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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I broke it off ... so how come he hasn't unfriended me on facebook?
Q. Hi, i need some advise. I broke up with my LDR bf of 3 months ,this weekend sent him message on facebook that i want to break up with him and he just said he respect ny decision. But he never unfriend or even blocked me on facebook. Why you think ...
A. 20 May 2019: But did you want to break up , OP, or did you just want to stir up drama ?
Because if you really, seriously meant to break up with this guy- if any, you should be pleased and relieved that you managed to disentangle yourself smoothly, with... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 20 May 2019: It could happen, but it was not agreed upon already ?....
And what's the difference ?
If you know that it could probably happen and you still go meet him at the hotel, then you WANT it to happen. Because you are not taking any measures... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 19 May 2019: If it is a joke, it is a very inapptopriate one , particularly for two people who already have a spouse at home, nonetheless are flirting all the time, are in fact basically carrying on an emotional affair where both disclosed to the other of
... (read in full...)
What would you do with a partner like mine?
Q. Hi I’ve been with my partner now for 5 years and I honestly don’t know how I have put up with it for so long he puts everyone before me if someone rings him to do summat such as painting or anything like that he’s there I ask him he does it months ...
A. 16 May 2019: I agree with Honeypie. Lately ther's been a score of posts about people who live with a partner but act totally single, - different hours, no communication, no companionship, no help around the house. Sime, even no sex. One wonders, well, why ... (read in full...)
Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...
A. 16 May 2019: So, let me understand: now you know for sure, if you ever had any doubt before, that your bf can't sincerely, and won't, promise that he will never leave you. He is being honest, he is saying that, although his current intention is to stay ... (read in full...)
Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...
A. 16 May 2019: So, let me understand: now you know for sure, if you ever had any doubt before, that your bf can't sincerely, and won't, promise that he will never leave you. He is being honest, he is saying that, although his current intention is to stay ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with his mind games?
Q. Hi guys, I've recently ended my 7 year marriage due to my husband being emotionally abusive towards me (constantly asking me where I've been, who I've been with, telling me how I should feel, gaslighting me, not letting me go to sleep until I've...
A. 16 May 2019: But you don't have to deal with them !
Why in the world do you have to have " happy family " outings and pretend ( sort of ) that nothing has changed in the structure of your family ?! Things have changed ; there are new rules now. Your chil... (read in full...)
He hasn’t told a soul about his relationship with me and it bothers me. It’s all about respect, or is it?
Q. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 9 months off and on. We’ve hooked up a few times. I don’t want anything serious because I’m going through a divorce (been legally separated for 2 years). Anyway, I’d kind of describe our relationship as slightly ...
A. 12 May 2019: You just hook up sporadically, why should he make an official announcement about that to everybody he knows ?! It would be very tacky and inappropriate. Sex life is a personal, private matter. It's horny teenagers who can't wait to bandy it ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?
Q. I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...
A. 11 May 2019: Technicalities, OP. You are hanging on to a technicality : a) that you are not actually destroying a family or a home since this man and his Gf do not have one together yet ( Ok, that's undeniable )
and b ) that, since all is fair in love... (read in full...)
I know I should just walk away .... but I love him.
Q. Hi I wonder if anyone can help me.. So I have been with my boyfriend for just over 3years and also he's an overthinker and recently he was feeling a little depressed. I supported him and was going out of my way to be there all the time .. he was m...
A. 9 May 2019: You might as well walk away , as it is wiser and smarter, because anyway he is already in the process of disconnecting or disconnected already. In other words, if you don't walk away- he will; so might as well show some dignity and save yourself ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of dogs and now I'm in love with a person who has a dog
Q. I'm 33 years old male and as silly as it might sound, I've been terrified of dogs my whole life. When I was 8 years old I was attacked by pack of dogs and I was bitten so severely I had to spend weeks in hospital. I still have scars and ever since ...
A. 9 May 2019: You are kidding right ? What kind of man is afraid of dogs ? Uhm, maybe the kind of man who was attacked by a pack of dogs as a child and ended up spending weeks in hospital ? If there's one guy who would be justified in being afraid of dogs , ... (read in full...)
I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.
Q. Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...
A. 9 May 2019: Of course. I think it's pretty normal that at some point a woman gets tired of a relationship where the man treats her like a toy.
It's only surprising if she gets tired after a " long time ", because one would think the attraction of °man... (read in full...)
Is my FWB starting to get feelings for me?
Q. My friend with benefits knows i like him more than what we have we talked about things a while back he said he doesnt feel the same way but at the weekend we did a lot more than usual and he made a point of wanting to hold my hand and wanted to keep ...
