Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
I'm jealous but am I too cruel or too possessive?
Q. Hey guys :) It's been awhile since I posted here. I'm here to share about my jealousy when someone flirts with my lesbian partner :) Damn! She's a perfect butch. I love her with all my heart. I treat her like she's the only person in the whole wide ...
A. 21 September 2018: You threatened a girl of what ?, of bodily harm ? Then it's not only too possessive,- it's foolish and a crime, you can go to jail for stuff like that.
Your GF is an adult, if she does not want people to flirt with her or hit on her SHE can ... (read in full...)
Good date but no sparks. Should I ask for a second?
Q. Hi all, I went on a first date with a girl last night. We met on a dating website. I am unsure what to do next. She was a nice girl and I think the date went well. It was comfortable and conversation flowed. She said at the end that it felt lik...
A. 21 September 2018: If you don't know whether you want a second date or not- then you don't really want a second date.
If you really had a wish for a second date, right now you would be already planning this second date and asking the girl out , rather than aski... (read in full...)
My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Q. My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...
A. 20 September 2018: I think it's bad idea for all the reason mentioned by the other posters, plus : if you use a sperm bank, how would it work in practice ?
how would you you make sure that the donor does not carry autistic genes ?
In USA sperm donors are test... (read in full...)
Is he fobbing me off, I thought we had a good thing going.
Q. I started seeing a guy a month ago. He’s 12 months separated from his wife with two young children. Our relationship seemed really promising but then he went a bit cold. He says his ex wife is being really challenging. She calls him up out of the ...
A. 20 September 2018: If you are going to be treated poorly, that will be with your approval and consent, because he told you loud and clear how it's gonna be : he is not in position to date . He won't give you what you 'd want from him.
Maybe he is not lying per se ;... (read in full...)
I'm happy with the way things are, but she is talking marriage and babies
Q. I have been dating a girl for 7 months now, due to my working hours and her studying at college, we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I am happy with the relationship the way it is because I like my space and time to myself, however she is ...
A. 20 September 2018: Be honest.Don't string her along. I agree that's she is coming on way too strong after 7 months of dating, and she should chill a bit, then again if this is the way she feels, it would be cruel and dishonest of you just going with the flow out ... (read in full...)
I’m ready to have a baby but my husband wants to go traveling first!
Q. Me and my husband have been together for 9 years and married 1 year, we both discussed from day 1 about getting married and if we wanted children. I'm 25 nearly 26 and my husband is 27 nearly 28. I am ready to have a baby and have been ready for the ...
A. 18 September 2018: In 4 or 6 years you will still only be 29 to 31 ! And having a baby " because all my friends have one " is the worst possible reason to have a child- it's not an " adult " reason, and I think when you'll be 30 and over you'll see that , even ... (read in full...)
I’m pregnant by a boyfriend using me for a green card! Advice needed!
Q. Hi there I am pregnant 9 weeks I’ve been dating this honderan man for almost two years. My boyfriend has been distant because he wants to get married but it’s to get his green card. He loves me but i am catholic and I want a church ceremony I’m not ...
A. 17 September 2018: Obviously I have no idea whether your bf is only after his green card or if he also loves you regardless of what you can do for him. But I have to say that, if he fears or knows that he may be deported soon, he has a good point. It takes time to ... (read in full...)
Would it be ok to ask my mum to buy me a vibrator?
Q. I'm 17 and have the money to buy a vibrator, but I have no way of actually getting one by myself. I don't have any friends old enough to take me some where that will sell them to people under 18, and I don't have a credit/debit card so I can't buy ...
A. 15 September 2018: Just go to a CVS or Rite-Aid or Walmart and get one those traditional wand- shaped " massagers ": they are not marketed as sex toys, but as " personal massage appliances " or " health aids " ( well, you can actually also use them on, say, ... (read in full...)
