A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for almost 19 months. In that time we have had our ups and downs but we have always worked things out because we love each other. In September, she started at university (I am at a different university in the same city) and things changed. She is younger than me and this is a new and exciting time for her. I wasn't prepared for things to change and was naive to think things would carry on as there were. Anyway, this led to a few arguments and me becoming insecure and paranoid about our relationship. This prompted my girlfriend to back right off and told me a few weeks ago that she doesn't know what she wants anymore. I tried to get her to make a decision either way but she couldn't. She says she still loves me and at the time of writing, we are on a "break". I have realised since being on the break how clingy I was being and how trapped I probably made her feel. She's having fun and I am so happy for her. I am very busy too and I have realised that I have been unhappy with myself for a long time. I was being clingy for that reason. My girlfriend took my mind off everything I guess. I feel complete when I'm with her and I love her dearly. We met up yesterday as she needed some help with one of her assignments. We spoke briefly and I told her what I have just written here (how sorry I was and how I've realised why she wants to take a break and that I understand). It was quite tense. When she left, we kissed and hugged and agreed to see how things go. I told her I love her and she said she loves me. I want to respect her wishes and give her time but I am very scared that she could be calling this break because actually breaking up with me is too hard. At what point do I walk away? Any advice would be most welcome!
View related questions:
a break, insecure, trapped, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): We've just broken up and I am in pieces.
Basically, she said that she'd been unsure about whether or not she wanted to be with me for a few months. Which is really hurtful because in that time we spent time together and made future plans and told each other we loved each other.
I don't know what to do. :-(
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 November 2007):
 I am sorry that you are not happy. I would take this "break" opportunity to work on making yourself happy. People don't like being responsible for others' happiness. I think if you find yourself during this break and learn to be happy with YOU that the two of you might have a chance to work things out. I think if you continue in this unhappy path that a break-up is in the wind. Sometimes when two people meld we lose ourselves in the relationship. This is not healthy and maybe your girlfriend is doing you a favor with this "break". Find yourself. Be happy, with or without your girl. If I were you, I'd move on right now as if it is over. If she comes back, great. She can meet the new and improved you. Please find some happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 You're right, you've been coming on strong as the "clingy boyfriend". Women like assertive men so you need to be stronger and learn to trust her more. The thought of you two not being together and her maybe finding someone else is what's making you insecure. Cut her some slack and let her live her life. Look at this as a tester for both of you regarding your feelings for one another. You know you love her but it has to cut both ways. There is a new and exciting life opened up to her now but if her feelings for you are strong enough then she'll come back to you.
There is no reason why you both can't continue to see one another as long as the trust is there. And girlfriend... if you're reading this... be honest with this man. He seems like a wonderful guy and doesn't deserve to be put on hold the way he has. He's realised his faults now and loves you enough to write in here. He is happy for you so be proud of him... and be straight with him.
Giver her the break she needs then call her in a week or so to see how things are with her. Time will tell whether or not she wants to continue with the relationship and I'm sure she WILL tell you one way or another. Relationships have their ups and downs like you said and it's during times like these that the love is tested between both mates.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. Keep me posted.
Regards
Eve
...............................
|
