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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I like to sleep naked. Is there any concerns I should have?
Q. I enjoy sleeping completely naked. Is there any concerns I should have? I keep my bedroom window covered up and I know not to near my front windows without putting clothes on. So there is no chances of my neighbors accidentally seeing me naked....
A. 7 January 2020: No concern; some doctors actually opine that sleeping naked is healthier.
Only remember to keep your bed sheets sanitary , clean and dust-mite free ( dust mites eat dead skin cells) , by changing them often,- more so than if you wore P.J.s or unde... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that he really isn't into communication when we aren't together?
Q. I’ve just started dating a man but I can’t tell how into me he is. We’ve had around 10 dates and spent days together in between. We’ve spoken about how neither of us want to rush into things and are both happy taking our time getting to know ...
A. 7 January 2020: .. Maybe it's not that he communicates too little, as instead that you tend to communicate too much ?…
Come on, OP . This is something very recent, yet you have had 10 dates and spent time together between dates; and, from what you say, so far ... (read in full...)
Would I be judged for not wearing a bra?
Q. I would like an honest opinion please I don't find bras comfortable. Would i be judged by men or women if I was to be without a bra in public I'm only small up top and I know it's my choice but even tho I'm small up top, to put it simply, ...
A. 24 December 2019: But how and why people would see your nipples ?
Unless you wear something see-through, or incredibly clingy and form - fitting ,or terminally low-cut. Some "Lady Gaga at Oscar night " kind of attire.
Otherwise, if you are small up top and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going away for a month, how do I get through this?
Q. My boyfriend will be going away for a month soon. I can't go. I am worried he will cheat on me. I fear I will not be able to cope with the constant anxiety and stress about what he is doing. Can anyone provide tips on how to stay SANE? An entire ...
A. 24 December 2019: Is this by any chance the married guy who is goping to visist family with his wife ?...
In this case, it's .. sort of good news. You do not need to worry and be anxious about being cheated on; because you know, you know for a fact that you ARE ... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't seem to care.
Q. Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but I feel so lonely I went out last night and kissed some bloke in front of everyone I was really drunk I get shown no affection from my boyfriend or shown any love at all we don’t have sex and he’s Been in ...
A. 22 December 2019: I regret there isn't a nicer why to say it, but , have you considered that if he does not seem to care , is because he actually coukdn't care less ?
In different circumstances, one could perhaps say, yeah he is acting all macho and prid... (read in full...)
How do I find out if my LDR husband is married to someone else?
Q. Hello I'm Canadian, my husband is African. We met on fb, a friends request. I have been trying to get him to Canada which isn't an easy task. He is even declined on a visitor visa. So I usually go see him in Africa. There has been ...
A. 11 December 2019: " We got married in the Christian faith " - personally, I have doubts also that this is factually correct, because being joined in an interfaith marriage ( with a non-baptized, too ! ) , although not forbidden or impossible per se , is a long, ... (read in full...)
Please help me understand an abusive man's actions
Q. Would a man who has been abusive to a woman deny his abusive behaviour if the woman finally exposed him to other people and she told them what he has been doing to her and why she left him and then he make up other excuses as to why she left him? A...
A. 11 December 2019: Obviously yes. Nobody likes to be called out on their wrongdoings, and the shittiest,most shameful is the behaviour which is being criticized, the strongest will be the culprit's defensive reaction.... (read in full...)
Why is my former FWB not leaving me alone?
Q. Last July at a 25 year school reunion I met an old school friend whom I experienced an instant strong chemistry with, he was in a relationship and I was just out of one, I wasn’t interested in dating a taken man and made that known! He pursued me ...
A. 10 December 2019: You can take responsibility for your own actions, though. The action of going to bed with a married man is at best questionable, because you have agency and right of chouce in sexual matters. It's not that you have to have sex with whomever asks ... (read in full...)
My mistress is upset about my upcoming trip with my wife. How do I calm her down?
Q. I'm a man in his 60's, married for 25 years and I have had a mistress for 7 years. The problem is my wife and I travel frequently and always have, well before my mistress came into the picture. However it has been a constant source of fricti...
