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*r. John agony aunt

*r. John

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I am a husband of 28 years with a 28 year old son and a 24 year old daughter. (And a pretty one at that.)

I live about 35 miles south of Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA.

Currently a mechanical engineer in a division of the company that makes Peterbuilt and Kenworth trucks and winches, but have recently earned my Phd. in Psychology.

Now all I have to do is pay off my tuition and I will have my diploma in my hot little hand.

I have lots of life experience as well and the desire to help all whom I can.

I am also have interests in physics, chemistry, genetics, astronomy and other areas of science.

1234567891011Next > [12 pages, 455 answers]

Do you think there's a chance he'll want to hang out again?

Q.   I met a guy the other day while volunteering, and we hit it off right away. When I was about to leave, he asked me what I was doing later, and we exchanged phone numbers. We hung out that night (him, me, and my friend) and watched movies. Although ...

A.   12 October 2009: It sounds to me like you will be seeing him again. Just give him a couple of days. Doc... (read in full...)

Please please help!!!!! Me and my close cousin are in love!

Q.   Ok so I am a teenager... Just a teen, my cousin, who I've always had a huge crush on lives in ca and I live in florida... He and my uncle recently stayed at my grandmas house this summer for twomonths... I stayed with them... The whole time my uncle ...

A.   11 October 2009: You are getting deep into a situation you may want to avoid. Before you go any further with this you must check the laws pertinent to the states you may live in. The laws on incest are almost as varied as there are states. However, one law ency... (read in full...)

How can she be so loving and say she wants me, for certain, in her life, then put up a wall?

Q.   My girlfriend and I are trying to get back together after having a serious fight. On Monday, she came out to visit me. We haven't made love in almost two months, but we have been communicating beautifully, were affectionate, told each other how much ...

A.   11 October 2009: You may have to confront her directly about this. Ask her why she is doing what she is doing. It may be that she doesn't realize she is doing it and in asking her about it may make her aware. In any case communication with her will be key. Un... (read in full...)

Does he not have to check with me?

Q.   Dear My question is this: I have been married for 25 years and recently I asked my husband why he was randomly driving around a neighborhood we do not live in. He preceded to tell me that I shouldn't ask him that. That he is 47 years old ...

A.   30 August 2009: Dear M25, You should not feel guilty for asking a simple question like that. What is more, he should certainly not have a problem with answering it if he is not doing something he shouldn't. True, some guys despize their wives "checking up... (read in full...)

Lust or love not both?

Q.   dear cupid, i only was marry for 11 months but since the beginig of the marriage i catch my husband waching porno, so for me that's was a red flag (my husband was a bachelor for almost 47 years he was never commited to any seious relationship)so ...

A.   30 August 2009: Porn has ruined many relationships. It can infiltrate the life of anyone. Not just men but women as well. What is worse it can be and most often is very addicting. To make things worse, every time you get on the internet it usually is thrust right ... (read in full...)

How can I stop looking at other girls?

Q.   i am too much cupid. when i see the big brest and ass of other girls, i cant control.still i am unmarried. must of the night time i spend to see blue films n such as. n i spend all my day on work at girl friend is also working with me ...

A.   16 August 2009: Well, it seems to me that the blue films certainly are not helping the problem any. Furthermore, you are going to have to make a concious effort to stop looking at other girls. This is not something that is just going to cure itself. You need to k... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant, but I don't want him to get in trouble.

Q.   I am 15 and I'm pregnant with my boyfriend that is four years older than me i need help i don't want him to go to jail i live in florida he wants to be there for me and the baby and he plans to marry me i love him to death is there anything i can ...

A.   4 July 2009: You are in a tough situation and unfortunately I don't know your parents and therefore have no way to know how your parents feel about you in general. Normally I would tell one of my patients to sit down and talk with the parents at length about the ... (read in full...)

We had a fight over a little game, Is it over?

Q.   i'm 22 and my girl is 19. we had a fight few hours ago. it's because of 1 silly thing, a game... she's a moody person, she changed too fast from nice and lovely to nasty and bad. i don't even know if i said bad or wrong words to her. as far as i kno...

