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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I support my gf in losing weight?
Q. How can I support my gf in losing weight? We are long distance and see keeps mentioning to me she feels fat. I used to mention it about 2-3 years ago, I said please do not let it get bad. She went slowly from size 10 to 16. And now pushing 18. Her ...
A. 4 September 2019: You miss the point, OP. While undoubtedly a certain percentage of people, including a certain percentage of Dear Cupiders, would agree with you that keeping oneself fit and in shape ( I don't add " healthy " on purpose because a person can ... (read in full...)
How can I support my gf in losing weight?
Q. How can I support my gf in losing weight? We are long distance and see keeps mentioning to me she feels fat. I used to mention it about 2-3 years ago, I said please do not let it get bad. She went slowly from size 10 to 16. And now pushing 18. Her ...
A. 3 September 2019: OMG, you are almost obsessed with your Gf's weight, aren't you ? As anon female reader noticed, you are a repeat poster, every time you tweak a little your story and / or you embellish it a little (.. since you got a lot of flak the first ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend might be married. What should I do?
Q. I think my new boyfriend might be married and I have no idea how to bring up the subject. We've been together for almost three months and while things have been good, some of his behaviour has always been a bit off. Nothing I can put my finger on, ...
A. 1 September 2019: "So much for data protection " ? In UK marriage records are public, and available since 1837 !, as published by the General Register Office. Just saying.
No, don't " hint ". Anyway , you hinted in such a vague, convoluted way, that he might very... (read in full...)
Do I gain weight to please him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have a child together. When I was pregnant he told me that I better get the weight off after delivery. He said “fat girls don’t get love”. So I did it. I lost all the baby weight within 11 ...
A. 31 August 2019: No no no. Bad idea.
Right now you are at the high end of the good weight for a 5'3'' woman. As a matter of fact, just looking at the numbers, you'd stand to lose a few more pounds, but, of course, being that you are very active in the gym , it m... (read in full...)
She was texting and working during our date and seems to be ghosting me! Do I go on our next date?
Q. About a week ago I went out with a girl that I dated and was intimate with for 5 months a year ago. We drifted apart as she moved to another state but remained in contact during that year apart, texting and calling on and off. She's now moved ...
A. 29 August 2019: I would back off . She does not sound interested and the way she acts does not bode well for the future .
As a matter of fact, I am not even sure I'd call what you had a " date " ! Basically, she was working- and she let you stay there whil... (read in full...)
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
Q. REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
A. 29 August 2019: When you get caught speeding, you get penalty points added to your driving licence ( I think 3 is the minimum ). If you build up to 12 penalty points within 3 years, you may be disqualified from driving.. ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to my friend about her childish behaviour?
Q. one of my friends can be really child like at times , acts silly , quite embarrassing and doesn't seem to think that her behaviour is child like . part of me thinks I should talk to her about this , but I feel she may not respond in the way I wou...
A. 29 August 2019: No, I don't think you should.
First, because I think it's nobody's place in life to give °unrequested° criticism to another person's way of being, unless this way of being translates into actions which are illegal, immoral,or self - dest... (read in full...)
When a woman gets older does she just need to accept that her partner doesn't find her hot?
Q. I’m around 50 and try to take good care of my appearance . My partner seems pretty disinterested in me yet is very interested and turned on by women in porn in their 20s. I understand that self esteem in an internal thing and that’s not really what ...
A. 28 August 2019: Maybe you just have to accept that you'll never be physically " hot " in the yes of THIS particular man ? I mean, if he has a porn addiction, or even just a porn habit, he has basically trained himself to lust after ONLY a certain physical type and ... (read in full...)
I get the attention but come off as disinterested
Q. Hi everyone, I have problems finding a girlfriend. I know what the cause is, I just don't know how to fix it. I have a hard time communicating with others. I find it difficult to pick up social cues. It's not that I'm shy, I just don't have the p...
A. 27 August 2019: Well, if don't approach people unless you want something from them- of course you "come off " as not interested; that's because you ARE not interested, i.e. you are only interested in what you can get from that person ( ...in case of a girl, it ... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy in my marriage and want out. Should I go for my friend that loves me?
Q. I want to leave my husband of 2 years. We arent compatible at all. We almost doesnt have any similarity and fight a lot. We have a year old son together. Aunties and uncles here adviced me many times not to marry him and leave him but i dont have ...
A. 27 August 2019: 1) Slow down. Show some common sense and be prudent. You should not carry on an Internet romance basically under your husband's nose, and you should not go out and meet a suitor ( bringing along your child, too ! ) behind your husband's back. You ... (read in full...)
Am I being an overprotective cat mom or is it cruel to leave my little kitten at home alone when I go to work?
