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He said I was overthinking things and now it’s all awkward! What do I do?

Tagged as: Flirting, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2019) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 March 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So, basically theres this guy ive been messaging, we know each other well due to his son being in the same class as my brother.

I decided to email him over the half term just to see how he was and that i missed him last week and kind of wanted to hear his voice.

He then replys back with telling me about how his wife left him for his best friend and that he dosent have much to offer due to not comitting. So i said that she was silly and that anyone woman would love to have him.

Then he replys hey again i dont have my son on a thur evening .do you perhaps want to come for a drink at some point. With a kiss at the end. So i said i cant really becuas i look after my brother for my mum when shes at work. He was like thats ok. Then we messaged a bit more. Then he says i think its good idea to stop whatever this is before its gets complicated or confussing. And that things can get out of hand to quickly and that all he can offer me is talking and nothing else really.

Hes just got divorced before christmas. I then told him how I felt about him and he was like I think your over thinking things. So, now were not talking and he was like before i dont want any akwardness and nothings change. But when we see each other its full of akwadness.

Not really sure what to do

Many thanks

View related questions: at work, best friend, christmas, divorce

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 March 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt It's only going to be awkward if you make it awkward. You made your interest known, he politely turned you down- that's fine, and that's all. It happens all the time: A likes B, but B does not like A ( or viceversa )- and life goes on normally .Just treat him as you treat any other aquaintance for whom you don't have the hots , and soon the awkwardness will go away.

In case you are wondering why he backtracked after his initial offer for drinks on a Thusday night, mine is a guess- but it's an easy guess, I'd say. " Come to my place for drinks on a Thursday when my kid is not there " is not a date ; it's an offer for a quick NSA hook- up. Now, he may have realized in time that hooking up in your current circumstances was going to be awkward ,

" complicated " and sort of cheap; and / or he may have realized that you were looking for something relationship-y , which he has no intention to give you. Anuway, he let you know his decision very clearly, so you don't have to " do " anything at all, but to leave him alone.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (14 March 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntBy posting the same question more than once, are you hoping someone will give you the answer you are looking for? What answer ARE you looking for?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntAsking the same question multiple times doesn't mean people will give you the ANSWER you want.

My answer is the same as well.

TL:DR

HE isn't interested and trying to let you down gently. He is in NO way shape or form ready to be getting involved with anyone romantically as he is FRESH out of a divorce.

STOP wasting your time on a guy who isn't interested.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 March 2019):

N91 agony auntDidn’t you like the advice the last time you asked?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 March 2019):

Same question:

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/divorced-guy-asked-me-for-drinks-then-backtracked.html

He's not interested in anything. If it feels awkward, why pursue it any further? He suggested stopping whatever it is before it gets complicated or confusing. Seems pretty clear to me. He did say it would be confusing. So it is!

My answer is the same as the first time.

Give it a pass. Don't bother.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2019):

He's not ready to meet someone else. He's brushing you off gently. You don't have to do anything. Let it go.

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