A. 10 December 2019: TBH, I am supicious too,actually I do not believe that you are a male poster genuinely seeking advice for the first time; I am sure that you are our old acquaintance, and frequent poster, the anxious mistress. The one who is often in the ... (read in full...)
Does every woman like oral sex?
Q. I was out with some male friends the other night and they all told me every woman they have slept with loved oral sex and had orgasms from it. I just admit I'm not a fan and never feel completely comfortable recieving oral. However I do like the ...
A. 10 December 2019: Of course there are other women who are not crazy about cunnilingus ! Some, perhaps many, like it ; some others can take it or leave it, and some actually hate it. No sex act does " it" for each and every woman of this world.
I find it h... (read in full...)
Husband I intend divorcing had a mutual friend contact me for information.
Q. I’m writing this question for people’s views and it will help put my mind at rest. My husband lives in a different country from me, he has been quite abusive towards me in the past and I did everything for him. I also believe he is a narcissi...
A. 5 December 2019: "how may he feel now that I have finally taken my power back from him ? "...
First of all, you did not. Not completely. He is still pretty much living rent - free inside your head. And if you still care about how he sees you- perceives you- thin... (read in full...)
My estranged husband is still trying to rule my life.
Q. My "estranged" husband is always trying to keep tabs on me and I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy. We are separated and no longer live together. We have a young child (under 10) who lives with me and will stay with him on the occasional w...
A. 4 December 2019: I agree with YCBS. If you exclude getting back together, why dragging the separation on ? get a divorce, and have court- mandated, regular visitations,BTW. What's this stuff about
" the occasional weekend " and the " free pass for dinner " ?
... (read in full...)
I sent an email to a whole group instead of just the teacher.
Q. Hi Helping people. My issue is with school. A few weeks ago I asked to move a class a little earlier than usual as weren't going to have anything else on. I and some others wanted to finish early that day. 5 classmates thought we were going to...
A. 4 December 2019: We'll have agree to disagree. I think you are missing my point, possibly because I did not make it clear enough. To simplify , I'll just say that I was , and am, familiar with academic life and environments, and I also have friends' ... (read in full...)
I sent an email to a whole group instead of just the teacher.
Q. Hi Helping people. My issue is with school. A few weeks ago I asked to move a class a little earlier than usual as weren't going to have anything else on. I and some others wanted to finish early that day. 5 classmates thought we were going to...
A. 2 December 2019: My opinion does not change. In your course you can change times… as in any courses, if it there's a serious reason or an emergency, otherwise schedule variations ( which anyway in any decent school / college / university must be approved by ... (read in full...)
I sent an email to a whole group instead of just the teacher.
Q. Hi Helping people. My issue is with school. A few weeks ago I asked to move a class a little earlier than usual as weren't going to have anything else on. I and some others wanted to finish early that day. 5 classmates thought we were going to...
A. 1 December 2019: Your post is a bit confusing and TBH I am not 100% sure I've got the gist of your quandary, anyway I'd like to say :
1 ) no, next time do not ask to move back , or to move forward , a class just because that day its time does not suit you well... (read in full...)
I think this girl was just using me!
Q. at work, a female joined and she seem quite friendly and we got to know each other. she wasn’t with the company for long as she was going back to college. when I messaged her to ask what course she was doing and if she might come back to work in the ...
A. 1 December 2019: No, she was not " using " you. Most probably, she did what most people do when they are temporarily in a new environviment, i.e. they try to be sociable , nice, polite and not to come off as oppositional or antisocial or weird. That would include ... (read in full...)
My wife wont wear a bra when people are over.
Q. Not sure how I should feel about my wife and her feeling nudity is only a problem if your looking at it sexually .. I find it disrespectful if someone is over and she doesn’t have a bra on or is t fully clothed .. am I over reacting?...
A. 26 November 2019: I have noticed that the OP Blueguy is the same who on Nov. 17Th posted a question " My son is hitting on my wife ".