Q. Hey i just bought the most divine cutest himalayan kitten, he is 2 months old and has been taken away from his mummy and daddy, and his other 2 brothers in the litter my friend and her husband took the 2 brothers! I absolutely ADORE him he is the ...
A. 26 August 2019: FWIW, my vet told me never to leave alone a kitten under 4 months for more than 2 hours tops, because at that age they are too delicate and accident prone to stay alone for extended periods of time (.. and your house has to be babycat- proof , ... (read in full...)
He's ready to settle, but I love having my own life. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We met at uni. When I met him, I had just come home from New Zealand. It was the 3rd country I’d worked in in three years, and I was ready to settle in one place for a while and study. We were ...
A. 26 August 2019: Certainly your bf is an adult who can make his own decisions, but can he also make °informed ° decisions ?
You are impulsive, when restlessness / boredom / need for novelty hits, you do not fight yor impulses and go with another guy . Does your... (read in full...)
Should I pursue a formal, legal route over what happened to me when I was younger?
Q. I need help please, about something that has confused me for 36 years and which I am only now able to speak about. When I was 15 I agreed to have sex with an 18 year old male. This has, one way or another, plagued me all my life. I am now...
A. 26 August 2019: In theory you could, since in UK there's no statute of limitation ever for sex crimes, like statutory rape.
In practice, how could you, after all this time, build a believable case against the perpetrator, in lack of physical or scientific evid... (read in full...)
I'm tired of catty woman drama at work
Q. I have a coworker (coworker 1)on my team that always seems to get very close with one other person and then becomes exclusive with others. I used to work with her years ago but on separate teams and saw similar behavior. I am trying to avoid ...
A. 24 August 2019: If you are tired of catty woman drama at work, do not join partecipate in it, do not indulge in it, do not foster it.
As you say, luckily at the end of the day you close the door on everybody and go back home to a loving husband. "Drama " at work... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he stopped during sex and blamed my noise. Am I overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex for a couple of months so yesterday I tried to get things started. While we were in the middle of doing it he kept putting his hand over my mouth, I thought it was like some sort of dominance thing because he...
A. 23 August 2019: See what I mean ?
Alcohol is affecting your relationship because is affecting both his sex drive and sexual performance, both his capacity for emotional intimacy ( Now you feel more like buddies than like lovers ). This is obviously frus... (read in full...)
Ways to deal with hunger when trying to lose weight
Q. ive recently decided to stop going to weight watchers as I no longer enjoy it so I think its pointless me paying money for it but I do find myself feeling very hungry throughout the day and sometimes comfort eating, im aiming to go exercise more...
A. 23 August 2019: To begin with, I'd reconsider quitting Weight Watchers. I mean, if so far it has worked for you and you saw results, why not giving yourself a little push and continuing even if it's not " fun " anymore ? After all, Weight Watchers is for losing ... (read in full...)
Nervous about returning to abusive husband
Q. When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...
A. 22 August 2019: Fine, you stayed because you hoped he might change. But now after EIGHT years , hopefully, you realized that he is not going to change, because if he had any intention to change he would have had ample time to do it already. So, you should not go ... (read in full...)
Nervous about returning to abusive husband
Q. When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...
A. 22 August 2019: F... (read in full...)
I want to volunteer but worry abut my dad's opinion and don't know how to research
Q. i want to do some volunteering overseas next year and i know i definitely want to do this but some obstacles that i feel will get in the way is my dads opinions and thoughts on where i should go , how long for and doing what , he doesn't mean to ...
A. 22 August 2019: So why don't you just listen to your dad's opinion and consider it carefully ? Considering it does not mean accepting it passively, but just taking his suggestion, researching it accurately , and " trying it on for size " in your mind to see how ... (read in full...)
How to make an approach to the guy I can't stop thinking about
Q. I met someone about 5 months ago and I haven't stopped thinking about him since , does this mean I have a crush on him or im obsessed with him ? I know a lot of the time I think about people especially people who have meant a lot to me , who im f...
A. 21 August 2019: Not to dismiss BrownWolf's excellent advice, but it's excellent for other posters, not for you, OP. It sounds like you are really getting obsessed with this older guy you posted about several times ( and who already showed his disinclination to ... (read in full...)
He's ready to settle, but I love having my own life. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We met at uni. When I met him, I had just come home from New Zealand. It was the 3rd country I’d worked in in three years, and I was ready to settle in one place for a while and study. We were ...
A. 21 August 2019: No, your feelings are not completely unreasonable- only, I think if you feel them, it is because you basically are not into this guy, you are not in love with him. He is perfect on paper, a great, solid person, a great potential dad for your ... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he stopped during sex and blamed my noise. Am I overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex for a couple of months so yesterday I tried to get things started. While we were in the middle of doing it he kept putting his hand over my mouth, I thought it was like some sort of dominance thing because he...
