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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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I am almost 9 months pregnant and caught my husband cheating with text sex...
Q. I am nearly nine months' pregnant and caught my husband cheating with text sex. We've been together eight years and married for nearly five. He's 10 years younger hadn't had any serious relationships before me and wants to live by himself but still ...
A. 6 March 2008: He sounds very immature for his age and unfortunately he's definitely NOT ready for a committed relationship with you let alone to be a father. He's even admitted that he's frightened he might do something more hurtful "next time". He needs a ... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself falling for my married colleague?
Q. I'm 20 years old and think I am in love with a woman who is 40 and married. I have worked with her for 3 years and we are very close. I think she is aware that I have feelings for her and find her attractive. On nights out she teases me by touching ...
A. 6 March 2008: This woman is encouraging you which isn't fair on you. She knows you like her and she's simply flirting with you. At the end of the day though she's married and out of bounds. Don't get yourself involved with a married woman, she has too much to ... (read in full...)
Old flame on Facebook - contact or not?
Q. About 25 years ago, I was at a week long residential course. The second evening, I met this fabulous girl, and we really got on well. The next evening, our eyes met across a crowded room, and from then on we were basically inseparable for the rest ...
A. 6 March 2008: Think carefully about this... if you said hello and she replied what would happen next? Would you be able to communicate with her just enough to exchange pleasantries or would you want to know more? You say "maybe I don't even want anything to ... (read in full...)
My gut tells me to end it, but I'm afraid of losing my comfort zone...help!
Q. Me and my bf have been together for 2 years when he broke up with me last May. The reasons why he broke up with me was because he didn't like how I have not "opened up" to his family and friends (I am a pretty shy girl) While we were apart, he w...
A. 6 March 2008: You and your boyfriend seem to be two complete opposites. You have so many good qualities but your shyness is stopping you become a butterfly, you're still locked in your cocoon waiting for that right person but it's NOT your current boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
He said he really likes me and then turns around and says he has a personal demon...what happened?
Q. I was seeing this guy for a few months and he just broke up with me. We known each another for 3yrs but only been seein each since sept. Now we have always been flirty and he always came on to me. The last time we hangout which was last wed ...
A. 5 March 2008: He does like you but he has something on his mind right now that he may or may not tell you about when he's ready. Sounds like he wants to deal with whatever is on his mind before he gets more involved with you. I wouldn't take it personally ... (read in full...)
Why does he bite my arm? What does this mean?
Q. After kissing my boyfriend he occasionally bites my arm. Sometimes it really hurts! What does it mean when he does this?...
A. 5 March 2008: I think he just thinks he's being funny. Tell him to stop it, that it hurts or better still, do it back to him and let him see for himself that it hurts.
~Eve~... (read in full...)
He has no money, what else can we do for fun?
Q. Some help please! I'm currently dating someone who is always very low on funds. He's an artist who doesn't have a steady job. I'm completely fine with that, but I just don't know what to do to pass the time. We mostly spend time at my place, but...
A. 5 March 2008: 1. Clear out the garage, attic, cupboards or wardrobes* - it really doesn't matter as long as you do it together.
2. Go charity shopping. While away the hours browsing for books, CDs, games, retro clothing, bric-a-brac. You could try a carboot ... (read in full...)
Am I Nuts?
Q. My wife and I have a male friend (Mark) who's been very close to us for about 4 years. The 3 of us spend a lot of time together, going to the movies, dinner, weekend trips, etc and my wife and I enjoy his company, respect him and appreciate his ...
A. 5 March 2008: It does seem very strange that the 3 of you tend to go about together all the time. Does Mark not have a partner? This may well be innocent but I would certainly keep a close eye out. Does he hold his gaze when he looks at her? Does she seem to ... (read in full...)
Why have I not heard from him since our weekend together?
Q. I've known my Boyfriend for about 12 years actually he was my first sexual partner, we recently started talking to each other and started dating. He did tell me when he feels like he's getting too close to a person he pulls away because he has been ...