Apparently, he has a 19 y.o. son who hits blatantly on his stepmom (the OP's wife ), - ( well, poor kid, can't really blam... (read in full...)
My wife wont wear a bra when people are over.
Q. Not sure how I should feel about my wife and her feeling nudity is only a problem if your looking at it sexually .. I find it disrespectful if someone is over and she doesn’t have a bra on or is t fully clothed .. am I over reacting?...
A. 25 November 2019: I think I get what you mean,... there are stages of undressing which may not scream " come hither, you big boy " yet they scream " I am a big slob " or " I value you as much as the dirt under my nails ".
If you wear a thick baggy ratty PJ, it's... (read in full...)
Older guy us making a move on me but wants to keep it quiet.
Q. I have a friend (he's 20 years older). A couple of years ago, we had a talk about our feelings. He told me that he was interested in me but couldn't be with me because he had a girlfriend. We stayed in touch (close friends but nothing more) until ...
A. 25 November 2019: Your gut feeling is right and it has nothing to do with your mental health problems.
Your thinking is far from irrational, in fact that would be the first logical thing that comes to mind to the average person. Otherwise, like you said, why not ... (read in full...)
My GF is not a virgin but want have sex with me until we marry.
Q. I am dating a girl who is 40 years old , it’s almost two months . We have great chemistry but I have one issue. She don’t want to have sex until we marry. She is not virgin ( someone raped her ) I don’t think she has to refuse sex If she is not ...
A. 25 November 2019: This must be a wind up, because I don't think anybody could be so ignorant and clueless ! … but hey, benefit of doubt, so , my dear misguided OP , please understand that :
no, she does not owe you sex. No woman owes you sex, whether she is ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my fiance to stop lying?
Q. Hello and thank you So I’m dealing with lies from my fiancé. I have confronted him and told him I don’t appreciate when he lies to me and it makes me not trust him. For example I’ll ask him so how was your night, what did you do? He will say...
A. 24 November 2019: Alas, if , as you say , and we have no reason to doubt it, you are not particularly inquisitive, you are not prone to invade his space, and you do not give him a hard time when he goes out alone- then there is nothing to do , he is just a natural- ... (read in full...)
Our friendship has got to the point I don't want to be her Maid of Honour.
Q. So I’ve been friends with this girl all my life. We lived quite close when we was younger so we spent all of our childhood together. We was inseparable best friends, however as time went on we drifted. We still spoke and still do now, just not as ...
A. 24 November 2019: You have a ready made excuse to decline . And it would not even be a lie !
It would be the truth ( although not °all ° the truth ):
that it would be an investment in time, energies and money not appropriate and not convenient for a new baby... (read in full...)
I'm in shock my boyfriend lied about sending private messages to my friend.
Q. My bf basically sent a message to someone he didn’t know was my friend saying “I think you’re beautiful and I think you should know lol” She sent me the screenshot. I called him very calm and said Hey, do you message girls on insta? He said no, ...
A. 23 November 2019: YCBS explains it very well.
I did not mean that your story was necessarily too short yet to know him well enough ( also because that would depends, more than from how many months you actually dated , from many other things, like how much... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to reconcile so why does she care if I'm drinking or not?
Q. My wife has moved out of our home because I drink alcohol. Since she moved, she had several times if I am drinking. She, does not want to reconcile. So, why does she keep asking if I am drinking when we talk by phone? Thank you for your answers....
A. 23 November 2019: OP, did you actually read any of our answers ?
Your wife stopped living with you . Because she did not enjoy standing there watching while you self destroy yourself, and because, as all the people who drink too much, you must be difficult to live... (read in full...)
I'm in shock my boyfriend lied about sending private messages to my friend.
Q. My bf basically sent a message to someone he didn’t know was my friend saying “I think you’re beautiful and I think you should know lol” She sent me the screenshot. I called him very calm and said Hey, do you message girls on insta? He said no, ...
A. 22 November 2019: He is leaving you the space you asked for. You must have been quite furious ( not that I blame you ) so I guess he is waiting for you to cool down and call him. He thinks that you will pick up the phone first once you are ready.
