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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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I'm too slow to act and suffering the consequences. Can you help me out?
Q. There is a little bit of background to this so bear with me. I have been at university for a year and a half now and last year I met a girl. We had some stuff in common (we are part of the same society - it was how we met) and whenever I saw h...
A. 18 December 2007: I think she's used to having around and it's obvious she likes your company as well as her boyfriend's. If I were you I would make myself scarce for a little while. If she asks you what's the matter just tell her you've been busy and have had ... (read in full...)
Me and my bf are both shy thus we haven't approached the sexual side of our relation. Will he think I am weird for being a virgin at 36?
Q. Hi Myself and my boyfriend of six weeks are finding it difficult to tell each other how we feel about each other as we are both shy and this has led to us not starting a sexual relationship yet, who should make the first move to have sex, and as...
A. 4 December 2007: If your are BOTH shy then it might be that your boyfriend is in fact still a virgin also. Has this been brought up at all? Whether you are or are not still a virgin shouldn't matter. As your relationship deepens then the intimacy will come ... (read in full...)
I found out he cheated, he then chose her over me, but I still want him back, how can I do this?
Q. I have been with my mate for 13 years, in October I found out he was cheating on me. (he was not the one told me) I confronted him and made him choose. He chose her! Since then,we talk maybe once a week, and he says he is sorry and that he did not ...
A. 4 December 2007: As long as he's still with this other woman then you should have some respect for yourself and tell him you DON'T want to be with him until she's history! AND STICK BY THAT! If you don't he'll continue to see you on the side and continue to have ... (read in full...)
I live with my bf and his mum, but she hates me and even beat me, how can I sort this out?
Q. dear cupid, I have this boyfriend for six months now but at that span of time we always argue. Two months dating we agreed to get marry and stay in his mom's house but his mom told us not to rush and move our marriage for another five months. At ...
A. 4 December 2007: You are dealing with a jealous mother here. The first thing you need to do is move out of the house. By all means continue seeing your boyfriend, let him know that you and his mom don't get along and you don't want to add any more pressure. Don't ... (read in full...)
Shall I tell him myself or let her do it?
Q. i met this guy well ive known him for quite some time and i always felt something but chose to ignore it. my friend and i were talking and she thinks i like him and wants to set us up. but im not sure about him if he would want to . i would like to ...
A. 3 December 2007: If you come straight out and tell him how you feel then you might scare him off but then again it might be exactly what's needed. Do YOU think he likes you more than just friends? Why don't you ask him out for a burger or a coffee/drink or even to ... (read in full...)
I thought he fancied me, his behaviour isn't the same!
Q. Hi There. Well, there's this guy, who I thought fancied me (he used to poke, hug and annoy me and tease). He doesn't really interact with me now, like the poking and teasing. The only thing that has changed was that I had my hair cut and it ma...
A. 3 December 2007: Guys your age are far more immature than girls so they WILL poke and tease you. If he's stopped doing this it may be he doesn't like your hair and thinks it makes you look quite different but if he likes you as a person then he won't be long ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to respect me more?
Q. hey, I am 18 and like my flatmate. We get along fine and have lots of fun. However, I have another flatmate, who is female, from Cyprus, and she gets along with him better than me. I think that I can see them flirting. However, she displays this ...
A. 28 November 2007: Unfortunately you can't MAKE anyone like you, that has got to be earned, the same as respect has got to be earned.
Eve... (read in full...)
How can I get him to respect me more?
Q. hey, I am 18 and like my flatmate. We get along fine and have lots of fun. However, I have another flatmate, who is female, from Cyprus, and she gets along with him better than me. I think that I can see them flirting. However, she displays this ...
A. 27 November 2007: Don't let this bother you. You're too much of a pushover and he's using you to do his dirty laundry. If you stand up for yourself more then you'll get more respect for him. If he sees you doing your laundry and asks you to do his just make a joke ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to respect me more?
