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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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If I decide to quit a church associated group, how do I do that?
Q. I joined the Knights of Columbus a few years ago, and I regret it. I still believe in my Catholic Faith and I still want to attend the Catholic mass every Sunday. I just no longer wish to belong to the Knights of Columbus. When I joined,...
A. 11 November 2019: You are paying yearly dues to be part of KofC. Notify the Financial Secretary of the Council that is sending you the bills, °in writing°, that you no longer wish to be a member so you ask to be dropped from their rolls.
Send them a regi... (read in full...)
My partner gave me the silent treatment even though he knows I have anxiety. How can I stop feeling hurt and move forward?
Q. My partner and I had an argument yesterday morning and the rest of the day he gave me the silent treatment. I figured after a cooling off period of several hours he might be ready to talk. I sent him one text, then another, and another. Each one ...
A. 8 November 2019: Yes, he could have been kinder ( although, if this is your usual M.O., and you are so diabolically persistent in NOT leaving people their space when they want it, I understand very well how he may have sacrificed kindness for a bit of privac y, ... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 8 November 2019: Well, it won't have come as a total surprise, right ?
I mean, she said " no blow jobs " at the very beginning of your marriage ( and , I bet, also before you got married... and you married her anyway ) , she continued saying " no blow jobs " al... (read in full...)
Would you be scared to email someone you treated badly?
Q. if you knew that you had treated someone very badly and they left you and changed their phone number, and they lived in a different country from you and so you asked a mutual friend to contact them by email and they more or less ignored that mutual ...
A. 6 November 2019: I would not be scared "in case " they ignored me . Because we are most scared by the unknown, the uncertain. In a case like yours, there's no uncertainty, as tough as it is , you KNOW, you can make a very safe bet , that this person will block ... (read in full...)
Don't like to see the signs of the girls he's been with in the past
Q. In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other ...
A. 6 November 2019: Jeez, whom did he have sex with ? Wolverine ??!
How can anybody get actual *scars*, well visible even after years, even from the fieriest, wildest lover ??
Never seen or heard or known of anything similar. I am quite experienced sexually... (read in full...)
My partner has slept in the spare room for the past 2 years but always wants sex. What gives?
Q. Hi I’ve been in my current relationship for nearly 8 years now the last 2 years he has slept in the spare room with no explanation as to why I went away for the weekend with some friends from work and he slept in our bed which I found quite strange ...
A. 5 November 2019: You need to evaluate hoe the Whole relationship is and feels , Beyond teh spare room thing. Which per se might not be very relevant, nor indicative of anythng soecial otehr than he likes to sleep comfortably.
who knows, maybe you snore, or kick... (read in full...)
I want closure from my ex. Is it wrong or silly to want to talk to him about our ending?
Q. Hi all! I have a question about a past relationship. Quick info: I am 27 and live in Nashville, I have been dating my current SO for 5 months. He is 28. It is my first healthy relationship, and I am very happy with it. The question I have ...
A. 5 November 2019: Since you are asking… yes it is silly. Very silly. And pointless.
Closure is overrated , or, in fact, one cannot really have " closure " because 99% of times the person who wants closure actually means that she / he wants all what happened to b... (read in full...)
I'm confused about where we stand even though she said she's not ready for anything serious
Q. when we first met but that all ended because it was basically my own doing. Recently we hooked up after talking for a few months. Everything just seemed right. We kissed held hands and I made a slight mistake in bringing up relationships. S...
A. 30 October 2019: Talk is cheap, OP. And love is something that 's best expressed by actions and behaviours than by words . Actually, love words are fine, of course, but what proves them true is a behaviour that's coherent with the words. She " loves " you , BUT ... (read in full...)
I'm confused about where we stand even though she said she's not ready for anything serious
Q. when we first met but that all ended because it was basically my own doing. Recently we hooked up after talking for a few months. Everything just seemed right. We kissed held hands and I made a slight mistake in bringing up relationships. S...
A. 25 October 2019: OP, you know how things are between you, because she TOLD you. She told you twice ! and clearly, you are just not processing the information.
She does not want a relationship with you. She does not want to date you , at least not officially / regu... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend lie about his sister?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he told me all the time that he's the only child of his mom, and I recently found out that he has a sister that he never told me about because until recently he was so upset and he had to tell me about this ...
A. 23 October 2019: Well: cold comfort, but at least you have found out the existence of just a sister. Very often, when there is a boyfriend's mysterious " cousin " who cannot be introduced to the girlfriend ,but still requires the boyfriend 's time and presence- ... (read in full...)
What is going on? I don't want to be the first one to bring it up.
Q. I don't understand what is going on between my friend and I. We have been friends for almost a year, but we fight a lot every week when it comes to misunderstandings over text. I always end up coming to him and we talk again (mainly 'cause when we ...