A.   4 July 2009: Unfortunatly this may be the opening she thinks she has found to break it off with you. You should be prepared for this but most importantly you should open up a channel of communications with her. Ask her what is going on and ask her if she is inte... (read in full...)

Sex during your period -- can you get pregnant?

Q.   can you get pregnant if you had unprotected sex while on your period....

A.   29 June 2009: You can get pregnant any time. However, there is only a short time within each cycle that you are most likly to get pregnant. It is not likly you will get pregnant while you are menstruating but as I said the possibility still exists. Doc... (read in full...)

What could this discharge be?

Q.   okay so i noticed i have had A LOT of discharge. Mostly when i get up in the mornings. its always clear and has little or no smell.. what is this? I'm almost 17 and i weigh 82 pounds if that helps any.. and no I'm not a virgin. What could this be?...

A.   16 June 2009: In some women a discharge is normal. Usually if it is clear and has little or no odor, it is your normal secretions doing what they need to do. However, should the discharge become discolored, usually green or yellow or gets a fishy kind of smell to ... (read in full...)

Please help, I feel so depressed and cry all the time. I feel my life is passing me by.

Q.   ok first age is wrong im 16... took over my sister's acount and dont know how to change the age! I have been on a roller coaster sense starting high school. I have had friend problems guy problems and of course more. Last december I got to the poi...

A.   16 June 2009: First realize how young you still are. Believe me, I know that you feel like life is going by way too quick but please allow yourself to slow down a little. Your medication may need adjusting or changed. One medication that may be good for one pers... (read in full...)

I feel like I can't move on with my life. What can I do?

Q.   Last year, I got my first proper boyfriend. I'd just turned 16 and i lost my virginity to him. I broke up with him in november 2008 after 10 months, because he treated me so bad and the things he did to me/said to me and put me through were ...

A.   16 June 2009: First you need to realize it is not your fault. There is never ANY reason for a guy to abuse his girlfriend this way. He has caused you some severe mental trauma. I think it imparative that you seek professional counsel. A therapist can help you... (read in full...)

Mom at 12! Pregnant again at 13!

Q.   ok so i was 12 when i got pregnant with my first set of twins and now im 13 and my boyfriend the father of my last set of twins got me pregnant again and its twins again they will only be 11 months apart and im only 13. What am i supposed to do? I ...

A.   16 June 2009: Obviously your childhood is out the window. These pregnancies may have been planned but they are very irresponsible on the part of both you and your boyfriend. For one thing you have to think about supporting these four helpless little human crea... (read in full...)

Is my colleague into me?

Q.   Hi, I'm a young woman working in a hospital setting. Last year, a new guy joined the same department. We clicked. He gave me his sandwiches, we once had lunch together. I had a boyfriend, he seemed single. Once I tried to set him up with someone ...

A.   16 June 2009: Get things out in the open. You will never know one way or the other if he intends to connect with you or if he is just leading you on. Though it seems cruel, some people will lead another on even if they have no intention of persuing a rela... (read in full...)

How do you know when the love has died?

Q.   How do you know when the love has died? I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful thoughtful loving guy, for 10 of those years. Then because of something that happened 5 years ago in his family, he thinks he was pushed aside, hes fallen out ...

A.   16 June 2009: It sounds like there is a breakdown in communication. When a couple first get together or are first married, they have no problem sharing their feelings with one another. This could be joys, angers, troubles, concerns or anything else that come... (read in full...)

When does it mean when a guy says he wants to be in a relationship with you but is too busy?

Q.   when a guy says he doesn't want you to wait around for him, like if he's busy with finishing school and doesn't have time for a relationship, even though he wants to be in one with you. what does he really mean? guys say this all the time, but in my ...

A.   24 May 2009: Guys like this may be battling to get their priorities in order. In this case they are more worried about getting the best job and I am sorry to say, if that is where their priority stays they will never make a good mate that will stay with you for ... (read in full...)

Why does vaginal flatulence happen? How can I make my vagina smell nicely?

