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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do I go back to my ex or see if theres potential with the new guy
Q. Almost 2 years ago i started a relationship with a guy (call him A), he didnt work and suffered with ptsd and would tell elaborate lies. After 4 months we ended things so to speak, we drifted apart very fast. Fast forward to 2 month ago and i joined ...
A. 13 August 2019: With the first guy, A, things did not work, and they would not work this time either because nothing has changed : he is still out of work, he has still tons of issues, etc. etec. He was an inadequate partner then and he still is now,- and you know ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend just going through a phase? Trying to impress a friend?
Q. Im in this relationship for like about 2 years now and things have changed somuch recently. At first my BF was super nice to me and all was working out. We used to go out sometimes to places and have fun and he was like always very kind and sweet. ...
A. 13 August 2019: Steam ? Stress ? Passionate ?....whaaat ?
I do declare, some times you guys are incredible ( smh ).
He FORCES himself on you- a.k.a. he rapes you- but somehow that's ok because he had had a bad week at work ?
Seriously ?!... (read in full...)
Taking care of stray dogs is taking a toll on me emotionally..
Q. Hi. This isn’t a dating question but I was hoping to get some advice here . I have rescued a lot of animals in my life and it’s not easy to get help/vets in this part of the world, especially for poor stray animals. I won’t even talk about the anim...
A. 13 August 2019: Ok, I want to say something that won't make me very popular with the OP nor with the readers at large, but I feel it needs to be said.It's not very surprising that in India they have stray dogs lying on the road to die and people does not seem to ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!
Q. Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...
A. 13 August 2019: I think too that you are ( over )reacting this way just because right now your hormones are all over the place to make you more emotionally vulnerable .And this is no way as condescending as it may sound, because I know exactly what you are ... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex but I know he's an ex for a reason
Q. I can't get over my ex.. It's been 8 months but I think about him 10times a day.. Dream about him often.. It makes it worse when he calls to tell me he misses me.... But his an ex for reasons..his not aware I miss him... But I don't know why the ...
A. 8 August 2019: Because you indulge those feelings, and cultivate them.
Why are you still in contact with your ex ? Obviously, you are not at a stage as of now where you can be just friends
and from what you say, if he is such a liar and a dishones... (read in full...)
My girlfriend betrayed me in front of my family. Was I justified in dumping her?
Q. My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it...
A. 6 August 2019: Were you justified ? no, you weren't ; in fact, I have to cut you a lot of slack because you have been struggling so long with health and finances that it's normal if these issues have been gnawing at you and sort of eroding your mental lucidity- ... (read in full...)
Do I give my ex extra time to pay me back or go to court?
Q. I was dating a guy for almost a year, he had had a very bad time with his health and wasnt working. He slowly got better and the doctor signed him off sick so he could work. In the time he wasnt working i offered to lend him a bit of money which he ...
A. 6 August 2019: Sue him, if you let these 4 days expire he will just give you the runaround and kepp you dangling for who knows how long.... (read in full...)
Weed consumes his whole life
Q. Hi I’ve got a problem hopefully you can help me with my partner is a heavy weed smoker this drives me mad when we first met he had the odd joint now and again fast forward to 6 years later and he spends hundreds on it each month never has any money ...
A. 30 July 2019: Yes, if you love yourself even just a tiny little bit, you should end it. Show yourself that consideration and respect that your tosser of a bf is not showing you.
I think too that anon male did not mean to encourage you to put up with a drug... (read in full...)
A guy keeps coming back when he doesn't want a relationship.
Q. My ex and met online game site 3 years and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We ...
A. 30 July 2019: There's something I did not quite understand.
First you say that you have had no contact with this man for the past 5 year because, fed up of his antics, you deactivated your FB accont and changed phone no, so he had no way to reach you.
Then... (read in full...)
Do I have to invite this person to my party?
