 years we have a 3 year old daughter together I couldn't keep the relationship going any longer no matter how hard I tried he made no effort to spend any time with me and our daughter we would ...
A. 14 March 2019: Being a single parent is harder, but in your case I can't think you'll find it noticeably harder than what you have already been going trough so far.
If you had to beg him ( to no avail ) to spend time with you and your daughter , it does not soun... (read in full...)
I really like her but she's giving me mixed signals
Q. Hi I really like a girl and get mixed signals, sometimes I feel she likes me and other times she is distant and feels like she is pushing me away. It's really a day by day thing. Some days she is clearly interested and then others seems to want to...
A. 14 March 2019: I must have written this on DC one hundred times, and people will be sick of reading it by now, but … : Mixed signals do not exist. Mixed signals = no signals. When people really like you, really want you , signals are always loud , clear and ... (read in full...)
He has a crush on me but then why isn't he acting on it?
Q. I am recently single...I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and it ended 2 months back. During the course of the relationship we frequented this bar and we were always together,drinking, kissing ..so basically everyone in that bar who ...
A. 14 March 2019: I agree with Chigirl. Maybe it's the type of establishment where the staff is not supposed to hit on customers- ( and hitting on customers is not very professional anyway, although I am aware that this is a kind of rule which is often being ... (read in full...)
How much time do you think she'd take to be ready to date again after her previous long relationship?
Q. Hello folks. I'm being driven nuts by a dilemma and since I can't talk to any of my friends about it, I thought I'd ask about it anonymously instead of turning it over in my mind to no end. So this is the situation. I'm a 25 year old, attracted t...
A. 14 March 2019: She is just not that much into you. The general rule is that when people say that they are not ready for a relationship, what they really mean is that they are not ready for a relationship °with you °. She is letting you know, in not so many ... (read in full...)
He said I was overthinking things and now it’s all awkward! What do I do?
Q. So, basically theres this guy ive been messaging, we know each other well due to his son being in the same class as my brother. I decided to email him over the half term just to see how he was and that i missed him last week and kind of wanted t...
A. 14 March 2019: It's only going to be awkward if you make it awkward. You made your interest known, he politely turned you down- that's fine, and that's all. It happens all the time: A likes B, but B does not like A ( or viceversa )- and life goes on normally ... (read in full...)
Isn’t it weird for a man to have pictures like these on his phone?
Q. I chatted online to someone who seemed really lovely. He told me that he was very needy, I am done with needy men but I thought I shall give him a chance. We met, he was lovely but he talked too much which irritating me, while he was showing m...
A. 13 March 2019: It's not weird if he sells exotic poultry for a living, and his clients send him pictures of Silkie Bantams, or Sumatras, or other rare chicken : "Please send me a cock just like the one in the alleged pic… "...
But for some reason I don't thin... (read in full...)
He won’t listen to me, that he has no need to prove himself! How to get through to him?
Q. Hi, I have known a guy for about four years and have been dating him for nearly two years, he is good friends with my family and he and my Grandad are always winding each other up. They love the banter but as per usual my Grandad took it a bit too ...
A. 12 March 2019: I say, let him prove himself :).
I don't think your bf is so in awe of your grandfather, that he felt cowed into being more romantic. I think, instead, that your grandfathger brought up a flaw that your bf was aware of and had realized hims... (read in full...)
His ultimatum makes no sense! What do I do?
Q. I'm in a dilemma - my long distance boyfriend and I have spoken about marriage and he says he wants to marry me. However, he at first didn't want a child and then agreed to have one with me "because he wants a life and marriage with me". We hav...
A. 12 March 2019: I think his ultimatum makes perfect sense, from his personal perspective, the problem is that you don't share it.
Obviously having a child is not a priority, not even a fond wish, for him. He can take it or leave it, in fact, if it wasn't for you,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 11 March 2019: So , what happened then ? Did he actually win you back ?
Did he radically change his mind about not having children ? Did you radically change yours about having them ? Or, could you come up with some satisfactory compromise (I can't thin... (read in full...)
I missed out on a group poster, and now I feel bad! Why do I feel not part of the team?
Q. I have been on leave 10 days got back to work today. How would you feel if you were on leave and the boss (female) took photos of all the female staff to celebrate int womens day? To show we are a good team. (Yes there are guys there, but t...
A. 11 March 2019: OP, I would not put it as feeling hurt is " Ok " or " Not Ok ". You feel what you feel, there is no handbook of proper , allowed , " Ok " feelings which people are entitled to feel, while other not Ok " feelings they must deny them or feel ... (read in full...)
