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*ovial agony aunt

*ovial

South Africa  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ovial's profile:

hi everyone

I am a woman in my early thirties.

I think what qualifies me is that I love helping people probably because I want to see everyone happy, I cant stand seeing people in pain I always try to find solutions to make them feel comfortable with their situations. I also like being around people socially especially kids are such a joy to spend time with.

All the responses I give are to be used as guidelines not AS-IS while making future decisions. Most of this responses I truly give based on an opinion and lessons learnt from past and present experiences. you are always welcome to pm me if you require my opinion i promise to respond objectively.

Jovial

Latest articles:

Is it wise to excuse staying in an unhappy relationship by labeling it ‘Complicated’?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

18 April 2008: So often we fall in love with someone who is not in love with us and chase after them that we fail to notice those who are chasing after us. Relationships are complicated so are we. Have u ever been asked how is it so far with your boyfriend? Are ...

Is all completely fair in love and war?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

18 April 2008: Hello there! Why did someone came up with the words its all fair in love and war? I told my friend my ex-colleague and friend was coming over for supper last Saturday night she said oh really I am so looking forward to meeting him is he married? I...

I don’t know which one is worse space or let’s be friends?

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

17 April 2008: Hello there! It starts with: “Baby we need to talk” - “I think I need a space” or “I think we should break-up”, “Don’t worry we can still be friends”……… OUCH! Dumpee “Honey why? I thought we were tight” Baby please!!! I don’t understand cant ...

Take courage and go back to the ring

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

10 May 2007: I was in the bus this morning when the two ladies were gossiping about a co-worker who is sleeping with her friend’s husband (who happens to be her boss) behind her back. The other one said “oh that woman is very crazy she thinks living it like that ...

When do you know its time to let go?

No replies yet...

10 May 2007: Few weeks ago a friend of mine found out her fiancée has a child by a girl from his neighborhood and all this were unknown to her, you can imagine the pain she felt, she was and still is heartbroken and perplexed by what the man she loved and ...

1234567891011Next > [12 pages, 440 answers]

Could this be bad for our marriage?

Q.   I am a 59 year old woman married for 28 years. When my husband developed health issues that affected his ability to get an erection I thought my sex life was over. He tried Viagra and and some other stuff and when nothing worked he started telling ...

A.   16 June 2010: Hi Your husband seems like a very selfless loving and most of all insecure. I reasoned he had let u have sex with other guys openly so that u do not go and have affairs in secret unfortunately emotions had clouded his intelligence meaning he trust... (read in full...)

First Love Forever

Q.   I met him on halloween 1997. He was so perfect, he had blonde hair and blue eyes. Hi skin was a golden tan color and his smile made me melt. I fell in love right there, I couldn't help it. We never offically became boyfriend and girlfriend but ...

A.   15 October 2008: Hi Good article, I gues this is a mind boggling question! I think they also say "Old Habits Die Hard", so is the love we once had. Unfortunately I dont know why and I always believe its always good to remember things that we do or did good or bad. ... (read in full...)

Is my girlfriend being unreasonable?

Q.   Here's a problem that's developed over the past month while my girlfriend and I have been apart... We have been together four months, and friends for two years before that. We both live in London, although not together. She went back to Spa...

A.   3 September 2008: Hi I completely understand where you are coming from, you gf need to realise she made a promise to you before she left and that was a fortnight visit. its natural to feel negleted and not being taken seriously. maybe what can help you cope bett... (read in full...)

He always hangs out with girls and insists they are friends. What does he mean?

Q.   he always hangs out with girls, but is very insistent that they are nothing but friends. we are only friends! i havent really shown any interest (though i am...) in whether or not he's really single. our conversations go something like t...

A.   3 September 2008: Hi I suppose he enjoys the friendship that he wishes you could be more than that, so he feels obliged to tell you everything so that if there is a chance of you getting together you know there is nothing between him and the other girls. I dont thin... (read in full...)

Have I found my true love or am I just being an idiot? I have trust issues...

Q.   hi, about a month ago, i met someone, both of us are divorced, i was married for over 20 yrs to a man that was really cruel to me, and i been divorced from him for about 3 months, this other man, was also married for 13 yrs to a woman who was cruel ...

A.   3 September 2008: Hi I simply do not understand where your problem lies……., I think I understand as you having difficulty with accepting the love of the man you are dating as genuine or him loving you too much too soon while you are not ready for something this inte... (read in full...)

