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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do I keep believing him after his string of lies?
Q. Long story short, over the past month, my husband has been caught in a string of lies. First lie is when he told me he called his buddy but later found out he called a female coworker to congratulate her for this cover she got for a magazine. Odd ...
A. 2 June 2018: EDIT: Three times is enemy action... (read in full...)
Do I keep believing him after his string of lies?
Q. Long story short, over the past month, my husband has been caught in a string of lies. First lie is when he told me he called his buddy but later found out he called a female coworker to congratulate her for this cover she got for a magazine. Odd ...
A. 2 June 2018: Overthinking ? If any, you are under-thinking !
In one of the James Bond books it says : " Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy acyion ".
You have caught him in lies 4 or 5 times (...that you know of )- so draw your con... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I know he's been texting his ex?
Q. I have been kind of talking to this guy and hooking up with him for a few weeks now, and one night we were sitting at this bar and his ex girlfriend walks by and I noticed he was staring at her for a bit. Now I only know it’s his ex girlfrie...
A. 29 May 2018: No, why would you bring this up with him ??
You are just casual hook up buddies ,plus he is leaving soon and he does not do long distance… He 'd just laugh in your face , at best - more probably he'd get really annoyed for your invasion of his ... (read in full...)
I've had it up to here with asshole men and I just want to be a lesbian
Q. Hi DC need a little help here. I really hate men so much. They mistreat me and use me cheat on me and make me feel im not enough for them. I don't think i want to date men again i dont feel any emotion when I am with them. I don't feel much again. ...
A. 26 May 2018: So , you want to become a lesbian, not because you love women, but because you hate them less than you hate men ?...
Uhm.
Basically the reasoning is : men treated me wrong- women are not men - so women will treat me right.
If it weren't for ... (read in full...)
Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please.
Q. Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please. So recently, i got a text from my sister asking me if i could mind her kids on a Saturday night for her birthday (which at the time was about 6 weeks aw...
A. 26 May 2018: As one of the anons remarks, the answer to this question would be very different according to many, many different variables ,personal experiences and personal,and family, values .
As for me, personally , I would not see what the big deal is, at a... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem interested. Should I just move on?
Q. So, I talked to a guy on plenty of fish for 2 weeks and decided to add him on fb. And now we rarely talk. He will like or heart pics of me but never write me or call me. I always initiate our conversations. Should I just unadd him and move on. I ...
A. 26 May 2018: Yes, he does not sound interested . Looking pics is something nowadays that lots of people do almost automatically, without attaching any special meaning to it -they may be waiting for their coffee to be ready, or even sitting on their toilet.No ... (read in full...)
After I told him I’d give him space if he needed it, I haven’t heard from him! What next?
Q. Hi, I’m in a LDR online. We do know each other in person but a few months ago reconnected. Things have been going well but recently he has been going through much stress with his business and children. Things (for him) seem to be getting worse ...
A. 17 May 2018: You should perhaps learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. It sounds to me like you sent him that message not to be taken literally, but in the intent or hope that he would protest, explain, apologize , reassure you ... that you got him ... (read in full...)
I don't think this party girl is girlfriend material. Should I break up?
Q. I'm 32 years old my girlfriend is22. We're dating for four months and I still have doubts about her if she is gf material to me. Bottom line is she's a party girl, to me a girl who likes to party and drink and have sex with a lot of dudes is not ...
A. 17 May 2018: I don't know about your health , but for the girl's health yes, it's much better if you break up. Poor girl, there's nothing worse than being with someone who spits in the plate where he is eating. It's not the first time you post about this girl- ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend snub my son by not saying goodbye to him?
Q. Something is bugging me. I drove my boyfriend to work today. His car is in the shop and he doesn't live with me. My 13 year-old son was in the car too. After I dropped off my boyfriend, I was going to drop my son off at school. Well, my boyfr...
