A
male
age
36-40,
*dean1984
writes:Hi my name is Paul. Im 23 years old and I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for 3 years.She just moved back to T in july. Lately I have been having these insercurity problems, I think she is cheating on me all the time when she is not the phone with me. It just seems like I have to always call her. Its very rare that she calls me. I don't know what to do and I need help. She tells me that she loves me and that she just works a lot and takes care of our little boy. She also told me last night that if I keep telling her that she's cheating on me that she will. She also said that she could because half the police department wants to be with her. I dont know how to take that. But she tells me that she wants me to move there to be with our boy and her. Im scared because I dont want to go there and get hurt. Please help me.
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female
reader, Strippa  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Eve
R u for real? Don't call her for a couple of weeks , play her at her own game - this woman is raising his child and you want to start playing games! She would probably welcome a couple of weeks peace instead of having to constantly interigated as to what she's doing when she's not on the phone to you! Why do you think so little of this woman that you think she is chating on you all the time - i think after 3 yeras you should stop breaking her balls when she is always working with either your child or her job & get your comitment phobic ass there to support her as appose to make her life harder. If you are going to tar her with the cheating brush then yes after trying to make you feel secure (wich i am sure she has done)if you continue she should cheat - if she's going to live with the grief anyway - she might as well have the fun & a night off sitting home alone & working! I bet the only impact you have on her life is a negative one!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I can admit if I felt that my man was badgering me about something that I was not doing, like cheating, I would tell him "If you don't stop accusing me of cheating, then I might as well do it b/c I am being blamed for it anyway. And trust me, if I wanted to cheat, I very easily could" So I would say her response is about standard..However women hate insecurity in men, so you need to start being more secure or at least pretending to be. There is no bigger turn off. Why are you not living together right now? You have a child together, right? Is it your biological son? I think you need to be with her & your son. Are you sure that you just don't want to give up your life & lifestyle to go adapt to hers, & that is the real reson you're being sketical? Raising a child is a big responsibilty. If she's been doing it alone she needs your help & if that is your son, it is your responsibility to go be with him & help raise him. Do it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Hi Paul,
your probably feeling insecure because you're in a long distance relationship, this is understandable, but showing your feelings of insecurity will only make this girl feel less attracted to you.
If she is still interested in you then you have nothing to worry about, she wont cheat.
If she has cheated on you then she has already lost interest in you and there's nothing you can do about this.
You can't beg someone to like you, it doesn't work that way. Whatever happens remember you have a kid together and any arguing will affect him a lot.
Steve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Sorry, I just noticed you said you have been together 3 years. Stand your ground with this woman and be more assertive with her. If you don't call for a week or two and eventually HAVE to call her and she asks where you were just tell her you've been really busy with work. YOU have a life too remember and you don't need to justify to her where you've been or what you've been doing. Give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she likes it.
Eve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 November 2007):
No wonder you're feeling insecure Paul. She's actually telling you that if you don't stop questionning her then she WILL cheat on you and by the way "half the Police Department wants to be with me" Is she for real????
At this moment in time going over to be with her is DEFINITELY NOT a good idea. There isn't enough trust in your relationship to make such a life changing move. You're right to be concerned. A relationship takes TWO people to make it work. She needs to do her part and do some of the running too and needs to stop using your child as an excuse to manipulate you!
Whether you end up with her or not, you still have rights to see your son so don't worry about that. What you need to do now is set some boundaries with her. Don't call her so often and see if she gets in touch with you. If she truly has any feelings for you then she WILL get in touch. If she doesn't then that tells you heaps. Maybe she is cheating, maybe she's not but if she truly loves you then she would want to be with you period!
When did she move? Is it pemanent? How long were you together and how old is she?
Eve
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (1 November 2007):
 She's exasperated because you don't trust her. You need to work on your trust issues. What makes you think she's not trustworthy?
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