Q.   Why does farting sounds come from vagina even not during sex. will these sounds disappoint boys?pls suggest. also tell me how can i make my vagina smell pleasant?...

A.   24 May 2009: I would bet you keep yourself in good physical shape don't you. When you do excercises that will raise your pelvis above your torso you shift everything inside your torso toward your head. This will cause a pulling and stretching of your vagina caus... (read in full...)

Can someone encourage me to go speak to her?

Q.   i'm a 15 years old. This Girl that is new to my school is really pretty. I know she has seemed me alot of time. I dont know her name but i want to talk to her without embarrasing myself. I am goin to be myself if i do talk to her but how can i talk ...

A.   23 May 2009: Trust me, she will welcome anyone to talk to her. She is the one that is feeling like the outcast because of her new surroundings and she needs to feel accepted. Now is probably the best time you will ever have to talk to someone. Just go up and i... (read in full...)

I thought I meant more to him but he's saying to colleagues he isn't looking for anything serious...

Q.   So I have been seeing this guy from work and we have hooked up on several occasions. Everyone at our job knows about us. He's mentioned to a couple of my co-workers that I am more than just a hook-up or a crush, but when asked what was going to ...

A.   23 May 2009: Don't read too much into this. Sometimes when it comes to the opposite sex they will say one thing to friends but say something completely different to that one. What he may in effect be saying is he is treading carfully down this path. In this way ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to have sex, I don't think I have enough experience tp please him, what do I need to know?

Q.   ok im new to the hole sex thing and i really want to hear how to so it by someone that has please my boy friend is really wanting me to do this and i keep telling him to wait so help!!...

A.   7 May 2009: First you need to decide if you are really ready. If you think you are knowledgeable enough with birth control methods and know enough about the risks of S.T.D.'s, then you already know enough to get started. To learn with someone who is green as g... (read in full...)

I need help with my crush!

Q.   There is this guy that I have a crush on. Sometimes I think he likes me and sometimes I'm not so sure. He is the brother of one of my friends on my soccer team. He is also my soccer coaches son. At the end of this year I will be 17 and he will be ...

A.   7 May 2009: It looks like you are quite hyper observant, although these signs are kind of pronounced. My advice is; just leave yourself open to him. Be friendly and available. I think you are probably right about why he crossed the street. Being confronted by a... (read in full...)

He's angry because I want to keep the baby!

Q.   I met a guy a few months ago, from the get go I knew he had a girlfriend of four months at the time. We got involved and had a intimate relationship. I recently found out I was pregnant and i told him and he flipped and told me to get rid of the ...

A.   27 April 2009: It doesn't sound to me like you will be able to expect much from this guy. Even if you were able to carry on a relationship with him, what would keep him from cheating on you just as he has with you. Seems that you have found someone that is not ... (read in full...)

Do I tell Bob my feelings regardless of how he MIGHT feel something for Mary?

Q.   So there's a guy in my class that's been my close friend for almost 4 years (let's call him Bob). I'm starting to see Bob more as a friend, but I don't think I love him yet. Quite a few of my classmates think Bob likes this other girl (let's call...

A.   27 April 2009: If you are both friends, then continue as friends. If something more is meant to be, it will happen in it's own good time. Doc... (read in full...)

Wants to be friends -- is there hope for a relationship?

Q.   Hello guys, and thanks for reading my question. I recently broke up with my handsome about a month back, and he felt that it was better to be friends and was not ready for a relationship. I was hurt and upset and a bit emotional for a while, how...

A.   21 April 2009: I always advise good communications between two persons in any kind of relationship. Don't leave doubt about his intentions but ask him what his intentions are toward you. Then you will no longer have to guess. He will either tell you that he ... (read in full...)

He wants time and space but I'm scared he'll forget about me!

Q.   Before anything, i would like to clarify that i am 20 y/o. I broke up with my bf 1 month ago and it was tough at first- fighting, crying and swearing (typical breakup). He says he still has feelings for me and we broke up just because of some ...

A.   23 March 2009: I think he is just realizing what it means to commit to someone and it scares him. He may feel that he is too young to be totally committed to one person at his age so he may feel he needs to spread his wings a bit. At your age you are not read... (read in full...)