A. 17 May 2018: Is there something else in your relationship that's nagging at you ? Are you perceiving a general cooling off, of which this episode is just ONE example ? Did your bf show or say or hint that he has a problem with your son, or with you being a ... (read in full...)
He wants to get married and I just feel he isn't the right one. What to do?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for a little over a year. He is a good guy, makes me coffee in the morning, opens the door for me ect. I believe he wouldn't ever cheat on me. He helps out around the house a little. He even moved to another state with ...
A. 14 May 2018: Makes coffee, opens the door ,helps around the house ... Are you talking about your supposed S.O., or are you talking about that nice Scandinavian au pair you just hired ??...
Yes, you should let him go, not only because then you can look for some... (read in full...)
Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?
Q. I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...
A. 12 May 2018: I just have to echo N91's answer :
Aw come on. Please. Special time ?? He wants to f.k in his car ! He does not want to spend time at your place, -probably thinking that , for what he's got to do with you, that's way too intimate, comp... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my arrogant, moody colleague?
Q. How do you deal with a moody colleague? I have been with a law firm and my colleague (on my team) has an attitude. He is the possible office hunk - another girl loves to give him attention and so does another colleague - he is attractive I admit I ...
A. 12 May 2018: The advice is to focus more on your job and your clients'needs than on your romantic leanings and fantasies.
You are only noticing your colleague's behaviour because you fancy him and find him attractive. Otherwise you probably would not even... (read in full...)
Anyone else developed a conscience when they were about to start a FWB with a married person?
Q. Ok so I have been single over 6 years, I like being single, I have no one to answer too. But it's been a long time intimately just over 2 years! So I'm on a dating site, not looking for a quick bunk up but maybe friendship or fwb. I met this bloke ...
A. 8 May 2018: Call me naive, but I suppose many women, or actually, MOST women , would have second thoughts before embarking in an FB type of thing with a married man. Also because... it is such a ,pardon me, silly quandary to be in nowadays. I mean, nothing ... (read in full...)
What would a woman feel if a man cried during marriage proposal?
Q. Dear Aunts, after almost 10 years in a relationship with my girlfriend, I proposed to her this past weekend. I did not planed to cry or anything, but as soon as I was asking her to be my wife, y started crying and I couldn't stop. I really felt bad ...
A. 8 May 2018: I would have been touched. I would have find it endearing , moving and.. well, cute :).
Don't feel bad, there's nothing strange if , in a moment that must have been very ontense for you, you got a bit overwhelmed and carried away by your emot... (read in full...)
Why does my ex married lover want to fix things?
Q. I really don't know what to anymore about my situation. I left my married lover because it was the right thing to do and it was hurting me. We are both military (one outranks the other) so it complicates things in terms of actually having a ...
A. 1 May 2018: Come on, OP- HE calls it coming back " as a friend ". But he is not the most sincere person in the world, ( it figures, being a cheater ) and you can't exactly take what he says for solid -as - gold truth. You have tried that friendship ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex married lover want to fix things?
Q. I really don't know what to anymore about my situation. I left my married lover because it was the right thing to do and it was hurting me. We are both military (one outranks the other) so it complicates things in terms of actually having a ...
A. 1 May 2018: I agree with the other posters, particularly with N91. It's not such a deep mystery ! it does not take Hercule Poirot or Nero Wolfe to solve it !
He wants to get laid. It worked just fine for him and it was great fun when he had both a wife AND ... (read in full...)
Married man damaging my reputation.
Q. Previous Post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-out-of-this-relationship-with-a.html About a month ago I ended an affair with a married man that I was having. We texted and called daily and we slept together on the weekend but I told it ...
A. 29 April 2018: Uhm,OP. Strange reasoning. Of course you did not set out to have a tryst with a married man, but you also did not particularly set out to NOT have it. You did not engineer things to make it happen, but you did LET it happen nevertheless.
This... (read in full...)
If I make him feel better why did he inbox his ex?