Q. I'm having a birthday party soon.I have to restrict numbers because of budget. Some of the people coming are frinds of my gf- I've been with her for 10 years. There's one particular guy I can't stand. He often makes digs at me, and although never d...
A. 30 July 2019: You dislike this guy, but ,apparently , not enough to avoid joining his parties, eating his food ,and drinking his booze , uh ?
So , when it's his turn to pay, you can , somehow, at least marginally tolerate his personality and his opin... (read in full...)
He said he had been celibate but after we had sex he told me he had herpes.
Q. I'm so afraid right now.Here's a summary of what happened. I recently connected with my ex and we attempted to be intimate but he could not become aroused,he said it was because he was nervous and that he hadn't had sex in 4 years. I found it really ...
A. 26 July 2019: Oh yes, he knew. You thought that he could not get an erection for lack of attraction to you, and he said, no, it's just nerves. Which is true. Being nervous can prevent erection. Only, in this case most probabaly he was not nervous because of ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if he's taking Viagra?
Q. Hello everyone I reconnected with my ex recently and everything has been going great. We haven't been together in about 8 years so its like getting to know him all over again. He is 28. The problem is when we decided to have intercourse the ...
A. 26 July 2019: Why should have he been taking Viagra ?!
What you describe is perfectly normal and usual in both cases :
- he could not have an erection because he was nervous. Just like he said. Nerves got the best of him. Stage fright. Performance anxiety.... (read in full...)
A girl I like has told me she might get back with her ex, should I tell her again, how I feel?
Q. I met a girl who at that time told me that she is still not over her ex boyfriend and wanted to take it as friends for the time being if that is acceptable with me. She seemed cool and I was okay with that at that point. We started as friends and ...
A. 26 July 2019: But she knows that you like her ! she knows it perfectly. Otherwise, why ever would she have told you then that she was still hung up on her ex, and that she just wanted to be friends with you- if this was acceptable to you ? In your opinion, would ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's hoarder sist.er wont move out
Q. My girlfriends sister (41) will not move out! My girlfriend (28) and I (27) have been together for about three years...for most of that we have lived together. The first year my girlfriend rented and I moved in with her and not long after her s...
A. 26 July 2019: Keep it simple. I just would tell both your gf and her sister " I have noticed that ( sister's name ) seems a little behind schedule in moving out, - I think we can allow an extra 30 days ( or whatever you deem appropriate ) to make things easier ... (read in full...)
Our 6 year relationship is boring I'm fed up and don't know what to do about it!
Q. What do you do when your bored in a relationship I’ve been with my partner for 6 and a half years but the relationship is so boring I’ve ended it twice with him but he begs me to stay and things will change and so on but it never does he works 7 ...
A. 18 July 2019: This is neither here nor there, but personally I would leave him just for using words like " baccy " :), I have no idea why but there are certain British colloquialisms, like baccy, choccy or pressie, that just make me cringe ! Never mind. ... (read in full...)
I guess he's cheating? Pantyliner found in boyfriend's bathroom trash
Q. I found a panty liner in the trash can in boyfriend's bathroom in his room. Mind you, it was on the top of the trash and there are 2 other bathrooms in his house before you get to his bedroom bathroom. He said he didn't know how it got there and ...
A. 18 July 2019: Yeah, then if there are not any female relatives or close friends living there or visiting , obviously your bf is bullshitting you big time and he knows very well whose panties that pantyliner was lining.
As a matter of fact, it would still have... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of the time my wife is spending with an ill member of her clergy
Q. one day I observed my wife walking down the road with a neighborhood guy. they were conversing and smiling, basically enjoying each other company. needless to say I felt jealous, and I told her so. flash forward, I been coming home lately and ...
A. 18 July 2019: I still suspect that this gentleman must be a prankster , and is having a good laugh at us Dear Cupiders. I really have a hard time to believe that someone can decide to marry a pastor with no understanding of what her ministry may involve at some ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend ordered me not to speak to another woman I used to work with. Was she being unreasonable?