She said yes to the date...but her female friend wants to join us as well!
Q. I asked a girl on a date and she said yes. but we were not sure what day we were both free. A few days later i suggested two dates, the first she was busy and the second she said maybe. A few days later we were chatting and I asked her to remember ...
A. 11 March 2019: Not interested. She felt bad in turning you down more openly, or she wants to try and keep you around as a friend , but by suggesting to bring along a friend she is saying : " Don't get any romantic ideas ; this is NOT a date ".... (read in full...)
He ended it when I thought things were going well. How do I let it go?
Q. I was talking with a guy for a little over a month and last week he invited me out on a first date. We had coffee, chatted, it was really nice. We went back to his flat share and watched 3 hours of Dave Chappelle. At one point I asked him if I could ...
A. 7 March 2019: " 15 Yemen Road, Yemen "...
Sorry, but for some reason I can't help being reminded by your post of that hilarious episode from " Friends " where Chandler, after a short, ill-advised reunion with Janice , to shake her off himself invents that his ... (read in full...)
Do I have a valid reason to leave him?
Q. Hi. I am currently confused at the moment. Can somebody tell me what to do? So i met this guy on a dating site a month ago. Everything went well, we do video call for hours, we made plans for the future, he tells me i love you and misses me. But as ...
A. 7 March 2019: You would not even need a valid reason to "leave" some guy that you just met one month ago on a dating site and you have never met so far !, but in just such a short time he has started blowing hot and cold, flaking out on you and generally ... (read in full...)
He is letting the landlord make our garden smaller! Am I wrong to be annoyed?
Q. hi am I being unreasonable with this my partner and I have been in a private rented house for 5 years I was at work the other night and a neighbour came to the door to tell us he had phoned our landlord about buying some of our garden for his nanna ...
A. 7 March 2019: While your landlord has the right to sell any part of his property at any time, if he needs to sell it " free of tenancy" yes indeed , legally he needs your consent. In other words, if the neighbour wants to start using /occupying a part of the ... (read in full...)
Do couples that have been together a long time have deeper love?
Q. Hey all Might seem a silly question but i wondered if a couple are together a long time does it mean their love is going to be deeper than a couple who have say been together a couple of years as opposed to ten years?...
A. 4 March 2019: Not necessarily. In theory yes, because in 10 years you've got more time for attachments to get deeper and stronger, and feelings to consolidate and grow than in 2 years. But in practice , there are many couples that stay together out of ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want to come home with me?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now. He said he likes me and wasn't seeing anyone else. On our last date, we had a passionate make out and he said that I was beautiful and sexy and really turned him on. In fact, he had to stop himself a ...
A. 4 March 2019: But maybe he was actually tired and needed to go home ! why is that so impossible ? 10 p.m. can be " only " 10 pm, or " already 10 pm " according to the kind of day one had, which mood and state of health, and what one's has to do the following ... (read in full...)
3 plus affairs, Do my wife really love me?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 28 years. However, in those 28 years, my wife has had 3 affairs on me that I catch her doing. I now have the same feeling that something is going on. What I am mostly concerned about is do she really love me or is ...
A. 4 March 2019: We cannot know for sure, but that she is hanging around because of children and money rather than out of love, is more a probability than just a possibility. If she already had 3 affairs during your marriage (.. that you know of, but it could be ... (read in full...)
It is his 30th birthday at the end of March - What do I get the guy I have only been seeing for a few weeks?
Q. So I have only known this guy for a few weeks but I have found out that it is his 30th birthday at the end of the month. It is quite a significant birthday and whilst we haven't known each other long, he is incredibly thoughtful and we have been...
A. 3 March 2019: Keep it simple. It's true that 30 is an important birthday, but it is also true that you have only known this guy for a few weeks; if you go overboard with gifts it would be tasteless ,and a bit awkward.
Why don't you buy him a cookbook or two ... (read in full...)
It is his 30th birthday at the end of March - What do I get the guy I have only been seeing for a few weeks?
Q. So I have only known this guy for a few weeks but I have found out that it is his 30th birthday at the end of the month. It is quite a significant birthday and whilst we haven't known each other long, he is incredibly thoughtful and we have been...
A. 3 March 2019: Keep it simple. It's true that 30 is an important birthday, but it is also true that you have only known this guy for a few weeks; if you go overboard with gifts it would be tasteless ,and a bit awkward.