A. 9 May 2019: I am afraid that you are reading too much into things.
FWB does not mean that there can't ever be moments of camaraderie or tenderness. Many men enjoy having the " GF experience " where they get the all attention and affection they want when... (read in full...)
Does she deserve to know what happened during the break up?
Q. So my partner of five years broke up with me four months ago. She totally broke my heart but we stayed friends and I knew that she wasn't sure if the break up was the right decision but that she needed time to figure things out. She knew that I ...
A. 8 May 2019: No. The disclosure would be ondelicate, unnecessary and serve no purpose ( unless you subsconsciouly want to make yourself more desirable in her eyes by letting her now she has competition ). You were broken up ( and by her decision, as for that ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship even worth it?
Q. Hello and thanks So my fiancé and I have been together over two years. He has cheated in the past and I forgave him. Lately our relationship has been strained he has been irritable with me , less affectionate as well. I began t...
A. 7 May 2019: Short answer : no.
Everybody deserve a second chance, and nobody a third one.
People CAN change their ways IF they want to, - apparently this guy did not really want to change , he only wanted you to be off his case, that's what the I loveyous... (read in full...)
Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?
Q. I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...
A. 3 May 2019: You should tell us. After all, as you mentioned in previous posts, you are the one who visited Nigeria several times already, it's almost impossible that by now you haven't gotten at least a rough idea of the general cost of life there,- you ... (read in full...)
Should I agree to move in with his parents or cut him loose and send him back to his mama?
Q. I have been living with my 50 yo boyfriend for about 5 years and lately he keeps mentioning how much better things would be(financially mostly) if we moved into his parents house in the basement where he used to live when I met him 7 yrs ago. The ...
A. 2 May 2019: Well, you have been with him 5 years and you had all the time you could want to show him a better life , - so either you did not show him a better life, or you did but it didnìt " rake ", or, quite simply, he is not interested in a better ... (read in full...)
I'd really like a hobby. Should I take a comedy course?
Q. i often put myself down but i can give at least a list of ten things i like about myself and for any of the other cupid users i hope this doesnt come across as big headed but i do think i am naturally a funny , witty creative person . in the pa...
A. 29 April 2019: It depends from how big of a dent 90 pounds would make in your budget. If you just need to be very , very prudent in how you handle your finances, - well, then do be prudent;and maybe, before plunking down this amount into something that might ... (read in full...)
What happens when male and female best friends share a bed for the night?
Q. I recently moved into my own apartment. It's a one bedroom and I don't have any furniture. My long time female friend plans to stay over this weekend so that she can 1. see the place and 2. not have to go all the way home after we watch a movie ...
A. 27 April 2019: I think you'd love for "something" to happen, and you are engineering things to make something happen ( bought plenty of alcohol yet ? ... ) , otherwise the solution is so evident that it would not have escaped you: BUY, or borrow , an air ... (read in full...)
My partner is giving his children extra money and I'm not happy about it
Q. So I have been with a man for a little over 2 years now. He has two children from a previous marriage. He pays child support for these children. Everyone gets along, there are no hard feelings about anything. On the children's most recent ...
A. 25 April 2019: Uhm, I guess you don't have what it takes to be dating a dad. ( Brw, this is not meant as a criticism, because I don't have it either and that's why I always kept my distance from men with kids ).
You really have no ground to stand on. These two ... (read in full...)
I have read some horrible things about a singer I loved. Should I stop listening to his music?
Q. I have really enjoyed listening to this person's music ever since I was around 10 , I danced to all his songs and sung them on karaoke at weddings and bought his albums . I have a full bookshelf full of all his greatest hits . He is not alive ...
A. 18 April 2019: Well, it's up to you, if now that you associate your favourite artist with shocking, disturbing news (...or are they just rumours ?.. ) listening to his music makes you sad , then maybe you should stop listening, why making yourself sad on ... (read in full...)
My Algerian fiance wants $5000 for a student visa?
Q. Hello Thanks in advance for your help. My fiancée and myself live in different countries. I’m Canadian , he is from Algeria. We have been together over 2 years. I have went to see him 6 times in the two years. He has applied for his v...
A. 17 April 2019: He is bullshitting you . 5000 is a number that he just pulled out of his… hat , because he would need either much less or much more.
A) The cost of a study permit fee is 150 CAD, and 85 for the biometrics. Add a few extra bucks for pics, stam... (read in full...)