My progressive hair loss is making me insecure about dating
Q. Hi all, I'm having a real tough time with my confidence on dates. This has been due to my now significant hair loss. I'm in my late 20's and recently went out with a girl who i'd not seen for almost a year (i'd had to move away for work, but we kept ...
A. 14 September 2018: Very unlikely. Honestly. I am not telling it to make you feel better , I am one of the " mean " Aunts:).
Hair is one of those things that worry men more than women, they think that women care about men's hair way more than they actually do. ... (read in full...)
Why block someone and not delete them?
Q. My ex and i split up 8 months ago i never thought id see or speak to him again. A couple of month back we slept together ( both wanted it ) but before we did we were talking about how we could try again. We started to talk a little more over the...
A. 14 September 2018: Blocking is to make sure that they do not contact you.
Deleting is to make sure you do not contact them.
Apparently your ex does nor feel that he is at muck risk of being tempted to reconnect. ... (read in full...)
I want my mother to move in with us so I can take care of her
Q. Hi everyone. My fiance and I are in the process of moving back to my home state and purchasing a house there. It is a relatively large house and we have more than enough space to start a family. My mom is not in the best of health. She recen...
A. 12 September 2018: I agree with all the other posters, who think it's not a good idea at all to bring your mother to live under your roof , and that you and your husband need to explore other possible solutions to help her out without having to sacrifice your ... (read in full...)
I dumped my boyfriend for sponging off of me but now I feel guilty
Q. I’ve been dating this guy for 9 months now. Things started off great and though we have had a few issues I feel like they can be worked through. The latest issue though is surrounding money. He lost his job a few months ago and has been having a...
A. 12 September 2018: You've gotta be kidding !! Of course you are not wrong . If any you were wrong before !, because supporting an able-bodied adult male is something a single mother should not even consider to begin with, unless in absolutely exceptional ... (read in full...)
I am paying my girlfriend's rent but we are not on good terms. What should I do?
Q. Found girlfriends journal. Made the mistake of reading some of it. She has been in contact with her ex in prison. Sentenced 25 to life. Wants to visit him as soon as she can. Hasn't seen him in like 2 yrs. I have been supporting her almost 100% for ...
A. 10 September 2018: Can't win if you don't buy a ticket ?
Yeah , but make sure that the lottery is not rigged , and that there is actually a prize to be won.
What a prize , indeed ! High school drop out, no marketable skills, previous drug charges. Intellig... (read in full...)
His family hired lazy useless employees and I need to know how to cope!
Q. My partner and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We've been together a very long time. This year, he and his family opened a business. His parents made the decisions about the staff they're hiring and what they're paying, without ...
A. 8 September 2018: You have already got good advice ; luckily, advice that you deem useful. I just want to add some food for thought.
I understand that you are frustrated, as everybody is always frustrated when things do not go the way they want, and part... (read in full...)
Scared of having a miscarriage
Q. Hi all, This one is mainly for the ladies, also men who have had a pregnant partner. This might sound silly to some people but I guess I just need some reassurance and guidance. Maybe even just to have someone to talk to I guess. So I am just s...
A. 8 September 2018: Yes, about 20% of pregnant women had bleeding occurring durung the first 12 weeks if pregnancy and it turned out it was nothing to worry about.
Bleeding, or spotting, is far from uncommon in early pregnancies, and if we are talking about ligh... (read in full...)
Dating apps and cheating in a long distance relationship
Q. I have been in a relationship for the past 8 years. It has been long distance since 2014 due to work and family issues on his side. I can work remotely, so have been backwards and forwards from Ireland, where my family lives and where I usually ...
A. 8 September 2018: You want to believe him ? Well, I want to believe that fire does not burn , but , I put my finger through a flame a first time, ouch !, a second time, ouch ouch ! , a third time OOOUCH !... I'd better believe my evidence ,if I want to keep ... (read in full...)
Is she worth pursuing?