Q. Is my boyfriend being genuine about his feelings? The other day, my boyfriend was a little sick, not dying sick, but sick. I went to the hospital with him and he made a post on Facebook posting a picture of his hospital band and captioned it say...
A. 29 April 2018: This is the same guy who at the end of February was still pestering his ex asking to give her oral sex , and was ( your words ) not taking no for an answer, right ?
So yes, there seems to be little space for doubt. You are and were a rebo... (read in full...)
We've split up,he wants me to move out.
Q. Hi Dear Cupid. I have been in a relationship for three and a half years and my partner split up with me once more and said we are done and that we can still be friends....does friends work? We still live together, are sleeping separately and ...
A. 27 April 2018: No, you should not.
Even assuming that his invitations to hang out only stem from the purest, selfless reason of valuing deeply your friendship and wanting to be nice to you ( and not by the vague idea , on the back of his mind, that he can keep... (read in full...)
Why does this woman I barely know keep texting me to vent ?
Q. I’m a single and quieter living gay woman. I’m pale and average looking but feminine and not manly. Not looking for manly women. I’m on an app for Gay and bi women. Like all apps there’s players and catfishers Straight women playing games...
A. 27 April 2018: Actually I am not "accusing" you, OP, of multiple posting , because multiple posting is not illegal,immoral, wrongful or shameful , so it's not something one can be " accused " of.
I am instead stating, affirming, remarking,(or insert other verb... (read in full...)
How do I have conversations with my husband about our relationship without him getting angry?
Q. I dont know where to start.. my husband changed a lot after we marry. In a negative way. He doesnt care anymore and we kinda lost connection after we marry. He become irresponsible man which i never think he could be. He used to be a very caring and ...
A. 26 April 2018: I think you'd be downright crazy to lend him any money , with his horrible track record. You don't trust him , with money and in general, and rightly so, because in the past he has already shown himself insincere, unreliable, irresponsible , ... (read in full...)
Why does this woman I barely know keep texting me to vent ?
Q. I’m a single and quieter living gay woman. I’m pale and average looking but feminine and not manly. Not looking for manly women. I’m on an app for Gay and bi women. Like all apps there’s players and catfishers Straight women playing games...
A. 26 April 2018: You vent too. Here on Dear Cupid. Quite often, and quite bitterly.
Which is perfectly fine, of course . In fact, it's great. That's also whay DC is for ; to listen to people who normally do not have much of an audience, to provide an outlet for ... (read in full...)
He earns three times more but wants to split the bills 50/50
Q. my boyfriend has recently asked me to move in with him. we had a conversation about our finances and his expectation of what i should contribute to the household expenses. He wants to split everything 50/50. We got into an argument over this because ...
A. 26 April 2018: Technically he is right, I guess.
You still will take the same number of showers or cook the same number of meals etc., whether you are broke or if you were filthy rich. He is not a social worker and is not into social housing ; his concern is n... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he liked my skinnier self and now I'm very hurt.
Q. I need help. Just had a big fight with my boyfriend of 5 years. We are in a hotel room travelling to Memphis and we were enjoying a week long road trip. I've put on some weight since we met. But then so has he. He had once told me he would...
A. 24 April 2018: One can love you to bits at any weight you happen to be, AND still like you better ( prefer you from an esthetic point of view ) at a certain weight or shape.
If you don't want to know his preference, then don't ask.
What's the point of askin... (read in full...)
A guy I was seeing went quiet on me, he says he is following legal advise.
Q. Im just wondering what are peoples thoughts. I was seeing a guy who went quiet on me we had been seeing each other for 6 month. i heard from him a handful of times in 2 month and didnt get to see him . I didnt sit about waiting for him i got on with ...
A. 19 April 2018: Don't waste time on him , this is a big load of bullshit.
Supposing that he does have legal issues banning him from social media ( issues that ,IMO, he should have told you at once when they arose, even without giving you full details ; not two ... (read in full...)