Parenting advice wanted!

Q.   Hi everyone. i was wondering if anyone has parenting advice? i am 22 weeks pregnant and terrified. any advice about birth, raising a baby, names for the baby, or the portion of the pregnancy comming up would be greatly appreciated....

A.   23 March 2009: Above all else, follow the advice of your doctor. He/She will be able to spot any trouble before it starts or becomes serious. After the baby comes, be patient. Remember that a baby has no way of telling you what is wrong so they cry. Some... (read in full...)

I lied about my debt problems so I wouldn't lose her! She left!

Q.   I have been with my fiance' for three years. She moved here from another state to be with me. Being recently divorced, I am broke. I did not want to lose her so I continued to spend money and shower her with "things". I charged more. Became more ...

A.   23 March 2009: I am sure you have heard the cliche that honesty is the best policy. Sure you may love her but did she like being with you because you bought her or because she liked being with you, the person? If you had been honest with her from the start ma... (read in full...)

He doesn't feel the same, he still has a thing for his ex

Q.   I have been dating this guy for 5 months and he warned me from day one that he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I wouldn't let him but I don't know anymore. He told me that he and his girlfriend broke up two months before and that he was still in ...

A.   23 March 2009: Hon, you have lots of false hopes here. I believe he does not have the intestinal fortitude (guts) to tell you that he doesn't think it will work out between you. This means he will lead you on until he finds another girl and probably figures you ... (read in full...)

I gave her a ring, she calls me pet names and then starts dating someone else!

Q.   I am 17 years old and she is 21.I was going out with my ex for 4 years.She is hot and when i gaved her a ring she wanted for years she says I'm going out with someone hurt me for so long.For some reason she calls me by my nicknames she gave ...

A.   23 March 2009: Sorry, it seems that you really are not on her list of priorities. If she was serious about you she would never even consider dating someone else if she is supposedly with you. Do yourself a favor and find someone else. Doc... (read in full...)

He sees everything in black & hope of us getting back together

Q.   my fiance and i just broke because he doesnt want a family and i have a 2 1/2 month old baby and he said that he isnt in love with me any more. he said he still wants to be friends but with benefits. and i agreed to it cuz we are both madly ...

A.   23 March 2009: Don't you see? That is all he wanted in the first place was the befefits. Now that he has told you that are still going to give it to him?! How many children are you going to have to have without him taking responsibility before you wake up and d... (read in full...)

In love with my husband's best friend

Q.   hi i'm in love with my husband's best friend and i told him my feelings and i think it ruined our friendship. But now I don't know what to do, cause i've felt this way for really long time. what should i do?...

A.   6 March 2009: What were the vows you made to your husband? Did they mean anything or were they just empty promises? You should know what to do or what you should have done in the first place if your promises mean anything. Doc... (read in full...)

How do I perform good foreplay on a circumcised guy?

Q.   I've just started a relationship with an older guy (25) and I know that he's been circumcised. I've been with a few guys before and have no complaints but they've all been uncircumcised. I'm just a little unsure as to how to make foreplay good. I ...

A.   9 February 2009: The only difference is that you will need to use some sort of lubricant to keep from excessive friction causing irritation. However, stay away from petrolium products if you intend to have sexual intercourse following masturbation because it can ... (read in full...)

How can I know if this girl likes me?

Q.   Hi. I'm 19 and in college. Ok so I met this girl in one of my classes. I think she's pretty attractive and I think she feels the same way about me because I have caught her looking across the room at me multiple times. She does it repeatedly. One ...

A.   9 February 2009: Don't start reading too much into this. Maybe she has just overlooked the request to add you. I know I have done that on many occaisions. However, if you like this girl, take my advice and don't let her get by you without making sure of her feel... (read in full...)

Should I confess to my boyfriend what I've done in the past, or simply be the perfect, loyal girlfriend from now on?

Q.   hey, i have been with my boyfriend for four years....ive always done little things that he wouldnt have liked in the past but i didnt think of them as a big deal....this past month i cheated on wasnt really big, i hugged a guy intimately ...