I am so tired of the fighting... and the violence, that I am beginning to notice others. Should I feel guilty?

Q.   I have been married for over a year and just had a daughter 5 months ago. I have been with my husband since high school I would like to start you at the very beginning so you understand how I feel. I was 16 and the phone rang it was one of my ex...

A.   11 August 2008: Hello I am sorry dear you are indeed in a horrible abusive relationship. Please don’t listen to your husband he is just using your childhood with your stepdad to satisfy his needs, to him is just a way to keep you there. Indeed some abusive part... (read in full...)

It's 7 weeks 'til our wedding day, the nearer it gets ~ the more we're arguing. Please help.

Q.   Its 7 weeks to our wedding day, the nearer it gets the more we are arguing, I have never been married before, never lived with anyone and I have brought up two daughters on my own, always worked. My daughters are mothers, but with their partners but ...

A.   30 July 2008: Hello I am with the Dr on this one. I dont think this guy has shown any respect for you, I mean why would he say your grandchild has taken after you? what is that suppose to mean? I wouldnt appreciate such use of language from a partner who is supp... (read in full...)

Would he have changed had I mentioned the things that were bothering me?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost 6 months. I wanted to get together and do it, but it happened over the phone from him. He was a good guy and always tried do nice things for me. I couldn't seem to be happy with whatever...

A.   24 July 2008: Hi I am really sorry for everything that has been happening in your life. I dont know if it would have made a difference or speed up the breakup. Yes you made a mistake by not communicating how you felt at the time however the best thing for you ... (read in full...)

Why hasn't he called for three days!

Q.   I know this is a sily question, especially for a woman over 30, but I have been seeing a man for two weeks now, we get on really well and have been out four times. On Friday, which is the last time we went out as he has been away for work since ...

A.   3 July 2008: Hi I dont think the love game has any rules. we are the ones who makes things difficult because we want to be perfect and feel good about ourselves infront of our pontetiallovers so that they dont have bad impression about us. You did what you... (read in full...)

I'm 14, he's 25, does he love me?

Q.   I am 14 yrs old and have crush on a boy who is 25-26 yrs old. I don't know if he is having a girlriend or not, but he talks with me very nicely as if he also loves me. What to do???...

A.   24 June 2008: You are to do nothing. At 14 a 25years old is way over your league. Just enjoy the crush and it will soon be over in no time, remember a crush is a normal reaction to show that your hormones are in order no big deal, I mean if u have reached puberty ... (read in full...)

Is this abusive behavior. I feel useless !

Q.   After a wonderful one year relationship i moved in with my girlfriend. Now it seems i can't do anything right. She criticizes me for the littlest things like how i fold the bathroom towels, the way i wash up and dry, how i make the bed, where i ...

A.   19 June 2008: Hello I wouldnt say she has a bossy attitude it can be a disorder of some kind because bossy people do have a limit and this one seems haywire. i.e. I have read a testimony of a woman who has OCD and she said she only had her own way of doing th... (read in full...)

A student is in love with me, how can I as a teacher discourage this behaviour?

Q.   Ok so I have a problem, I am a male teacher in the UK I am 25. I teach 16 -17 year olds. Having seen all the young ladies on this site who are in love with their teachers it terrifies me! I have a student in my class who has a bit of a crush. N...

A.   18 June 2008: Shooo! good for you its all over kinda messy though, I believe you are relieved now. This was more than a crush i think the girl is way too much obsessed with you, I never expected it to go that far, however am glad you came out alright. Its s... (read in full...)

Do people who get engaged young have lasting relationships?

Q.   Ok. i just got engaged to my bf of 3 years and many people have criticised this. so i want to ask you ppl do you think a relationship wer u fall in love in a young age and then get married wen they are older will last??? like we started goin...

A.   28 May 2008: Couples breakup everyday whether they came together at 50 or 16 age has no effect at all. remember love is a special feeling you dont make it but feel it. what i can say is that majority of the people who were together at a very early age like you ... (read in full...)

Why is his family trying to split us up?

Q.   I am in a very serious relationship with a boy. We are engaged and everything. One thing really bothers me though... His family is constantly trying to get him to talk to or get back with one of his ex's (and If it doesn't work with one they move to ...

A.   28 May 2008: Hello I don’t know if anyone will have a direct answer to your question because it’s so hard, not because your question is unique but because almost every girl experiences the same predicament. Why do families react so negatively towards the pros... (read in full...)