A. 23 October 2019: Come on, OP, isn't it rather clear what's going on ?
He rejected you as a partner.
He rejected you for sex.
He kissed you once and then he was so embarassed that he tried to pretend it never happened.
He told you already that you'll never wil... (read in full...)
My partner says we should be having sex 4 times a day
Q. My partner of 11 yrs told me we should be having sex four times a day. I don't think that's very realistic. Is it time to release him to seek other people who want to spend the time he wants in sexual activity?...
A. 22 October 2019: Totally unrealistic, for normal people who also have a job, and other interests in life , beside sex. Not physically attainable for most people in your age bracket- and if attained, probably a disquieting sign of sexual addiction / mental health ... (read in full...)
Accidentally held up an Ambulance and can’t forgive myself!
Q. Tifu accidentally held up an ambulance Accidentally held up an ambulance, feel awful So today as a fairly new driver, I was driving along in the left hand lane, in rush hour. traffic in the right lane queued up at some temporary lights that on...
A. 22 October 2019: I want to reiterate something which , I think, is being overlooked :
everybody is telling you to not beat yourself up if , as a new driver, you make a small mistake. These things happen, nobody is perfect, mistakes are part of becoming a good, expe... (read in full...)
Why is my former co worker being like this?
Q. became friends with a co worker at work who I like. she talked to me quite a lot and the conversations seem to flow well. I was sad to hear she was going after three months of being with the company. was in kitchen making a tea and said to her, was ...
A. 22 October 2019: You should take the hint and accept that , for whatever reason, she is not interested in keeping in touch with you.
You want to reassure her that you are not looking for anything romantic, just for friendship . But, have you thought that most pro... (read in full...)
Accidentally held up an Ambulance and can’t forgive myself!
Q. Tifu accidentally held up an ambulance Accidentally held up an ambulance, feel awful So today as a fairly new driver, I was driving along in the left hand lane, in rush hour. traffic in the right lane queued up at some temporary lights that on...
A. 21 October 2019: Code Warrior is absolutely correct . Actually, file what happened under " shit happens " , and keep in mind, though, that this one did not happen because of you ;you did not do anything wrong , based on rule 219 of the UK Highway Code.
Go r... (read in full...)
New boyfriend friends with former FWB
Q. Am I overreacting to be upset that new boyfriend still friends with older FWB lover? He told me they started having sex after he split from ex-wife. But once he wanted to meet up with me, he told her they would have to be friends and she agreed. ...
A. 21 October 2019: I am afraid that you are correct, he 's hanging on onto her in case things don't work out with you.
This, assuming that he is sincere and they are just strictly having dinner together once a week. Which TBH I am a tad skeptical about, beca... (read in full...)
His expectations have me confused and wondering about him! Any advice appreciated!
Q. Hello and thanks So my man has been confusing me a lot. We visit each other 3 times per year we in a LDR for approximately 3 years. I love him but I see many different shades to him. He’s impatient, demanding and has a temper. He also expects ...
A. 17 October 2019: I do hope you are a new poster and not the repeat poster with the same problem. A lady who changes her details a little ( country, age, status … ) but basically complains repeatedly about your same issues : a man who is a terrible scrounger, ... (read in full...)
I'm upset that I'm feeling hesitant, has anyone else experienced this?
Q. I've come here for help when my heart has been broken and always appreciated the thoughtful, insightful responses complete strangers have given me. My question today is about a personal issue I have in moving forward with a great guy. I've been...
A. 17 October 2019: Ok, I admit right away that mine probably won't be good advice, and as a matter of fact I hope that other Aunts may come up with something more sensible and helpful.
But to me,the keys is in " I am not very phisically attracted to him ". Oh sure... (read in full...)
Should I ask my brother in law why he refuses to go on vacations with our family?
Q. My brother-in-law, Sean, is extremely close to his nieces and nephew (his brother and I are the parents of his oldest niece and nephew). He takes them to all the fun places (the Aquarium, the zoo, Chuck E Cheese, different parks, the movie theater, ...
A. 17 October 2019: Gee, I wonder why he turns down your invitations to join you for vacations ! I mean, which single adult male would not be thrilled to spend a week or two of his hard earned vacations in the constant company of , and adjusting to the schedule and ... (read in full...)
Am I being an egomaniac or does this matter?
Q. Hi, I am a 38 year old female and have been dating a 45 year old man for 4 months. In that time 2.5 months has been long distance. We were recently having a conversation and I mentioned that a long time ago I was dating someone who a lot of people ...
A. 9 October 2019: Since you are asking… ok, yes, you do sound immature and you do come off as an egomaniac. And no, what your bf said is not such a big deal. In fact, the big deal is that such a small deal feels instead like a big deal to you .
1) You star... (read in full...)
Why does my friend get upset when I call him "buddy"?