Q. My girlfriend is very possessive of me. She actually ordered me not to talk to another woman because she thinks that woman has designs on me. I used to work with this person and needed to go see her for work related reasons. I have a new job and ...
A. 4 July 2019: That's fine;I had not read your details and in answering I had assumed you were a male ( politically incorrect, I know :) Sprry, I promise not to do that again ….) ... (read in full...)
Is this a friendly sign or a flirty one?
Q. I text a male acquaintance and signed off 'ciao for now'. He questioned me on ciao and told me I had spelt it wrong (ciou is what I said). He then replied with 'so I will say Ciao Bella'. Men who would you say this to and women would you see it as ...
A. 4 July 2019: Don't read too much into this- probably your friend was just showing off his Italian :)
In Italian , " Ciao bella " literally would mean " Hallo , beautiful " or " Hallo , handsome " but is never used literally. It does have a hint of care... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to delete her number?
Q. Been talking ,texts, that's all,never met ,once by accident at a store but I was with another, we met on pof,so for six months or more we been texting, she only has one liners, until I stop writing her, now she writes a lot more, but now she says ...
A. 4 July 2019: No, you weren't wrong.
It is true that often " let 's be only friends " is just a polite way of saying " not interested " and what they really want is to see you drop off the face of rte earth; but , even supposing that this lady REALLY, real... (read in full...)
Even after 6 years, I still don't trust my boyfriend. And it is getting worse. I don't know how to stop the downward spiral!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Our relationship has been strained lately because it seems that no matter what I do, and no matter what he does, I cannot trust him. I never fully trusted him the entire time either. But it just seems to ...
A. 4 July 2019: Welcome back OP. I'll take with a pinch of salt your affirmation that your relationship is "now" legitimate, because the details in your story may vary, and other times you had made that same claim of legitimacy, only to deny it then in the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend ordered me not to speak to another woman I used to work with. Was she being unreasonable?
Q. My girlfriend is very possessive of me. She actually ordered me not to talk to another woman because she thinks that woman has designs on me. I used to work with this person and needed to go see her for work related reasons. I have a new job and ...
A. 4 July 2019: What you say is true. But it also true that your insistence on seeing in person this woman when you only need to get from her work relayed infos ,which do not require a personal visit, may have given your gf ( and, who knows, the ex colleague ... (read in full...)
Why did I put up with my ex for so long when he did terrible things to me?
Q. I been off and on with my first love for 19 yrs. In the past he dated other girls and would come running back to me when the relationships failed, I went back each time I think I just wanted closure because I kept asking him lots of questions about ...
A. 1 July 2019: ...Because you let him.
I mean, after the second or third time, it must not have come as a major surprise, right ?, that he only came back to you when the " good ones " were taken or unavailable, and that you were his official plan B. You must... (read in full...)
I'm an unhappy married man attracted to a woman at work
Q. i am a unhappily married man who is very attracted to a beautiful young lady at work. at first it seemed that she was and maybe i hope she still is attracted to me. but lately i am very attracted to her and pay attention to her as much as i can with ...
A. 1 July 2019: Yeah- leave her be. Even without sex, it would still be cheating, emotional cheating - insofar you do not just want to be friends. Yeah right. If you just were interested in friendship- you could introduce this colleague to your wife, and / or ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous of the time my wife is spending with an ill member of her clergy
Q. one day I observed my wife walking down the road with a neighborhood guy. they were conversing and smiling, basically enjoying each other company. needless to say I felt jealous, and I told her so. flash forward, I been coming home lately and ...
A. 1 July 2019: I have a hard time believing this a true story, yet I'll pretend I do and I'll tell you my opinion which is : of one is a jealous type, he / she shoild never ever marry a pastor.
Or a counselor . Or a psychiatrst. Or a lawyer, as for that. Or, ... (read in full...)