She seems like a nice girl, but I think she is also a fake profile who follows me
Q. Hi ladies and gentlemen Sorry, this is going to be a long and very weird story. I met a girl, we spent 1 day together (platonic) and it was nice. we kept in touch and grew closer but we live 9 hours by car away from each other so didn't see ea...
A. 12 April 2019: Something crazy, like what ? trouble like what ? and why ever should you " confront " her ? Just block her and move on. Why should you want to create new social media to divert her attention on those ? That would be so much pointless silly ... (read in full...)
If he takes days to respond, is he not interested?
Q. I met this guy online a few months ago, we live an hour away from each other. We were talking casually for about a month before meeting up. We had a great date and ended up hooking up afterwards. I wasn't planning on it but it sort of happened when ...
A. 12 April 2019: First thing personally I would think , it's that he has regular committments on weekends - like a girlfriend or anyway someone whom he is seeing regularly; that weekend time when you hooked up was an once off, but he is not free to repeat it at ... (read in full...)
Is my male coworker playing mind games with me?
Q. There is a coworker who works in a different department, “John”. He doesn’t go to meetings, has attitude, gossips, flirts, dates fellow coworkers, likes to mess with people, etc. When I first talked to him about something work-related, he...
A. 30 March 2019: I don't quite see where you are getting at.
Guys like this tend to be married with children ?... What does it mean ?
Married man with chidren can make " tsk " noises same as single guys. They can be standoffish, and favour some colleagu... (read in full...)
My father made me look foolish when I was buying a car.
Q. Help with interferring father please. My elderly father embarassed me when I was trying to buy a new used car..!! He lives in another state and I don’t see him or my mother much.. 1-2 times a year, we small talk on phone every 5 -6 weeks, ...
A. 30 March 2019: Naaah- your dad did not make you look like a stupid middle- aged female who can't deal with stuff on her own. If there's anyone who might have looked slightly foolish in this, it 's your father ,not you, with the scheming and the
" secret " ph... (read in full...)
Is my fiance's treatment of me emotional abuse?
Q. Hi I have been with my fiancée for over two years. Usually he’s charming and sweet. He has a mean streak though. He feels entitled like I should pay for everything cause he makes less money. If we have a disagreement. He says to shut up ...
A. 29 March 2019: He feels entitled like you should pay for everything because he makes less money ?.... And what do you do then, do you actually pay for everything ?... I really hope you don't , because what he says makes no sense . I could understand if he said ... (read in full...)
What kind of body language is this?
Q. Can anyone tell me what type of body language the following comes across in a male (apart from just being a comfortable position). I was sat next to a male friend on a sofa, he had chosen to sit next to me when there were other chairs in the ro...
A. 29 March 2019: A very rude body language ! This man shows no respect and no concern for others ,and a remarkable self-absorption.
I hope at least this was his place and his sofa, otherwise..." he had his feet both up on the sofa " : what, with shoes on, mayb... (read in full...)
I have no clue what I did wrong and don't want to ask because I'm afraid it will make her even more angry
Q. Me and this girl we have been together for a while and recently went through a rough patch. We are slowly getting through it but today something happpened that has really confused me. We were talking on Snapchat when she said something that annoyed ...
A. 27 March 2019: Although I agree with other posters that your GF is noy acting very mature and is unnecessarily stirring up drama over something very minor... come on, OP- can you really not figure out for the life of you why she got mad ?!Seriously ?..
I say ... (read in full...)
Is my male coworker playing mind games with me?
Q. There is a coworker who works in a different department, “John”. He doesn’t go to meetings, has attitude, gossips, flirts, dates fellow coworkers, likes to mess with people, etc. When I first talked to him about something work-related, he...
A. 24 March 2019: He can only play games with you, if you play along. But if you go about your business and work as if John did not even exist, (and as you should do because you are there to perform a job , not to socialize with everybody or to get distracted ... (read in full...)
How do I ‘combat’ a control-freak husband?
Q. My husband is a wonderful man but he is a control freak sometimes. When he is, it's harmless, but super annoying. FYI we don't have kids. For example: He's the chef in the family. He's very particular and likes following recipes. He'll go out to ...
A. 22 March 2019: Living with someone ( from your mom to a college roommate to your beloved spouse etc. ) is never devoid of ( hopefully minor ) annoyances, and it is an exercise in patience and mutual tolerance. For both.
I'll play the devil's advocate and I'll... (read in full...)
She seemed interested but now has changed! Should I tell her how I feel about her?
Q. Hi I'm just looking for some advice on a situation. Basically I really like a girl and have done so for a long time, but I never really felt I had a chance with her so didn't try. Recently, for some reason, she became a lot more intereste...