Q. The other day I called my guy friend, “buddy”. He did not take this well and said not to call him that. But we have been friends for years. Why is this such a problem? ...
A. 8 October 2019: You have been friends for years… and you can't ask HIM a simple question like " why do you get upset when I call you buddy " ?...
Anyway, if we have to guess, I have two guesses :
1 ) you call him a friend but actually he is someone whom you... (read in full...)
If a man is married or in long-term relationship, is it ever appropriate to have female friends? If so, what are the guidelines?
Q. Hi, I recently posted a question about my relationship with a woman, S, whom I have been meeting with while I have been in a long-term relationship with T. Here is the post: http://www.dearcupid.o...
A. 8 October 2019: I doubt you can " remain friends " with S, because you are not just friends with S. to begin with. You are attracted to her , most of your wish for " friendship " comes from her youth and sex appeal. Men and women can ( and should ) be good ... (read in full...)
My partner is constantly questioning the food bill. Why do I have to always explain?
Q. Just moved in with my boyfriend, been together three years and he questions constantly the cost of the food bill. He gave me half towards the rent etc this month and £100 extra for the food bill and said that would cover his half for the whole ...
A. 4 October 2019: Have him check the stats released by the Office of National Statistics in reference to average UK household food consumption in 2018. ( Food only, no toiletries, cleaning products etc. Non-alcohol beverages included; alcohol beverages not included ... (read in full...)
Is this married man hinting for me to sleep with him?
Q. Is it flirty for a married men to remove his ring while he is speaking to a woman? And to twist and toy with his ring, removing it from his finger? Once he even switched it to a finger on the opposite hand...all while talking to me. How would I kn...
A. 30 September 2019: FWIW, I read somewhere that in terms of body language, fiddling with a wedding band signals sexual attraction- it is an unintentional, subconscious thing. The ring feels suddenly tight.. because the marriage bond feels " tight " and the ... (read in full...)
Does he love me and want to express it this way, or is he just trying to get what he wants?
Q. I told my long term boyfriend that I was getting my IUD taken out. I said to him that he would need to start wearing condoms. He said “no I don’t pull”. We have one child together already that was unplanned. He has not proposed but has no problem if ...
A. 30 September 2019: Uhm.. is he very connected to the two baby mamas whom he had other kids with ? No, not much ?
Is he very connected to you, the mother of his 3rd child, - so connected that you have no doubts about this connection, and no reason to wish you were... (read in full...)
Does he like me more than he is letting on?
Q. I was hooking up with this guy for 5 months literally every weekend. Met his family, his closest friends, stayed over every weekend, etc. I fell pretty hard and told him I wanted more and thought a relationship was worth exploring. His response was ...
A. 29 September 2019: My thoughts are that you are trying really hard to put a positive spin on the situation and to have it mean what you want it to mean. In short, wishful thinking.
Now, of course, knowing neither you nor him not what went on exactly between you,... (read in full...)
How would you handle your partner making such a comment?
Q. I have been married for about ten years. I married later in life, being a career person and single parent before that. At first I was wildly in love with my husband, and ignored several red flags, thinking that with someone to love him that they ...
A. 25 September 2019: One thing does not negate the other. He is glad that now you are more in sync with your libido ,AND he felt before you were pressing him for sex. Recently you have stopped pressing him for sex, - hence your libidos are more in sync.
I can't see ... (read in full...)
My best friend wants to get me interested in his fetish thing?!?
Q. My male best friend who have known for the last 6 years He is into fetish wear and sex toys and games. He has confided in me and told me some info about his other life what interests him in this etc. He wants to get me now into it wearing outf...
A. 23 September 2019: If he is testing the waters " for more ",... he is going about it all wrong, topsy-turvy so to speak. Normally, one would first start some sort of intimate / romantic relationship with a partner, then maybe try to tune the partner in on ... (read in full...)
I’m not sure if he is right for me with his way of life!
Q. I have a 'friend' who i havent seen in over 1 year we wernt really close but did have 'fun' times a couple of year back. He has got back in contact and wants to see if there could be a chance of a relationship. The thing is ive changed with what i ...
A. 22 September 2019: I don't see anything peculiar or unusual in expecting from a partner that he has a job and can support himself, and that he is clean and lives in a reasonally hygienic environment. I'd say that's absolutely the bare minimum level of ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or leave my mentally ill boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 31. We met online and moved in with each other very quickly in a new town to both of us due to me getting a new job. There were some things I didnt know about my boyfriend until a ...
A. 20 September 2019: What kind of a question would that be ?
Your bf might also be mentally ill (... I doubt it )
, but surely, stupid he ain't. He got it good- he does not have to work, he gets free board, lodging , utilities, and I bet whatever else he may want... (read in full...)
How do I broach the subject of not wanting to get married?
Q. Ill try to keep this short and simple. The title probably sounds terrible. So, Im a 30F, my boyfriend is 7 years my senior. We both have children from previous relationships and we are both divorced. Ive known him nearly 2 years, but we only started ...