Then again, poor... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to reconcile so why does she care if I'm drinking or not?
Q. My wife has moved out of our home because I drink alcohol. Since she moved, she had several times if I am drinking. She, does not want to reconcile. So, why does she keep asking if I am drinking when we talk by phone? Thank you for your answers....
A. 22 November 2019: Because you are a human being. Because she knows you. Because you are a human being whom she knows and, although very few of us are so saintly to care and be concerned about the health and happiness of the whole entire world ... the average ... (read in full...)
I've been married three months and I am totally miserable!
Q. Firstly, thanks for taking the time to read and respond.. I’m miserable, totally. Been married 3 months although we dated for 8 years. My husband sleeps on the floor when we fight. At first he claimed to have a bad back and generally prefer...
A. 22 November 2019: If romance and being visibly romanced were important to you,- why did you marry him then ? I mean, it's improbable that after 8 years just the act of getting married totally changed his habits and personality and he just stopped being affectionate ... (read in full...)
The guy I am interested in lives with a homeless woman who does drugs and they used to have sex.
Q. I recently made contact with a guy from my high school from years ago. We talked for about a week, mostly through text, and made plans to meet up over the holidays, when he dropped a bombshell, and I need help sorting through it. Basically, he told ...
A. 21 November 2019: Most definitely a red flag. Very red.
So, he is " paying it forward ", uh ? That's one way to see it.
Another way is, he was / is sexually exploiting and taking advantage of a poor wreck of a not so lucid human being. He is / was making h... (read in full...)
If I got back with an ex I don't want his friend around
Q. I have just found out some shocking news about an exs friend. Me and my ex grew apart but he recently got back in touch i said we could chat and see if theres anything still there, he suddenly went quiet and now i have found out why . his friend has ...
A. 21 November 2019: @anon female :-- why everybody is obsessed with the fact the the ex is an ex ?... well, " obsessed " maybe is not the right word to describe what people here think about the issue , but never mind that . Everybody comments on the ex being ( duh ) ... (read in full...)
If I got back with an ex I don't want his friend around
Q. I have just found out some shocking news about an exs friend. Me and my ex grew apart but he recently got back in touch i said we could chat and see if theres anything still there, he suddenly went quiet and now i have found out why . his friend has ...
A. 20 November 2019: … But if neither tried so much to make it work, this not trying enough will have come about for some reason and must mean something , I suppose ?...
Like, that either one, or both, was not attracted / interested enough to try and make it work... (read in full...)
I get wet very easily when I am with my boyfriend.
Q. Hello, Ive been having a problem with being turned on and getting wet really easily, so basically I would be with my boyfriend just cuddling and I would get wet for some reason. It can be really awkward sometimes when I'm out in public with him. We ...
A. 19 November 2019: Is there something wrong with you … ? Maybe not. Before saying to yourself , though " no worries, that's how all hot- blodeed sexy young woman are "- well, if it IS such a problem that affects your social life- checking with your doctor, ... (read in full...)
Should I send a text for closure, should I feel jealous my friend works with my crush?
Q. ive liked the same person for quite a while now and sometimes my feelings towards him go away then they come back again , I wish I didn't have feelings for him but you cant help it , we got along really well at first then due to the way I acted it ...
A. 15 November 2019: No, please, don't say anything ; don't message him. Unless you want him to think you are a deranged bunny boiler ? You need no closure- it IS closed. And anyway you can give yourself your own closure , if you DECIDE- enough is enough, from ... (read in full...)
What can we do when his ex is lying so much but gets away with it?
Q. Hello. We are in a tricky situation at the moment and could do with some advice. Me and my husband have been together 9 years. I have 2 Step children. He broke up with ex 2 years before me. His ex is a true narcissist. She doesn’t have ...
A. 15 November 2019: Anon female : The poster did not say her step-daughter is a teenager, but- simple math makes it very probable.
The OP's husband married her 9 years ago after having left his first wife 2 years before. So, 11 yeas ago this stepdaughter was alre... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to call?