Q. hey, I am 18 and like my flatmate. We get along fine and have lots of fun. However, I have another flatmate, who is female, from Cyprus, and she gets along with him better than me. I think that I can see them flirting. However, she displays this ...
A. 25 November 2007: All you need to say is... "Peter sorry I wasn't able to do your laundry for you, I've been really busy, you're probably better doing it yourself from now on". SORTED! If he says do it when you can say well don't be holding your breath!
Eve... (read in full...)
How can I get him to respect me more?
Q. hey, I am 18 and like my flatmate. We get along fine and have lots of fun. However, I have another flatmate, who is female, from Cyprus, and she gets along with him better than me. I think that I can see them flirting. However, she displays this ...
A. 25 November 2007: You answered your own question here. "I do absolutely everything for him..." DON'T!!! Play harder to get, don't be too "easy", be more assertive and let him do his own laundry. That way you'll earn his respect.
Eve... (read in full...)
For the first time I realise what a poor and selfish spouse I have been. How do I show her my love, how to do it without sacrificing family time?
Q. I have been with my wife for 15 years. We have been married for 10. About 4 years ago I got caught cheating with multiple women. Additionally, about two years ago she found a letter that looks like I may have been doing it again though i actually ...
A. 25 November 2007: You have seen the error of your ways and THAT'S the most important thing here, being able to admit you've not been the best husband you could be. I suggest you make her a nice meal or get a babysitter arranged and take her out for one. Write her a ... (read in full...)
How can I ease the negative thoughts?
Q. Hi, this is my 3rd question in a line of questions relating to my relationship, or should i say previous relationship now. My girlfriend broke up with me because my insecurities have pushed her too far away. She is at university and I struggle in a ...
A. 23 November 2007: The root of your insecurity lies in your childhood experiences and THAT is what you need to talk about more to a counsellor or someone you can trust. Once you get to grips with your past then you can move forward. I am a trained Relationships ... (read in full...)
What's going on in my wife's mind? Her boyfriend left her, and I just want to understand what she needs!
Q. Me and my wife have had many problems over the last ten years and have been separated twice now and the last is only 3 months ago. During this last time I have been going to counselling for my verbal anger problem and up until 4 weeks ago we were ...
A. 23 November 2007: I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. It must be awful for you, knowing that your wife is with someone else and loves someone else when you are still very much in love with her. Well done on getting your anger sorted too.
Your wife is ... (read in full...)
Teacher facys me what should I do?
Q. Hi, my maths teacher fancys me, what should i do to stop him liking me or to make sure nothing at all he trys to do. Also i don't like him, i'm not the person who would start liking a teacher. Plz help if you can. Any help would be great. Thaks to ...
A. 22 November 2007: If you have any alarm bells going on in your head at all that this teacher is causing you to feel awkward by his innuendo, suggestive looks or anything else that you feel intimidated by then I suggest you go to your Guidance teacher and have a ... (read in full...)
How I can overcome jealousy/envy? How can I stop comparing my life to other people's?
Q. hi people! I know this is a common question on here, I just wanted to know how I can overcome jealousy?its a horrible feeling n its effecting my life..I also have a problem with comparing my life to others n finding how much more better their life ...
A. 16 November 2007: Jealousy is rife in the world today especially in relationships. Feelings such as jealousy are based on fear and do not come from love at all, we say we feel like this BECAUSE we love the person but this isn't the case at all. Jealousy comes from ... (read in full...)
I'm confused. How do I know if he likes me or not?
Q. I'm starting to fall for a guy who've ive met twice though mutual friends (one of whom is cheating on her boyfriend with my ex - thats another thing in itself). I think this guy is charming. I really would like to get more time with him and even get ...
A. 15 November 2007: Ask him for it! Plain and simple. "Would you mind very much giving me your number, I really like you and would love to get to know you better."
Eve ... (read in full...)
Stay or go
Q. Well me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years now and we hhave a 10 month old but we fight all the time because he chooses his friends over us alot.He is 25 years old and a crack addict whos tried to get help but relapses and not only to ...