Q. I'm in a really low place right now. I've been dating a girl for the past 4 months ( I'm 30 she's 26) and during the past month she's grown incredibly distant. She only texts me when I text her now, sometimes it takes her days to reply, she never ...
A. 7 September 2018: No, she is not. She is giving you massive hints that she can't be bothered, but you won't take them. Yes, she is going about it in a rather passive aggressive way,- we do not know whether to keep you on the back burner as a " just in case " or , ... (read in full...)
Am I stuck up for wanting basic things?
Q. I'm been with my bf for a year and half. He lives with his mum still and now built a cabin in his mums garden and says he plans to stay there. I am not happy about staying there with no bathroom, kitchen, space for my things but he says I am stuck ...
A. 6 September 2018: Of course not . You are a normal human being, - not a rake or a shovel or a spade, so you know that your place is NOT in a garden shed.
Your wish to live with your man in a place fit for human beings is perfectly normal and legitimate. This does... (read in full...)
I’m worried and insecure about my body!
Q. i’m a little worried about my nipples and i’m really insecure about my body. my nipples are pointy and i’m not sure if it’s normal or attractive. any advice ? HELP .... lol ...
A. 6 September 2018: Yes, pointy nipples are totally normal. Nipples come in many different shapes , sizes and colours and "pointy" is one among them, and not uncommon too.
As for " attractive ", I would not know, I never had occasion gave any thought to this issu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help support him as he tries to strengthen his knee!
Q. Hello I would like your opinion on this. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in the USA, he lives in the East Coast, while I live in the West Coast. We've been together for about three years. My boyfriend injured himself ...
A. 5 September 2018: Let's forget for a second about the insanity, and inanity, of doing DIY unsupervised physical therapy whitout hving the proper knowledge and credentials, which very possibly could mess up his knee even more , rather than doing any good.
But… why ... (read in full...)
Can a gay man become straight or could this ruin our friendship
Q. It was 5 years ago when I decided to move from Ireland to Chicago to work it was there I met my best friend. Me and John met at work and formed an unseperable friendship. We have been through so much together from breakups to happy moments to ...
A. 31 August 2018: I am not sure that this guy's sexual orientation has actually got anything to do with your concern, which is : I am afraid that if it does not work out , I will lose someone who has been in my life etc.etc.
Well, yes. Of course. If it does not ... (read in full...)
Was I too hard on my boyfriend due to my anxiety issues or did he deserve my wrath?
Q. Hi. I've got anxiety. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He knows all about my issues. And he has supported me through it all. We have had some major challenges due to my anxiety but we have always worked through them. Yesterday...
A. 30 August 2018: I may be wrong, of course, but you totally sound like a regular poster on DC, a lady that, after 5 years, still insists in calling her married lover " my boyfriend ".
If you are this person, or if you are another person involved with some... (read in full...)
My boyfriend contacts my mum instead of me
Q. After my previous post where me and my boyfriend have been on break for 3 weeks after a big row over one of my flaws..I ended up in A and E yesterday after an accident in work..my mother text him to let him know and he rung her right away. What's ...
A. 29 August 2018: I think you can take him at face value , and I think you are proving him right -if he contacted you directly, you'd start reading volumes into it and maybe seeing it as a sign that he must be willing to have you back . See how strongly and ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong?
Q. Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong? Here are a few examples : 1. I believe in bringing the kids to travel internationally to visit different countries and cultures to 'see...
A. 27 August 2018: Well, it figures. Self centered people feel that they are the center of the universe and what really counts is only what's right for THEM, they don't have the patience or interest to compare notes and debate with those who live on the outskirts of ... (read in full...)
I have caught my husband in so many lies regarding his female coworker. Is it wrong for me to ask him to stay away from her?
Q. Hello, My husband has been lying to me for the past few months, all lies have involved his coworker. He has lied to me about calling her, dropping her off at home, going to hang out with her at her house, buying her gifts, including an exp...