Why don't you buy him a cookbook or two ... (read in full...)
He's doing weed yet again despite all my ultimatums
Q. Hi So me and boyfriend will have been together for 3 years (March 11th) and are in the process of looking to buy our first home. However, throughout the relationship he has struggled with an addiction to weed. He has repeatedly told me he's q...
A. 3 March 2019: Should you walk away ? Of course. What else ?
Not only because you gave him " an ultimatum " and he did not respect it. If he breaks his promise - and you stay with him anyway- what kind of lame ultimatum is it then !? You'd find yourself givi... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.
Q. My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...
A. 27 February 2019: This is---well,insane. I think there must be some sort of cultural gap here, because for a Western mind what your husband suggests is simply unconcevable. Actually, there are many Western cultures where family is very important: mine ( Italy ) , ... (read in full...)
Could these have been semen stains ... is he cheating on me?
Q. Hi guys. I just need some advise. I’m driving myself mad and keep toying between am I just being super paranoid or is my gut instinct trying to tell me something... basically I want to know show I be weary of my partner! We have been together ab...
A. 27 February 2019: Actually,the simplest explanation is that he's been masturbating with his underwear and jeans on :) ( It makes sense, I don't think too many people would be so tidy to undress totally, when awake and alone in a hotel room, just in order to rub ... (read in full...)
I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?
Q. I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...
A. 21 February 2019: Are you horrible ? well, horrible is a strong word, naybe I would not call you horrible, but surely I'd go with
" selfish " and " entitled ". You want to keep your cake and eat it too, because that makes you happy, and if other people shou... (read in full...)
I broke up with my violent boyfriend, he wants the ring back but I paid for it!
Q. I have just broken up with my boyfriend of twenty years due to his violent behaviour. the thing is he says he wants the ring he bought me back which is expensive but I feel like in all fairness I have paid for the ring as I gave the cost of the ring ...
A. 21 February 2019: Are we talking about an engagement ring ? In this case, since you are in UK, you are lucky , the law is on your side and the ring is legally yours even if you were the one to break off the engagement . ( It's not so in USA were in many - but not ... (read in full...)
He tells me I insulted him by asking if he was gay! Help?
Q. Hello. Recently the man I live with have been acting strange.We had a lot of arguments and he crossed boundaries and spent a lot of money from my savings account.We kinda broke up but we still live together because he said we should make it ...
A. 18 February 2019: Sorry but I lost you at " he spent a lot of money from my savings account ". Without your knowledge and / or agreement ? ( It would sound so ). Then all the rest is sort if a moot point. He crosses boundaries , he calls you names… and you still ... (read in full...)
He tells me I insulted him by asking if he was gay! Help?
Q. Hello. Recently the man I live with have been acting strange.We had a lot of arguments and he crossed boundaries and spent a lot of money from my savings account.We kinda broke up but we still live together because he said we should make it ...
A. 18 February 2019: Sorry but I lost you at " he spent a lot of money from my savings account ". Without your knowledge and / or agreement ? ( It would sound so ). Then all the rest is sort if a moot point. He crosses boundaries , he calls you names… and you still ... (read in full...)
How do I show this man that I'm worth having a relationship with?
Q. How does a woman show a man shes worth having a relationship with, ive been on quite a few dates with a guy but he said he wants to sort himself out a job , own place then maybe a relationship with someone. The words he used were someone he didnt ...
A. 16 February 2019: You'd like to give him a chance ? Why ?, when he made such an excellent case for not giving him any chance. He's got no job, no own place to live, and he does not know what he wants. He is also dating other women, and, while some times there's ... (read in full...)
My ex was hiding something, am I right?
Q. My ex broke with me and block me from fb, after 10 days he told me he missed me, but cant be with me, but he also did not wanted to tell me where he was living etc . He kept texting trying to be friends, which I tried. He told me when we met that ...
A. 16 February 2019: Yes ; most probably he was and is still married. He sort of admitted it himself ! " He replied me that I must know the answer for that "- to me, it reads like " Why, haven't you figured it out by yourself, isn't it clear ? "
Don't waste time tryi... (read in full...)
Were my comments racist?
Q. Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...
A. 15 February 2019: Aw please. I see that the PC police is patrolling hard in the UK too. Too bad; so far, they seemed to show some more common sense than their American cousins, but I guess this is changing...
So what if people can't change their skin colour ?
P... (read in full...)
My Nigerian husband keeps asking for money and gets upset when I question him!