A.   9 February 2009: Although I am not condoning what you say you did and had it gone farther I would say you need to come clean by telling him and then suffer the consequences. At this point if you are really intent on "being good" my recommendation is to keep it to ... (read in full...)

I made a bad choice when I was younger, and now it's affecting my relationship.

Q.   When I was 16, I was crazy about this boy in school. For years I dreamed of returning the feelings, and even though we were good friends, I knew he didn't feel the same way... until I had a party and he kissed me. But next thing i know, I ended up ...

A.   9 February 2009: Sometimes the best thing is to "get it off your chest" as the saying goes. As long as it was before you met your current boyfriend or at least you began a real relationship with him. Often times we harbor feelings of guilt when we do something that... (read in full...)

Am I attracted to him, or his skin colour?

Q.   Hi Ok so im 15 and a sophmore in high school and my peoble is a little odd. I'm white and about a year and a half ago realized that I am more attracted to black boys than I am any other race. So when I figured this info out I kinda kept it to my se...

A.   9 February 2009: There is nothing wrong with likeing someone with a different skin color or an accent in their voice or with red hair or blond hair or with freckles etc. You simply need to look at someone more than skin deep. In that way you can see the real person. ... (read in full...)

She has feelings for me, but I don't feel the same. How do I let her down gently?

Q.   Hello everyone, My problem is difficult. I've been working in a crap, deadend job for 7 soul distroying months now (yes i would and have tried to move but there are absolutely no jobs at the moment for obvious reasons). During this time i becam...

A.   9 February 2009: I think you have already given her the idea so no matter what you say to her she is probably already prepared for the inevitable. You just need to tell her what is in your heart. Just try not to be heartless in the way you tell her and you should be ... (read in full...)

How do I know if I'm ready for sex?? And why is he acting like this??

Q.   i am 13 and i have a boy friend who is 13 to. i dont no wat to do we have been going out sence we were ten and havent broke up once our relation ship has been the best thing that has ever happend to me in the world. well my boyfriend asked me one ...

A.   24 November 2008: Before you even consider sex you need to consider the following Are you ready to have a baby? One little slip and you can end up pregnant before you realize what happened. Are you ready for an adult relationship with all the problems that come wi... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has just "disappeared" after being with him for 6 months. Should I send him a birthday card?

Q.   hello, my long distance boyfriend just disappeared after a 6 month relationship without giving me any explanations, and i knew he called his ex girlfriend.. his birthday is coming soon in few days, and im confused if i should send him a birthday ...

A.   13 October 2008: This could be a situation where anything could have happened. The problem is that you are left hanging and not knowing what is going on one way or another. I would say you should go ahead and send the card because, to me it seems that you are a ca... (read in full...)

I hate my dad. Please help!

Q.   hey i really need some help and advice.. im 13 years old and i apsalutly h8 my dad!! my mum is desabled and for instance my mum fell out of her wheel chair when i was younger.. and my dad was drunk on the sofa. so my mum had to crawl her way t...

A.   14 September 2008: I'm sorry, I forgot to add the link for you. Here it is. (read in full...)

I hate my dad. Please help!

Q.   hey i really need some help and advice.. im 13 years old and i apsalutly h8 my dad!! my mum is desabled and for instance my mum fell out of her wheel chair when i was younger.. and my dad was drunk on the sofa. so my mum had to crawl her way t...

A.   14 September 2008: Don't hate your dad but hate what he has become. He is suffering from a disease which is among the toughest to cure, alcoholism. There could be many reasons your dad started drinking in the first place. You don't give any indication of what has ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has just "disappeared" after being with him for 6 months. Should I send him a birthday card?

Q.   hello, my long distance boyfriend just disappeared after a 6 month relationship without giving me any explanations, and i knew he called his ex girlfriend.. his birthday is coming soon in few days, and im confused if i should send him a birthday ...

A.   10 February 2007: I would not waste any further time on this trash. If he was a stand up guy and felt that your relationship with him would not work any further he should unconditionally let you know the 5Ws. (Who, What, When, Where, and Why) You sound like a... (read in full...)

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