A. 5 March 2008: Why are people always so quick to jump into bed when a new relationship starts? You gave him what he wanted much too quickly and now you're paying the price. You should have spent the time getting to know him again, doing things together and ... (read in full...)
Do I sound like I'm in love?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for around 4 months now and I find myself wanting to see her more and more. I want to be with her so much. My question is this. Does it sound like I am in love with her? It's driving me nuts! Please help!...
A. 5 March 2008: Do not confuse love with infatuation. It's pretty obvious you have a lot of feelings for this girl and it may well grow into love but love takes a while to grow. Here is my definition of love. Read it and decide for yourself.
To love a person, ... (read in full...)
He's asked me to have "nasal sex!!!" What the hell's that???
Q. Hi, I know this is going to sound pretty weird but please help me with my relationship because everything was great until my boyfriend asked if we could have nasal sex. I don't even now what that is or if he's for real but one time he asked for it ...
A. 5 March 2008: Okay, this is new to me, I just HAD to look this one up! Are you ready for this? Nasal sex is defined as "sexual intercourse with the penis into the nostril";
"sexual intercourse with the nose into the vagina." Wow! lmao Now you know!!!! Chec... (read in full...)
My ex ran off with another girl, but he still loves me, what should I do?
Q. I was in a relationship with someone for 3 years. Things didn't work out and I didn't think I loved him. When we broke up, about 2 months later, I started feeling really bad. I love this person. I was told that he was cheating on me while we ...
A. 4 March 2008: No, I wouldn't call him (too personal). He is going to wonder why you're not responding so you need to say something to him. Text back and say words to the effect "It's better we cut ties as long as you have a girlfriend, not fair on any of us. I ... (read in full...)
I miss kissing!
Q. This guy wants me to be his girlfriend but I do not want a boyfriend right now. I just went through a bad breakup a few months ago and I am just chillin' for now and living life. I am kinda attracted to him, but he is over 10 years younger than I ...
A. 4 March 2008: The very fact you've "made out" with him might get him thinking if you were to become an item and be his girlfriend then more could happen so you need to make it clear to him. Kissing is a wonderful way to show your partner how much you care and in ... (read in full...)
Is this normal behaviour and should I tell her of my feelings for her?
Q. I was adopted at the age of 6, and met my biological family at the age of 21. Since then, I have said goodbye to most of them except my second cousin, who I will call, "Jane." I moved away from her in 2003, found her again in 2007. Since then, I ...
A. 4 March 2008: If you both have feelings for one another then there is absolutely nothing to stop you dating. Your behaviour is totally normal, she certainly seems to have feelings for you too. I wish you both every happiness.
~Eve~ ... (read in full...)
Is this guilt going to stay with me forever?
Q. Hi all, my long term girlfriend broke up with a week ago and I initially felt like it was the best thing as we argued alot. We nearly broke up a year ago, and then the arguements became less, but it seemed the relationship was slowly ending although ...
A. 4 March 2008: When we go into a relationship with someone it's to see if we're compatible. Although you both got along some of the time (and who doesn't), the reality is you both just weren't compatible. Don't beat yourself up about it though, it was no ones ... (read in full...)
My ex ran off with another girl, but he still loves me, what should I do?
Q. I was in a relationship with someone for 3 years. Things didn't work out and I didn't think I loved him. When we broke up, about 2 months later, I started feeling really bad. I love this person. I was told that he was cheating on me while we ...
A. 3 March 2008: Well done you! If you need to talk to anyone then you know we're here for you. You deserve to be treated far better than the way he's treating you.
~Eve~... (read in full...)
We used to have sex, multiple times a day. Now it's nothing!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We have lived together for about 6 months. About 4 months ago i found out that he was regularly looking at porn on my laptop. I confronted him then and he said he would stop. A month or ...
A. 3 March 2008: First of all I would ban him from using your laptop or it won't be long until you have a virus on it (if you haven't already). You need to tell him why you're not allowing him to use it any more and tell him you're sick of all this shit taking up ... (read in full...)