A. 13 November 2007: HIS priority here are his drugs NOT you or his child. He's not ready or wanting to give up ENOUGH, hence the reason for his relapses. He's quite happy with his habit, knowing you are there to pay the bills, make his dinner and show him attention ... (read in full...)
How can I avoid sabotaging this relationship?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend has been sent away with work for a month or so. I'm missing him so badly and I have slipped into major paranoia mode. He texts me most days but says he has a work phone and will get in trouble if he keeps ringing me and texting me ...
A. 13 November 2007: He has enough feelings for you to want you both to move in together so TRUST HIM! Cut him some slack and try to keep busy without being so paranoid. Worry is a very negative emotion and you derive no benefit from it whatsoever and no matter how ... (read in full...)
I'm confused. How do I know if he likes me or not?
Q. I'm starting to fall for a guy who've ive met twice though mutual friends (one of whom is cheating on her boyfriend with my ex - thats another thing in itself). I think this guy is charming. I really would like to get more time with him and even get ...
A. 13 November 2007: If he likes you then he'll continue to seek you out, look at you and talk to you. He'll show you attention and laugh louder than anyone else at your jokes. He'll seem really interested every time you speak and he'll hold your gaze too. If the ... (read in full...)
My partner calls his ex twice-third times a day - to ask about his children, he says. Am I being unreasonable?
Q. my partner sees his children twice a week 1 evening during the week and all day sunday as he works long hours those are the only times possible which i am in total agreement with; the problem i have is he calls his ex wife twice maybe three times a ...
A. 13 November 2007: I agree with Eddie here, his children mean the world to him and she is the only one who can tell him how they are. At the end of the day he's with you and coming home to you every night but he still feels responsible for his kids and calling to see ... (read in full...)
I need some guidance about my forthcoming arranged marriage.
Q. Hi, I m 27 yrs. old, I was having an affair with a boy in our nearby relations when I was in class 12th and it last for 4 yrs. Suddenly, something happend and I started quitting with that boy and started giving him indications for that. I didn't ...
A. 13 November 2007: You tell him in a matter of fact way that you're getting married. Tell him you're already engaged and you're looking forward to your forthcoming marriage. Do NOT answer his phone calls or emails "for formalities sake" at all as this will only ... (read in full...)
Am I foolish or should I trust him?
Q. PLEASE HELP!!!! I have a boyfriend of 15 months who is so good to me. He's everything I could ever ask for. Smart, funny, attentive, and so kind to me...truly everything. We are both early 40's. The problem is that when we first started ...
A. 9 November 2007: He obviously wasn't sure if he wanted a serious relationship with you even although you were both intimate. Intimacy for a man doesn't mean the same thing as it does for a woman, in fact it can just be a release for a man sometimes hence the reason ... (read in full...)
Is this normal behaviour?
Q. I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago with my two children. The problem is he is vey huffy, over the slightest of things and will huff for weeks...he goes off and sleeps in another bed and does not speak to me at all. is this normal?...
A. 9 November 2007: There are reasons for his sulking and THAT'S what you need to get to the bottom of. You both need to communicate more. Try to spend some quality time together and find out more about what makes the other tick. He maybe finds that you spend more ... (read in full...)
I'm not coping and I'm so confused. What can I do?
Q. Well my boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago now. We had been together for 2 years and had been engaged for over a year. We were a perfect couple but things started to go wrong when i kept falling out with him over stupid things and now i hate ...
A. 9 November 2007: You're hanging on to your ex because I take it he's the first real serious relationship you've ever had but you don't seem to have much confidence your yourself and felt insecure with him in case you weren't good enough for him, hence the jealousy ... (read in full...)
I met a new guy whom I like more than a friend but I'm still hanging on to my ex in a way. Should I take this new chance?