Q. This question is more for the female Aunts but i am always open to hear from the men as well. Ladies (and guys) do you still believe in the 3 day rule? I met a real pretty lady last night and she texted me her number before having to go home. I d...
A. 15 November 2019: The 3 days rule is not valid anymore in our times of texting, apps and social media.
If you wait 3 days before contacting her , she will think your interest is lukewarm and you are probably just wasting her time.
Contact her at once, - but do... (read in full...)
His comments seem to imply that I'm not hot anymore
Q. What does it mean when a man says you must have been hot/ pretty when you were younger or asks if you used to look like some famous star . I’m trying hard not to be offended by his comments but they seem to imply he thinks I’m not hot anymore ? And ...
A. 15 November 2019: I am not even sure that " hot " is such a great compliment, all considered.
" Hot " does not mean attractive , or pretty. It means
" sexually arousing ", " attractive in a way that makes one immediately think of sex ".
A woman in your age... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my alcoholic boyfriend?
Q. Hi. Iv been living with my boyfriend for 2 years.he is an alcoholic.he said he will never give uo drinking. Drinking is more important than me. He has met my family but doesnt want anything to actually do with them. saying they are lovely etc but ...
A. 13 November 2019: Well, yes ; what else ? that's the only choice you have. He said he never wants to stop drinking ! It still would not be a walk in the park, if he had said " I want to stop but it's going to be hard " , or " I realize I should stop but I can't ... (read in full...)
I’m focused on school so I don’t see the need for relationships. Is that selfish or wrong somehow?
Q. I broke up recently with my boyfriend of 7 months, because I was definitely mistaken love for infatuation. The problem is, I felt really good about us being together the first two months, although things between us happened quickly, and we rushed ...
A. 13 November 2019: Not seeking relationships or friendships while you are focusing on your studies is not selfish and is not wrong " per se ", but it may be unnecessary. Overkilling. Everybody needs balance in their life ; and all work and no play makes Jack a ... (read in full...)
I'm so angry that he'll let his parents destroy our family
Q. Hi my husband and I are both 31 with a 4 year old daughter. Long story. I found out I was pregnant early on in the relationship and after I had lost my job. Lived with the in laws and my MIL and SIL are VERY INTERFERRING. I get post natal depression ...
A. 12 November 2019: How actually old your daughter is ? In one of your posts back in Nov. 2015 you describe her as a " toddler " ( so, 12 to 36 months... ) how come that 4 years later she is still just 4 ?
No, I am not nitpicking , just trying to stress the foll... (read in full...)
Will I be able to stay away from my abusive ex when he turns on the charm?
Q. I am gutted that my relationship that I clung onto has turned out to be nothing more than an abusive relationship. Someone warned me at the beginning but I couldn't take it in. It's taken an episode of near strangling for me to face facts. All...
A. 11 November 2019: Actually it sounds like it should not be that hard at all to resist his " charms " ! I mean, come on- he almost strangled you ! What do you find charming in strangling people ?? Do you find charming attempted homicide ?... For real ? …
I mean... (read in full...)
My ex is a jealous, negative-minded selfish idiot in the relationship area, should I take him back?
Q. I have a tricky situation that will probably receive mixed reactions based on whether you're a dog-lover or not. Basically - I broke up with my partner a few months back. We fought at first but eventually learnt to be civil. We don't have any k...
A. 11 November 2019: Are you serious ??!
Would you really take back someone whom you describe as an uncommitted, jealous,negative-minded selfish idiot , someone whom you do not love ( and obviously do not respect ) ... just to hang out with the puppy ??
This ... (read in full...)
If I decide to quit a church associated group, how do I do that?
Q. I joined the Knights of Columbus a few years ago, and I regret it. I still believe in my Catholic Faith and I still want to attend the Catholic mass every Sunday. I just no longer wish to belong to the Knights of Columbus. When I joined,...
A. 11 November 2019: You are paying yearly dues to be part of KofC. Notify the Financial Secretary of the Council that is sending you the bills, °in writing°, that you no longer wish to be a member so you ask to be dropped from their rolls.
Send them a regi... (read in full...)
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