Q. Hello and thanks My husband and I have been married for two years. I love in Canada and he is from Nigeria. For the most part he treats me well he is very charismatic. Tells me he loves me many times predates. I’m working on his permanent vi...
A. 14 February 2019: Just a minute- now that I think of it :
2 years married and he is still in Nigeria ? How come ?
Canada has the fastest time for Spousal Sponsorship ( only a few months, if the legal requisite are met ) plus : it also allows the spouse t... (read in full...)
My Nigerian husband keeps asking for money and gets upset when I question him!
Q. Hello and thanks My husband and I have been married for two years. I love in Canada and he is from Nigeria. For the most part he treats me well he is very charismatic. Tells me he loves me many times predates. I’m working on his permanent vi...
A. 14 February 2019: So,let me understand : you are saying that you are paying good money to be told to shut up and be called dumb and stupid ? You regularly reward with money verbal abuse, disrespect and bad manners ?... Excuse me, but- why ?, are you a masochist ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever lost their libido to this degree due to boredom and lack of emotional connection and was I selfish for not being a sexually dutiful partner?
Q. Thank you to anyone who reads and responds to my post. I recently separated from a 9 year relationship, 4 years living together. I'm not sure if I have done the right thing but what I do know is that I am heart broken knowing I have broken his ...
A. 9 February 2019: I think it happens to a lot of people, and I think ,if any, the selfish one was your ex !
Looking back at the past is often an exercise in futility because somehow it gets filtered through rose-tinted glasses and selective memory ( you reca... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of my to ask for her number? Am I now the creepy old man?!
Q. Hi all, I have always personally thought that age differences in relationships don’t really matter (within obvious parameters) as each person is individual and if you love someone then you love someone. However I have always considered the id...
A. 8 February 2019: Don't beat yourself up. You can't blame a guy for trying- at least as long as the guy "tries " in a polite, respectful,non-pushy way.Just like you did. You asked for further contact, she declined- you did not push the point.Fine ,then. End of ... (read in full...)
Why was my boyfriend so weird about his phone? Is he trying to hide something from me?
Q. I was at my boyfriends been together two years and I went to sit down on the bed and saw his phone there so picked it up to move it as soon as I picked it up he snatched it out my hand now I am thinking is he hiding something from me? Has anyone got ...
A. 6 February 2019: This is impossible to answer without a bit of background.
For instance, what is your normal policy about using and touching each other phones ? Would that be an absolute first for him, or is he usually a bit territorial about his things ?
For ... (read in full...)
Any advice on premarital counseling?
Q. My fiance and I are recently engaged and want to try premarital counseling. We have a good relationship but I think counseling will give us a chance to discover/discuss topics we may not have thought about. We also both agree that we need to work on ...
A. 6 February 2019: At first I thought " Why premarital counseling if the relationship is good ? If it ain't broke don't fix it ! " then, on second thought, maybe you had just the right idea . Like going to the dentist when you have a full mouth of healthy teeth, ... (read in full...)
Sex hurts because of my ovarian cysts and I'm bored and frustrated with the limited bedroom action
Q. My husband and i have been together 5 years and married for 2 and a half. I have a son who is 10 year old from a previous relationship. My husband and my son have a great relationship. The problem im having is that my husband and i used to have r...
A. 6 February 2019: No wonder that you aren't into sex !- if it is painful, how could you be looking forward to it ? I doubt too that a sex therapist could help you, your problem is not psychological but physical ( or at least, way more physical than psychological ... (read in full...)
I love dogs but my boyfriend doesn't. How can I make him change his mind?
Q. My bf and me got into an argument tonight because we were talking about dogs and I said they are better than people. He asked why I think that. I said because dogs are so selfless and pure. They are always happy and love unconditionally. Unlike ...
A. 6 February 2019: It's not wrong if you totally love dogs, and it's not wrong if you can't conceive your life without one. It's very wrong that you cannot understand , accept and respect that other people may feel differently, and that if they prefer a dog-free or ... (read in full...)
My b/f of 20 years threw me out in the middle of the night with nowhere to go and now wants me back
Q. my boyfriend of twenty years threw me out the house in the night in the city hundreds of miles from my family. he wouldn't let me sleep and told me to pack my bags, leave the keys or he would torture me until I left. I was very frightened as he had ...
A. 2 February 2019: Sorry, but- do you even have to ask ?
He hit you. He kicked you. He threatened you with torture.
And you are even wondering which direction you should go ?... The opposite direction to where this guys is, obviously !
If physical abuse and to... (read in full...)
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