Should I be thankful for the little I've got?
Q. Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...
A. 19 April 2018: Well, not to be polemic, but... staying in a dysfunctional relationship which brings you sadness and anxiety, BECAUSE you are afraid you'll be alone ,fits perfectly the definition of " needy ". You don't love or want this guy, at least not only; ... (read in full...)
Should I be thankful for the little I've got?
Q. Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...
A. 18 April 2018: But you DON'T have a guy who loves you. If he loved you, he would not have a problem in choosing of being only with you. That would happen voluntarily, you would not have to try and strongarm him into loving you Particularly since he knows ... (read in full...)
Why is she so attention seeking??
Q. Yesterday a 44 yr old female work colleague with 5 kids had her wisdom teeth out,she posted a post surgery selfie of her swollen face on our works fbook page, Is this pure attention seeking? She’s a quiet and good worker, invisible.. like...
A. 17 April 2018: Attention - seeking ? Being needy ?
Aren't you being quite negative and judgemental ?
Probably this lady is just more attuned than you, more "with it ", to the current general mood , habits and social mores. It's considered very normal and unex... (read in full...)
Can I get an std from someone using no protection who came back with a clean bill of health
Q. So I have 2 sex partners and both are clean ( before you question how I am sure, I have had both men take std tests as well as taken one myself so everyone is safe) but I’m curious if I can still get an std from either of them from unprotected sex? ...
A. 13 April 2018: Yes, you are at risk. Isn't it obvious ? Your two partners may be clean, but not necessarily THEIR other partners , present and / or future, will also be clean. Or, their partners' partners.
Maybe you know, or assume, that for both guys you are ... (read in full...)
My ex has said he would never marry me, but I want him back!
Q. Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?. I dated him for a year and a half from 2015 until 2017. Then I left him for another man that we both know, who I was in a relationship with for nearly a year ( he broke up with me three months ago). My ...
A. 8 April 2018: I agree, once again, with Honeypie.
Going back to an ex might, just might, have a chance of success if both have have the will and the chance to change what made them break up before.
But you left him for another man- you cannot " unleave ... (read in full...)
How long before I can tell her I love her?
Q. I’m in my 40’s and I’ve been seeing my new girlfriend for about 2 months. It’s going well so far and I have really fallen for her. I’m going through all the usual feelings of missing her / wanting to be with her / wanting to message her / thinking...
A. 8 April 2018: Yes, 2 months it is a bit too early. Not so much because you don't know yet if she reciprocates your feelings, but because YOU don't know yet if your feelings are deep , genuine and long lasting. You might as well just be infatuated , or elated / ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?
Q. Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...
A. 23 March 2018: You should break up, no doubt. You call her (... so far just to yourself, ok ) whore and slutty ! No way a relationship can be carried on happily ,based on this degree of respect- in fact, zero respect. Leave the poor girl alone and free to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on the dole and his mother wants money
Q. hi my boyfriend of 2 years moved in with me.he is on the dole.he gives me 30 pounds a week to help with bills and food.i work min wage so I pay for all the bills really.if we go out I pay.i never expect my boyfriend to pay because he only has ...
A. 15 March 2018: I just saw your update, OP, and I'd like to add something :
while of course I do not know why the old lady asked your bf for money rather than his siblings, I can offer a reasonable guess.
She did not ask money to the brother or the sister p... (read in full...)
Bf doesn't want to come to my graduation ceremony. Is this an indicator that our relationship is not worth my while?
Q. My boyfriend of one year does not want to come to my graduation ceremony, and honestly I'm pretty upset but don't know what to do. I don't want to force him, and i just dropped the subject. so I don't know what to think of our relationship if he ...
A. 15 March 2018: Not necessarily. Maybe he has his own good reasons for not wanting to partecipate - like , for instance, distance, time and money ( say, if he has to travel from afar, which is costly and time consuming , and / or take time off from work ). ... (read in full...)