A. 27 August 2018: More than controlling, I am afraid it would be ineffective.
Your husband is such an inveterate liar !, you caught him already so many times, and by now you should know that he'll say anything and promise anything, just to keep you quiet and off ... (read in full...)
11 years together and partner cant say anything nice about me?
Q. This may seem really trivial, but I just wondered what people thought. My partner doesn't do romance well and although he says he loves me, that's about it. Doesn't really say I'm pretty or anything like that. I'm the kind of person that need...
A. 27 August 2018: " Should " you want him to say nice things to you ?
Well, I don't think it's really a " should ". I mean , it's only natural that you'd like him to do it, after all who does not like to receive positive reinforcement, more so if your pers... (read in full...)
He'll do anything .... except come fishin'
Q. My family are a big fishing family (both my side and my husband's family loves fishing). We tried to teach our children to love fishing. We have three children and three grandchildren. Our youngest son, Justin, is 33 years old and he hates fis...
A. 26 August 2018: Poor Justin. Why do you want to MAKE him like fishing ? he sounds like a nice person as he is; if his only fault , in your eyes, is that he wants to stay away from fishing and fishing camps ( sentiment that personally I understand very well ! ... (read in full...)
How do I fix my girlfriend's attitude about her appearance?
Q. My girlfriend has a folder on her phone that consists of a lot of pictures of beautiful girls. I asked her about it and she said that these girls are pretty and she likes the inspiration because she wants to look like that one day. We're both onl...
A. 24 August 2018: Why, what's so wrong with her attitude and why does it need to be fixed ?
There's always room for improvement. If someone wants to look the best that she can, she does not necessarily has low self esteem or is insecure or has superficial valu... (read in full...)
His ex hates me because he dumped her two weeks before dating me
Q. So to explain the situation a bit better Ive been best friends with an American man for about 12.5 years now, I lived in Ireland and we met online and started as penpals , we have emailed nearly every day for 12 years and always rang each other and ...
A. 24 August 2018: Why don't you want to involve the police ? that's exactly their job : protecting people against other crazy people who throw rocks at the them !
I am not saying that she deserves to be taken away and locked in a dungeon, - but a nice rest... (read in full...)
His ex hates me because he dumped her two weeks before dating me
Q. So to explain the situation a bit better Ive been best friends with an American man for about 12.5 years now, I lived in Ireland and we met online and started as penpals , we have emailed nearly every day for 12 years and always rang each other and ...
A. 24 August 2018: Why don't you want to involve the police ? that's exactly their job : protecting people against other crazy people who throw rocks at the them !
I am not saying that she deserves to be taken away and locked in a dungeon, - but a nice rest... (read in full...)
Should I ask why he blocked me?
Q. I met a guy online at the end of last year. When we met he was in the process of trying to move back to london and had been offered a job. The job offer fell through and he didn’t end up moving to london. We still stayed in touch but not in a lon...
A. 24 August 2018: No, don't text him. He was harsh ?... Yes, but...
It's not exactly like being ghosted by someone you had a romantic or sexual relationship with. You were long distance acquaintances only, and while blocking you was not the classiest thin... (read in full...)
After 2 months away my boyfriend wants us to take a break
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he just got back from being away for 2 months on a family vacation. Ever since he got back, things have not felt the same. Everything was pretty much really awkward. So, we talked and at first we...
A. 24 August 2018: I am afraid that Wise OwlE is right. In general, in your age range boys are a bit more immature and fickle than girls, and most of all, girls invest much more energy and emotions in
" relationships ". For boys … it' a bit like when a 9 or 10 year... (read in full...)
Leaving a married man is more painful than staying
Q. So I ended my A over a month ago. I felt like a huge weight was lighted off my shoulders that I finally off the roller coster ride of emotions. I started wanting more than he can give He would always make excuses to come to my place go to your p...
A. 24 August 2018: Aw please. " Part of me hopes that his wife will leave him so that he can be mine ". Why, do you really think that even if his wife left him he 'd WANT to be yours ( other than for the occasional roll in the bushes, of course ) ? What makes you ... (read in full...)