A student is in love with me, how can I as a teacher discourage this behaviour?

Q.   Ok so I have a problem, I am a male teacher in the UK I am 25. I teach 16 -17 year olds. Having seen all the young ladies on this site who are in love with their teachers it terrifies me! I have a student in my class who has a bit of a crush. N...

A.   28 May 2008: Hello Sorry its too long. What a predicament! You know what this doesn’t surprise me at all because it’s easy for school girls her age to have crush on their teachers. You are still very young and had just started your career so I totally understa... (read in full...)

My husband just plays computer games. Is he letting me down?

Q.   i have been with my husband coming up 5 years and married 2, i have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship, this is where one of my problems lies. my husband appears to always be on his case, puting him down, and i hate the wat e talks to ...

A.   26 May 2008: Hi If that is the case I think i can agree with you that this an attitude issue. Apart from this child concerned fights how is your marriage? how are guys together with other issues like romamce, communication, spiritual connection, social etc etc ... (read in full...)

My husband just plays computer games. Is he letting me down?

Q.   i have been with my husband coming up 5 years and married 2, i have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship, this is where one of my problems lies. my husband appears to always be on his case, puting him down, and i hate the wat e talks to ...

A.   23 May 2008: Hi This is really hush and I am really sorry. The question that came to my mind while reading this post was 'How was the relationship between your son and your husband before you guys got married?' the reason i am asking is because you did noti... (read in full...)

My girfriend broke up with me but still hasn't moved out, why?

Q.   so i was seeing this girl for a few months, felt we really connected. we moved in way to soon she needed to stay for a bit while she looked for a new place, and eventually we both agreed we enjoyed living together. that was after 2 months, soon i ...

A.   12 May 2008: Hi Your guess is as good as mine. I dont understand why she is doing this but I have an idea that she is just keeping her options open, maybe now she just want to run-off with an ex "i mean a free trip and nothing will happen that has never hurt... (read in full...)

I have been dating a man for over 3 years and have lower self esteem than ever!

Q.   I have been dating a man for over 3 years and have lower self esteem then ever! When I met him, he was "separated" and I was very overweight. Needless to say, yes low self esteem and but he constantly told me how perfect his wifes body was and how ...

A.   22 April 2008: Hi I am really sorry. In life we make a lot of bad choices and unfortunately yours turned out to be the worst the good thing is that you agree with me. I think the first thing you will have to do to break his hold is to change your job. Is it pos... (read in full...)

Is it wise to excuse staying in an unhappy relationship by labeling it ‘Complicated’?

Q.   So often we fall in love with someone who is not in love with us and chase after them that we fail to notice those who are chasing after us. Relationships are complicated so are we. Have u ever been asked how is it so far with your boyfriend? Are ...

A.   21 April 2008: Thank you Bitterblue you have raised some interesting points I just wish we could all learn to be cautios than anxious. Jovial... (read in full...)

Is all completely fair in love and war?

Q.   Hello there! Why did someone came up with the words its all fair in love and war? I told my friend my ex-colleague and friend was coming over for supper last Saturday night she said oh really I am so looking forward to meeting him is he married? I...

A.   21 April 2008: Hello Good feedback guys. Much appreciated Jovial... (read in full...)

I don’t know which one is worse space or let’s be friends?

Q.   Hello there! It starts with: “Baby we need to talk” - “I think I need a space” or “I think we should break-up”, “Don’t worry we can still be friends”……… OUCH! Dumpee “Honey why? I thought we were tight” Baby please!!! I don’t understand cant ...

A.   18 April 2008: Hi all. Thank you for all the wonderful comments Regards Jovial... (read in full...)

I don’t know which one is worse space or let’s be friends?

Q.   Hello there! It starts with: “Baby we need to talk” - “I think I need a space” or “I think we should break-up”, “Don’t worry we can still be friends”……… OUCH! Dumpee “Honey why? I thought we were tight” Baby please!!! I don’t understand cant ...

A.   18 April 2008: Hi all. Thank you for all the wonderful comments Regards Jovial... (read in full...)

I’m starting to feel like I was born to be treated inappropriately.

Q.   I am battling to come to terms with the fact that a man who left me is now engaged to be married late this year. I still want him and I thought and prayed that he comes back to me. He hasn’t and now I feel that even though I prayed God decided to ...

A.   17 April 2008: Hi I think all the aunts said what needed to be said. all i want to add is whatever is said doesnt change how you feel because you are the one with powers and capacity to choose who you want to be. Yes you were abused, you lost your mother, ... (read in full...)

