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3 plus affairs, Do my wife really love me?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 March 2019) 16 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2019)
A male United States age 41-50, *_TRUE_2_YOURSELF writes:

My wife and I have been married for 28 years. However, in those 28 years, my wife has had 3 affairs on me that I catch her doing. I now have the same feeling that something is going on. What I am mostly concerned about is do she really love me or is she just hanging around because of the children and financially security?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 March 2019):

N91 agony auntI think you’re being foolish to put your energy into trying to fix things. A woman who’s in love doesn’t cheat multiple times. Where’s your self respect?

Get out before you go insane.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 March 2019):

I don't think your wife is getting the same thing out of your marriage that you are. I think the cheating is her way of trying to gradually undo your feelings; because I think she really wants a divorce. Nobody cheats three times and gets away with it, my dear sir.

BTW, I'll overlook the "penis" remark. That gave me pause. It didn't surprise me. These days, nothing surprises me.

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A male reader, B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF United States +, writes (10 March 2019):

B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF is verified as being by the original poster of the question

B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF agony auntLet me first apologize. I am not by any means an arrogant person. In fact, I am very humble. I wouldn't even know that I had good qualities of such without my wife sharing it when we are with family and friends. It wasn't my intentions to make myself look like this perfect model of a man that many women desired. I have many faults and flaws. I knew putting the size of the penis in there would draw some negative remarks. In which I'm totally fine with that some of the observations. The only reason I placed that part about the penis size is clear all speculation of a sex malfunction in our relationship to be the aggravating factor for my wife's infidelities. I am a man who still loves his wife dearly. I'm seeking all the help I can to find out what's going on with our marriage? I truly think everyone for taking the time to give me a better understanding. Love can be so blinding.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2019):

Big penis??? Lol Why do guys think this is soooo important??? I'm female and I could care less about that. Well, it looks like I've proven my point. If your wife thought your humongous penis was the bomb would she cheat on you? Yes. Why? Because it seems you got a pretty big ego! To match your penis! Women often cheat due to being unfulfilled EMOTIONALLY rather than physically!! So your penis don't matter all that much!!

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A female reader, ClairM United Kingdom + , writes (6 March 2019):

Sorry I honestly thought it must have been a joke when you said about the penis.

Your wife has slowly eroded your self confidence, on one hand she pays you all the compliments and on the other she shows her words mean nothing. You are clearly besotted with her, you hear her words so you question why she does it, simply because she can and gets away with it.

I feel you won't break away from her you will hold on in the hope this one will go away, I personally think you are selling yourself short staying with her, you KNOW you have lots of amazing qualities why continue staying with someone who doesn't really appreciated what she has?

You have only got one shot at life, you really have to ask yourself is she worth the mental torture you put yourself through based on HER actions?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2019):

Despite having all the traits a woman wants in a man, why would a wife cheat on her husband? The answer is simple- she's a serial cheater, and has gotten the hang of it. You've always forgiven her, that alone shows your love and dependency on her. But ask yourself this question- HOW WILL I DEAL WHEN SHE GOES ABOUT HAVING A FOURTH AFFAIR? Do you see yourself pardoning her? If yes, then go ahead and live with her. If no, then you know your next move already from so many responses.

I think, you'll reach a conclusion. Some situations and decisions in life are unforeseen, difficult and heart-wrenching.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (5 March 2019):

Like I said, if she got-away with cheating three times; the fourth time is a cinch.

I'll be honest. Your second post now has me skeptical of the authenticity or sincerity of your first. As if you're toying with us. People often do make up stories just to see what kind of answers they'll get, or just want attention. Some are just mocking us. I can deal with it.

There are marriages and relationships that are sadomasochistic and brutally toxic in nature. Where one partner gets thrills and pleasure out of the degradation and humiliation of the other. Pushing psychological-limits and jacking-up the stress-levels of their partners; to see what it takes to break them, or will make him or her cry "uncle."

If this is for real. I think she may have narcissistic tendencies. She tells you wonderful things, builds you up, pays you high compliments; and then tears you down. That's how she gets her narcissistic-supply. You probably idolize your wife; giving her anything she wants. It's apparently something you both seem to enjoy. If you didn't, the third-strike would have been "out!" Now this isn't making any sense.