A. 21 August 2019: I forgot : no , you are not a bad person for wanting to leave because of lack of sex. For some people sex is more important than for other people , and at some ages and stages in life it is more important that in others. You are a young woman ... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he stopped during sex and blamed my noise. Am I overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex for a couple of months so yesterday I tried to get things started. While we were in the middle of doing it he kept putting his hand over my mouth, I thought it was like some sort of dominance thing because he...
A. 21 August 2019: In theory ,I find his excuse valid. 10.30 pm is not too early for people possibly being already in their bedrooms, and some people are shy, uptight or simply very private , and at the very idea of being heard by neighbours they would lose all ... (read in full...)
Would a man be put off by a woman in her 30s if she isn't that worldly?
Q. I had a general question about men and their opinion on women they date and the amount of life Experience they have or expect them to have ? I am in my 30’s have been abroad a couple of times but by no means much, I have had a small handful of...
A. 21 August 2019: A man in general no, he would not be put off by your so-called lack of worldliness. So-called because you sound quite worldly enough to me !.. you are in your 30s, you have travelled a bit, dated a bit, worked a lot and have plenty of hobbies ... (read in full...)
Will he come back to me again after taking space?
Q. I met a wonderful guy a few months ago and we hit it off immediately. He told me that I was everything he ever wanted in a relationship and I felt the same. He has a young son (3) with his ex girlfriend and I was introduced to him a couple weeks ago ...
A. 21 August 2019: He might not have set out on purpose to hurt you,- but he surely was not very attentive to NOT hurt you, was he ?. He was not very considerate of your feleings, pride, wants and needs- he just did whatever felt good to him in the moment, and if it ... (read in full...)
Brother's friend might have a crush on me. What should I do?
Q. So basically I think my brother's friend has a crush on me he's two years older than me every time he comes over he starts acting weird around me for instance he avoids eye contact with me and then whenever he gets near me or around me he gets ...
A. 21 August 2019: He might. He might not. Maybe he is just shy around women, which , at his age , is far from unusual.
Don't do anything, just be your normal self and treat him as you'd treat any family guest in your house. Friendly but not
flirty, polite b... (read in full...)
Nervous about returning to abusive husband
Q. When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...
A. 21 August 2019: Well, if he is abusive, of course you are very nervous about returning to him ! Why should you NOT be nervous ?? Thanks God that you are nervous, this is your survival instinct telling you : NOOO ! Don't do it ! Don't go back!
I'd like to know... (read in full...)
What are the best ways to approach and meet new people?
Q. I have never had a boyfriend and sometimes I will admit it can upset me and sometimes im not too bothered about it . I had had guys show an interest in me in the past but most of the time id mess it up and was scared of getting to close so it didn't ...
A. 21 August 2019: As Honeypie says, no, don't go on dating sites looking for friends . Dating sites are for people who want to date , not for people who just want to expand their social circle. If you try that on a dating site, you'll most likely meet only people ... (read in full...)
There's an age difference between us but I would like to get to know this person better. Should I try?
Q. There is someone who I would like to spend time with and ask if they would be up for meeting me to get to know me .this may seem really easy for some people but for me it isn't . up to now its the first time ive really ever wanted to see if I could ...
A. 20 August 2019: I think you posted the question linked by YCBS, and also another one, or more, in which you gave a slightly different version of the events. I.e. you did email him ( or text him ) that you wanted to get to know him, and he answered, rather curtly, ... (read in full...)
Should I confront him or break it off?
Q. I have been seeing him for just over two months. We have a great connection, the sex is amazing and we can talk for hours. We are comfortable around each other. It’s really great most of the time. I noticed when I started seeing him that he had ...
A. 20 August 2019: I think you should break it off, regardless of the whole "heart-eyed emoji pic " saga. I mean, the guy is a living collection of issues: he is way older than you, he is physically unappealing, sexually inadequate, is far from having got his ... (read in full...)
Is mutual masturbation with random online women cheating on my wife of 10 years?
Q. I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife dearly and our sex life is still very much alive and well. The problem is I used to go into chat rooms before I met her. It involved video exchanges with random women. I used to pay for it but once that ...
A. 20 August 2019: Yes, I think that what you are doing is cheating and, whether you tell your wife or not, I think you should stop. It is not strange that by know you know your wife very well, sexually too, and it figures that she is not erotically as new and ... (read in full...)
Does my partner have the right to know about the details of my therapy sessions?
Q. Hi. I won't bore you with too many details. Just want to know if you think it is appropriate for your spouse/partner to ask you about the details of your therapy sessions? I was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD. I have begun counselling rece...