My ex ran off with another girl, but he still loves me, what should I do?
Q. I was in a relationship with someone for 3 years. Things didn't work out and I didn't think I loved him. When we broke up, about 2 months later, I started feeling really bad. I love this person. I was told that he was cheating on me while we ...
A. 3 March 2008: He is doing to this girl EXACTLY what he did to you! Don't be used like this and let history repeat itself. You are only an ego boost to him and he wants to control you. Don't fall for his charm either, you KNOW he's telling you what you want to ... (read in full...)
Am I selfish not to agree to wait?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for over a year now. We've never had sex before. But we have gone passed 3rd base. I've been wanting to have sex but he's against it. Wanting to save it until after marriage. I can see why he wants to wait but sometimes ...
A. 3 March 2008: It could be that he's terrified of actually "going there". He obviously hasn't had sex before and he simply may be nervous about actually doing it because he doesn't know how. I can understand how frustrated you must feel going so far but not ... (read in full...)
He no longer French kisses me, although for years we had done that, why??
Q. My boyfriend will go down on me and do all things sexual like he has done for several years but he will NO LONGER french kiss me. What do you think happened? He will only give me a little "peck" anytime - including during sex. I think this is ...
A. 3 March 2008: The best way to find out is simply to ASK HIM directly. Let him know that you love it when he did it to you and you really miss it. If there is a problem he should be able to tell you.
~Eve~... (read in full...)
He wants to break up and invokes having changed his sexual orientation. What can I do?
Q. I've been dating this guy for 9 months now, our sex life we perfect (well at least to me) until Feb 29th he told me he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and that he was more into girls when at the beginning he said he was into guys so right ...
A. 3 March 2008: That's a pretty bold statement for any man to make. Did you both speak at length about it? If not, you should. He either IS into guys or he's telling you in a nice way he doesn't want to be with you any more. Until he gets his head straight I ... (read in full...)
Do I have a future? Am I being too insistent? Why does he avoid to make plans?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year on and off and I am not sure how i feel about him anymore. He says he loves me and we see each other most evenings when he is home weekends, but through the day on a weekend he prefers to be with his ...
A. 2 March 2008: I agree with dearkelja, he is "comfortable" in this relationship and is quite happy living in the present with no high priority on a future with you and your kids. Your kids seem more of a burden to him and that would concern me big time! The ... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm in love with someone?
Q. I have a huge dilemma. I am 16 years old. How do you know if you are in love with someone? And what do you do if you have a crush on someone a lot older than you? Please help me! ...
A. 2 March 2008: If you truly love someone then you respect them for who they are, warts and all. You want to look after them and protect them, you look out for them and put them first. You feel happy and content in their company and enjoy being together. Above all ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong for a 36 year old to date a teenager? Can people choose who they are attracted to?
Q. honeslty do people think this is wrong if a 36 year old man is really really attracted to a 16 year old (mature, or so he thinks) girl...i mean people cant help who they're attracetd to right??? and if he got carried away and ended up in bed with ...
A. 2 March 2008: Although lawful, it would generally be frowned upon by society at large. At the end of the day though, who are we to "judge" what's right and what's not right, she could be older than her years and he younger than his, it just depends on both ... (read in full...)
Lately I've been melancholic and I'm afraid of becoming more distanced and depressed which is intensified by decisions of my friends' I disagree with, decisions I feel strangely forced to reiterate. How to cope??
Q. Hey. I dont know how to explain this, its basically I dont know how to settle my feelings. I am broody, have been for a while now. I know at the moment, even though i KNOW im emotionally ready for a baby, im not financially even though I would h...
A. 2 March 2008: Babies are cute and sweet but there a helluva lot of work, not to mention expense. Ask any young parent! Don't let your friend being pregnant make you wish it was you. Just wait until the baby is born and see how hard she finds it to cope. For ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to cry if she won't go to the dance with me??
Q. OK, I've got a girl that I wanna take to a dance. I've asked her, haven't gotten a response yet, and I'm kinda nervous about it. But that's not my real problem. I don't really know how to confront her about it. My parents said that if she says yes...