A. 19 September 2019: No, it does not sound terrible. Not wanting to get re-married, that is.
OTH, deceiving people or even just stringing them along for your own self- interest, that is pretty terrible. So don't do it. Speak up. Just tell him what you told us: You ... (read in full...)
Should I quietly delete him?
Q. I think i know what people will advise but its better that i hear it from other people and their views. I joined a dating site 4 month ago met a man had a few dates then he decided he wanted to be single he had split from his girlfriend 5 months ...
A. 19 September 2019: Yes, I think you should. My guess is that he is keeping you on the back burner, waiting to see how things proceed with other candidates, and if things don't pan out for him, ... just in case, he always has got your number.
He sounds insi... (read in full...)
Five years in, where is this going?
Q. Wow! So I haven't come here for advice in a very long time, I hope you're all well! Hmm I don't really know where to begin. I am nearly twenty seven and my partner is early forties, we have been together just over five years. We are currently re...
A. 17 September 2019: I don't understand why you ( and plenty of other OPs too ) would consider buying a house with a man who is not your husband yet ( and does not seem interested to become it ) , not only, but when the relationship is less than rock-solid and far ... (read in full...)
I’m now interested in getting to know my co-worker better!
Q. I am a 60ish man who got to know a 30ish young lady at work. At first she seemed attracted and very interested in me. I wasn't too interested but she did spur my attention. I got to know and enjoyed her company. Everything seemed pretty platonic. ...
A. 14 September 2019: It also comes to mind that Bogart was still married with actress Mayo Methot, when he took up with Bacall . It would be interesting to know Methot's opinion about her husband 's May-December romance. Well, actually we know it; she was not amused- ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex?
Q. is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex because that is how my boyfriend is and I give him lots of sex five times a day every weekend. I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex ...
A. 14 September 2019: Please re-read several times the first two lines of N91's answer. They really sum up the whole matter.
It's NEVER ok, never acceptable, and never normal !, for a partner , or for anybody in general as for that, to become nasty and aggr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage
Q. My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...
A. 13 September 2019: EDIT :
" In other words, I think HE respected your grief… " ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage
Q. My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...
A. 13 September 2019: Well, of course he was relieved, what do you expect. He was not exactly celebrating your miscarriage , he was celebrating his luck in getting easily out of a fix that could have changed his life ( and yours ) forever in a bad , bad way. Kids are ... (read in full...)
Why hasn't my crush ever sent me a friend request on facebook?
Q. I met this girl about a year ago through class. Both of us were in relationships at the time but there was attraction, I would even say she had a major crush on me but she was very shy. I was going to break up with my partner and leave my number ...
A. 13 September 2019: If she is still in a relationship, it makes sense that she did not send you a friend request !, either because now she is not attracted to you anymore but is only attracted to her partner, or, because there still might be in the back of her mind ... (read in full...)
Does she see me a just a work colleague or a friend as well?
Q. a female student has started working at a company. I work for and has been with us for a month and a half. she’s funny, a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp. despite this, she’s well liked by the staff. since she has started ...
A. 12 September 2019: Why would she need / want " to know the real you " ? As a 21 y.o. intern or apprentice just starting feeling her way around in the corporate world ? There's a noticeable age difference, a level of competences difference, a life experience ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend still hanging with ex-FWB
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. In the beginning of our relationship she was still seeing her FWB, but 2 weeks in we decided to become exclusive. She originally wanted a relationship with the guy before, but he didn't. They weren't ...
A. 4 September 2019: " They weren't really close friends before and only met up before to hook up ".
Ah. So they weren't friends, just fuck buddies, but now, all of a sudden, since you are on the scene, they became true friends. Before, he did not deem her wort... (read in full...)
How can I support my gf in losing weight?
Q. How can I support my gf in losing weight? We are long distance and see keeps mentioning to me she feels fat. I used to mention it about 2-3 years ago, I said please do not let it get bad. She went slowly from size 10 to 16. And now pushing 18. Her ...
A. 4 September 2019: You miss the point, OP. While undoubtedly a certain percentage of people, including a certain percentage of Dear Cupiders, would agree with you that keeping oneself fit and in shape ( I don't add " healthy " on purpose because a person can ... (read in full...)
How can I support my gf in losing weight?
Q. How can I support my gf in losing weight? We are long distance and see keeps mentioning to me she feels fat. I used to mention it about 2-3 years ago, I said please do not let it get bad. She went slowly from size 10 to 16. And now pushing 18. Her ...
A. 3 September 2019: OMG, you are almost obsessed with your Gf's weight, aren't you ? As anon female reader noticed, you are a repeat poster, every time you tweak a little your story and / or you embellish it a little (.. since you got a lot of flak the first ... (read in full...)
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