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He won’t listen to me, that he has no need to prove himself! How to get through to him?

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, *urseShadow99 writes:

Hi, I have known a guy for about four years and have been dating him for nearly two years, he is good friends with my family and he and my Grandad are always winding each other up. They love the banter but as per usual my Grandad took it a bit too far telling my partner he is not romantic enough, my partner is now trying to prove himself, I have tried to tell him he has nothing to prove but he won't listen. Whilst he is not the most romantic guy in the world he has nothing to prove.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 March 2019):

N91 agony auntI’m not sure what the problem is here.

Your BF is being more romantic.....enjoy it.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (12 March 2019):

TasteofIndia agony aunt"My boyfriend is being more romantic since being called out by someone he respects and admires."

... and the problem is? Seems like a gift to me! I say sit back, and appreciate the fact that your boyfriend agrees that you are worthy of being shown that you are loved through new avenues. You don't need to demand anything - you're not - and that's how you show him that none of this is required. Just be gracious and accept his gestures, so that he feels even better that he's making them. Being romantic feels great if the other person shows appreciation for what you've done.

You've got a great boyfriend, not to mention - a fantastic grandfather. Lucky woman!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (12 March 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt I say, let him prove himself :).

I don't think your bf is so in awe of your grandfather, that he felt cowed into being more romantic. I think, instead, that your grandfathger brought up a flaw that your bf was aware of and had realized himself, but he was too lazy to change until he could get away with it. Your grandfather pointed out a behaviour which would benefit from being changed , and now your bf is trying to change it a bit. What's wrong with that ?!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 March 2019):

Your grandfather is being a mentor and a role-model for your boyfriend. Older-men in our lives have some responsibility to guide and teach younger men how to think, behave, and how to treat women. You're missing the point. Your boyfriend didn't take his advice badly, he saw a point to it. He's doing it for your benefit, it has nothing to do with your grandfather. I think your grandfather is wise and knows how far to go.

You said it yourself, your boyfriend is not the most romantic guy in the world. Nobody is! Something must be wrong for your grandfather to notice, and for you to even say that. Grandfather feels you deserve better, and he is absolutely right!

Use some simple logic. What is the point of having a girlfriend, if you're not going to be romantic to her? You may as well only be friends! Three cheers for grandfather!

Expect men to treat you well, and reciprocate.

He should prove himself. That's part of becoming a man.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI think if he GENUINELY isn't a very romantic person, he will revert back to being less romantic ON HIS OWN.

And If he actually BELIEVED your granddad's admonishment, then YOU and HE (your BF) are both benefiting from a little more romance in your life, IS that so bad?

YOU can also step up your game, which will take SOME of the "load" off your BF.

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