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A male reader, B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF United States +, writes (4 March 2019):

B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF is verified as being by the original poster of the question

B_TRUE_2_YOURSELF agony auntThank you all for your advice. I am so confused and was doing everything I could to help her. I am without dough genuinely lost with this situation. I am a very attractive man, an excellent father, and husband. I provide, my family live very well. I've taken her all over the world. I have a big heart to give anything I have to make others happy. Finally, she has told me repeatedly that not only do I know how to make love but by far have the biggest penis she has ever had. I never give her any reason to be involved in an extramarital affair. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2019):

If she's had 3 affairs already then I would question whether she loves you. If you have kids together and you earn the main income then I would also question whether she is using you for financial security as well.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (4 March 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt We cannot know for sure, but that she is hanging around because of children and money rather than out of love, is more a probability than just a possibility. If she already had 3 affairs during your marriage (.. that you know of, but it could be more--- ) the strength and depth of her love for you, heck , just of her interest in you !, is very questionable to say the least.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (4 March 2019):

You are very forgiving. Only she knows in her heart how she feels about you. I'm not optimistic whether she does.

There have been no consequences for her affairs; so she can do it without conscience.

If you haven't held her accountable for betraying your marriage; there is nothing to deter this behavior. She takes advantage of the fact you'll hang-on regardless of what she does. I'd say the scale tilts in favor of the possibility she doesn't love you; but appreciates you as a husband, provider, and father to her children.

Dear sir, you don't lay-out any details about your marriage except that your wife cheats on you. All anyone here can do is speculate.

Do you have a good sex-life? Does she treat you with kindness and affection? Does she keep-up appearances of a happy marriage, and take good care of the children? Does she provide you with a lovely home? Does she standby you through thick and thin? Supporting you in everything you do, and comfort you through your setbacks?

You've asked if she loves you?

If none of the above. Probably not.

You don't usually cheat when you respect the trust of your mate, or care about their feelings. You wouldn't do things that would hurt them. If you can do it and getaway with it; you are likely to repeat it.

You didn't say whether you love her. Why have you remained married to someone who has cheated on you thrice, and likely a forth time? That is the question.

If she is the mother of your children and you both live a financially secure lifestyle; she has it made. You have forgiven her for cheating. Therefore, there is no reason to leave; nor any reason to remain faithful.

If you can remain with her after she repeatedly cheats on you. Do you really care if she loves you or not? It is apparent to me that you don't want to leave her, regardless of what she has done.

If you have refused to give her a divorce in spite of what she has done; then I'm not sure if that in itself is love. It might be something more sinister. You possess her and won't let-go. You forgive her over and over; but she may be having affairs hoping you would.

If you're a very passive gentlemen, who looks the other way in order to keep your marriage in-tact. I guess that is the arrangement that holds the marriage together. If you do love her; I'd say it is unlikely that it is reciprocated.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2019):

I'm sorry to read this, but get a divorce and move on, friend. She DOESN'T love or respect you... She is only for the financial gains and of course, the children, as you pointed out, but I can clearly see that you're in a denial. I'm a woman, and I will never cheat my husband once, given alone 3 times. It's a deal-breaker.

Stay strong and decide wisely.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (3 March 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntPeople have affairs BECAUSE THEY CAN. The first time you caught her out, you should have told her this was her last chance - and meant it. You have repeatedly allowed her to get away with having affairs so why should she not think it is fine to treat you this way?

If she loved you, she would not put you through this heartache on a regular basis.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Is this how you want to spend it? Is this all you think you deserve?

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A female reader, ClairM United Kingdom + , writes (3 March 2019):

Sorry but if you really love someone you don't cheat on them, i think you know deep down why she stays with you

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (3 March 2019):

N91 agony auntCome on man. Seriously?

Are you a doormat or a human being? She wouldn’t of cheated once if she loved you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI don't think what she feels for you is love. I don't think decent people CHEAT on people they love.

What was her "excuse" for her last 3 affairs?

And why did you stay with her when she cheated on you MULTIPLE times? Don't you think YOU deserve better?

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