Q. I broke up with my ex 9 months ago, he moved in with another girl shortly after me, I have stayed on my own,but he still keeps texting me, and i meet up with him every few weeks, he says he loves me, and hes gonna leave her, but hasnt never followed ...
A. 9 November 2007: I would give this other guy a chance. He sounds really nice and he makes you feel good. You don't say why you broke up with your ex but he certainly didn't wait long before moving on with his life. He's going to leave her? WHEN??? As long as ... (read in full...)
My bf of 2 yrs drinks daily, I don't think this is healthy for a family life. Wonder if I need to move on.
Q. Well i've been with my boyfriend over 2 years we've had many downs and ups but now im wondering if he is the right guy for me for my future cos if not then i need to move on. Sometimes i find he is selfish and doesn't respect my feelings. But mo...
A. 9 November 2007: You have your children to think about here first and foremost. If he drinks beer every day just now then what and how much will he be drinking say 5 years from now? You're being shown a red flag and I think deep down you know what you need to do ... (read in full...)
I've a busy bf whom I live with - and there is a bi curious guy who wants to see me. I don’t want to feel responsible if he chooses he’s indeed gay.
Q. Am I crazy? I met this guy who is bi curious, yet I have a boyfriend – whom I live with. My boyfriend isn’t out to his family who is staying with us for quite sometime he also has a job in which he is in the eye of the public and must appear made...
A. 9 November 2007: No wonder you're confused. You want to be loved and appreciated yet aren't getting either from any of these men. Your boyfriend you live with seems to want to hide from his family and go out to do god knows what! There's definitely a lack of ... (read in full...)
I know she's very immature and neglectful in relationships, we broke up but I still get jealous and ask her to check her inbox. Should I finish it all?
Q. hi, i am in a 'sort of' relationship where my partner is unable to have children, we were ok'ish for 7 months, but we've split up but have decided to remain sexual partners. i want to split it up completly but i still love her and i know that she ...
A. 9 November 2007: You know she's wrong for you so my advice is to stop the sexual relations with her and try to move on. You're only continuing to feed your "need" for her and until you stop sleeping with her your emotions will continue to be all over the place.
... (read in full...)
Is my marriage over?
Q. I'm 52, only been married for 5 years. First time for me, but my husband had been married before. His first wife developed a very serious illness soon after they married, and was an invalid for practically all of their marriage, and in the end she ...
A. 9 November 2007: You say it hurts you deeply that he appears to be okay about the situation... he's feeling anything BUT okay about the situation and he's hurting just as much as you are, men just have a different way of showing it and one of the main ways is ... (read in full...)
How do I let him go with the least amount of pain for both of us?
Q. I fell in love with my best friend 4 years ago. I still love him but I gave up on him when he didn't like me back. Now he admits he has liked me the whole time but I'm seeing someone else at the moment. I know I don't like this guy I'm seeing even ...
A. 9 November 2007: Here is a link that should help you. Good luck!
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-up-With-Someone-Using-Style-and-Sensitivity
Eve
... (read in full...)
I hope this doesn't cause us to break up.
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a fight over the phone last night about the fact that I was uncomfortable with him going to the movies with a bunch of girls from college. He told I don't have anything to worry about. I just don't know what to think. He ...
A. 7 November 2007: Then he doesn't deserve you and you're better off without him. 14???? Is he nuts????
Eve... (read in full...)
I hope this doesn't cause us to break up.
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a fight over the phone last night about the fact that I was uncomfortable with him going to the movies with a bunch of girls from college. He told I don't have anything to worry about. I just don't know what to think. He ...
A. 3 November 2007: If he feels the same way when you see guy friends then maybe you should both agree not to see members of the opposite sex until you can fully trust one another. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Eve... (read in full...)
I hope this doesn't cause us to break up.
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a fight over the phone last night about the fact that I was uncomfortable with him going to the movies with a bunch of girls from college. He told I don't have anything to worry about. I just don't know what to think. He ...