Help me choose between my boyfriend and my best friend!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, we split for about a year and I dated my best friend. I love them both but differently. I think that there is more passion and compassion with my best friend but I feel guilty if I leave my boyfriend and ...

A.   17 March 2008: I think you have sums it all up! "You want a partner not a child" so you have realised that he is not what you are looking for in a man. Leaving him completely after 8yrs would be very hard but you can not stay with someone because u are afraid of ... (read in full...)

Help me choose between my boyfriend and my best friend!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, we split for about a year and I dated my best friend. I love them both but differently. I think that there is more passion and compassion with my best friend but I feel guilty if I leave my boyfriend and ...

A.   14 March 2008: Sorry dear for the misunderstanding next time just make sure you give the necessary facts because i think all of us responded thinking you are seeing them both. I gues my response still stand only that the situation is different. understand firs... (read in full...)

Help me choose between my boyfriend and my best friend!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, we split for about a year and I dated my best friend. I love them both but differently. I think that there is more passion and compassion with my best friend but I feel guilty if I leave my boyfriend and ...

A.   13 March 2008: Hello Wow what a mess! Are the guys aware that you are double crossing them? The truth is you can never love two people the same way because they are unique in their own way. I honestly think you long to be with your bestfriend because he is the ... (read in full...)

How can I open up?

Q.   Hey, ok me an my bf have been together for bout 3 months, it's all been great but there is a lil prob that is affecting our relationship, i have trouble opening up and talking bout what i want an how i feel, my mum passed away coming up 3 years ago ...

A.   12 March 2008: Hi I am sorry about your mom dear I dont see why you should open-up about everything to this guy. some people are vey manipulative in relationships you may find that something you told in confidence is used against you so be cautious its not... (read in full...)

I cannot spend much time with my BF and his old-fashioned mother would oppose to us living together! I'm worried there'll be no improvement in the long run!

Q.   My head is a mess right now, I really need to share with somebody my feelings… Last year I moved home to the country after spending nearly a decade in the city. I was 31, single and bought a house close to my parents. I was not long back home w...

A.   12 March 2008: Dear Oosoosad I am sorry dear. Its true you should be on top of the world after all you have achieved unfortunately the matters of the heart seem to have this power over our being, it can make you the happiest woman alive and also have the powe... (read in full...)

My husband is with another woman but I want him back! What can I do to leave him alone and calm down? Help!

Q.   Hi there, I wonder if anyone out there can give me some helpful advice. I have been married for 14 years and we have one son aged 10. My husband has always been a bit moody but has a City job and always worked very long hours. Since November...

A.   11 March 2008: Dear Sarcy I am so happy the events of the weekend turned positively towards your ‘recovery’ I am so overjoyed that little by little you are getting over ‘it’ I like it when you refer to him that way. Just between you and me it feels good to take... (read in full...)

My husband is with another woman but I want him back! What can I do to leave him alone and calm down? Help!

Q.   Hi there, I wonder if anyone out there can give me some helpful advice. I have been married for 14 years and we have one son aged 10. My husband has always been a bit moody but has a City job and always worked very long hours. Since November...

A.   10 March 2008: Sarcy I am so glad you are on the right path to recovery pain is pain as long as you don’t let it destroy your spirit you will get over it. It’s amazing how you discovered his current worth ‘a lawn mower’ hahaha! Like Tellulah said hire a hunk the... (read in full...)

He's having an affair with another woman, and we are all sharing the same house. Does he love me?

Q.   hello dear cupid, i just want to know whether my partner loves me or not because he's divorced and 20 years older than me, i'm just 22 he's also having an affair with another woman, keeping both of us in the same house, i just want to know whether ...

A.   7 March 2008: I guess just like you she cant leave him at any cost. the fact that she came and moved into a house with another woman living there it means she is determine to be with him like u. I say break your obsession with this guy a man who loves and resp... (read in full...)

I gave him my virginity to later realise he was not planning to committ to anyone!

Q.   Last year during the month of October I met somebody and evrything began to move fast between the two of us and at some points I wasn't really sure that that was a considerably good pace for us. Either way I went with the flow of thingfs and it was ...

A.   7 March 2008: Hi Jaku I am sorry darling. Sometimes relationships sucks big time. Like u said it takes two to tango, If its any consolation instead of beating yourself down appreciate the fact that he became honest with u instead of hurting u further. There ar... (read in full...)