My sister demanded 1/2 the take when I worked alone all day. Is this right?
Q. Hi people. My sister found a place after my dad asking us where we can sell stuff for the summer to make extra cash to pay for school. Last week on a certain day she helped me set up and left. I was there all day from 9am to 7pm without a toilet o...
A. 30 June 2019: Is this right ? It would depend. From what explicitely agreed before yoi two started selling - , but also from the type and scope of your partnership.
IMO, being that you are family, and that generally
( generally being the key word ) y... (read in full...)
Am I cheating? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Q. i never think that i will experience this in my life. im married to my long time boyfriend that actually we arent compatible to be together. we dont really know each other as we seldom meet back then we dated. we now have 8 months son. prior to ...
A. 29 June 2019: Yes, you are chearing. Emotionally cheating. Yes, it's a wrong thing. Your husband is no saint and he cheated first - but, two wrongs do not make a right. What do you want to prove him, that you can be as bad as he is ?... What for ? What's the ... (read in full...)
My husband has a massive problem with texting women endlessly, no amount of counseling has helped yet I can't leave because of certain situations
Q. After 16 years of marriage I’ve hit a cross roads and I have no idea what to do next, so over the years my husband has been texting and emailing other women, it’s always in secret but strangely it’s never sexual, he meets woman at work or online and ...
A. 27 June 2019: OP, nobody called you a feckless sap- but yourself.
I wonder what kind of advice were you expecting, specifically ?
I mean, regardless of any adviser's personal competence / life experience , all in all, just plain average common sense sh... (read in full...)
I escaped an obsessive ex only to get married to a man exactly like him!
Q. I don't even know where to start...I guess I'm going to tell you about this in two parts. When I was in high school, there was this guy, James, who was new in school and he wanted to go out with me. I refused because I wasn't interested. He p...
A. 26 June 2019: Pardon me, but , you may define yourself as a millennial (----- although, wouldn't you be , agewise, a Generation X-er instead ? ) but, in terms of divorce, you reason exactly like my mother who's almost 90 y.o. She scoffs at people who divorce ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend expects me to cut his family's hair for free since I will soon be a hairdresser
Q. I'm about to qualify as a hairdresser and my bf if expects me to cut his families hair for free otherwise he says it will be awkward? He has a large family and I've spent nearly a year and half working for apprenticeship wage. Am I right to be ...
A. 23 June 2019: I am tempted suggesting you to be evil and give these relatives the worst, nost unbecoming haircut you can think of so, I bet you will see that, once you have scalped amd defiled the first two or so…. there will be no more pressure for free ... (read in full...)
I lied to my ex boyfriend about my pregnancy
Q. i lied to my ex boyfriend about my pregnancy and i wanna now how i can get him to talk to me again its so hard not to think about him i can't get no sleep at night cause all i do is think about him what should i do i need help....
A. 23 June 2019: I think we'd need some more details to be able to give you any help.
What does it even mean " I lied to my ex boyfrend about my pregnancy " ?
Did you lie about being pregnant but in fact you were not ? Did you lie to him about he being th... (read in full...)
Why does a man with a perfect girlfriend still feel the need to have sex with someone else?
Q. I'd like to know WHY a man can have sex with two women at the same time? I don't mean a threesome. But having two sexual relationships concurrently. One of the relationships is with a woman he's been with for 6 years and he supposedly loves...
A. 22 June 2019: Oh she is good enough, she just is not NEW enough. And the other woman is probably not better in bed, just different.
It's in the nature of man ( in the sense of human being ) to be intrigued- stimulated- titillated - challenged by anything that... (read in full...)
Do I tell my husband that his adult daughter is putting terrible things about him on social media?
Q. Do I tell my husband or not that his adult daughter is putting nasty things on social media about him, things like he's not been around for years and other horrible stuff, which is untrue we took her out for dinner last weekend! I am assuming it's ...