Did I just get used for sex?
Q. So I've known this guy for a while and last week our texts turned sexual and he said do I want to meet with him. So we met we were kissing, we held hands we had a good time. Then he asked if I wanted to have sex with him I said I couldn't because I ...
A. 22 August 2018: I agree with N91. You may have known him but apparently not in a romantic , date-ish context BEFORE you started exchanging sexual texts and before you met up to mess around.
Example : let's say you know in person your neighbour next door, you ... (read in full...)
How do I get closure after he broke up with me?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about a month now and we did make it official. We hang out on weekends because of our schedules, but haven’t seen each other the past 3 weeks. We made plans to hang out, but he ended up falling asleep and we didn't ...
A. 21 August 2018: I am confused with the timeline. You have been dating since about a month- but you had not seen each other in 3 weeks ? that means that you have actually met each other once or twice the first week- after which he has lost interest to the point ... (read in full...)
Did I just get used for sex?
Q. So I've known this guy for a while and last week our texts turned sexual and he said do I want to meet with him. So we met we were kissing, we held hands we had a good time. Then he asked if I wanted to have sex with him I said I couldn't because I ...
A. 21 August 2018: It was like a date ? I beg to differ. It wasn't much like a date.
A date is when you meet in a public place to do some recreational activity together- movie, dinner, sports, whatever.
In your case, your text convos get sexual, if I get it righ... (read in full...)
He has a gambling problem and sneaks around. I’m pregnant and wondering if I should just leave him now?
Q. My husband and i are newly married for a year. I just know that he has a very bad personality and character. He lied a lot before since i know him but i brushed it off just because i love him. Now we are married i just know that he has gambling ...
A. 21 August 2018: His mother says this, his mother says that… and ? It never seemed to me that you had high esteem and consideration for your mother-in-law, if any you have been so far extremely critical of anything she says , thinks or does; NOW you want to start ... (read in full...)
He has a gambling problem and sneaks around. I’m pregnant and wondering if I should just leave him now?
Q. My husband and i are newly married for a year. I just know that he has a very bad personality and character. He lied a lot before since i know him but i brushed it off just because i love him. Now we are married i just know that he has gambling ...
A. 18 August 2018: You know what's happening. He is gambling, and / or going out partying and having fun with his pals, with the excuse to attend to his oh so important "busine .
As he was already doing before. You knew it.
He had already been caught gambling... (read in full...)
Am I having these doubts because the honeymoon phase is over and we've been together for 8 years? Or am I with the wrong person?
Q. I am really struggling with myself at the moment. I don't know whether my doubts are justified or if I'm just having some sort of quarter life crisis. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 16 and at school!) and ...
A. 18 August 2018: You have become wrong for each other in time. People meet and " click " at 16 and then they grow up, evolve, change- often in different directions and at a different pace.
Maybe when you both were 16 you found him adorably goofy and ende... (read in full...)
Any chance he likes me despite having a girlfriend?
Q. Hi, I was involved with this guy, we were something like friends with benefits..but i fell in love with him..then he decide to change a job and left the country, which i was very sad about, but i couldn't do anything about it.. During the nex...
A. 17 August 2018: As Honeypie says, you have no idea if his current GF is following this guy to his new destination, now or later on.
Just because he did not mention that, it does not mean that it's impossible ! Without forgetting that often people need mone... (read in full...)
Why didn’t we hook up?
Q. I met a really cute guy online a month ago. He lives far away but has family here so he comes up about twice a month. He asked for my number and we were texting back and fourth while he was here. He said that he wasn't looking for anything serious ...
A. 17 August 2018: Talk is cheap. He called you gorgeous but apparently did not think that were gorgeous enough to justify the need for him to drag his ass from somewhere to where you are, keep going that minimum of conversation that is considered decent even for ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