My husband is with another woman but I want him back! What can I do to leave him alone and calm down? Help!

Q.   Hi there, I wonder if anyone out there can give me some helpful advice. I have been married for 14 years and we have one son aged 10. My husband has always been a bit moody but has a City job and always worked very long hours. Since November...

A.   4 March 2008: Sarcy I hope for this to be over very soon. You are in so much pain and u deserve some closure. I feel your pain whenever I read any of your postings. I am saddened by everything that is going on in your life especially because u seem to cont... (read in full...)

Where to look for a relationship? I'm 27 and never dated.

Q.   Where is a good place to look for a relationship? I'm 27, soon to be 28, and have never dated. I am interested in trying now, but I don't know where to look or even what to do if I do find someone. ...

A.   4 March 2008: Dont stress about it u might end up with a wrong woman. Loosen-up and be yourself. And dont sit at home and hope a miracle will happen she will just come to your house looking for somebody else only to find that it was a wrong address. Yes it ... (read in full...)

Where to look for a relationship? I'm 27 and never dated.

Q.   Where is a good place to look for a relationship? I'm 27, soon to be 28, and have never dated. I am interested in trying now, but I don't know where to look or even what to do if I do find someone. ...

A.   29 February 2008: There is no better place for finding someone because it all depends on what you are looking for. Best advice is to be yourself and do not compromise your values just for someone to accept you. There are dating sites you can try, places where men and ... (read in full...)

How to drive away my nightmares?

Q.   I am having nightmares every night for most of the night and not getting the sleep I need. I can't seem to control them and I'm really tired all the time. I don't know why this happens, but I really need to know what I can do about it. ...

A.   29 February 2008: Hello I am not an expect but I know usually when I have restless nights like that its because of anxiety. Like if something had been bothering me, or i am looking forward to something maybe a job interview anything that can get me excited and worr... (read in full...)

I am enjoying the excitement but there are however too many moral reasons to stop this incoming affair. What would you do?

Q.   I have been secretly emailing with a friend's husband and it is getting heavy. There is crazy attraction and they will be moving close by soon. I'm not sure how to handle this. It was just sort of flirty before but now it's too close to home. I ...

A.   29 February 2008: Hi Put yourself in your friend's shoes and ask yourself if it was your husband flirting with her would like it? get the answer and judge for yourself. Because I dont think whatever we can tell u will change your mind so if you really love your frie... (read in full...)

Should I suggest she leaves her lying boyfriend for me?

Q.   Alright.. So I have been talking to this girl on and off for the past year now. Just like most people, she does not like to make decisions. She has been dating someone else(a real lying pos) for the last few months, but she still talks to me and ...

A.   28 February 2008: Well if you just wanna help her make up her mind i think u have done enough of that and now its time to back off and let her live her life. U arranged the meeting with exes i dont know why u thought that will make her choose you no woman in the ... (read in full...)

Should I suggest she leaves her lying boyfriend for me?

Q.   Alright.. So I have been talking to this girl on and off for the past year now. Just like most people, she does not like to make decisions. She has been dating someone else(a real lying pos) for the last few months, but she still talks to me and ...

A.   27 February 2008: Hi I think u need to allow her to make her own decisions making them for her will only hurt you as she will be against them. like she said she cant leave him for you it means she doesnt love you enough to leave her boyfriend so i think that is an e... (read in full...)

My husband is with another woman but I want him back! What can I do to leave him alone and calm down? Help!

Q.   Hi there, I wonder if anyone out there can give me some helpful advice. I have been married for 14 years and we have one son aged 10. My husband has always been a bit moody but has a City job and always worked very long hours. Since November...

A.   21 September 2007: Hi Sarcy I am so glad you finally washed away whatever feelings you had for this "husband", like your son said he is really a waste of space. I believe now you feel like an enormous weight had been lifted down your shoulders. It is really sad that... (read in full...)

My husband is with another woman but I want him back! What can I do to leave him alone and calm down? Help!

Q.   Hi there, I wonder if anyone out there can give me some helpful advice. I have been married for 14 years and we have one son aged 10. My husband has always been a bit moody but has a City job and always worked very long hours. Since November...

A.   15 May 2007: Hello Sarcy im really sorry u have to go through what you are going through now. i understand you desperately wnat this man back, however you need to let him go. instead of contesting this divorce use this time to get closure. you can want a marr... (read in full...)

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