A. 21 June 2019: Well, a parent may take you out for dinner every single weekend, yet never having being around for years emotionally / affectively / psychologically. And an adult child may want to mantain , for a variety of reasons, a non-conflictual ... (read in full...)
Are straight people welcome in gay clubs or not?
Q. Recently my gay friend invited me to accompany him to the gay club. I'm straight and I was kind of in two minds about it. I'm not homophobic at all but somehow I felt like I don't belong in there and as a straight person, I shouldn't occupy places ...
A. 18 June 2019: If you accompany a gay friend, it's fine. You should have answered " I am just hanging out with my friend " and , at least in my experience both in Europe and USA, not even the most militant gayprider would have found fault with that. What, ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to lie about a vasectomy?
Q. I just ended a 10 month relationship. I ended it because he admitted he lied to me about having a vasectomy at the beginning of our relationship. Is this a common occurrence? I have never heard of a man lying about birth control before and I am ...
A. 8 June 2019: Oh my, this guy must have hypnotized you, to make you doubt if you mught have over -reacted !! Over-reacted ? You gotta be kidding. This is not a big deal, this is a huge, enormous, humongous deal ! He could have gotten you pregnant any time ... (read in full...)
I don’t trust him, he’s a player! Why does he not want me to move on? What to do?
Q. I like this guy from almost 1 year now I had a crush on him even though I knew he had a girlfriend Then abruptly out of the blue he started flirting with me and blushing. his friends tease me even teachers tease me by his name once I saw him with ...
A. 6 June 2019: Do YOU want to move on ?
Yes ? Really ?
Then it's fine. You do not need his permission to move on. You can decide to move on, and do it whatever he feels about it. You don't even need to wonder " why " he " does not let you " move on- firs... (read in full...)
My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin
Q. Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...
A. 6 June 2019: But you can talk to your boyfriend about it ! You can, and should, tell him which are the behaviours and phrases that make you uncomfortable or irritate you- so he can change.
If you never tell him when he does something you dislike, and ... (read in full...)
How often do exes get back together for their child?
Q. I recently started seeing a guy with a young son. I really like him and I think he feels the same. I've never been with a single father before but it doesn't bother me, I'm sure I'll love his kid. We are taking it slow (for obvious reasons) but ...
A. 6 June 2019: Not very often. I have met, and heard of, plenty of people who choose to stay in unhappy relationships / marriages
" because of the children ", ( and if this a valid enough reason or not….we'll discuss it some other time ) , but , once two adul... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is illegally in my country, wants to marry me so he can stay on and is planning our wedding which is going to happen in a week!
Q. Hi everyone, I have a situation. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he does everything for me and my kids. We first met online, he had come from a far country to visit me and he decided not to go back to his country. So now he has ...
A. 3 June 2019: OP,you know how they say:first time shame on you,second time shame on me. You got burned once with the equivalent of a Green Card marriage, now you want to really be extra careful and extra prudent, and really take your time to assess whether this ... (read in full...)
I don't understand the change in his behaviour
Q. I started talking to a friend of friend online and connected instantly . It’s been years since I actually found a conversation with someone so connecting . We used to text all the time and this went about for almost a month . He is from my city but ...
A. 24 May 2019: I agree with N91. You honestly thought this would go somewhere - but he did not think so , so he does not want you to get any ideas and to think it could go somewhere; he does not want to lead you on .
You admitted to him that you are at risk... (read in full...)
I broke it off ... so how come he hasn't unfriended me on facebook?
Q. Hi, i need some advise. I broke up with my LDR bf of 3 months ,this weekend sent him message on facebook that i want to break up with him and he just said he respect ny decision. But he never unfriend or even blocked me on facebook. Why you think ...
A. 20 May 2019: But did you want to break up , OP, or did you just want to stir up drama ?
Because if you really, seriously meant to break up with this guy- if any, you should be pleased and relieved that you managed to disentangle yourself smoothly, with... (read in full...)
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