A. 20 August 2019: No, he doesn't. Obviously. Communication betwwen patient and therapist is " privileged communication " . An interaction between two parties in which even the law recognizes a private, protected relationship. Whatever is communicated between the ... (read in full...)
Wife is angry that I hugged a co-worker
Q. My wife is angry I hugged a female former co-worker/friend that I have known for 10 years. When we seen this old co worker I have not seen her in 2 years and she is over 20 years older than me. She has met my kids. When my mother passed she sent ...
A. 19 August 2019: So : you had already told her that you dislike when she removes her wedding ring to show she is upset- but oops she did it again. Even knowing how this makes you feel.
And you know already that your wife dislikes when you hug other females and... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel this way that my son's friend's mother didn't acknowledge me?
Q. Hello People!!! Okay so my 6 year old son plays Pee wee football. Their is a friendly competition between him and his teammate A as I will call him. Basically A’s mom and my husband have communicated hear and their about the boys and how they can ...
A. 17 August 2019: Well, if we want to get formal it was your husband who was supposed to introduce you to this woman, - but anyway, yeah , let it go. Why always think the worst ; as if she wanted specifically to disrespect you or make you feel bad. What reason ... (read in full...)
I think my parents are treating me unfairly for shoplifting
Q. do you think I desrve to be punished this severely for shoplifting ? 3 days ago I got caught shoplifting,as the shopkeeper knows my mum he called her instead of the police he told her he expected me to be punished, my mum promished the shopkeeper I ...
A. 17 August 2019: I had just the same feeling as YCBS , but I was too lazy to do the search, lol. Nothing like a little masochistic fantasy about chastisement to spice up a boring summer, right ? ...And let's hope that at least you ARE a young teenager. Because ... (read in full...)
Will he come back to me again after taking space?
Q. I met a wonderful guy a few months ago and we hit it off immediately. He told me that I was everything he ever wanted in a relationship and I felt the same. He has a young son (3) with his ex girlfriend and I was introduced to him a couple weeks ago ...
A. 17 August 2019: Will he come back to you ?... I had to dust off my crystal ball for this , and it said : oh yes. He will. Many times, if you let him. But that's not good news, you know ? Not at all. He will come back, but not to stay and not to commit. Look, you ... (read in full...)
Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women .
Q. Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women . I often see descriptions of ‘hot ‘ or attractive women include the word tall and cute or sweet women as shorter . Obviously individuals have individual preferences but in GENERAL is ...
A. 17 August 2019: No they don't. I am 5'3 (… if I stand very straight :) and my height was never a problem in attracting men. Of course I don't mean that all the men I ever met were always instanctly attracted to me, just that for those who were not attracted to ... (read in full...)
I left, he wants me back. What should I do?
Q. Hi Friends, I have two kids almost 3 and almost 2. I was engaged with their father for almost 3years.He was very sweet when we first met but after my first pregnancy he started changing more argument about financial.He was upset with one night I...
A. 17 August 2019: That's another post that elicits , as a first reaction, a big WTF. What do you do ? Look, whatever you do, it's very clear what you should not do and what you should not allow. You should not go back to him, and you should not allow him around you ... (read in full...)
My husband has completely changed after marriage and I feel exploited
Q. Hello and thanks! Me and my husband have been together almost 3 years. Before our marriage he was mind, sweet, loving. He seemed to be the most charming man I've ever met. He would look after me if I was sick, once I passed out from heat exhaus...
A. 16 August 2019: Well, OP, the advice is always the same you already got from many of us Aunts and Uncles- because aldo the situation is alweays the same , has not changed and it's not going to change. The advice is : disentangle yourself. Get a divorce, get rid ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of my girlfriend's room mate. Overthinking or should I be worried?
Q. Hi DearCupid, Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over a year now, we're both a little damaged from our last relationships but we make sure to talk to each other if we're ever feeling insecure/upset etc. Usually I'd just talk to her...
A. 14 August 2019: But the room mate does not get to spend way way way more time WITH your Gf than you do. He gets to spend way way way more time in the same place where she's at- which is not the same thing as actually spending time °together°. I mean, they both ... (read in full...)
Do I go back to my ex or see if theres potential with the new guy
Q. Almost 2 years ago i started a relationship with a guy (call him A), he didnt work and suffered with ptsd and would tell elaborate lies. After 4 months we ended things so to speak, we drifted apart very fast. Fast forward to 2 month ago and i joined ...
A. 13 August 2019: With the first guy, A, things did not work, and they would not work this time either because nothing has changed : he is still out of work, he has still tons of issues, etc. etec. He was an inadequate partner then and he still is now,- and you know ... (read in full...)
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