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I missed out on a group poster, and now I feel bad! Why do I feel not part of the team?

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Question - (9 March 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2019)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been on leave 10 days got back to work today.

How would you feel if you were on leave and the boss (female) took photos of all the female staff to celebrate int womens day?

To show we are a good team. (Yes there are guys there, but this was for womens day)

The Photos taken the week of int womens day.

I was on leave.

Boss displayed them on the wall as a poster.

I wasn’t there for photo taking (like a few others) but I cannot help feeling very left out and a little hurt.

I saw the poster when I returned to work after leave today.

Is it ok to feel hurt, I almost feel unwanted.

Of course I said to the boss and the in charges, that the poster was nice, go women etc.!

Work in a hospital, am a nurse, a worker, not a boss. Photos were of all women on our floor

Drs

Nurses

Physios

Cleaners

Secretaries

Dieticians

Specialist nurses

Etc

Why do I feel not part of the team? Feel very unwanted I missed out.

How to get over this?

It seems stupid as I wasn’t there for photos, I was on leave.

Thankyou

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 March 2019):

You are a part of the team and the machine that makes-up the hardworking-staff regardless of what a poster depicts.

Photos and artificial images have become too much a part of our lives. They reduce humanity to soulless visuals staring out into oblivion. We all demand 15 minutes of fame as a tribute to our vanity. It's getting worse by the day.

You are an adult. As individuals, we should all be more concerned about how you are regarded by your colleagues and co-workers for your daily contribution. A picture by no means can capture the true essence of who you are, what you stand for, nor can it represent anything but a bunch of faces that most people are far too busy working or visiting patients to notice. Even less, care if you were in the photo. They will sooner forget your face in real-life than your name. Most were dragged into the photo, and didn't really want to be in it anyway. Let your maturity and grace push this nonsense aside.

You weren't there when the photo was taken, and you even said others weren't included. How does that mean nobody cares about you? It wasn't a family photo, it was mainly for commercial purposes. I hope your employer does more for the morale of their employees than photo-shoots!

If they don't treat you well in-person and respect you as a professional, a phony photo up on the wall means nothing.

You're making more out of it than it is. No one can tell you how to feel; but people spend a lot of time concerned about vanity and popularity than how we treat each other. Not being included in a hokey picture that didn't include everybody, and couldn't anyway, is being somewhat petty.

Shake it off. You're worth more than that. You save lives for a living. Your patients appreciate you; but even they will forget you as soon as they recover and get back to their daily lives. Just keep doing what you do the best you can do it. We don't get high recognition, props, or rewarded for all that we do; but if you love what you do, that's your reward.

God bless you, my dear!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 March 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWas it possible to take the photos on a day when ALL the female workers were in? I doubt there would be such a day. You were off that day so you were not in the photos as were, I imagine, other ladies who were not in work that day.

In our shoes I would be asking myself why something so insignificant has affected me so badly. It wasn't done out of spite. It was down to pure timing. Anyone who was not in that day could not be included in the pictures but you seem to be taking it very personally. You need to get to the bottom of why that is. I suspect there is a bigger picture here and it is not just about some silly photos.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Cindy, you feel how you feel, but... I don't think it's a logical conclusion to go from you weren't in the picture to being unwanted.

You weren't IN the picture because you were on leave. You weren't the ONLY woman who missed out on being in the picture either, so it wasn't like they WAITED for you to take leave to take the photo. I can imagine in an environment with shift workers it CAN be rather difficult to get something done like a group photo. So you go with who is there at the time of the photo.

Let it go, being upset over it will do NOTHING for you. Maybe you will be in it next year. Or the one for XYZ holiday.

It is what it is.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (11 March 2019):

CindyCares agony auntOP, I would not put it as feeling hurt is " Ok " or " Not Ok ". You feel what you feel, there is no handbook of proper , allowed , " Ok " feelings which people are entitled to feel, while other not Ok " feelings they must deny them or feel ashamed about them.

Yet, it seems you realize yourself that your feelings are not rational, and come from having a wrong, skewed perception of what really happened.

You have not been excluded from the group picture ; you have not been bullied ,or lied to, or manipulated so that you should not be there and join in.

Simply, ...you weren't there by your own choice ! You were on leave ! Your exclusion was not intentional; they did not mean to leave you out . What would you have preferred , that your bosses had called you at home, asking you to cut your leave short and come back to the workplace so that they could take a better group pic, with all the workers bar none ?! I don't think you would have liked that better…

As for why you don'r feel part of the team...honestly, I don't know. Maybe it's you; maybe it's them; maybe it's 50/50. What I mean is that some people have a natural knack for team work , and fitting in socially, and others , not so much. Some people are gregarious and social by nature, and within a group they act as if they belong because they spontaneously feel that they belong. Other people are more withdrawn or introvert or perform better on tehir own or whatever, and have a harder time fitting in and being accepted instantly as part of the gang. Anyway, please remember that you are there to perform a job at the besr of your abilities, not to promote your social life and make new friends. You do you ( always being civil and polite to everybody, of course ); then ,if you happen to establish closer relationships with any of your colleagues, that's a bonus; if you don't… that's fine as well, it's a workplace, not a social club.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 March 2019):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIt’s okay to feel a bit left out, but it’s just poor timing. You happened to be on leave when she happened to take the photos. You weren’t the only one. Don’t allow it to get you down.

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