A. 2 March 2008: Do your parents know the girl in question? Call her up and ask her can she make it, if she puts you off again then tell her it doesn't matter then just find someone else to ask... anyone! Once you find a date then tell your parents you've got a ... (read in full...)
If I don't have anything interesting to say I remain silent; he says our stretches of silence make him uncomfortable!
Q. I'm in a realationship of nine months with a wonderful man who I love but we dont seem to have anything to talk about. All he talks about are cars and I'm just not that interested in them. He's brought up the lack of talking and says that our long ...
A. 29 February 2008: Oh dear, how have you managed to get along together for 9 whole months if you can't think of anything to say to him? Ask him how his day was, ask him more about cars, if money were no object what car would he buy? Get him to show you one on the ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my 10 year old son controlling my husband and I?
Q. My son who's 10 has tried to runaway several times. It is very distressing for my husband and me. Our boy seems perfectly happy at home and it seems in school too but when he doesn't get what he wants on the spot he often gets into one of his bad ...
A. 28 February 2008: What form of discipline does your husband use to discipline your son? Both of you need to sit down and agree here. Kids are clever, they can see that by throwing a tantrum they can get the better of you, it's their way of trying to get control, if ... (read in full...)
Her parents won't let her have a boyfriend...
Q. What can I do, my girlfriend's parents don't let her have a boyfriend, they found out she is talking to someone on the phone every night the saw the phone bill, should I go introduce myself or what could we do? Her parents won't let her have a ...
A. 28 February 2008: They probably freaked at the size of the phone bill more than anything else. Why don't you talk with her on Skype? It's free and you can talk to one another on there all night at no charge, all you need are microphones. If you have a cam you can ... (read in full...)
I am considering cheating
Q. I have been married for 10 yrs have 2 children but have had an all but non existent sex life during the marriage. I have tried seducing her buying presents doing all the household chores and even explaining that i will have to walk away from the ...
A. 28 February 2008: Come on, you have enough common sense to know that it's wrong, you're only wanting someone to agree with you to make you feel better. If you love your wife "completely" then why even think about it? Okay, so someone in work is showing you ... (read in full...)
I have tried for 6 years, but I don't really love him. Should I leave?
Q. I am a 27 year old female married for a year now. I ve known my husband for 6 years now, since the last yearof college. Prior to that I was in a relationship with a very wonderful guy in college for 3 years and due to faults and mistakes which I am ...
A. 28 February 2008: I can totally understand where you're coming from, it's all too easy to get caught up in the wave of marriage arrangements knowing deep within you that you don't want to go ahead with it. You think things will get better but they won't. You got ... (read in full...)
I know he's been cheating because I saw proof, but he doesn't know. Help!
Q. Can anyone give me some advice? I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we do not live together. Over the past year he has become very cagey about his mobile phone - takes it everywhere with him including the bathroom. Last autumn, ...
A. 28 February 2008: This girl is screwing up his head, he doesn't know what he wants. He's "comfortable" in his relationship with you and although he has a lot of feelings for you, this other woman seems important to him too. My advice to you is to confront him about ... (read in full...)
Is this considered rape?
Q. I just had sex with my boyfriend and I know I love him a lot but I just wasn't ready. I told him no but he kept bugging me about it until I agreed. I wanted him to stop after we started but I didn't tell him that. Since I did tell him no to begin ...
A. 28 February 2008: Rape is having sexual intercourse WITHOUT giving your consent or to force someone against their will. You DID give your consent simply because you were frightened he'd dump you if you didn't... right? He didn't force you, you let him! Don't let ... (read in full...)
As long as she wasnt married yet, she was free game. Right?
Q. I was at my brothers house and met his wife's neice. She is 10 years younger than I am and was engaged to be married in 3 months. She has a daughter with her fiancee and they live together and have been together for about 7 years. The thing is, I ...