Why did my manager belittle me like this?
Q. Recently at work I accidentally dropped a plastic container, it made a loud noise ad people were startled. It was an accident! One of my managers, (a woman of 58 who Ive been working with for years, and am very careful around, as she's very p...
A. 15 March 2018: Let it go. It sounds to me like rather innocuous office or workplace banter. It helps passong the time- X does or says something "wrong " ( in the sense of not perfect ), Y throws in a quip, X quips back... It does not necessarily have to be ... (read in full...)
I had to test his loyalty but now he won’t talk to me!
Q. okay, so today i had the idea of making a fake snapchat account and adding and texting my boyfriend as another girl while simultaneously texting as the real me on my real snapchat...(i had two devices). he added the fake one and and asked who is it ...
A. 15 March 2018: Why did you have to test his loyalty ? Had he been up to no good, did you suspect him of something specific? Even in this case the fake snapchat would have been a dumb idea, the best would have been either to confront him and have a a mature , ... (read in full...)
My brother does not accept my older boyfriend
Q. Dear Agony Aunt, So I have this new boyfriend. I have been with him for nearly 6 months now (which I know isn't a long time at all) however he is 10 years older than me and has 3 children. My family were aware of this and do not accept it at all...
A. 15 March 2018: If I were your brother I would not like it either . At all. Both because of the age difference that at your young age is relevant ( it would be much less relevant if you were 25 and he 35 ) and makes him look rather predatory and superficial. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on the dole and his mother wants money
Q. hi my boyfriend of 2 years moved in with me.he is on the dole.he gives me 30 pounds a week to help with bills and food.i work min wage so I pay for all the bills really.if we go out I pay.i never expect my boyfriend to pay because he only has ...
A. 15 March 2018: What it is not right first of all is that he is basically living off you, well knowing that you work at min wage and you cannot afford to support another adult. 30 pounds a week is a drop in the sea, the effort is to be appreciated but at ... (read in full...)
Holiday dilemma
Q. Hey everyone. I recently broke up with my boyfriend but we booked flights to visit his home country for easter (at a different time to him but to the same place). I can't afford to change them or move them or the place I was supposed to be s...
A. 15 March 2018: By all means , go ! Not going would be a terrible waste of money , plus you could do with a vacation and the time away. Of course it depends a bit from where you are going, like, if you are visiting,say, New York or Rome, I think it's highly ... (read in full...)
Why did he leave his pet with me if he doesn't intend to have anything long-term?
Q. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. We got on really well, and slept with each other after the fourth date. Since then, we meet up around once a week, either go out for dinner or to each other's houses and watch a film, stay over etc. ...
A. 15 March 2018: Why ? Elementary ,Watson. Because you save him the high costs of boarding his pet in a kennel and because I am pretty sure he did not have a queue at his door of friends and relatives clamouring for the privilege of picking up his dog's shit or ... (read in full...)
Why does a cheater cheat and then beg his gf or wife not to leave him if she finds out?
Q. Why does a cheater cheat on a woman he loves and then if she finds out, begs her not to leave him? Why would he even commit the worst relationship sin of all if he loved her? Seemingly he did not care enough about her not to hurt her. So, if ...
A. 23 February 2018: Because he is selfish.
Because he loves himself most of all, and he care about himself most of all, and about what makes him feel good, and about getting away with having his cake and keeping it too. He knows he can have the best of both worl... (read in full...)
Married boss claimed to love me, kissed me and has now blocked me! Should I confront him?
Q. Ok so basically me and this guy I work with who is assistant manager and is married.. used to get on so well. I used to call him my work bestie as we just clicked and always had a laugh. Over the past couple of months I feel him getting closer t...
A. 23 February 2018: I don't think this is as mysterious as it sounds to you. I ' d say that this was quite predictable.
He was all hot and bothered , as long as he thought he could finish what he had started , and get way more than just a kiss out of you, with... (read in full...)
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
