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I really like her but she's giving me mixed signals

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 March 2019) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2019)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:


I really like a girl and get mixed signals, sometimes I feel she likes me and other times she is distant and feels like she is pushing me away. It's really a day by day thing. Some days she is clearly interested and then others seems to want to push me away.

I asked her other friend who told me that she doesn't know who she likes, but she does know she is under a lot of pressure from her parents to study well and feels she cannot do anything except study (her parents are funding her). she just stays in her room or the library and studies all the time. Her grades were not great recently.

I really like her and I am willing to wait, but I was wondering. Should i persue this now or just let her focus on work and then try again later when she is more relaxed?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (16 March 2019):

You listed several good reason why she's not encouraging your pursuit and advances. She must remain focused; and she's attached to her parent's purse-strings at the moment.

There is no hesitation, or any excuse to get in the way when somebody really digs and wants you. If you have to wonder; there is no solid evidence your advances are wanted. If she was interested, you wouldn't be here writing a post.

She's probably flattered by the attention, and who doesn't like to know someone finds you attractive?

Too many things stand in the way, and you shouldn't distract her from her studies. Back-off, don't pressure her.

Consider her not interested if that helps.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntAmen on Cindy's "mixed signals" clarification.

She isn't "sending" mixed signals. YOU are reading more into her POLITE behavior than she is mean to give. Some days she isn't as worried about her grades and is thus in a good friendly mood and then bang! she is reminded (maybe my parents) that she needs to do better, work harder etc. and then she ISN'T so keen on socializing.

Regardless of school work, IF she was as INTO you as you are into her, she would have jumped at the chance and tried to do both. (school work and dating).

If you are on a campus, you have PLENTY of other options. I'd see what else is out there.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 March 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt I must have written this on DC one hundred times, and people will be sick of reading it by now, but … : Mixed signals do not exist. Mixed signals = no signals. When people really like you, really want you , signals are always loud , clear and inequivocable.

If they send you " mixed signals " it is because they aren't into you but want to avoid confrontation and spare your ego, or to keep you around out of convenience, or to enjoy the flattering attention, or maybe a score of other reasons. Still, they aren't that much into you and you owe it to yourself to offer your time, attention and affection to someone who will take these as a special, cherished gift, not as an " hum… maybe.. not really my thing, though ".

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (14 March 2019):

N91 agony auntNeither.

If a person is interested in another they will make it known. No matter how busy someone is, if they want to make time for someone else, they will do.

You’re wasting your time here. If 2 people want to be together they will put in equal effort and it really doesn’t sound like this is the case here.

Move on

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