A. 27 February 2008: In Answer to Frank Kermit who said "She says she does not want to get married, so why is she engaged? Why doesn't she break it off? Do you really think that she is serious? Maybe she told you that just to get your attention, the same way a married ... (read in full...)
Am I being manipulative by not putting up with his moods?
Q. My b/f frequently lacks the ability to see things from another person's perspective. As a result, when he ignores my phone calls because he's working with a female co-worker who has been known to have a crush on him, I find things to do with my ...
A. 26 February 2008: I have a question for you... WHY ARE YOU TOGETHER??? This relationship seems to be a game for both of you. Successful reltionships are built on love, trust, communication and respect, none of which either of you seem to have for one another. You ... (read in full...)
I'm sure he's cheating, isn't he?
Q. Here is my question. To make a long story short, My boyfriend got a text from a woman that he is supposedly "friends" with, asking if she left a pair of black pants at his house. I calmly asked him how long he had something going on with her. He ...
A. 26 February 2008: The best way to find out about this is to try to get hold of his phone and text her back (on his phone) asking her where they might be or something similar (pretending to be him). Let her know she needs to answer asap for obvious reasons then see ... (read in full...)
As long as she wasnt married yet, she was free game. Right?
Q. I was at my brothers house and met his wife's neice. She is 10 years younger than I am and was engaged to be married in 3 months. She has a daughter with her fiancee and they live together and have been together for about 7 years. The thing is, I ...
A. 26 February 2008: By agreeing to go away with you for the weekend, this girl was leading you on but she had already made the decision to marry the father of her child and she told you that, you just wouldn't let it drop and hoped that you could change her mind. Your ... (read in full...)
Do I have reason to be paranoid about them and express my lack of trust?
Q. hello, i love my girlfriend and we just had our 2 year anniversary. about a year and a half ago she went to china with her ex of 7years. she asked me before hand if i was ok with that and it was a pre planned arrangement with him before we got ...
A. 22 February 2008: You enjoy your relationship with your partner and don't let this come between you. He's (the ex) isn't worth it.
~Eve~... (read in full...)
In love with my sisters ex, what should I do?
Q. Hi, about 4 months ago my sister split up with her boyfriend of 4 years. He is a lovely person, and my whole family love him and are still in contact with him, however, I have fallen in love with him, and he feels the same way about me. Since they ...
A. 22 February 2008: You have to ask your sister how she feels about him now and if she's at all still interested in him then you should back off big time! What's more important to you... your loyalty/relationship to your sister or your feelings for this guy? "Men ... (read in full...)
His age is holding him back on the sex front and it's frustrating me! Help!!!
Q. I've been with this man 18 years older than me. We get on well and sex with him is fantastic. It's amazing he can have sex with me 2 or 3 times a week. A year on he is not as good as he used to be in bed. I know it's his age. But I am always ...
A. 22 February 2008: I'm sure if you and your partner are close you can talk about sexual things. Find out what turns him on and gets him "hard" then bring this up when you're in bed together. My partner was over 20 years older than me so I know where you're coming ... (read in full...)
He's told me he doesn't want to be more than friends but we still "do stuff"!!!
Q. Hello, I am 19 and at college. Over the last 2 years I have grown really close to one of my guy friends and for the last year I have been really attracted to him. For much of this year he flirted with me and even though I knew he liked another gi...
A. 22 February 2008: Good advice from hlskitten, he IS using you and what's more, you're allowing him to! Where is your self respect? Any man is going to flirt with a woman if he knows what he'll get at the end of it. He's told you he's not interested in having ... (read in full...)
Do I have reason to be paranoid about them and express my lack of trust?
Q. hello, i love my girlfriend and we just had our 2 year anniversary. about a year and a half ago she went to china with her ex of 7years. she asked me before hand if i was ok with that and it was a pre planned arrangement with him before we got ...
A. 22 February 2008: How has your girlfriend been with you since she came back from that trip? Did she look as if she missed you? Is she still having a lot of contact with this ex?
It was a heck of a big thing for you to agree to, I must admit and not every boyfrien... (read in full...)
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