A. 2 November 2007: No, I definitely wouldn't go to see him, that WILL only make matters worse, he'll just see that as more pressure. If I were you I'd leave him a voice mail. Keep it light and say you're sorry you got into an argument with him but you miss him but ... (read in full...)
Any tips on getting over him?
Q. I need to get over this guy that i've liked for quite a while. He has a gf so i need to get over him. Any tips on how to get over him. Should i not hang round with him anymore even though he's a great friend, or should I still be friends with him...
A. 2 November 2007: If you continue to hang around with him you're only feeding your feelings for him. The best thing would be to steer clear of him in the meantime. Let him look for YOU and he may well do that. Absence makes the heart grow fonder so don't give up ... (read in full...)
How do I get him out of my head.
Q. i dont know how to start this i was in a very unhappy relationship and i own my own buisness as a cleaner, i had just broke up with my guy and then this guy asked if i could clean for him . at the time when i was hurting i poured out my troubles to ...
A. 2 November 2007: Oh dear, we all do things we regret when we drink. The best thing you can do is apologise to him the next time you see him and just get on with the job of cleaning for him. Continue to talk to him as a friend and find out a bit more about him but ... (read in full...)
Is she taking a break, or breaking up?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 19 months. In that time we have had our ups and downs but we have always worked things out because we love each other. In September, she started at university (I am at a different university in th...
A. 2 November 2007: You're right, you've been coming on strong as the "clingy boyfriend". Women like assertive men so you need to be stronger and learn to trust her more. The thought of you two not being together and her maybe finding someone else is what's making ... (read in full...)
I hope this doesn't cause us to break up.
Q. My boyfriend and I got into a fight over the phone last night about the fact that I was uncomfortable with him going to the movies with a bunch of girls from college. He told I don't have anything to worry about. I just don't know what to think. He ...
A. 2 November 2007: You're probably feeling a bit left out. The big question is... Do you trust him? If the answer is yes then you have nothing to worry about. It might be a good idea to phone him up and apologise for your outburst but tell him that you miss him and ... (read in full...)
She told me if I keep telling her that she's cheating on me that she will. She wants me to move with her instead. Why am I insecure?
Q. Hi my name is Paul. Im 23 years old and I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for 3 years.She just moved back to T in july. Lately I have been having these insercurity problems, I think she is cheating on me all the time when she is ...
A. 1 November 2007: Sorry, I just noticed you said you have been together 3 years. Stand your ground with this woman and be more assertive with her. If you don't call for a week or two and eventually HAVE to call her and she asks where you were just tell her you've ... (read in full...)
She told me if I keep telling her that she's cheating on me that she will. She wants me to move with her instead. Why am I insecure?
Q. Hi my name is Paul. Im 23 years old and I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for 3 years.She just moved back to T in july. Lately I have been having these insercurity problems, I think she is cheating on me all the time when she is ...
A. 1 November 2007: No wonder you're feeling insecure Paul. She's actually telling you that if you don't stop questionning her then she WILL cheat on you and by the way "half the Police Department wants to be with me" Is she for real????
At this moment in time ... (read in full...)
His affection has cooled off. What is happening?
Q. Hello I'm new here, and I really need your help.. I'm in a relationship, and have been with him for 15 months now.. It is a long-distance relationship, but we've been doing fine really until about 4 months ago, when I was doing my A Levels and did...
A. 30 October 2007: He likes you but he's not in love with you and I don't think you are with him either. You like the attention from him and hey who can blame you but that's wearing off now and he's getting bored. The fact this is a long distance relationship ... (read in full...)
I come fourth in his order of priorities. Shouldn't I be first?
Q. we broke up and now he said when were together for the last 2weeks i wasnt his top piority , he sed his life was in the order of Job , Mates , Football , Me and then he asked for me back i asked why he said that "because everything else was dragging ...
A. 30 October 2007: We enter into relationships to see if we're compatible with one another. He's obviously got other things on his mind right now and just feels a relationship with you (or anyone) is way down his list of priorities right now. I would forget him and ... (read in full...)
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