A. 22 March 2019: What I think you should do , is understanding that , pardon my French, you need either to p..s or to get off the pot.
I.e. : either 1 ) you stop clinging to wishful thinking and accept that , for whatever reason of hers , she is simply not... (read in full...)
She thinks there was a hidden message about being fat in my fruit and yoghurt comment
Q. So I have been with this woman for 18 months. Our relationship has been perfect so far, no arguements, always get on. Today she had an arguement with a friend and was not very happy after. She sent me a message saying she was going for a walk and ...
A. 20 March 2019: At first I just wanted to answer : don't worry, she was moody and cranky after the argument with her friend, so she took your comment the wrong way ; don't harp on it and she'll soon forget about it.
But , at a second look, your post is more curi... (read in full...)
Is this trainer being friendly or flirting?
Q. I hired a female personal trainer to help me achieve my weight loss goals, and she is co-workers with another personal trainer who is male. I see him around often and a couple of times he has said hi to me, and when he was getting his client on the ...
A. 20 March 2019: Probably yes. As you say, he is friendly, easy-going and nice to everybody. You haven't caught him with his hands on anyone but you yet, but this does not means that it never happens. You spend much less time than he does at the gym, plus you ... (read in full...)
I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?
Q. I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...
A. 20 March 2019: Anon male, the OP gets no slack because her case is very dufferent from yours.
Apples and iranges. You and your GF agreed on having an open relationship and allowing each other to have sex with other people. ( Personally, I have my doubts that... (read in full...)
His priorities don't make sense
Q. DEAR cupid, my boyfriend I and have been together for a year and 1/2. We have been living together for a year. We have been experiencing issues and decided to end our realationship to work on ourselves and our relationship. This is where it gets ...
A. 20 March 2019: Well, of course you are deviating from the plan ! The plan was meant for a couple, now there's no couple anymore , so the plan must necessarily change. Why would you want to save and help him to buy a house, when you could use the same money to ... (read in full...)
I want my married lover's wife to know I am having his child
Q. I have been dating this married man a little over 2years now. I was with him for 5 months before he married his wife(chose another woman over me whiles I was with him). At the time of his marriage I was two months pregnant for him which I made him ...
A. 20 March 2019: I am not sure but I think the OP means the doctor said they can remove her uterus AFTER she has given birth , precisely because if she does not have an uterus she can't get pregnant. In other words, she wants to become a mother first, and then get ... (read in full...)
Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?
Q. I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he ...
A. 20 March 2019: OP, I don't want to sound bitchy but I'd the say that the most plausible reason is that, while you were very attracted to this guy in particular , he did not feel the same, he was not very attracted to you in particular. He likes you somewhat, but ... (read in full...)
Is the grief causing him to treat me badly?
Q. Hello. Firstly just for some context I was in a on and off relationship for 10 years with the sweetest best friend of a boyfriend who was my high school sweetheart but his lack of ambition and lazy attitude I couldn't take anymore. We are ...
A. 20 March 2019: No, it's not the grief talking. He's just a nasty piece of work. You say it yourself, he was always moody and controlling and self centered even before losing his father, and in between the negative episodes in his life- he just gets WORSE then ... (read in full...)
Are hugs and pecks on the cheek too forward from someone who really isn't your friend?
Q. I am a bit old school in certain things with texting and personal greetings so would like to ask two questions. When I text female friends I tend to put one or two kisses but don't tend to put them to men unless its male relations like a cousin, i...
A. 18 March 2019: I agree with Honeypie. For me, personally, it would be much too forward, coming from someone who is not your friend and also is a tradesman,i.e. someone whom you only see because you have business transactions with. Personally I would not ... (read in full...)
I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs
Q. Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...
A. 18 March 2019: And even if you were wrong to think that ...? You'd think anyway, and you could not make yourself unthink it !
FWIW , anyway, I don't think you are wrong, if you are putting your best interest first when you start dating somebody, -som... (read in full...)
I’m in an exclusive long distance relationship, despite my desire for it to be open, and I started cheating. What do I do?
Q. I’m a freshman In college and am doing long distance with a boy I started dating about a year ago (during my senior year of high school). I truly believe that I’m in love with him, as I dated a boy before him and learned the difference between ...
A. 21 February 2019: Are you horrible ? well, horrible is a strong word, naybe I would not call you horrible, but surely I'd go with
" selfish " and " entitled ". You want to keep your cake and eat it too, because that makes you happy, and if other people shou... (read in full...)
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